Do I have a right to be upset? Pre-school question

[Gabes_mommy]

Thanks everyone! I really do appreciate all the input. DS is our only child and this is our first experience with school so we really are in the "feeling out" stage when it comes to what to get upset about and what to let go.

When I pick DS up today I'll see where he is actually sitting and I may casually ask his teacher about it. She and I have always gotten along well so I'm sure it will be fine.

Overall I just think it was a discourteous thing to do. I am an educator myself and it's not something I would ever do but not everyone is an sensitive as I am to people's feelings. I am a "pleaser" and that can be both a blessing and a curse at times.

 

[Allison]

He will have a spot. It may not be the same exact labeled but do you really think they just aren't going to let him sit at the table with the other kids?

Let it go OP. In your child's life this will be small potatoes. He is leaving in 5 days. Is the removing of a label on a table REALLY worth getting worked up over?

Your child is 2.5. He really isn't going to notice. The teacher will most likely say "you are going to sit here today" and direct him to another chair. He'll be fine.

Now, if you find out he was excluded from the table all together and forced to sit in a corner on the floor...then complain but not over them getting the room together and removing his name tag 'early.'

Agreed.

 

[karensi]

Please give us an update and let us know how you make out when you go to pick him up.

For what its worth, I wouldn't necessarily call the school,but I would ask when I go to pick him up. I would want to make sure I spoke with his teacher to find out what happeded/why his name used to be there and now its not?
I don't think yiou're making too big a deal out of this. I would definately want my child (well now, grandchild) to have his usual place at the table, especilaay if it was next to his good pal.

You paid for this week, and your child should not have to be treated as if he is no longer there.

Let us know the outcome.


Karen

 

[boltfans]

Any word on whether or not it was just the nametag switched or they actually added another child? Most 2.5yo's can't read, so I am sure he wouldn't have noticed. I know my son, who is nearly 3yo, would have no idea whether he was looking at his name or someone else's. My daughter was writing her name at just over 3yo but still likely wouldn't have noticed at all.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

When I picked DS up he was in a different seat with another student's name - it's not a new student so maybe that kid was on vacation or something? I'm not sure where they'll put him everyday for his last 4 days but he didn't seem at all phased by the change so I didn't say anything.

As a side note I went to get his stuff from his cubby and it is gone too. His teacher had to get his stuff for me.

 

[Nancy for Disney]

I didn't take time to read all the posts. No, don't say anything. Let it go. My guess is that with next week being a holiday week they have someone on vacation and took advantage of the open space to start the new child early. I know you think is $175 is a lot of money but really most preschools need every extra dime than get. I ran one for a while and there was never enough money. They are probably more concerned at this time about making the new child fell welcome vs your son who is already comfortable and probably could care less if his name tag is missing. I am sure it is all fine. I also recall from my preschool days a lot of stupid complaints from parents. It was one of the reasons I got out of the field. Teaching preschool is incredibly stressful and made worse by a lot of petty complaints. Pick your battles wisely.

Editing: Oh I see all is well. Very happy for you.

 

[OceanAnnie]

altho i agree with chosing your battles wisely and in the grand scheme of raising our babies there will be much larger battles to fight.

however, imo it's very inconsiderate for the daycare to take away a child's name place until his last paid day. Of course he noticed! Hello, you've paid your $175., so at this point your child is still enrolled and they should've paid you the courtesy of an explanation w/o you even asking. Sorry, i don't know of a better way for making a child and parent feel like they're nothing but a number!!!

ita!

 

[DVCLiz]

You should absolutely be as irritated as you need to be about this. Write about it on the DIS, call your mother or your best friend, rant a little to your husband, and then - please let it go!!

In a few days - a couple of weeks if you are a real grudge holder - you will forget all about this. In a few months you will probably think, "Wow, why did I get so worked up about that?" In a few years, you will be shaking your head and laughing about it. When he graduates from high school, you will tell the story on yourself by saying, "I used to be so involved I was even upset to the point of talking to the teacher when they took your nametag off the table a week early!" And everyone will roll with laughter at the sweet, loving mother you were.

Trust all of us who have been there before - don't say anything more! And from now on, use the "Gabe's nametag on the table" test when you are wondering if you should involve yourself in a school issue. Bottom line - does it affect his safety or his academics? If not, stay out of it.

 

[Binnie]

I have a really strong Mama Bear instinct, and I have to admit that I would be quite cheesed (I get really high-strung about school stuff, especially!).

My DD 3.5 has been in daycare facilities since she was 14 months, and I would not be at all happy to see her being treated differently--and moving her gear and seat, etc. is treating her differently--because we had put in notice. (That said, if everyone's stuff got moved around, and she still had a spot, that would be OK.)

I understand that it's a place of business and they need to do things that work for them, but if I'm paying my full tuition, then I'm entitled to expect her to not feel like a guest in her own classroom.

If it were me, I would've spoken with the administrator about the situation. S/He might not have a good answer, but I would've voiced the concern. But I'm a big mouth!

 

[DVCLiz]

I have a really strong Mama Bear instinct, and I have to admit that I would be quite cheesed (I get really high-strung about school stuff, especially!).

My DD 3.5 has been in daycare facilities since she was 14 months, and I would not be at all happy to see her being treated differently--and moving her gear and seat, etc. is treating her differently--because we had put in notice. (That said, if everyone's stuff got moved around, and she still had a spot, that would be OK.)

I understand that it's a place of business and they need to do things that work for them, but if I'm paying my full tuition, then I'm entitled to expect her to not feel like a guest in her own classroom.

If it were me, I would've spoken with the administrator about the situation. S/He might not have a good answer, but I would've voiced the concern. But I'm a big mouth!

Binnie - I mean this lovingly - please try to break yourself of this. It does nothing in the long run to help your child. In fact, soon it will be here, "Oh, God, here comes Binnie - what did we do wrong this time?" Believe me, you don't want that reputation - I have friends who have been doing this since preschool and now - in high school and beyond - their kids are embarrassed and they still can't help themselves.

These are classic examples of "don't sweat the small stuff!"

 

[Gabes_mommy]

You should absolutely be as irritated as you need to be about this. Write about it on the DIS, call your mother or your best friend, rant a little to your husband, and then - please let it go!!

In a few days - a couple of weeks if you are a real grudge holder - you will forget all about this. In a few months you will probably think, "Wow, why did I get so worked up about that?" In a few years, you will be shaking your head and laughing about it. When he graduates from high school, you will tell the story on yourself by saying, "I used to be so involved I was even upset to the point of talking to the teacher when they took your nametag off the table a week early!" And everyone will roll with laughter at the sweet, loving mother you were.

So true!

Here is a picture I took of DS after school today. Poor thing, he is cleary deeply traumatized by the whole thing. He may never get over it.

 

[DVCLiz]

So true!

Here is a picture I took of DS after school today. Poor thing, he is cleary deeply traumatized by the whole thing. He may never get over it.

One time my workplace took a picture of all the children of staff members for a brochure they were printing. My youngest closed her eyes at the wrong moment and she looked - well, drugged would be a kind description!! They used it in the print and I was so upset I went down into the basement and cried - I mean cried hard, for a long time.

The "big boss" happened to be leaving that day for retirement and was walking around saying goodbye to people. He caught me crying and assumed it was because I was sad about his departure - I couldn't say, "No, I'm upset because my daughter's picture isn't cute! I couldn't care less about you and your stupid retirement!"

I laugh my head off about it now but at the time it was traumatic...

 

[ma2jr]

I wouldn't be upset... I agree "don't sweat the small stuff!"

 

[Gabes_mommy]

One time my workplace took a picture of all the children of staff members for a brochure they were printing. My youngest closed her eyes at the wrong moment and she looked - well, drugged would be a kind description!! They used it in the print and I was so upset I went down into the basement and cried - I mean cried hard, for a long time.

The "big boss" happened to be leaving that day for retirement and was walking around saying goodbye to people. He caught me crying and assumed it was because I was sad about his departure - I couldn't say, "No, I'm upset because my daughter's picture isn't cute! I couldn't care less about you and your stupid retirement!"

I laugh my head off about it now but at the time it was traumatic...

Too funny! That is classic that the boss thought it was because of him. I probably would have cried over the picture too.

 

[pilotwife_02]

I probably would have been a little upset. And in my passive-aggressive way would have said something like "oh, did you get his end date wrong? It's this Friday, not last? I see he doesn't have a name tag anymore so I was wondering?"

But that's just how I am

 

[Iott Family]

When I picked DS up he was in a different seat with another student's name - it's not a new student so maybe that kid was on vacation or something? I'm not sure where they'll put him everyday for his last 4 days but he didn't seem at all phased by the change so I didn't say anything.

As a side note I went to get his stuff from his cubby and it is gone too. His teacher had to get his stuff for me.

Now see, this just proves that your feelings were legit. Say something to the teacher. You paid, he is still a student and should be treated as such!

 

[DVCLiz]

I probably would have been a little upset. And in my passive-aggressive way would have said something like "oh, did you get his end date wrong? It's this Friday, not last? I see he doesn't have a name tag anymore so I was wondering?"

But that's just how I am

Now see, this just proves that your feelings were legit. Say something to the teacher. You paid, he is still a student and should be treated as such!

Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.....

 

[Binnie]

Binnie - I mean this lovingly - please try to break yourself of this. It does nothing in the long run to help your child. In fact, soon it will be here, "Oh, God, here comes Binnie - what did we do wrong this time?" Believe me, you don't want that reputation - I have friends who have been doing this since preschool and now - in high school and beyond - their kids are embarrassed and they still can't help themselves.

These are classic examples of "don't sweat the small stuff!"

DVC Liz,

Thank you for your concern, and I appreciate that it was done respectfully. I come from the school of thought that DD has no one else to take up her cause, and I will be assertive for her, since she can't effectively assert herself at this point. As she gets bigger, that threshhold will change, but for now, I'm all she's got.

That said, I try to choose my battles, but being moved out of a classroom a full week ahead would be something I'd take up, because it would upset my DD. I wouldn't be obnoxious about it, but I would address it. The OP's kidlet wasn't upset, so it wouldn't be a big issue.

 

[DVCLiz]

I have a really strong Mama Bear instinct, and I have to admit that I would be quite cheesed (I get really high-strung about school stuff, especially!).

My DD 3.5 has been in daycare facilities since she was 14 months, and I would not be at all happy to see her being treated differently--and moving her gear and seat, etc. is treating her differently--because we had put in notice. (That said, if everyone's stuff got moved around, and she still had a spot, that would be OK.)

I understand that it's a place of business and they need to do things that work for them, but if I'm paying my full tuition, then I'm entitled to expect her to not feel like a guest in her own classroom.

If it were me, I would've spoken with the administrator about the situation. S/He might not have a good answer, but I would've voiced the concern. But I'm a big mouth!

DVC Liz,

Thank you for your concern, and I appreciate that it was done respectfully. I come from the school of thought that DD has no one else to take up her cause, and I will be assertive for her, since she can't effectively assert herself at this point. As she gets bigger, that threshhold will change, but for now, I'm all she's got.

That said, I try to choose my battles, but being moved out of a classroom a full week ahead would be something I'd take up, because it would upset my DD. I wouldn't be obnoxious about it, but I would address it. The OP's kidlet wasn't upset, so it wouldn't be a big issue.

OK, Binnie, you are the mom so you get to choose how you will handle every incident with your own child. I'm not disputing that.

What I AM saying is that you are setting up a dynamic that you will come to regret in the future. If your daughter is three and a half, she is old enough to be told, "Oh, they probably just had a few extra minutes and went ahead and changed the names on the table so the new boy or girl who is coming next week would be sure to have a name on the table. Aren't you excited to be going to Grandad's house?" (Because the OP said the name on the table was changed - not that her child was being moved out of the classroom entirely, right?) Not, "Oh my God!! My child's RIGHTS aren't being honored - I must ASSERT myself as her ADVOCATE!!!!!"

I've watched my friends as we've all progressed from new mothers with infants to moms of high school and college students - and the ones who did things like you describe over such trivial incidents have never been able to distinguish between what's important to advocate for on their child's behalf and what's trivial (like the removal of a name of a table.) So when they need attention for something significant they don't get it because it's just another "cry wolf" in a long list of times they've over-reacted.

As I said, you have every right to do what you think best. But there's another side of it all that you can't see yet - the way the administration and the other parents react to your assertive advocacy. And that is something that can have a tremendous effect on your child - far more important than what you think you are "entitled" to get because you are a "Mama Bear."

 

[finallygoingtoWDW]

DVC Liz,

Thank you for your concern, and I appreciate that it was done respectfully. I come from the school of thought that DD has no one else to take up her cause, and I will be assertive for her, since she can't effectively assert herself at this point. As she gets bigger, that threshhold will change, but for now, I'm all she's got.

Well good grief. I have an 8yo and haven't needed to "advocate" for him yet. Really, "mama bear" isn't a good attribute.