Dilemma

[Stitch_Fan]

I've been on the board for a while now but have never posted. I read the other posts almost everyday and have learned alot.

I have a bit of a problem so I figured I would post and see if anyone had any info that they can pass on to me.

Here's the dilemma that I have. I have been separated from my husband for almost 8 years now. There is nothing legally on paper that we are separated. I have custody of my 2 children for most of the year. The 2 months of summer they go stay with their father. Again nothing legal about custody just a mutual agreement.

I took them to WDW last year and I had him sign a notarized letter letting me take them out of the country for the couple of weeks that we were gone.

So this year I decided to once again book another trip to WDW and have it paid in full. He was fully aware that I was doing this. Now all of a sudden he tells me that he won't sign another letter for me.

I guess what my question is do I have to have a notorized letter seeing as nothing is official? ( I'm not sure I asked that right).

I'm not usually one to complain too much about things however this is really bothering me and he hasn't given me a reason as to why he won't write the letter. It wouldn't be so bad except that I have the trip paid in full and we leave Sept 5/29.

I should be extatic with only a few weeks left before I'm supposed to leave not this upset.

Any suggestions? Anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

[SherylWrites]

Even if you have custody of your children for 10 months of the year, you would still need a letter stating that your husband has agreed for you to take them out of the country with is consent. You may be the primary parent, but it doesn't lessen his responsibility or his rights to their whereabouts unfortunately.
I'm not separated or divorced but I've always had the letter when taking my kids over the border without my husband. I've never been asked for it either. They seem more interested in whether I've bought cigarettes or alcohol during my stay. That being said, I wouldn't travel without it.
It's too bad he's being such a jerk about it. The ones he is hurting the most are the children. Maybe it's a jealousy thing?
I'd ask him again and explain that he would be taking this away from the children because there is no way you can go without the letter. And if he still says no, then he can explain to them why you're not going.
I can see why you're separated!!! What a tool!

 

[brighteyes]

I totally agree. You really should have the letter, because knowing dumb luck, if you didn't you would get asked about it. That would be a shame.

It is true that even though you have custody, or even if you are not separated or divorced you still technically need that letter I believe.

I would just explain to him that he is hurting the kids and that the kids will not look favourably upon him messing with their trip. Hopefully, he will come to his senses and reconsider.

I hope it works out for you. As a single mom, I know your stress. I went through heck trying to just get my son a passport because we have not seen my son's father except for twice in his life. And even with a court order giving me sole custody it was difficult to get his passport.

Sending you and hope it works out for you.

 

[RJS]

You absolutely need the notarized letter (and I recommend using the version from the passport canada website). It would be far worse to reach the border and be turned away because you don't have it - even though it is rarely asked for. And if you tried it, without his consent - it could turn into a legal nightmare for you.

If he isn't rational enough to see this is about the kids, and to explain why he will not sign it - then I would contact a lawyer right away. You have a couple weeks to get things in order...lawyer-up quick.

Would also recommend you start the path soon for a true separation agreement so these issues don't start creeping up for everything down the road (birthdays, holidays, travelling, etc). Once you agree to 'all things' on paper, the little things like a notarized letter just become a quick formality down the road. It's well worth getting things in order.

Best of luck.

 

[2forMe]

I agree you need a letter. Contact a lawyer to get this sorted out.

 

[momtolots]

I agree too! Get a lawyer ASAP. Once everything is down on paper, it makes it all much simplier to deal with. You may not be aware, but you can then make sure he is also giving you the appropriate child support. So....if he doesn't give you the letter, he may be making things much worse for himself, and he may be sorry he's opened up this can of worms.
I hope everything works out for you. I'm sending you some good vibes.

 

[canadianjovigirl]

I am also fighting with my oldest daughters father as he said he would sign the letter and passport application so i got it into the mail to him that same day and here we are a month later and i have yet to return it despite all of his replies that he will mail it that day.......guess i will have to have my lawyer make a court application allowing me to do the family vacation without his consent.......errrrrrr how frustrating as i would rather not spend that money and there is no reason for him to deny her the trip as he has allowed past ones and he is lucky if he sees her even once a year. I think he is not signing them as she did not want to go spend part of her summer with him this year as she is almost 15 and wanted to stay home and work and hang with her boyfriend and friends.........

There is no way i would take the chance without the letter as i have been asked for it everytime i have travelled with my daughter and would hate to have a hold up at the airport over something i know i need.....

Good Luck

 

[snickerboo]

Oh dear. I'm sorry he's doing this to you. Explain to him that it's booked, paid and the kids know about it and will be crushed. Is he using it as a bargaining chip? I would bet dollars to donuts, in the end, he'll sign it and is just making you sweat. However, it's time to get a lawyer and make it all legal if it's coming to issues. Good luck. I hope he really does cave.

 

[disneymath]

You really do need the letter. Basically if a kid is leaving Canada without both mom and dad at his/her side, a notarized letter (or other official documentation such as a copy of the death certificate of a deceased parent) is needed. Somtimes they ask for it, sometimes they don't, but you don't want to take the chance. On one trip, we were asked for the letter on the last leg of our flight HOME!

Hope things work out!

 

[Macduffy]

I am neither divorced or separated but travel with my kids across the border without their dad often and clearly I am very ill informed as I NEVER knew you needed a letter. I've never been asked - although now I think I remember one time where the Border Guard asked if their father knew I was taking them across but never thought anything of it.

As PP mentioned however you don't want to chance it and see if you can get the letter. You catch more flies with honey then vinegar Good Luck!

 

[Jen M]

I am not in your situation but I have a very dear friend who hasn't seen her dd's father in 5 years. She doesn't have a letter and always goes across the border all she has is her custody papers. She was told by a lawyer that she wouldn't get a cross with just the papers but has never had problem. Again I haven't been in this situation but just wanted to tell you about what my friend has done.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

No matter what the situation. If you are not travelling as a family with your husband then you will need a letter. I am divorced and always have a letter. I haven't always been asked for it but I wouldn't cross without it. I also take a copy of my divorce order with me and my new marriage certficate.

Here's some free legal advice. I work for a police force and people call all the time with child custody woes. If you do not have a court order then nobody can do anything for you. There is nothing to be enforced.

After being separated for eight years you should get something to protect yourself. Since you are not legally separated and still legally married there isn't much anybody can do for you. Your "ex" could even apply for credit cards and etc. and you would be financially responsible.

As for the kid(s) it would be in everybody's best interest to have a legal agreement so that everything is spelled out about who has visitation when etc. That way there isn't any room to argue over it.

Also, is the "ex" paying child support? If he is, he doesn't have to since there is no court order.

 

[Blanche_Neige]

No matter what the situation. If you are not travelling as a family with your husband then you will need a letter. I am divorced and always have a letter. I haven't always been asked for it but I wouldn't cross without it. I also take a copy of my divorce order with me and my new marriage certficate.

Here's some free legal advice. I work for a police force and people call all the time with child custody woes. If you do not have a court order then nobody can do anything for you. There is nothing to be enforced.

After being separated for eight years you should get something to protect yourself. Since you are not legally separated and still legally married there isn't much anybody can do for you. Your "ex" could even apply for credit cards and etc. and you would be financially responsible.

As for the kid(s) it would be in everybody's best interest to have a legal agreement so that everything is spelled out about who has visitation when etc. That way there isn't any room to argue over it.

Also, is the "ex" paying child support? If he is, he doesn't have to since there is no court order.

Well said and soooo right!

 

[braydensmom]

I've been on the board for a while now but have never posted. I read the other posts almost everyday and have learned alot.

I have a bit of a problem so I figured I would post and see if anyone had any info that they can pass on to me.

Here's the dilemma that I have. I have been separated from my husband for almost 8 years now. There is nothing legally on paper that we are separated. I have custody of my 2 children for most of the year. The 2 months of summer they go stay with their father. Again nothing legal about custody just a mutual agreement.

I took them to WDW last year and I had him sign a notarized letter letting me take them out of the country for the couple of weeks that we were gone.

So this year I decided to once again book another trip to WDW and have it paid in full. He was fully aware that I was doing this. Now all of a sudden he tells me that he won't sign another letter for me.

I guess what my question is do I have to have a notorized letter seeing as nothing is official? ( I'm not sure I asked that right).

I'm not usually one to complain too much about things however this is really bothering me and he hasn't given me a reason as to why he won't write the letter. It wouldn't be so bad except that I have the trip paid in full and we leave Sept 5/29.

I should be extatic with only a few weeks left before I'm supposed to leave not this upset.

Any suggestions? Anyone else been in a similar situation?

I would go to a lawyer, tell them what is going on and have them let you know what is going on. I have been worried about this with my Ex as well. But if need be, you are going to need a judge to rule that it is fine that you head over the border with your children.
I would try talking to your Ex again and keep your cool. Perhaps ask him why he does not want you to take them, and answer any concerns that he may have.

 

[DutchsMommy]

I am neither divorced or separated but travel with my kids across the border without their dad often and clearly I am very ill informed as I NEVER knew you needed a letter. I've never been asked - although now I think I remember one time where the Border Guard asked if their father knew I was taking them across but never thought anything of it.

As PP mentioned however you don't want to chance it and see if you can get the letter. You catch more flies with honey then vinegar Good Luck!

I am in this boat too!!! DS and I went to WDW just the 2 of us and I NEVER even thought about needing a letter!!

Are you local to your Ex? If you are still on 'OK' terms (although with this stunt I am sure it is deteriorating!!) maybe you could prepare the letter and stuff and then go to him to get it signed. I know it is a pain and you shouldn't have to do it, but I find that men are generally lazy when it comes to paper-work type stuff (apologies to any men reading - just MHO) and maybe he will just give up and say 'fine, whatever' if you take it to him?? Just a thought.....good luck in whatever happens!

 

[laura001]

Years ago, when our kids were young, I was flying from Toronto to Florida with two of our children. I was asked at the airport for a letter from my spouse giving us permission to go. Thank goodness he was still there dropping us off, BUT.........she still gave us a hard time because nothing had been written and notarized, she warned me never to try it again. Since then, I have traveled many times with them, but have always had a letter, and have never been asked again!

My advice would be to contact a lawyer ASAP!

 

[brighteyes]

I am not in your situation but I have a very dear friend who hasn't seen her dd's father in 5 years. She doesn't have a letter and always goes across the border all she has is her custody papers. She was told by a lawyer that she wouldn't get a cross with just the papers but has never had problem. Again I haven't been in this situation but just wanted to tell you about what my friend has done.

This is the situation I am in. But when I tried to get my DS passport, I had to send away for ALL of my court orders and court documents, even the judge's handwritten notes to support t hat my DS father never even showed to court, because my court order did not mention any access since he never showed to ask for it. I then also had to do a notarized letter explaining WHY I didn't know where he was - what we had done to try to contact him, and that we have had no contact with him, nor know of his whereabouts! What a pain, I was in tears by that point. But I finally got his passport. I had to carry my court order as well and all the supporting doc but was never asked for it.

On the way home however, the customs lady, said just the two of you? My DS then told the lady how his father is not very responsible so we don't know where he is and haven't seen him in years and that there was a warrant out for his arrest cause he owned enough child support to put a down payment on a house. The customs lady had no response for that I guess. But she did tell my son that well he's not so lucky - he doesn't get to go to Disney!!

 

[a*lil*bit*goofy]

I had a similar experience...my ex, was still together with me when the trip was being planned. my mum took us all away to celebrate her birthday. he signed the passport applications. he was originally on the list to go. etc etc.

Nov 1st rolls around, he says "i have decided that i am no longer willing to sign the travel letter"

we left on sat dec 2nd. on friday dec 1st at 1pm we had an emerg motion with a judge if he didn't have the letter in my lawyers hands by 10am that morning. he was going to lose, and his lawyer basically said "***?" and had him sign it.

call a lawyer.

if he is giving you grief now over a trip to disney, imagine what he will do over important matters. get things well documented

 

[brighteyes]

I had a similar experience...my ex, was still together with me when the trip was being planned. my mum took us all away to celebrate her birthday. he signed the passport applications. he was originally on the list to go. etc etc.

Nov 1st rolls around, he says "i have decided that i am no longer willing to sign the travel letter"

we left on sat dec 2nd. on friday dec 1st at 1pm we had an emerg motion with a judge if he didn't have the letter in my lawyers hands by 10am that morning. he was going to lose, and his lawyer basically said "***?" and had him sign it.

call a lawyer.

if he is giving you grief now over a trip to disney, imagine what he will do over important matters. get things well documented

Wow! Talk about a stressful situation at the last minute. Glad it all worked out for you though!!