Do parents owe their kids a college education?

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Just had this enlightening conversation with my DD16 yesterday on the way home from school about college and who pays for what. Needless to say our opinions were quite a bit different on the topic.

She thinks that parents OWE their children a college education and should fund everything associated with that for the entire time they are in school. She couldn't believe I had the nerve to tell her that college kids needed to have a job to pay for some of their own expenses. She is looking at colleges like Northwestern and Boston University but we are trying to steer her to colleges in the state of GA to take advantage of the HOPE scholarship which with her GPA should cover most of her tuition and books freeing up her college fund for room/board and other expenses. We have told her she can always transfer later to another school and graduate from that school if she chooses but at least get your core classes at the "free" schools.

I know some families can afford to send their kids off to the college of their choice and fully fund their tuition, books, room, board and all spending money for 4-6 years but we can't and won't be doing that. We have 5 kids between us and all have college funds but after that each kid will be expected to contribute to their own education with jobs, grants, scholarships or even (gasp) by taking out their own student loans. We will help out additionally where we can but it is really sink or swim at that point.

DH is going back to school for his 2nd Masters degree now and we are paying for that out of pocket. I'll be taking more classes in the Spring. Why should we put ourselves into more debt for 5 kids to go to college when DH and I are still paying for our own education.

So the question is - do we OWE our kids a college education?

 

[Planogirl]

I don't think that we owe our kids a college education but I think that we should help them if we can. DS will be going to college next year and I'm doing what I can to help him find funding. We will also pay for what we can but he will have to come up with some of the money himself. Hopefully, we can avoid taking out too many loans.

 

[superme80]

No you don't!!! DH and I very firm that we are not funding out children's college education. We are willing to assist, but we are not paying for the entire thing. If they want to live at home and commute to school we will be a little more lenient with our assistance. My parents were clear that they would pay for a couple years of a community college or I could go to the ultra cheap Christian college. I did the community college, got a certificate and realized school was not for me.

 

[Christine]

No, I don't think they are "owed" anything.

I *want* my kids to go to college and I think they should. I am able, so far, to pay for in-state tuition, books, room and board. My kids have to come up with their own spending money. If they want to do anything over and above this (out of state, or private), they will have to make up the difference.

I do this because I can and I don't want my kids, who don't realize at these ages how awful debt can be, to come into a lot of debt to get their degree. That's just my little hangup. So I pay because I can and it doesn't cause me to go into debt. I can still pay my bills, save for retirement, etc. I have given up some vacations to pay for this and some other items, but that isn't a huge deal to me.

If I could not do these things and couldn't save for my retirement, I would cut back on what I contribute toward college expenses.

 

[SC Minnie]

No. That's why there are student loans. DD16 will be going to college in 2 years. We have been putting $ into a tuition prepayment plan for SC public colleges since she was 4. We have already told her that if she wants to go somewhere else she will have to get student loans and pay for it. Period. DD should also have get the HOPE scholarship from SC that should pay for most of her books, room and board. Anything above the scholarship and what we have already paid she will have to get student loans.

Since we only have 1 child we could do more for her than if we had more. If we had had more children they would be getting loans for everything not covered by a scholarship.

 

[castleview]

No, I don't think we owe our kids a college education. But I think we owe them support throughout their elementary and secondary educations, guidance through the college admissions process and financial aide applications, and whatever extra help we can pull off for them.

We have three kids and my motto is that if they don't work or get scholarships, they will have to either take out loans or take us in when we retire because we would drain our retirement funds sending them all to school.

My oldest is only 11 and we've already talked about the cost of college and ways to pay for it. We've talked about loans, working throughout college, service academies and military scholarships, academic scholarships, etc. Even though all our kids are active in sports, I don't bring up athletic scholarships. Not that we're drilling it into her , but she's one that's always asking "how do you become this and how do you become that?"

I can't wait to have this discussion when she's a teenager

 

[Robinrs]

The word OWE sounds so derogatory and demeaning.

I believe we can bless them with our help and with whatever support we can offer. We as parents choose what we want to bless our children with, and unentitled children will accept the help without feeling anything is "owed".

 

[Jennasis]

No way. I paid my own way through college with a big scholarship for my hard work in high school and loans to cover the rest. It's up to the kids to make their own way after high school and that includes doing all they can in high school to try to cut down on expnses in college (like academic or even sports scholarhsips, and finding grants and financial aid).

 

[jodifla]

Why the adversarial relationship? Most kids in today's world would struggle to put themselves through college on their own without racking up major debt. I took out loans, but $10,000 of them got me through 4 years of college. Not like the hundred grand kids are looking at today.

We bought a prepaid tuition program for our son and are putting money away for him. He'll have to contribute, but he'll have a good base from which to start from.

 

[Bethenny]

I think if you expect your children to go to college then you should at least help them out some (ie start saving for college from birth).

 

[Hoodie]

No!

I plan on taking my parents' approach. They paid tuition and housing. We paid for EVERYTHING else. We were responsible for earning enough money every summer for books, phone, incidentals, etc. They did get me a car my senior year, but only because the summer before we had 4 people working and 2 cars. We were responsible for gas and insurance. We were also responsible for applying to every scholarship we could find and we each had a $5000 student loan. Enough to have some responsibility for our education but not enough to drown in (this was the early/mid-90's. It would probably be a little higher now).

Oh, and the cut-off was 4 years. If we needed extra time for graduation or wanted another degree, that was 100% on us.

 

[DisGirlAllie]

OK, response from a teenager:

Do you owe them a college education? No. Absolutely not! You raised them, you've done enough. Sure, it's nice if parents want to pay for everything at college, but you certainly aren't required to.
You have a really good idea with that get the core classes done at the "free" schools and then transfer. That's what I'll most likely be doing when I go to college.
BUT, like another poster said, if you expect them to go then you should at least contribute something.

 

[powellrj]

My middle DS and I just had this conversation yesterday. He is a sophomore in college and we help out, but he also has had to take out loans and worked 2 summer jobs. I also expect him to get some kind of job at school.

I mentioned that a co-workers DD graduated in May with the same degree he hopes to have and has done nothing to get a job. She even quit the summer job she had over the summers while she was in school. His first comment was I bet mom and dad paid for all of school, which was true. He replied that she didn't have loan payments due in a few months to motivate her to get a job. She is living at home and mom and dad are paying all of her living expenses and her insurance so she has no incentive to get a job. She is just waiting on her boyfriend to graduate so she can get married. While I am sure its not true for most kids, I do wonder if what he said is true for many kids.

 

[Kitty 34]

Plain and simple.......no.

 

[ChrizJen]

I agree that we do not owe our children college funding.
I also agree that we should contribute whatever we're able to contribute.

I put myself through school, working full time all throughout college. My parents didn't contribute a penny to my college education. I got grants and scholarships where I could, but I now have a hefty load of student loans to pay off. But looking back, I still wouldn't change the way I did it. I know that my parents simply didn't have the means to help us financially. I hold no grudges for that.

But what I DO think that parents owe their children, and he one thing I wish my parents would have given me is more guidance where my education was concerned. Neither of my parents went to college, so they didn't really have a whole lot to offer. But I felt like I was on my own, and I made some not so great choices where my education was concerned. I could have graduated a lot sooner and with a lot less debt had I known then what I now know.


Like you, OP, I will contribute what I can to my child's college education, and the rest of what I provide will be good solid advice and guidance so that she can get the most out of her education experience.

 

[castleview]

Why the adversarial relationship? Most kids in today's world would struggle to put themselves through college on their own without racking up major debt. I took out loans, but $10,000 of them got me through 4 years of college. Not like the hundred grand kids are looking at today.

We bought a prepaid tuition program for our son and are putting money away for him. He'll have to contribute, but he'll have a good base from which to start from.

I didn't see any tones of an adversarial relationship. And if there was, it's because her daughter is a teenager. The OP has five children - it's hard to provide for them while saving for an education on all of them.

 

[joviroxx]

I was always raised to believe that the one of the biggest responsibilities we, as parents, have is to make sure our children get a good education. Now, does that always mean paying for it all? No, thats not realistic, some just cant.

That said, there are many ways to provide, either financially, preparing them the be able to take on a partial, if not whole, financial responsibility or just being a support system. I do believe that anything we can do help them out, we should do.

I know I will do everything I possibly can to insure my kids are able to get a college education. I will not throw my hands up and say, my duty stops here , you are on your own. However, it works both ways, don't expect my help and not do your share.

Luckily Florida has a great prepaid plan. Ive been paying into it since the kids were born. Would I love that extra bit of money each month? Sure. But Im investing in their future and I think thats part of my job.

 

[ladycollector]

I don't think parents "owe" it to their children, but I do want to cover my child's college costs, and that is a huge consideration for me on deciding when to have a child and how many. I don't plan to tell them until after H.S. graduation because I want them to work hard. I worked my a** off in high school because I knew I needed the scholarships; I don't want my kids slacking because mommy and daddy have money set aside.

My parents didn't have anything set aside for my college education but they did help me and I appreciate it SO much. I graduated with some student loans but not too much.

 

[golfgal]

We have told the kids for a very long time that they will be expected to pay as much as they can for school and we will help them out with the rest. That included them taking out student loans. DS18 is off to college and with his loans and scholarships he will have to pay $300/month for the rest. He earned enough over the summer to do that easily. He will probably get a part time job on campus in a couple months once things settle down with being a freshman in college. That will be "spending money" and putting aside money because he wants to do a semester abroad.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I don't think owe is the right word, but yes I do believe parents should provide what they can for a college education.

I am 42 and there was never a doubt that I would go to college and my parents would pay for it. It was important to them that I get the best education possible to start my career.