Difficult work situation *advice needed*

[wilma-bride]

I would really appreciate your honest opinions on the situation I'm in at work.

I've been working with a small team (of 5 people) who have recently been transferred into a much larger organisation (over 100 people). The organisation is holding a team-building event next Monday and Tuesday and everybody was asked to attend. Although we were asked to attend, it is a 3-line whip which basically means you have to have a very good excuse not to. I am only part-time working 5 hours a day and this event is 2 full days. I managed to arrange childcare for the Monday afternoon and advised my boss I could attend all day Monday but would have to leave at lunchtime on Tuesday to pick DS up from school (the event is some 2 hours' drive from my home). All was well until this morning I saw the syndicate groups for Day 1 and I have been put into a group with 6 male colleagues (none of whom I know at all) and no other females. None of the other groups (there are 10) are like this, they are all evenly mixed with male and female members.

I told my line manager I didn't feel comfortable about the situation and she agreed it was unusual and spoke to the organiser of the even to ask if I could change groups or if another female (or 2) could be added to the group. The event organiser refused so my line manager escalated it to her boss, who then escalated to the Director. To cut a long story short, the Director has said it would be too difficult to change the groups (although I disagree) and I have to stay where I am.

I now have two options as far as I see it. I can either go and make the best of it, although I have to say I feel really unhappy about it. Or I can tell them I'm no longer prepared to go (as I said before I am part time so they cannot force me to attend as it means an additional 5 hours added to my day - of which I can only claim 2 1/2 of them as time off in lieu).

I told my line manager that I might not go as I am not happy and she basically said not to make any rash decisions.

So, guys, what would you do in this situation? It's really upsetting me but I'm worried there might be repercussions if I decide not to go.

 

[BONZO]

Hi,

Personally I’m a great advocate of team building events if they are run well with the right people in attendance with the right mindset.

Being put into a group of people (whatever gender) who you don’t know is a great way to interact, bond and really get to know people. Ok, there’s a risk that you may not like them or get on with them but at least you’ll find out fast and behave accordingly. After all, you can choose your friends but not your family or work colleagues!

Could you turn up on the day and ask the organisers of the event if they can switch around some team members?

Reading between the lines I’d guess that your manager would take a dim view of things if you didn’t go.

It’s a difficult call in your situation and there’s no simple answer but the main question you need ask yourself is “what if…” Do you think your position will be compromised in any way?

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

 

[natalielongstaff]

I told my line manager that I might not go as I am not happy and she basically said not to make any rash decisions.

So, guys, what would you do in this situation? It's really upsetting me but I'm worried there might be repercussions if I decide not to go.

i will talk to you about this later mate, my gut reaction would be to go ! i think if it was me i would go and not rock the boat

 

[kieras nana]

i will talk to you about this later mate, my gut reaction would be to go ! i think if it was me i would go and not rock the boat

i would agree!
i am terrible,at keeping quiet & not rocking the boat.
most times,i attend work related events,simply because i haven't got it in me,not to go & it never turns out,as bad as i anticipated.
i mostly find,that the guys,are actually more willing,to get on with you,than the girls.
i would say,to go,but that's just because,that is what i would do.
please don't worry too much
tracy

 

[Chilly]

I think as its only one day you should probably just grin and bear it.

Hope it goes ok

 

[Minniespal]

I agree with Shaun on this one Joh.

The great thing about team building exercises is that sometimes not knowing the people in your group can actually work to your advantage. I participate in alot of them with work - I've found that the uneasiness you feel at the beginning is quickly removed once you start the exercises.

Unfortunately if you say you are not prepared to go then I have the feeling that it could work to your disadvantage. It's also been my experience that after these events there a quite often comment sheets handed out at the end. If this is the case, then again you can make your feelings felt about it, if you still feel the same.

Good Luck, not an easy decision to make, no matter what you eventually decided to do

 

[mandymouse]

I think as its only one day you should probably just grin and bear it.

Hope it goes ok

I can honestly say that I would struggle to decide on this too, but I would probably still go for it

I hope it works out OK for you Joh

 

[Netty]

I can honestly say that I would struggle to decide on this too, but I would probably still go for it

I hope it works out OK for you Joh

Same here Joh, go for it!

 

[Strommie]

As others have said Joh, I think I would go too. Hope it all works out for you

 

[thepedigree123]

What is it that you do? (if thats not to bold a question).
Ask yourself these things.
1. Will there be any serious reprecussions if you don't go to the event. Is your job going to made "difficult" by you not attending the event?

2. How uncomfortable are you with the event, what's really holding you back? I'm quite a shy person and have had to attend team building events in the past and can honestly say they are very good at building confidence.

Hope you make the decision that's right for you.

 

[KayleeUK]

I would go Joh

 

[Pinky166]

I personally would hate to go in this situation Joh so I can truly sympathise with you but I think I would force myself to go. I am sure that after the first 10 mins or so you will feel fine. As Tracy said it is often easier to get on with men than women in these type of scenarios.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[wils]

I think I'd go if only to show willing. I'd probably hate it but I'd try make the effort to show what a great team player I am as it seems like the company might make a big deal of it if the event was missed.

Good luck

 

[lawlesslovewdw]

I would go and dont be woried about being in a group with men. i am the only female at work (Granted I am MD of company and it is a male dominated workforce in general with no or very few women across the board in similar organisaions, but I work closly on site with the men), but men are so much easier going then women and I dont miss the backstabbing that seems to happen in big offices full of women. The team building exercises are usually designed to encourage interaction and wont isolate you as the only woman. It is a nervous situation to be in,but within an hour or two your nerves will have subsided, and you will find yourself forgetting about who and getting on with the tasks at hand.

 

[mikki.young]

I think the lesser of two evils is to go. You may already be on a no-win situation by not being there for the whole two days. Do you have any way of knowing if the other men in the syndicate group already know each other? If they do then it may make it more difficult for you but that is what team building is all about and if a smaller group needs integrating into a bigger group I can see this happening. If the rest of your original group haven't been completely split up like you then I suspect you are being picked on for being part time and not going to the whole event.

 

[Snowy-girls]

I personally would hate to go in this situation Joh so I can truly sympathise with you but I think I would force myself to go.

This is my exact feeling.
I used to work in a place that had team building exercises+people would come from the same company but from other areas.And i can guarantee i was always stuck with more people i did'nt know than i did know.I would be filled with dread-as i am a very shy+nervous person around large groups of people,but it always turnt our great in the end+wondered why i was fussing+making myself feel sick over the thought of it.I have always gotten along more with men than i have women face to face.
From what you have said Joh, i also see repercussions from this if you don't go.I know it's easier said than done,but show them+go for it.Good Luck Joh whatever descision YOU make.x.

 

[PoppyAnna]

It's awful when you feel like this, I do sympathise with you.
I think, like others have said reading between the lines, things could be made uncomfortable for you if you don't go.
Firstly, I'm not a big fan of over organised "you-will-bond" team building exercises. I think a few hours down the pub on a friday night with a free bar is far more successful - but thats just me.
Having spent most of my career in a male dominated profession, being sloted into a team of all males wouldn't phase me at all - but I can see how it would make some feel uncomfortable.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
I would go.

 

[UKDEB]

If I received a list of delegates in which I was the only female, it would probably not even register with me. If it did, I'd possibly welcome it. However, that's not really the point, because it's the way you feel which is important.

You've received some really good advice already and I think you'll feel better after the event if you do go than if you cry off. It is only a couple of days after all and they'll come and go regardless.

I did try to phone you last night, btw. Guess what? You were engaged! I meant to try again tonight, but forgot. If you're still awake now, feel free to ring!

ETA: I guarantee that the event will be fine and you'll wonder what on earth you were worrying about.

 

[paulh]

would say go,now if it was me and 6 women i wouldnt hessitate
Paulh

 

[wilma-bride]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I have decided to go, although I'm still not happy about the group situation and I have asked my line manager to try again to get more females into the group. However, I suspect I will just have to make the best of it. At least I get to stay overnight at a nice Hilton hotel in sunny Tewkesbury

BTW, thanks Deb - can't understand why it was engaged - didn't speak to anyone the whole night. I was only after picking your brains (as usual) - might try you again later in the week as it's not desperately urgent.