DIS-Functional Wonder Peeps 7/20 & 7/24, 2008 PART II

[Anal Annie]

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY Cousin Gertrude and Cousin-in-law Stymie!! Enjoy your day!

OK, so I emailed the HR recruiter back at Hughes Network and she had someone else call me to see when I could come in. I gave her a time & a couple dates and she just emailed me back with an interview schedule! I will be meeting with 5 different people between 10 - 12:30 on Friday! I am glad that I know ahead of time that I have to meet so many so at least it's not an ambush! But 5 different people! YIKES! That's a lot of people to impress! We will not hold our breath on THAT one! It's hard enough to build a level of comfort with one or two! How do you prepare yourself for such an extensive / intimidating interview? You know they will all be looking for something else in you, right?

Hummm...wonder if I could get a discount on our DirectTV?! Their HQ is only 3.39 miles from our house! How cool of a commute would THAT be tho?! Too good to be true 'eh?! Sigh.

 

[CamColt]

Good luck, Annie! You will do fine!

Im no help with the interview thing. I havent had one since I was 16 and even then I pretty much knew the job was mine. I think Id die if I had to do one now.

 

[tinkryansmom]

Thanks for the anniversary wishes you all!

13 of the best years of Stymies life I tell ya!!

Beano - thanks for clarifying the tie issue.

Annie - good luck on the beeg interview!

Cheri - FE arrived safe and sound. Thanks for sending it back!

 

[Anal Annie]

OK, so have any of you ever had artichokes the size of cabbages? I bought these artichokes the other day that are HUGE but they were only 2 / $4 which seemed like a good price these days. I swear they're like the size of a small cabbage! So-o normally I can boil 3 of them together in my 5 Qt. pot, right? NOT THESE! I don't have a stock pot so I had to borrow one from my neighbor - I could still only fit 2 in it! So I have one in my big pot and 2 in theirs! I sure hope they taste OK...they're cooking right now. I'm just in awe of these things!! (I am like a cat...it's the little things that amuse me...)

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

Publix had artichokes on sale this week too, but I have never cooked them so I was too afraid to buy them

Palm Beach Grill does something on the wood grill with them and they are soooooo good...artichokes intimidate me!!

 

[RonnieJo66]

artichokes intimidate me!!

somewhere there is a joke in that!

ok, maybe it's just me...sounded funny

 

[tarzanman]

RJ, it was funny to me too.

 

[tinkryansmom]

I agree - there is a joke in there somewhere.

Artichokes seem like too much work to eat. I guess I am too lazy.

 

[ophie]

somewhere there is a joke in that!

ok, maybe it's just me...sounded funny

Arti was a real loser. Every job and every idea he ever had turned out wrong. He thought to himself, if I went into business for myself, maybe, just maybe I can do well. He thought and he thought, what could he do. It came to him, he would be a HIT MAN.

The next day he put a classified ad in the newspaper reading, "I am Arti, I will be your HIT MAN. Give me a call and I will kill anyone you want rubbed out."

Well that very day Arti receives his first call. The caller asks if it were true that Arti would indeed kill anyone and Arti assured him that was the case.

The man told Arti he wanted his wife killed. Arti said, "Fine, but how much will you pay me?"

The man replied, "$1.00."

Arti said, "No way, bullets cost more than that."

The man replied, "Look, take it or leave it. Many people would kill my wife for free, but I don't want to be obligated."

Arti thought it over and figured he could use the practice so he said, "OK, tell me about your wife, how can I find her?"

The man said, "In the produce department at Food-Mart, every day at four o'clock she is there. She wears a yellow outfit and is always complaining about something."

Arti decides that he will go there and choke her. At least he will save himself the cost of bullets. Sure enough, she is in the produce department of Food-Mart complaining about the fruit being either too hard or too soft.

Arti reaches behind her and chokes her. As she fall to the floor, she makes a gasp. The manager of the produce department turns around and sees what has happened and calls out. Arti lunges at the manager and chokes him.

Just as the manager falls to the floor, a lady sees what has happened and screams out. Arti grabs her chokes her and runs out of the supermarket.

He is captured a block away. What does the headline of the newspaper read?

ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR AT FOOD-MART!

 

[Anal Annie]

RJ made a funny...RJ made a funny...RJ made a funny!

Artichokes are no more intimidating than Blue Crabs! My mother never cooked artichokes either and being from landlocked WV I had never had crabs before moving to Maryland!! I thought my first crab feast was so gross! Until somebody picked one for me! Then I had to learn to do it myself. Anyway, yes, artichokes are a little work to eat...but OH SO GOOD! First time I had one was at MIL's. She made them for DH's birthday dinner when we were first dating. Strangest thing to see for dinner for the first time. And I thought how strange to serve them to guests. But that's my MIL. Since they were one of DH's favs I had to learn to cook them. Do not make them OFTEN...but enjoy them a lot when we do. These things tonight were literally AS BIG AROUND as our salad plates. We couldn't put them on the reg. plates and still have room for the rest of our food! The leaves had so-o much meat on them. But the hearts tasted a little funny. Different somehow. But that was OK tho 'cuz we were all quite full by the time we got to the hearts.

 

[Anal Annie]

Arti was a real loser. Every job and every idea he ever had turned out wrong. He thought to himself, if I went into business for myself, maybe, just maybe I can do well. He thought and he thought, what could he do. It came to him, he would be a HIT MAN.

The next day he put a classified ad in the newspaper reading, "I am Arti, I will be your HIT MAN. Give me a call and I will kill anyone you want rubbed out."

Well that very day Arti receives his first call. The caller asks if it were true that Arti would indeed kill anyone and Arti assured him that was the case.

The man told Arti he wanted his wife killed. Arti said, "Fine, but how much will you pay me?"

The man replied, "$1.00."

Arti said, "No way, bullets cost more than that."

The man replied, "Look, take it or leave it. Many people would kill my wife for free, but I don't want to be obligated."

Arti thought it over and figured he could use the practice so he said, "OK, tell me about your wife, how can I find her?"

The man said, "In the produce department at Food-Mart, every day at four o'clock she is there. She wears a yellow outfit and is always complaining about something."

Arti decides that he will go there and choke her. At least he will save himself the cost of bullets. Sure enough, she is in the produce department of Food-Mart complaining about the fruit being either too hard or too soft.

Arti reaches behind her and chokes her. As she fall to the floor, she makes a gasp. The manager of the produce department turns around and sees what has happened and calls out. Arti lunges at the manager and chokes him.

Just as the manager falls to the floor, a lady sees what has happened and screams out. Arti grabs her chokes her and runs out of the supermarket.

He is captured a block away. What does the headline of the newspaper read?

ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR AT FOOD-MART!

 

[ophie]

Take note guys... no crabs in WV

 

[Soccermom-Cheri]

we've been getting the HOOGE 'chokes in the grocery lately too. A couple of weeks ago they were ok microwaved. Last night I stuck two in for 8 minutes (plenty of time) - hard as a ... uncooked artichoke. another 5 min, still hard. After another 5 min and still hard I gave up and up those things on the table. Cassie said they were too tough. Me? I forged on. Like me a good artichoke.


There. I layed it out for you Beano, TZM, Betsy. Do you worst!

 

[SueEllen]

This made me think of several of you, so I thought I would post it here instead of sending it via email:


1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again, I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth..

 

[ophie]

This made me think of several of you, so I thought I would post it here instead of sending it via email:


1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again, I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth..

oh damn... that's classic!

 

[RonnieJo66]

I had never had crabs before

Well I should hope not!

too easy Annie!

 

[Anal Annie]

another 5 min, still hard. After another 5 min and still hard I gave up

Did you think that one out first?!

 

[RonnieJo66]

Yea! Whitney won "America's Next Top Model"

It's nice to see a "normal" size girl win.

too bad the fashion industry labels girls like Whitney "plus size models"...since when is a size 10 plus size??

 

[tinkryansmom]

sputter sputter I just spit water on my keyboard...is that bad??

OK everyone go back and read this page over again...
BAHAHAHAHA

Y'all are darned funny tonight!!

spider monkey jacked up on mt dew....

Artichokes...beeg, hoooge, good, bad, too hard, too tough...

Crabs...got em, never had em

BAHAHAHA


Thanks for the laugh you all I needed it today.

 

[tarzanman]

Happy Birthday Ophie!!!