Disappointed - no disney engagement

[cm8]

My BF and my son and I just returned from Disney a few weeks ago. I’m a little bummed because I thought he was going to ask me to marry him at Disney. I thought this because the Saturday before we left he had something to do but couldn’t tell me what it was and he said I would know in a few days (while we were at Disney) He also asked me to give him a tentative yes to marriage before we left on the trip. There was a few things we needed to talk about and we did. I gave him that yes. Before the trip I emailed him the name, address and phone number of the resort since I planned the trip in case he needed it for anything. A few times on the trip he said it would be nice to have time alone and I said well you need to contact the sitting service. But he never did. The trip ended and he never asked. I’m disappointed because it feels like he wanted me to plan that into the trip. Not very romantic if I have to plan my own proposal. Then when we got home he asked about a Saturday in 2 weeks and I reminded him we have an anniversary party we have known about for 2 months. He got bent that I wouldn’t ditch it. It’s my aunts and we never really get to see my cousins plus we already RSVPed before the Disney trip. He’s bent at me and he hasn’t spoken to me in 5 days. Was I suppose to plan a time for him to ask me or since he’s a 40 year old man shouldn’t he have called the resort and made arrangements or at least talked to me before the trip so we could have planned time alone

He may have proposed if you arranged for the sitter. Maybe he decided that he wanted to say it for later like Christmas time or when it was just the two of you. There is nothing that says that you can't go to the anniversary party w/o him. Leave him home and have a nice time.

 

[Jennasis]

I get it OP. You're bummed. But hear this...PLEASE.

Your relationship sounds toxic. Lack of maturity. Lack of communication. From both of you.

Run for your life. I mean it. RUN. And don't look back.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I don't know OP, maybe he decided he wanted to do something more original than another Disney proposal.

Am I the only one who thinks the whole Disney proposal thing is completely hack? I think it is about as unoriginal as the stadium score board proposal. I also don't get why people honeymoon there, at least not people who have been there twenty times already like a lot of the people here. I always figured you'd want your honeymoon to be someplace you have never been before, not your 21st trip anywhere, even Disney.

I agree. I hate public type proposals and I feel like Disney is just kind of... eh. The whole marriage/wedding = I'm a princess thing never appealed to me. It's like proposing on Valentines day. Fine if you like that sort of thing but otherwise...


DH proposed to me in a comic book store. Near the "adult" comics section because that happened to be what they moved to the spot where he first saw me the year before (which had previously been the horror section). After he proposed (keep in mind I had NO idea...) I said "of course" and then I paused and said "I thought you were getting me bookends!" because I really did think he was getting me bookends with my favorite characters on them as an anniversary gift.

I would never marry a guy who stopped speaking to me for 5 days, over anything. That's just downright stupid. He sounds like he has the mentality of a 7 year old and even most 7 year olds are mature enough to come round after like a day.

I would never marry a guy who demanded I cancel pre-existing plans either. Unless it was for a dire emergency and being proposed to is not a dire emergency. That's just downright selfish and bratty.

And if I had a kid, I would certainly be very careful about who I married. That man will be a role model in your sons life forever. Think about the behavior he is showing the boy currently.

Run.

 

[Scurvy]

My BF and my son and I just returned from Disney a few weeks ago. I’m a little bummed because I thought he was going to ask me to marry him at Disney. I thought this because the Saturday before we left he had something to do but couldn’t tell me what it was and he said I would know in a few days (while we were at Disney) He also asked me to give him a tentative yes to marriage before we left on the trip. There was a few things we needed to talk about and we did. I gave him that yes. Before the trip I emailed him the name, address and phone number of the resort since I planned the trip in case he needed it for anything. A few times on the trip he said it would be nice to have time alone and I said well you need to contact the sitting service. But he never did. The trip ended and he never asked. I’m disappointed because it feels like he wanted me to plan that into the trip. Not very romantic if I have to plan my own proposal. Then when we got home he asked about a Saturday in 2 weeks and I reminded him we have an anniversary party we have known about for 2 months. He got bent that I wouldn’t ditch it. It’s my aunts and we never really get to see my cousins plus we already RSVPed before the Disney trip. He’s bent at me and he hasn’t spoken to me in 5 days. Was I suppose to plan a time for him to ask me or since he’s a 40 year old man shouldn’t he have called the resort and made arrangements or at least talked to me before the trip so we could have planned time alone

I'm confused about the "tentative yes" part. How did he ask you for a tentative yes? Did he say something like If I asked you to marry me, would you say yes? That's what I'm picturing, and I think it's really weird.

Is your child also his? If not, maybe he didn't think he ought to be making plans for your child. Maybe he hoped you would arrange for a babysitter. But even if he was hoping for that, he might not have planned to propose at all on the trip, and that might not be what he was planning for the day of the party, either.

Regardless, I would think long and hard about this relationship if I were you, because it doesn't sound particularly healthy. He's not speaking to you because he's mad that you are honoring a prior committment. You're not speaking to him because you are too proud and stubborn. It doesn't sound like either one of you is ready for the kind of communication and compromise that is necessary for a successful marriage.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I just think if he wanted to do it in disney he could have made a call. We have had issues with him following through on things so I guess I should have mentioned this. I am rethinking the whole thing now. I'm not happy about the whole 5 days thing but I'm stuborn and refuse to call him 1st.

The party thing. I told him I had Sunday open and my parents could watch my son then but he said it had to be on a Saturday.

She hasn't talked to him in 5 days either, and admits that she doesn't plan to call because of her pride. She doesn't know why he hasn't called, but she knows why she hasn't.

Just sayin'

I cannot believe it took 3.5 pages for someone to bring that up!

 

[Allison]

She hasn't talked to him in 5 days either, and admits that she doesn't plan to call because of her pride. She doesn't know why he hasn't called, but she knows why she hasn't.

Just sayin'

Exactly. I see immaturity from both sides.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I cannot believe it took 3.5 pages for someone to bring that up!

This two-way street does seem to have a one-way sign written all over it!

 

[disykat]

I've never understood the whole "proposal" thing. I would be upset if someone thought he could surprise me with something as big as a decision to get married. And, if you've already discussed marriage and agreed you want to do it, why does the man have to do some big surprise event to ask the question? I just don't get it.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I think if you're with the right person and everything is good then ANY type proposal is "perfect". These proposals that appear to be so staged and contrived and then analyzed raise red flags to me.

I totally agree! My dh proposed by whispering in my ear because we were stuck in a crowded mobile home coming back from a camping trip with his family. It was totally spontaneous and it was perfect!

Op, sounds like you guys aren't ready to be married. Seriously, be glad that there was no proposal because it doesn't sound like you guys are prepared for what that involves.

 

[sunnyday123]

I get that you wanted a "special" proposal-heck, my first one went like this; "Here's a ring". Then we got into a fight.

That being said, I have become an EXPERT ( a little late) at seeing red flags. And this one is practically beating you in the head. I get the "if he wanted alone time he should've arranged the sitter" but maybe he's not comfortable enough with your son to make a decision like that. And THAT would be enough for me to say No to any proposal. This is not just about you and him, there's a child in this too. And quite frankly, if I ever get another proposal, I'd like it a little nicer than the first one, and I'd like to think the proposer would include my DD in some way.

The whole not talking to you because "IT has to be this Saturday" and you won't change the plans? Well, if he's got something so wonderful planned for THIS particular Saturday, why doesn't he call the Aunt and say, "Hey we're going to be a little late to the party/not able to make it because I have this wonderful thing planned"!

And you know what, after I typed that out, he still sounds selfish unless he can come up with a really good reason as to why he planned whatever it is he planned on a day you already had plans. Like rented out something and Saturday is the only day it can be done.

I also think you need to call him and ask what's going on. Communication is the KEY, and there is no way I'd settle the second time around for something like this.

 

[declansdad]

Only on the Dis would we find so many people able to give a complete analysis of a relationship based on one comment.

 

[ols386]

Only on the Dis would we find so many people able to give a complete analysis of a relationship based on one comment.

You're right. Only on the dis.

 

[a1tinkfans]

sorry about your sadness OP. Thats it, nothing else from me, enough said. well, maybe one thing..Good Luck !

 

[Liberty Belle]

I totally agree! My dh proposed by whispering in my ear because we were stuck in a crowded mobile home coming back from a camping trip with his family. It was totally spontaneous and it was perfect!Op, sounds like you guys aren't ready to be married. Seriously, be glad that there was no proposal because it doesn't sound like you guys are prepared for what that involves.

That's so sweet!

DH proposed to me at the pub where we first met. We had talked about marriage, but kind of a "when we get married" thing. When he proposed he gave me a ring.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Only on the Dis would we find so many people able to give a complete analysis of a relationship based on one comment.

Whaddya mean?? Did you forget about that psychology course we all had to pass before we were allowed to sign up here??? We are fully qualified to analyze this situation

Ha. OP, in all seriousness, I disagree that this is some cosmic sign that you aren't ready to be married, blah blah blah. Nobody is perfect 100% of the time and we all do things that looking back we wish we hadn't done. So I'm not saying to chuck it all out the window over a disagreement or whatever this is.

But unless you've been trying to contact him and he isn't responding, then you aren't speaking to each other. There is a difference. It's not just him who is being stubborn. And hey, I can be stubborn with the best of them when I want to dig my heels in and not budge, so I'm not judging you on that (well, I'm not judging you, period.)

If you love this guy and you want to spend the rest of your life with him and let him into your family, then call him. Being stubborn isn't helping here. It's just making you post things on a Disney message board. And I doubt that's making you happy.

Hugs.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We went to a wedding where I strongly suspected my then boyfriend was going to propose. He was guarding his luggage very carefully.

As it turns out, he was hiding the fact that he rented a tux for the wedding.

The event was black tie and I was in it, but he balked and wouldn't do it. But he surprised me instead.

2 weeks later he proposed--though it was supposed to be Valentine's Day. But at the news station that I worked at, they suddenly decided that folks couldn't switch shifts during sweeps. Only, they let us in November, so I'm not sure what was up with that.

So it could still happen. It just didn't happen the way you thought would be perfect. In the end, it doesn't matter HOW the proposal happens so long as it is done with love.

My proposal was with a computer program (very pedestrian by today's standards...but still VERY neat!). The funny part was that there was multiple choice questions, so I asked him if I could play around with the other answers before I answered the "correct" answer. He was okay with that and must have anticipated it b/c the program would then tell me that I didn't have the right answer.

 

[TwinsinCA]

* You and he had accepted an invitation to a party. Now he wants you to cancel for some alone time? That is odd. Maybe from my history of being a victim of domestic violence I see things in a negative skew, but, why can't he work around that date? From my calendar, it isn't Valentine's Day or anything romantic, just an arbitrary date.

It is New Year's Day. Not exactly an arbitrary date IMO.

I am assuming this is some type of milestone anniversary and that is why there is a party. I don't think either of you are wrong about the party issue. It is understandable that you don't want to cancel. This is your family. But from his perspective -- I can see him not wanting to go to a party celebrating someone else's marriage (the whole idea of anniversary parties seems indulgent to me) and being irritated that it falls on a holiday when he had something specific in mind. Is there anyway you can make an appearance at the party and then do what he had in mind?

 

[rie'smom]

I don't get why some people think it's ok to expect a "big" proposal but then I don't understand why weddings have become so important either. The marriage is the big deal. The wedding and the proposal are 2 relatively minor things in the scheme of things. Yes doing them big is nice but isn't having a long and happy marriage the most important thing?
One of the biggest contributions towards that goal is communication and the ability to compromise. There seems to be a lack of that in this situation. Now I may be 100% wrong because I don't know the history of the relationship but the 2 major players seem
not to communicate very effectively.
OP, sit down with your BF and you two discuss what it is you are both expecting from each other. You don't have just yourself to think about- your son will be affected by any decision you make. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Ceila]

He also asked me to give him a tentative yes to marriage before we left on the trip. There was a few things we needed to talk about and we did. I gave him that yes.

Isn't getting engaged when one person asks the other to marry them?

I really, really don't get it when people say that they're going to get married but they're not engaged yet. Um, yeah, you are engaged. You just don't happen to have a ring yet.

And from what I'm reading, it sounds like the two of you have some things to work out if you really are going to get married. Not talking to each other for 5 days just to prove a point? That's not what marriage is about.

 

[cm8]

]Whaddya mean?? Did you forget about that psychology course we all had to pass before we were allowed to sign up here??? We are fully qualified to analyze this situation [/B]

Ha. OP, in all seriousness, I disagree that this is some cosmic sign that you aren't ready to be married, blah blah blah. Nobody is perfect 100% of the time and we all do things that looking back we wish we hadn't done. So I'm not saying to chuck it all out the window over a disagreement or whatever this is.

But unless you've been trying to contact him and he isn't responding, then you aren't speaking to each other. There is a difference. It's not just him who is being stubborn. And hey, I can be stubborn with the best of them when I want to dig my heels in and not budge, so I'm not judging you on that (well, I'm not judging you, period.)

If you love this guy and you want to spend the rest of your life with him and let him into your family, then call him. Being stubborn isn't helping here. It's just making you post things on a Disney message board. And I doubt that's making you happy.

Hugs.

,