Disappointed - no disney engagement

[Rora]

would you guys plan your own surprise party? Would you buy your own anniversary gift? Is there romance out there anymore that someone might want that special moment to be just that, special and not a event that I have to plan out and say ok between 5 and 7pm you can ask me to marry you? Is it that hard for someone to pick up the phone themselves and make the time to do such a thing? If he had asked me before we left for disney if we could spend some time together alone I would have made arrangements.

It sounds like you two need to sit down and have a serious talk about where your relationship is going.

 

[Acklander]

would you guys plan your own surprise party? Would you buy your own anniversary gift?

I wouldn't plan my own party or buy my own gift, but I'd call the babysitter while we were on vacation. You're talking about 2 minutes out of your life. Seriously, that's the hill you wanted to die on???

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I'm sorry that your trip didn't end the way you hoped it would. However, I would have very strong reservations about marrying a man who didn't speak to me for 5 days. Especially over something as minor as attending a party.

ITA
That is referred to as "passive aggressive" and is a way of trying to control you. Be thankful you aren't married to this guy.

 

[Magic Mom]

would you guys plan your own surprise party? Would you buy your own anniversary gift? Is there romance out there anymore that someone might want that special moment to be just that, special and not a event that I have to plan out and say ok between 5 and 7pm you can ask me to marry you? Is it that hard for someone to pick up the phone themselves and make the time to do such a thing? If he had asked me before we left for disney if we could spend some time together alone I would have made arrangements.

If this is that important to you then maybe he isn't the guy for you. And no I wouldn't buy my own anniversary gift, but I wouldn't have an issue arranging for child care for my own child to get some alone time with my significant other.

 

[MushyMushy]

I wouldn't plan my own party or buy my own gift, but I'd call the babysitter while we were on vacation. You're talking about 2 minutes out of your life. Seriously, that's the hill you wanted to die on???

I agree! Especially if this child isn't with him. I don't understand why on earth you wouldn't do whatever you could do to make some alone time with him if that's what he wanted.

 

[BC]

Tigge....I certainly understand where you are coming from. I know sometimes things bother me that really seem small to someone else, but for whatever reason, it is a big deal to me. Each person is different and what may be important to you may not be to someone else. If all this is really bothering you that bad, whether your BF understands it or not, it is still bothering you and it sounds like what you really want is to be validated. He may not understand why, but he certainly is understanding that you are upset. Maybe he is not calling because if he is not planning on proposing then he knows this is going to become something bigger than it already is and doesn't want to deal with the confrontation. I can't imagine why he would have to propose on a certain day and like I asked before, how do you know that is what he was wanting to do on the night you have plans with family?

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Who's biological child is it? If it is yours then yes I would have called the babysitting service; my child, my responsibility.

Besides, taking the time to call babysitting services isn't planning the entire proposal IMO. Since you planned the entire trip he could have just been uncomfortable deciding on a time and then taking the chance on you telling him you already had something planned during that time.

Sounds like neither one of you are ready for the commitment and compromise that a marriage takes. And I don't say this to be insulting or anything; I'm not ready for the commitment or compromise a marriage takes either

 

[justhat]

I just don't get why there is a need for such a big event? When my husband proposed, we were at my mom's house for the weekend for a family reunion. He came into my room with some flowers and a ring and said some stuff I mostly missed cause I was still partially asleep, then asked me to marry him. That was that. No planning for a date 2 weeks out, or any big special occasion. But nonetheless, the moment was special for us.

If he wanted to propose, he'd propose, no excuses.

 

[klacey1]

While I do think it's silly that you wouldn't call the baby-sitting service, I do kind of get it. It's nice to think of a proposal as being a surprise and super romantic. I do think it's absolutely ridiculous of him not to speak to you for 5 days. There's no way I'd cancel going to an important family party for no other reason than "it needs to be Saturday." Why can't it be the next Saturday? Or another day. I think he is being stubborn and you should talk to him.

 

[Wishing on a star]

A grown man has refused to speak to you for FIVE days over the fact you wouldn't ditch a family party?

I hope that is a HUGE red flag to you.

THIS!!!!!!!

OP, if there is this much angst and stress and immature control issues in your relationship,
Huge red flag. Especially the passive aggressive control issues on his part.

1. Not accepting a proposal and saying I DO might be the best thing.

2. What are your ages... I agree that neither party here sounds ready for marriage.

 

[Metsfan520]

Marriage takes a lot of compromise - to be honest, from your comments, it sounds like it's more important for you to be right, and it doesn't sound like either one of you is ready for marriage.

I agree with this.

 

[2binak]

would you guys plan your own surprise party? Would you buy your own anniversary gift? Is there romance out there anymore that someone might want that special moment to be just that, special and not a event that I have to plan out and say ok between 5 and 7pm you can ask me to marry you? Is it that hard for someone to pick up the phone themselves and make the time to do such a thing? If he had asked me before we left for disney if we could spend some time together alone I would have made arrangements.

Looks like I'm the odd woman out here OP....I do see where you're coming from. Why did you have to have alone time for the proposal? Why couldn't he propose in front of your son? It would have made for a great family moment if he had included him. If alone time for the proposal was that important to him, then he should have been the one to call the service and make the plans.

 

[shortbun]

... It seems to me if he has not spoken to you in 5 days over something that you cannot help since you already have committed to the party, maybe you should rethink this marriage anyway. Seems like it is not something that should merit him not speaking for days! If you are close enough to consider being married, why not just ask him what is going on?

ITA! Methinks he's a little touchy. Sure you want the rest of your life with a man who WON"T talk to you because YOU won't plan a time for him to propose? Seems a little off to me. just sayin.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

Tigge; First of all you need it. I am sorry you were disappointed in your BF's lack of proposal at Disney. I think we all want that extra special proposal to happen. I have a few things I wish to add to this. These are my opinion and in no way are facts or insults to anyone. Some of what you say about your boyfriend concern me.
* He had you tentatively agree to a marriage before you left? Are there issues?
* He didn't get the babysitter, now on its own, I would think that if he wants some alone time, then he should do the arranging, but, as a matter of compromise you could have just as easily done the same. I do think it is a part of a much bigger picture though and you have your reasons for wanting him to follow through.
* You and he had accepted an invitation to a party. Now he wants you to cancel for some alone time? That is odd. Maybe from my history of being a victim of domestic violence I see things in a negative skew, but, why can't he work around that date? From my calendar, it isn't Valentine's Day or anything romantic, just an arbitrary date.
* When you didn't agree to cancel for him, he hasn't spoken to you in five days. Now, alarm bells are going off in my head. It is one thing to be saddened or disappointed by a change of plans (as you were at Disney) but it is quite another to give someone they claim to love the silent treatment. Is there any guarantee that he is planning a romantic setting to ask you to marry him? And what if he doesn't? Then what?
* I honestly think you need to question why it is you want to spend your life with this man. Does he make you happy? Does he treat you with love and respect? Does he put your needs ahead of his own? Does he do that for your child? If not, then you should consider waiting on accepting any proposal from him.

Never ever settle for someone that doesn't make you feel like you are the most amazing person in the world 99.999% of the time. We all deserve that.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I'm sorry that your trip didn't end the way you hoped it would. However, I would have very strong reservations about marrying a man who didn't speak to me for 5 days. Especially over something as minor as attending a party.

This is just weird. I would be second guessing this relationship if it were me, and if this was my child going through this I would say RUN! I think he has gone about this whole thing wrong from the start.

 

[terri01p]

 

[Christine]

Awwww, we women alway want the best kind of proposal don't we? My dd has high hopes and she's not even dating right now...lol, that scares me. Her Ex-husband asked her to marry him in a mall parking lot and she was very disapointed in that. And now she swears the next time will be perfect...well I guess we'll see. :rolleyes1

I think if you're with the right person and everything is good then ANY type proposal is "perfect". These proposals that appear to be so staged and contrived and then analyzed raise red flags to me.

 

[Becky2005]

I don't get the part about him wanting you to give him a "tentative yes". What the heck is that? You either propose or you don't.

Pretty much! My DH made a comment about "I'll get you whatever ring you want" (history behind that but too long to go into here & we were talking about engagement/wedding rings). I stopped the conversation dead in the tracks and went 'Do you know what you JUST said/asked me?' Because I didn't think he realized that what he just said could basically be taken as a proposal....sure enough he ended up saying he did & that was pretty much my proposal. Not sure he actually asked specifically "Will you marry me?" because I was a mean person and didn't give him an answer right away and told him I would let him know. I think I wasn't positive he knew what he was talking about.

The biggest red flag to me over the whole thing is the not talking for 5 days over a prior commitment Saturday that has happened. There is no way I would cancel going to the anniversary party just because he wants you to. What would happen if you DID cancel and then it turned out he didn't propose that Saturday either but whatever it was, was something that could have been done any time? I wouldn't cancel a prior commitment on the off chance that a proposal *may* be coming.

 

[Angelhalo]

I'm sorry that your trip didn't end the way you hoped it would. However, I would have very strong reservations about marrying a man who didn't speak to me for 5 days. Especially over something as minor as attending a party.

I completely agree.

Also, I didn't get that you were all bent out of shape over losing the perfect proposal. To me it sounds like yes you might be bummed about not getting the Disney propasal but the bigger issue was that this grown man somehow seems to have expected you to make everything happen. If he wants to ask you, he should make it happen. But, first it sounds like he needs to grow up, because if he's not speaking to you for 5 days because you are already comitted to a family party, then it sounds like he is a bit immature.

 

[SaraJayne]

Never ever settle for someone that doesn't make you feel like you are the most amazing person in the world 99.999% of the time. We all deserve that.

Just thought this needed to be repeated.