Do I Suck it up and Go?

[JohnsPrincess]

Mmmm... I dunno... Since the owner was so rude to you...THAT would probably be my reasoning for not going. If it was somewhere else, yeah...I'd probably just suck it up. However...you shouldn't spend your money places where the owner Obviously doesn't want your business...and why would they invite you somewhere where you can't eat!!?? RUDE!

 

[Carly_Roach]

Well, I've read both threads - this one and the MIL concert one - and I found myself giving different answers to both. So here's my boiled down, no-fail question I'd ask myself if the situations were occurring to me and my DH:

How much does it mean to your husband to have you by his side at these events?

Forget the rest of DH's family; does my DH want me to go and how badly does he want me to be there? If he needs someone there because he can't stand being there either, but he has to put in the face-time and wants a buddy to talk to, then I'm there. We'd agree upon how long we have to put in an appearance and then we'd book out of there when that time was up.

If this was one in a string of forced family get-togethers that occur all year long and he didn't really want to subject me to yet another drama-fest where he's outside playing with his brothers and nephews and I'm inside trying not to get into a fight with Aunt Matilda and Uncle Henry over the downfall of America since last November and how Glen Beck was the next John Adams, then I think I'd be home working on a report that has a Monday morning deadline.

So sorry. Maybe next year.

 

[Minniemama350]

Normally, I'd be with the suck it up and go crowd, but what's bothering me is the whole food allergy and this is STILL where it was decided we would all go thing. Not liking a certain type of food is different (I go to seafood even though it is not what I eat and I order the steak or chicken), but if I can't eat the food I would think my FAMILY would go somewhere else.

 

[MIGrandma]

Thanks everyone, for the replies.

I'm going to "suck it up and go" but I did tell DH that if the owner makes a nasty comment to me I'm getting up at that point and leaving. He can either come home with me, or he's welcome to stay with his family and get a ride home with someone. But I refuse to sit there if the manager says something nasty to me like the last time I saw him. And he agrees with that. DH used to work for the owner, so I'm sure he will say something to DH (he adores DH) but he just better ignore me like I'm going to ignore him!

Yes, I will probably just order a salad. I know they don't have gluten-free pasta or anything like that, that I could eat, but they have a chef salad so I'll just go that route.

And we're not paying, DH's Dad is paying for everyone so it's not MY money that's going to the owner so that's a good thing.

I used to get out of these family gatherings because they always do them on a Saturday night and oh gosh darn it, sorry but I have to work. So sad. NOT! So DH did go to most of these gatherings over the past 8 years without me. So now that I'm not working he feels I should suck it up and go with him, so I will, for HIM.

I'll make him rub my feet for an hour after we get home, then we'll be "even".

Thanks again, everyone!

 

[MIGrandma]

Normally, I'd be with the suck it up and go crowd, but what's bothering me is the whole food allergy and this is STILL where it was decided we would all go thing. Not liking a certain type of food is different (I go to seafood even though it is not what I eat and I order the steak or chicken), but if I can't eat the food I would think my FAMILY would go somewhere else.

I don't think most of DH's extended family, even the step-mom, knows about my gluten intolerance so I can't fault them for going to the pizza joint. That is where they ALWAYS go. I just discovered the gluten intolerance a couple of months ago. But I really don't expect them to change restaurants just because I can't eat the pizza, when everyone else loves the pizza there. They have a chef salad, so that is probably what I'll have.

 

[Inigo]

I have crohn's disease, and we (me, my DH and our kids) have used the disease as a reason a lot over the years to get out of things. DS was thrilled when he got his driver's permit so that he could say he had to stay home with me in case I needed to go to the ER for an obstruction. We love them, but we just can't stand them for longer than a certain period of time.

It's not nice to lie to DH's family, but his brother and sister (and her daughter) are extremely self-centered. DH's mom has dementia, and she's even more angry than she was before she got sick. We already spend more time with her than any of the others, and go get her for all holidays. SIL and BIL can't take time away from their not nearly as busy lives (they're retired) to spend time with their mother.

After getting griped at by MIL, there are times we just don't feel like putting up with DH's other family. When there's a family event, we make plans before going for when I'll start having symptoms and have to leave.

Now, if we could have less time with BIL and SIL, and more time with DH's brother's daughters and their kids or with DH's sister's husband, we'd be there a lot longer. We see them frequently throughout the year, and I'd probably walk on fire to help them out.

 

[Evil Genius]

Thanks everyone, for the replies.

I'm going to "suck it up and go" but I did tell DH that if the owner makes a nasty comment to me I'm getting up at that point and leaving. He can either come home with me, or he's welcome to stay with his family and get a ride home with someone. But I refuse to sit there if the manager says something nasty to me like the last time I saw him. And he agrees with that. DH used to work for the owner, so I'm sure he will say something to DH (he adores DH) but he just better ignore me like I'm going to ignore him!

Yes, I will probably just order a salad. I know they don't have gluten-free pasta or anything like that, that I could eat, but they have a chef salad so I'll just go that route.

And we're not paying, DH's Dad is paying for everyone so it's not MY money that's going to the owner so that's a good thing.

I used to get out of these family gatherings because they always do them on a Saturday night and oh gosh darn it, sorry but I have to work. So sad. NOT! So DH did go to most of these gatherings over the past 8 years without me. So now that I'm not working he feels I should suck it up and go with him, so I will, for HIM.

I'll make him rub my feet for an hour after we get home, then we'll be "even".

Thanks again, everyone!

Whatever happened to spouses going to each others family events because they were married and that was the proper thing to do? That there wasn't even a thought of being paid back or being even? Yes I know there's the little smilie thingy to make it seem that you are joking, but honestly too many people think that way with their spouses. It sad really.

 

[MIGrandma]

Whatever happened to spouses going to each others family events because they were married and that was the proper thing to do? That there wasn't even a thought of being paid back or being even? Yes I know there's the little smilie thingy to make it seem that you are joking, but honestly too many people think that way with their spouses. It sad really.

Oh good grief!! Did you really have to chime in with that kind of reply, after I already had said I was going? Yeah, I guess you did.

 

[Poohs Pal]

Oh good grief!! Did you really have to chime in with that kind of reply, after I already had said I was going? Yeah, I guess you did.

I totally agree, unnecessary commet. I would make her come over and rub your feet afterward. Susan

 

[bumbershoot]

Whatever happened to spouses going to each others family events because they were married and that was the proper thing to do?

Not everyone has a relationship with that clause in it. I, personally, find the concept of being guilted into going somewhere that you don't want to go, to be sad. I'd prefer to know that people are spending time with me because they *like* me, not because someone made them go...

Regardless of that, my husband would never go to an establishment where the owner had been rude to me! So it would be a moot point to begin with.