Divorce Question

[Zydebearsmom]

I am currently going through a divorce. For those of you with experience did you prefer a male attorney or a female attorney? The only thing I want out of the divorce is my child support. My ex is self employed so it may be a little more difficult to get what I deserve. I have found 2 attorneys. For an uncontested divorce the male is $900.00 while the female is $1000.00. What do you think?

 

[teller80]

First, hugs to you.

I can't help with the male/female atty, I just want to say don't sell yourself short and only ask for child support. It might be harder to do because he's self employed, but not impossible. Ever watch Pawn Stars? Start off big and negotiate down. You should try to get half of the assets of the marriage. It will ultimately benefit your children.

 

[Darcy03231]

I work in a law office and was a family law paralegal for 25 years. I would go with the male attorney. It's been my experience that men seem to be the better lawyers in a divorce situation because they don't tend to get emotionally involved. Female attorneys (for the most part) seem to make the case drag on longer and create more issues. I don't know if its because they identify with the woman/children and become more emotionally involved or what, but that's what I've seen. I'm not saying that there aren't some really good female attorneys out there, it just been my experience in divorce work that I've found the men tend to keep things on track better. If I were going through a divorce I would definitely hire a male attorney.

FWIW, I'm a female.

 

[Dizisfun]

I don't really have an answer for you but I knew a female attorney, she was a dance mom when I was taking one of my granddaughters back and forth to dance. We had a conversation about her as a divorce lawyer. She did make the statement that "she always ended up fighting for the children" and what was best for them. She said she just couldn't separate her emotions as a mom.

 

[luv2sleep]

I am currently going through a divorce. For those of you with experience did you prefer a male attorney or a female attorney? The only thing I want out of the divorce is my child support. My ex is self employed so it may be a little more difficult to get what I deserve. I have found 2 attorneys. For an uncontested divorce the male is $900.00 while the female is $1000.00. What do you think?

I had a male attorney I chose based on how I felt about them after meeting with them. It had nothing to do with gender. The person I chose was sincere and seemed to really want to help. He did a great job. He really fought to help me in court and no matter what happened I just needed to know that he did his best. That helped me feel ok about the money I spent on him.

 

[whatname]

I don't think male or female matters. You should ask around and ask around and get recommendations. Call and talk to the staff about their style of practice. Meet with the best recommended and see how you feel about them.

My friend (female) had a male attorney who was terrible. She got very little in the separation agreement and he was very condescending toward her. He was also a pay one fee lawyer and did as little as possible. She asked around and now has a female attorney who is pay by the hour for a custody revision and final divorce. This attorney told her that she would have never made the deal that she got. She has been very aggressive and has represented my friend very well. She doesn't seem emotionally attached. When my friend has asked about some things, sometimes she agrees to go for it and other times she explains why it may not be a good idea. Overall, she has cost less than the one fee lawyer and has done 2 or 3 times the work. Most importantly, my friend feels she can count on her to take care of things in her best interest.

Good luck. The whole process is very stressful. I wish you well.

 

[njmom47]

I had a male attorney, very laid-back. His paralegal actually did most of the work (she was a single mom just like me) and seemed to "drive" the case.
Ex-h had a female attorney who quit...she had a great BS detector and could not deal with him! (We ended up in mediation, which was fine with me).
I guess it would depend on the personality...just make sure it is someone who will fight for you.

 

[crisi]

Gender doesn't matter - you want someone who has a level of aggressiveness you are after and understands your values - hire a pit bull when you are looking for an amicable divorce that doesn't hurt the kids and you'll be sorry. Hire someone who want "only what is best for the kids" and is willing to roll over and be a doormat to avoid conflict, and you'll be eating off brand mac n cheese.

 

[DisneyMomma81]

Why is an attorney nessacary?
I've been married twice *ugh - shame*
First divorce - we were adults about it *so young at the time* took care of it online.
Second go - holy flip what a psycho! Married less than a year when I kicked him out, shared no assets/debts - degenerate gets an attorney *wanted nothing from me, got nothing* that was him, blew everything out of proportion, it was such a circus - I 'represented' myself.
I wish you well.

 

[mrsklamc]

OP I am sorry about your divorce...

It is 2013, and it is really sad that anyone still thinks competence as an attorney has one bit to do with gender.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

OP I am sorry about your divorce...

It is 2013, and it is really sad that anyone still thinks competence as an attorney has one bit to do with gender.

DisneyMomma81, I have seen too many friends and family members start out with "friendly" divorces which went quickly downhill. Having your own legal representation in a divorce is absolutely necessary for your own protection.

 

[luv2sleep]

Why is an attorney nessacary?
I've been married twice *ugh - shame*
First divorce - we were adults about it *so young at the time* took care of it online.
Second go - holy flip what a psycho! Married less than a year when I kicked him out, shared no assets/debts - degenerate gets an attorney *wanted nothing from me, got nothing* that was him, blew everything out of proportion, it was such a circus - I 'represented' myself.
I wish you well.

If you have assets, kids, or the other person isn't reasonable then you need an attorney. I would have had to pay way more alimony without an attorney. Thankfully I had a good one because my then husband really tried to break me financially just for revenge. I was the breadwinner and could have been uglier than it was without an attorney. I could have lost my house, all of my savings, etc. My ex's attorney was a shark so I would have been seriously screwed trying to represent myself.

 

[kim929]

It really matters how comfortable you are with your attorney. This person is going to know every single bit of information about you, no matter how private it is. So you need to be able to talk to them about such personal issues.

My first divorce attorney was a male, which I paid for out of my own funds. he made such a huge mess out of the divorce that I had a very hard time getting another attorney to take it on.

When I finally found an attorney (who was awesome, wish I had him from the beginning) he could only get me out of the marriage leaving ex with practically everything we owned.

My ex, had a female lawyer, who was paid for by his union so they constantly were bringing me back to court adding to my att fees, what did he care he wasn't paying a dime. Instead of my 1st att putting a stop to the nonsense he let it continue.

Going through a divorce is not fun. Keep your head up and don't settle for anything less then what you deserve ..

 

[buzz2400]

I divorced 20 years ago. I had a female. But I really don't think gender matters. You said you are only concerned about child support. There is more you really should care about, i.e. him paying 1/2 of college expenses and 1/2 of health care insurance and expenses. Also when an attorney states a flat fee, he really is not going to do much for you. He is going to do the least amount of work because he wants a profit. You also want visitation and holidays clearly stated with pick up times and drop off times. Right now you might be getting along with future ex but what if he meets someone who wants to cause you trouble.

 

[angierae]

I divorced 20 years ago. I had a female. But I really don't think gender matters. You said you are only concerned about child support. There is more you really should care about, i.e. him paying 1/2 of college expenses and 1/2 of health care insurance and expenses. Also when an attorney states a flat fee, he really is not going to do much for you. He is going to do the least amount of work because he wants a profit. You also want visitation and holidays clearly stated with pick up times and drop off times. Right now you might be getting along with future ex but what if he meets someone who wants to cause you trouble.

Depends on where you file, too. In Michigan (or at least in the county I filed in) there are defaults for drop off and pick up times and how visitation is handled. You can fight for it to be different, but the Friend of the Court sets all that stuff with defaults and unless you want to go in front of the judge to fight for more/less, it's easily taken care of.

If my ex hadn't been fighting me for custody we could have easily done it without lawyers. I do wish I'd pushed for college stuff paid but we're fine, really. The sooner I didn't have to depend on him for anything for her the better, if you ask me...

 

[TheRustyScupper]

. . . For an uncontested divorce the male is $900.00 while the female is $1000.00. What do you think? . . .

1) IF IT TRULY is uncontested, do-it-yourself.
2) Most county courthouses have FREE forms on-line.
3) You make them out, you both sign them, you file them with the court.
. . . personal info
. . . kids info
. . . agreed property settlement
. . . agreed child support
. . . agreed alimony (if any)
. . . attach the court fee for the self-filing
4) Based upon the area, your court date after filing could be 30-90 days.
5) I am aware of two courts in two different states that charge $325 & $380.
6) But, to answer your question, makes no difference male or female.
7) It is their individual ability that counts.
8) Plus, one that wants to streamline the process, and not run up Billable Hours.


NOTE: There is no difference in using an attorney for an uncontested,
than doing it yourself. As for collecting child support later, YOUR ATTORNEY
DOES NOT DO THIS, the local county prosecutor is responsible, and for
free. This applies even if your ex-spouse is in another state - you apply
locally, then the local prosecutor contacts the prosecutor where the
ex-spouse lives.

 

[sweetdana]

Hugs, and if you get issues with child support threat working his income through the IRS. Ie if you know he wrote off all 12 of last yrs car payments, and uses the vehicle for person use... The IRS would be happy to prosecute.

If you need ammunition then use it. Hopefully it is amicable.

I have no opinion over male/female, I think grading someone solely by that is not an ideal way to pick... Use your gut.

 

[natfrac]

I had a male lawyer who was very practical. He knew we'd get nothing out of my ex, so he didn't waste my money going after something I wouldn't get. My current husband had a female attorney who was a shark, which is what he needed. Gender aside, get an attorney who will serve your needs.

 

[rhiansmom]

Hugs, and if you get issues with child support threat working his income through the IRS. Ie if you know he wrote off all 12 of last yrs car payments, and uses the vehicle for person use... The IRS would be happy to prosecute.

The issue with this is that I'm sure they filed a joint tax return and the IRS will be happy to prosecute... both of them. A friend went down this road and found herself with a hefty penalty and eventually levied bank accounts.

 

[khaoskat]

I work in a law office and was a family law paralegal for 25 years. I would go with the male attorney. It's been my experience that men seem to be the better lawyers in a divorce situation because they don't tend to get emotionally involved. Female attorneys (for the most part) seem to make the case drag on longer and create more issues. I don't know if its because they identify with the woman/children and become more emotionally involved or what, but that's what I've seen. I'm not saying that there aren't some really good female attorneys out there, it just been my experience in divorce work that I've found the men tend to keep things on track better. If I were going through a divorce I would definitely hire a male attorney.

FWIW, I'm a female.

Actually, I think it depends upon where you live. Here, the male attorney's are jerks for the most part that do DR.

The female attorneys get things done faster, quicker, and often times have the Magistrates on their side.

Go down and spend about 30-60 mins in the Court and see what you see...male or female for attorneys.

I also wouldn't base it upon male vs female and cost...look at reviews on-line for each attorney. And ask them questions about how the Court feels on certain things....you need to be comfortable with the attorney, if you feel the attorney is bs'ing you, then run away and find someone else...

With it being self employed ask the attorney how they plan on proving the income of your spouse....what you can reasonably expect for child support and/or spousal support..and division of marital assets/debts.