Do People Change?

[luvsJack]

Dd asked me a question last night that has made me start thinking about people I have known for a very long time. And I thought I would ask you all here!

She asked me if people change after jr. high. My first answer was yes, of course because they start growing up and their looks change, etc. But after we talked about it a minute and why she was asking, I realized that some personality quirks or traits don't change. I have facebook friends that I haven't seen in years but just from their posts I can tell they are still just like they were way back then.

When I told her that she got this horrified look on her face and said, "well, by high school I am going ot HAVE to have new friends because these are going to drive me crazy!"



If you have people that you have known since jr. high/high school, have they changed? Is there anything about them that hasn't changed?

 

[AKL_Megs]

I've known my DH since high school, and he has changed, obviously, but his personality is the same, just more refined and mature.

His best friend from high school is also, 11 years later, the SAME person, just more refined and mature.

I had a friend in middle school... She was slightly awkward, and just had a "different" personality. Coincidentally, I now work with her. It had been 15 years since I saw her, but she is EXACTLY the same awkward girl! I feel like I am back in 1994 when I talk to her!

 

[luvsJack]

I guess there are some thing that we have born in us that doesn't change.

I have a friend that I went to jr. high/hs with, haven't seen in years, found on fb. She was trying to be something she is not waaaay back then and she is still doing it! Its like she just has this need to impress someone with where she lives, how much money she has, etc. I don't even think she realizes she does it anymore.

One guy has been a flirt for 35 years and I guess he will always be one.

Of course I have other friends that were good friends and just the nicest, sweetest people in jr. high and are still that way now, so its good stuff too. One that always tried to include everyone in everything and she still does the same thing, always trying not to hurt anyone's feelings (she makes the best
reunion planner because she makes sure everyone gets an invitation and makes sure everyone knows they are welcome).

 

[agnes!]

I hardly remember anyone from junior high (with the exception of my brother). I wouldn't know them if I ran into them on the street or at a job. Pretty much the same with high school - can maybe remember a few name and that it it.

I sometimes envy people who have had these lifelong relationships, be they friends, spouses or mere acquaintances.

agnes!

 

[luvsJack]

I guess that is one of the benefits of living in the same place almost all my life. My kids attended/will attend the same high school I attended and with the children of some of the people I attended school with. The jr. high is a different school but in the same school district and only different because of school openings/closings and changes in the school lines.

And around here most people go to school with the majority of the same people their whole life too. For instance, dd and her best friend will go to school together from 1st-12th grade. There are about 5 kids in her grade that have known each other since the baby room in child care.

 

[metalis4ever]

Two of my best friends I have been friends with since 1st grade, and of course we have changed as we matured but nothing drastic. One is a girl and one is a guy and the 3 of us have been inseperable for 25 years which I guess would be the exception to the Norm

I have also been close friends with two other people from Junior High to the present day and again although we have grown and matured we have never grown apart. Having said that those are the only two buddies out of a group of 8 of us that I was friends with through JHS and HS, half of them changed in ways I didn't like so I stopped associating with them outside of school and then when HS was over never spoke to them again. But the 2 from JHS and my guy buddy from 1st grade and I are all thick as theives and we still get together every 6 months and have our 18 hour movie fests(tradition since 8th grade '93) and we are all married and 30 now

I guess the bond between both sets of friends from 1st grade and JHS is that we all share major common interests and have since an early age, my friend that is a girl even participated in the Disney College Program the same semester as I (back in '99) that's how inseperable we are

Like I said I am probably the exception given that I have maintained the same group of friends for the majority of my life, guess I am just that likeable

 

[agnes!]

I guess that is one of the benefits of living in the same place almost all my life. My kids attended/will attend the same high school I attended and with the children of some of the people I attended school with. The jr. high is a different school but in the same school district and only different because of school openings/closings and changes in the school lines.

And around here most people go to school with the majority of the same people their whole life too. For instance, dd and her best friend will go to school together from 1st-12th grade. There are about 5 kids in her grade that have known each other since the baby room in child care.

I think it also has to do with the size of the village/township/town/city you live in and what it was like for you in school.
(And here I am veering off of the OP...)
We live in a metropolitan suburb and have lived in the same house since before DD was born. She will probably only stay in touch with *maybe* 2 or 3 people once she graduates from high school...there are no BFFs, no crowd of people she runs with. To top all *that* off there's even one friend that she has known for years who has now recently dumped her. Fun times I tell ya .
I follow the various college-kid threads ("Anybody else have a teen going off to college in August, 2009?" http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2232066 & "Fall 2010 - Is your child going off to college this fall?" http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2381828) and it is a marvel to me that college students have these groups of actual friends from high school they want to hang with on breaks.
I'm not sure her school experience would have been any different if we had moved or not, but sometimes I wonder y'know?

Ok, back to the OP ...

agnes!

 

[descovy]

I would HOPE I'm a different person than I was in Junior Hi! Eek! Those were rough years!

And in some ways, maturing, changes you, but in a good way. For example, I may always be shy (by nature) but thankfully I no longer obsess about what people think of me. And when I do embarrass myself in public, nowadays, I get over it and not think it'll be the end of the world.

I really think immaturity, self conciousness, the desire to be in the "in crowd" is the reason why those years are so tough to navigate. I can admit today, that I had not-nice moments in Junior High where I said/did not-nice things to people for stupid reasons. No way I would act like that today!

So I have changed!

 

[Acklander]

Well, we all grow and mature, but I think many times the basics "stick". If you're naturally an outgoing person, you're not all the sudden going to become shy or if you love to read, your not all the sudden going to hate it.
Occasionally I've run into old friends who've had life changing experiences - i.e. found Jesus, joined AA, lost a limb, became famous, won big in the lottery, and one guy who lost his entire family (wife & 3 kids) in an auto accident. While these were life changing experiences that altered their path - the base seemed to stay the same. i.e. The Jesus fan is still a bit naive and simple, the alcoholic is still self centered, the guy who lost his leg - he's still a bit of a jerk, the famous person is still controlling, the lottery winner is still "salt of the earth" type (though in a much nicer house), and while the man, who lost his family was and is still heart broken - he's still a happy-go-lucky goof ball - it's the essence of who he is. I think life experiences send you down different paths, but it's still you who's travelling the path.

 

[*BTMRR*]

Outside of family, I don't know anyone anymore from Jr high or high school.

About myself, though--I have changed a lot. I'm sure my general personality and mannerisms are the same, but time and experiences have changed me and I am not the smart mouthed, know-it-all, gossipy person I was in high school and even into my early college years. I no longer think my mom is stupid. Now I realize she is the wisest person I know. I no longer try to one-up everyone...I'm secure in myself and don't feel the need to put others down constantly to build myself up.
I'm a much better friend now, and a better person in general. Sure I still have lots of flaws, and can go back to my old ways very easily if I'm not careful.

I think that many people go through these kinds of changes as they mature.
Realizing how much I have changed helps me give young people the benefit of the doubt. When I see a teenager acting dumb I try to think back to when I was like that!

 

[Wishing on a star]

When I told her that she got this horrified look on her face and said, "well, by high school I am going ot HAVE to have new friends because these are going to drive me crazy!"

OMG!!!! Too funny!!!

I agree that 99.99 percent, people do not really change.
And, the factors that bother me most about 'who people are', are known to never change, and can't be improved.

 

[luvsJack]

Well, we all grow and mature, but I think many times the basics "stick". If you're naturally an outgoing person, you're not all the sudden going to become shy or if you love to read, your not all the sudden going to hate it.
Occasionally I've run into old friends who've had life changing experiences - i.e. found Jesus, joined AA, lost a limb, became famous, won big in the lottery, and one guy who lost his entire family (wife & 3 kids) in an auto accident. While these were life changing experiences that altered their path - the base seemed to stay the same. i.e. The Jesus fan is still a bit naive and simple, the alcoholic is still self centered, the guy who lost his leg - he's still a bit of a jerk, the famous person is still controlling, the lottery winner is still "salt of the earth" type (though in a much nicer house), and while the man, who lost his family was and is still heart broken - he's still a happy-go-lucky goof ball - it's the essence of who he is. I think life experiences send you down different paths, but it's still you who's travelling the path.

I like that (bolded) its a good way to put and so true!

 

[luvsJack]

OMG!!!! Too funny!!!

I agree that 99.99 percent, people do not really change.
And, the factors that bother me most about 'who people are', are known to never change, and can't be improved.

I thought it was hilarious. And she was very serious!

I know she loves her friends but sometimes they can drive her batty. Each one has a very unique personality and I have told her that she just has to accept them as they are.

 

[KristaTX]

I grew up in the same town my whole school years, so the kids in my middle school were the same kids I went to high school with. My graduation class was about 220. Some of them I had gone to elementary school (one of eight elementary schools in town) with.

I went to my 10-year and 20-year (last year) high school reunions. There were still a few snobby guys at the 10 year reunion, but all of the girls were much nicer, friendlier, and laid back. And by the 20th reunion, I felt like anyone could go talk to anyone at the reunion comfortably. But did I mostly talk to the people I had been close with as a teen? Yes. That's natural.

We actually had even better attendance for the 20th reunion (maybe 100 of us?), which I think was thanks to connections made on Facebook. Another plus was that it was not at the local Country Club, so those "jerk" guys were not on their old class-dividing stomping grounds.

People's overall personalities may not have changed dramatically, but most people mellow with age. I think there is even a little of that mellowing between junior high and the upper years of high school as most people start to pursue their own interests and grow up a little. I hated junior high social life, but once I found my niche(s) in high school, school life was much more pleasant.

 

[cm8]

OMG!!!! Too funny!!!

I agree that 99.99 percent, people do not really change.
And, the factors that bother me most about 'who people are', are known to never change, and can't be improved.

I whole heartily agree with this comment. For some reason it makes me want to cry

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

I think for the most part people stay about the same. Maybe a little friendlier, but I think it comes with confidence.

I remember around the time of my 10th reunion a bunch of classmates were on a chat board that we used regularly. One of the guys on there was always extremely arrogant in school-- a jerk in my opinion. He made it "big" he was drafted into the NFL and played on a couple of teams. He had retired by that time and I remember it seemed very odd that he asked everyone if he had ever done anything to offend them. Well that started a big discussion with everyone who had ever been hurt in the past-- not just by him. That was cool that people were able to clear the air. A couple of days later he brought the subject up again and this time apologized to anyone he had ever offended. Not too long after that he died. He had a lump that was misdiagnosed and turned into cancer. It was wonderful to have that opportunity to speak to him and others like that, but at the same time it was sad that it took his own mortality to make him realize how he treated others.

I used to tell my kids that they would be stuck with these kids now, even though it seems like forever, but they won't be together after they graduate. Some go to college, military, married life...etc.