Difficult guests...

[tracey1302]

Hi there ladies and gents!

Just after a bit of advice really...

Umming and ahhing over guest list currently and I've come across a bit of a glaring problem and wondered if anyone had found themselves in a similar situation.

I don't want to invite my Step-sister, or her partner, and hence, by extension, either of their children.

I've never got on with my Step-sister. She's loud mouthed and attention seeking and would find a way to make the day all about her. Her partner is also loud mouthed, has a tendency to get off his face on JD and generally usually stinks of booze and cigarettes. Her partner's son, James, came to my Dad's for Xmas day dinner and ended up throwing up everywhere and they had some massive slanging match. Call me crazy but I don't want them at my wedding.

I haven't talked to my Step Mum about this yet but am considering broaching the subject with Dad. Has anyone else found themselves in this sort of awkward family situation? How do you deal with it without starting WW3? I have a feeling that my Step Mum would want me to invite them. But truth be told, we don't even see them very often and I want this day to be all about our close family and friends. I'm just scared of opening a can of worms about the whole 'well they are family...' issue. Especially when we're inviting a lot of friends.

 

[Pinkgirl]

Hi there, I see you are not far from me Can I start the questioning off with - where are you getting married? Is it in Florida or at home as this is going to impact greatly on the answers you get.

 

[Evi]

I don't think it matters so much where you have your wedding so much as how large your wedding is. If your having a huge wedding with an extended guest list it will be hard to not invite her. If its small and intimate with only those closest to you its easier to explain not inviting her. I would take into consideration when you last spent time together and if her behavior has changed. Depending on how close you were growing up even if you weren't besties I would try to invite her alone to lunch and breach your concerns. It may be good for closure as a whole if you don't interact with her except for the once a year holiday. You should be able to decide if you want or don't want her to attend your wedding from that lunch.

On a separate note though this is odd I do know a friend who gave a picture to the bar and told them not to serve a particular guest any drinks. Said guest knew before hand that if he were going to attend he would not be served drinks it wasn't a last minute thing. In the end the person attended and didn't have any problems. I think you should do whats gong to make you happy but be ready to live with your decision if your stepmother is going to have issue with it.

Personally I've never cared what my step monster thought about anything. But then again I get along with my steps I'd invite them but not the step monster but thats me lol.

 

[FizzingWhizzbee]

I personally am fully in the "it's your wedding, your choice" camp. My mom was trying to push a bunch of distant relatives on me, and I kept fighting back. It was a huge point of contention, but I didn't want a bunch of strangers at our wedding, especially when it meant some of our close friends couldn't come.

I guess it just depends how important it is to you.

 

[dreamsdidcometrue]

I agree, my wedding my choice. My soon to be MIL brought up inviting some people the other day that are family. My DF already has more of the list than I do. I pretty much told her if he wants to take some people off the list and add the ones she is suggesting that's up to him. My mom is paying for the wedding and the rehearsal dinner so it is really not up to her who is invited.

You should invite who you want to be there on your special day. Invite those who are important to you and who you know will respect your day.

 

[sue]

I agree with the last post. This is YOUR day. Think of it this way..... if something were to happen at the wedding, do you and your husband always want to remember your wedding day that way? Chances are, you will never have another wedding. This is a once in a lifetime event and you are entitled to have it exactly the way you wish it to be. Including stress free and happy
These relatives will just have to deal with it. It is their problem and they need to "own" their behavior. I am sure if this behavior of theirs isn't corrected, there will be other events in which they will be bypassed.

 

[Sizzle]

I think this depends on so many factors. Where/When is the wedding. How big. How many other family members are being invited. How long has she been your step sister, family dynamics etc...

I think it's easy to cut off distant relatives, or family friends, but a step sister is a closely linked relative and might be a hard sell.

We had a huge backlash after not allowing a step brothers girlfriend to come and same with my sisters boyfriend. So I can't imagine what would have happened had someone closer been axed from the list. But thats *my* family, yours might be different.

I do agree that it is your wedding and you should take whatever steps possible to make the day exactly as you want. But also consider the lasting effects of your decisions as well. Do you want to create a rift in your family over this? Consider what the reactions of other family members might be and if the worst case scenario that plays out in your head is something you can live with, then it might just be an option for you.

Otherwise, maybe you can consider some boundaries. Like inviting them to the reception but not the ceremony. Or seating them in the back, away from everyone else. Or picking a date that you know they most likely wont be able to attend....either way, it's a tough call