Divorces, ex-spouses & parties-need help!

[Snoozan]

I'm having a graduation party for my DS. I invited my sisters, as well as a couple of their ex-spouses/new spouse as my kids still think of them as their uncles. One of my sisters has no problem with attending a party with her ex-being it's Father's Day her kids will get to see their Dad.

The other sister, who doesn't have kids, has been divorced about 5 years now. Do you think I have to tell her that I'm inviting her ex/his spouse? We've stayed in contact with my ex BIL over the years. My sister does have someone in her life now, but a few years ago it was a big No-No to invite the ex's to family functions.

What do you think-do I have to "warn" my sister that I invited her ex or do I just let her be grown-up about it when/if faced with seeing her ex?

 

[momsal]

I would let her know then hope that she reliises that the party is not about her and comes to it!!

 

[Penny2]

I think you need to tell her...it's just the right thing to do. It is likely that the wound has healed, but one never knows even with people who are really close. If I had an ex....I'd want to know just so I wasn't surprised and said something stupid....which I do on a regular basis. Open mouth...insert leg!

 

[Serena]

Yep, ya gotta tell her.

Congratulations to your son.

 

[ASFCurly]

I hate families sometimes, my Dad is still so mad at my Mom, after 5.5 years (I graduated from High school 6 years ago), that his brother wouldn't come to my graduation party because it was at my Mom's house, even though it was about me, his niece, not my Mom. I would tell her, even just to prepare her so that she isn't shocked.

 

[KimRaye]

Tell your sister! She's YOUR blood relative after all and, your DS's.

And, I'll give you two takes on this scenario:

Case 1: DH's nephew graduated from HS (as a JR) and, his mom (divorced from his Dad/my BIL-now remarried) had a party and, invited ALL of nephew's family, including US, her ex's family. WE went but, BIL/Father did not. We weren't there for my BIL (obviously) but, for his/her son/dh's nephew.

Now, this weekend, Case 2: my own brother is faced with his step-daughter graduating HS and, his wife and step-daughter invited the 'dad'. My brother is VERY upset about allowing this invitation, further the irritation that his wife's EX MIGHT show up. This is HIS house also and, he's dealt with a LOT of crap over the years and, he just isn't comfortable having this 'man' in his house.

Case 1: New step-father was comfortable, secure

Case 2: Step-father (my bro) has ISSUES with the 'dad' actually being a DAD and, being WELCOME in HIS house!


And, quite honestly, I thought last year that I might invite my ex and his mother to my DS's grad party and/or confirmation lunch but, upon further thought, I thought better about it. If they wanted to attend a party, they could have thrown one themselves, which they didn't. And, I know, if they had, I would NOT have been invited.

Sometimes, you just get tired of being the bigger/better person when you're the only one doing it.

Snoozan, if the ex-spouses of your sister's are no longer an Uncle, I think it's time to sever those ties. jmo tho I have a couple 'Uncles' that think they still are my Uncles after divorce and, quite honestly, it's embarrassing trying to explain it sometimes.

Congrats to your DS!

 

[Sharby]

Yes. You would have to tell her. I think you do have an obligation to 'tell' if you think there will be uncomfortable feelings between any of the attendees (I'd especially tell a sister).

But, if you get the "If you're inviting so-and-so then I'm not coming" speech from anyone then smile and say, "well, I hope you'll change your mind, because we'd really like you to come." and leave it at that. From a simple barbeque to a graduation party to a wedding - the person(s) giving the party decides the guest list.

 

[zurgswife]

I also say let her know...but remember it is your party and you make the guest list...

 

[Pop Daddy]

dont invite him, and be mean to him

 

[RUDisney]

Ooh, not the "kinder, gentler" Pop Daddy we were hoping for...

I have an uncle who married my Dad's sister many years ago. She died and he is remarried. He is still considered Uncle... and his new wife is Aunt Kathy. He was always more like family than my Dad's sister was.

Is this the case with your kids?

You should warn your sister, but you create the guest list and if she chooses not to be a grown up, then she can stay at home and sulk.