DH wants to sell our puppy :( SOMEWHAT OF AN UPDATE PAGE 10

[Avalon_toon]

Don't give in! The puppy is clearly important to you and has become your fur baby already - I agree with others, buy a dog crate and crate him if your DH feels its too much trouble to care for him on weekends. Your DH needs to realize that the puppy is way more important than a few months of inconvenience on weekends while puppy grows up.

 

[kacaju]

Was your dh 100% on board when you bought the puppy? Whose idea was getting the puppy in the first place?

 

[dizluvah]

You have our dream dog! I hope you keep your puppy! DH and I would like a dog, specifically a bulldog, but we are hesitant about the commitment involved and worried we are not home enough to be good doggie caretakers/parents. Also, we have an aging cat who has enjoyed run of the house his entire life and I am not willing to disrupt his routine. Our cat should get to enjoy his aging years without a major shake-up/disruption.

You have gotten some great advice from pp's...so from me just

 

[JessicaR]

Was your dh 100% on board when you bought the puppy? Whose idea was getting the puppy in the first place?

It says this, "Let me mention, it was HIS idea to get a dog" in her post.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

It seems to me like there could be some jealousy issues going on here. if it was his idea to get the dog, but the dog has a stronger bond with you than with him, he might be regretting getting the dog and resenting his/her very existence.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I would ask him what his "issues" are with the dog and see what he says. And then tell him you are willing to compromise to figure out a way to minimize the dog's impact on his weekend time.

And then tell him he's a whiny PIA for having the idea to get a dog in the first place, get everyone all excited and attached and now think that because the dog doesn't work for him that it should go.

I can't stand baby-men.

 

[hlane]

Was your dh 100% on board when you bought the puppy? Whose idea was getting the puppy in the first place?

The kids originally started asking for a puppy. I thought DH would be against it and not wanting him to seem like the bad guy alone I just kept saying no. I was at work one weekend and DH text me saying he really wanted to get a dog. I was so excited cause I've always wanted one and I asked if he was sure, he said yes. We waited about 2 months before purchasing her, we had to saved up (they are very expensive), find a breeder, buy all her supplies. We researched, planned, planned, and planned. DH was 100% onboard the entire time. The day we were supposed to get her he started having cold feet, I was very disappointed but said it was fine, we would back out if he wished because this was a family decision and a long term commitment. He finally said he was sure so we went on a Sunday morning and got her. Later that day I had to go to work so it was up to him & the kids to care for her. It started that same day, IMs & texts that it was too much, he had made a mistake
The next day, Monday, everything was fine as was every weekday since. But never fails, no matter how great the week has gone, about into 3-4 hours into my shift at work the messages start rolling in from him again.
I know my coworkers are sick of seeing me sit at my desk and cry
I sent him a message earlier with a lot of your suggestions...he said ok, we'll talk about things when he gets home from work We'll see but the real test will be come Sat when I leave for work
Thanks everyone and keep the suggestions coming!

BTW: He's not mentioned this but I am starting to wonder if $$ may be a factor. I am wondering if he's thinking he'd be able to sell her and get that large chuck of $$ back. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wouldn't be so coldhearted to look at things that way

 

[jen_uk]

Maybe he is jealous of the attention you are giving the dog, men can be very childish sometimes! I defintely would not give up the dog

 

[Luv2Scrap]

The kids originally started asking for a puppy. I thought DH would be against it and not wanting him to seem like the bad guy alone I just kept saying no. I was at work one weekend and DH text me saying he really wanted to get a dog. I was so excited cause I've always wanted one and I asked if he was sure, he said yes. We waited about 2 months before purchasing her, we had to saved up (they are very expensive), find a breeder, buy all her supplies. We researched, planned, planned, and planned. DH was 100% onboard the entire time. The day we were supposed to get her he started having cold feet, I was very disappointed but said it was fine, we would back out if he wished because this was a family decision and a long term commitment. He finally said he was sure so we went on a Sunday morning and got her. Later that day I had to go to work so it was up to him & the kids to care for her. It started that same day, IMs & texts that it was too much, he had made a mistake
The next day, Monday, everything was fine as was every weekday since. But never fails, no matter how great the week has gone, about into 3-4 hours into my shift at work the messages start rolling in from him again.
I know my coworkers are sick of seeing me sit at my desk and cry
I sent him a message earlier with a lot of your suggestions...he said ok, we'll talk about things when he gets home from work We'll see but the real test will be come Sat when I leave for work
Thanks everyone and keep the suggestions coming!

BTW: He's not mentioned this but I am starting to wonder if $$ may be a factor. I am wondering if he's thinking he'd be able to sell her and get that large chuck of $$ back. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wouldn't be so coldhearted to look at things that way

I hate to ask this (and I don't expect you to answer it here - just think about it), but is he verbally or emotionally abusive to you aside from the dog issue? Because this really seems like a game to me. I think maybe he's jealous of the attention you give the dog, and this is his way of punishing you.

 

[Nancyg56]

Crating your DH may solve your problem!LOL

And then tell him he's a whiny PIA for having the idea to get a dog in the first place, get everyone all excited and attached and now think that because the dog doesn't work for him that it should go.

I can't stand baby-men.

You are good, I would not even care why he changed his mind. I'd head over to whiney PIA!

BTW: He's not mentioned this but I am starting to wonder if $$ may be a factor. I am wondering if he's thinking he'd be able to sell her and get that large chuck of $$ back. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wouldn't be so coldhearted to look at things that way

I'd solve that. Tell him that the puppy is a pet and you do not sell pets. If you end up needing to let the puppy go stand firm on not selling her, and add that you are going to provide everything possible to make the transition easier for the puppy.

In our home the "no's" have it. No is strong so if one of us feels so strongly that we say no to something it is no. I think I would make him understand that the time to say No was before the purchase, not after. Too late, he needs to have a stupendously good reason or he needs to be an adult and handle the responsibility of a few hours with a puppy.

 

[hlane]

I hate to ask this (and I don't expect you to answer it here - just think about it), but is he verbally or emotionally abusive to you aside from the dog issue? Because this really seems like a game to me. I think maybe he's jealous of the attention you give the dog, and this is his way of punishing you.

No he's not, this coming weekend is our 13th anniversary and he's been a good husband the entire time (don't get me wrong, we have had lots of issues but always work through them).
I've noticed through the years though that he does flake out on me on big issues...having children, buying a house...just things that are major, he'll get all gung-ho about it then at the last minute he seems to get cold feet and keeps going back & forth...its strange. I'd call him a floppy fish, lol
He always seems to come around on stuff but it always seems like a major ordeal. I never really realized it until this

 

[Imzadi]

It sounds like he liked the idea of a dog, but didn't understand that pets take work. It also seem like he needs to be educated on how to take care of a dog, especially an energetic puppy.

You don't just leave a person with a dog and that's it. The dog may not be listening to him as, during the week, you are the Alpha dog. The dog is causing trouble because DH doesn't know how to handle him and make the dog obey. Someone needs to teach DH and the kids how to work with the dog and be consistent.

Also, it sounds like DH is a bit emotionally impulsive and immature. He makes decisions without fully thinking them through and then changes his mind and you and the family have to jump. Again, he liked the idea of the dog, not the actuality. Now he likes the idea of selling the dog.

Third, you need to set a rule: no more IMs about the dog while at work. Phone calls at work should be reserved for real emergencies, not for him whining. (It's also not professional for you to get those at work and then be crying.) It sounds like he gets a lot of control (intentional or not,) jerking you around emotionally. And if he's able to sell the dog against your wishes, he does have quite a bit of control in your marriage.

 

[Imzadi]

No he's not, this coming weekend is our 13th anniversary and he's been a good husband the entire time (don't get me wrong, we have had lots of issues but always work through them).
I've noticed through the years though that he does flake out on me on big issues...having children, buying a house...just things that are major, he'll get all gung-ho about it then at the last minute he seems to get cold feet and keeps going back & forth...its strange. I'd call him a floppy fish, lol
He always seems to come around on stuff but it always seems like a major ordeal. I never really realized it until this

There is a concept and a book called Emotional Intelligence. It may be good for him to read. Also, Tony Robbins, who I work on staff at his live events, teaches techniques on how to manage one's emotional states, especially during crises and those big issues times. He's written several books and has various DVD programs.

 

[hlane]

Well I am always about keeping the peace and not causing waves so I'd say 90% of the time I give in about pretty much everything. About this issue I've decided it's gonna be in that 10%! I let him know that I was not selling MY dog, I love her and this is an issue that is very, very important to me.
He said "I don't know", and my reply was "NO! We will work through any weekend issues you may be having with her, come up with solutions, and we'll compromise on things if needed but I AM NOT SELLING HER!!".
He replied with "ok". So I'm not sure if that OK means ok for now so I'll leave him alone or ok, you win, we won't get rid of her.
Guess I'll find out but I am not backing down on this and if he does sell her without my blessing then yes, we have some major issues that are going to need to be addressed.
I am praying he sees how important this is to me and just sucks it up and deals with it...UGH, I feel sick to my stomach now.

 

[bunny]

I guess I will be the only dissenter and for the record I have a dog too. My mantra is "People first, animals second". If your dog is creating that many problems, he needs to go. He is an animal. Your husband is a person. His needs should come first. Puppies are hard work and no matter how many times the kids agree to take care of them, they don't.

If you really want to keep the dog and your husband doesn't, have you thought about taking the dog to doggie daycare? It would be alot cheaper than a divorce. Or crate the dog while you are gone. Even a puppy can go 3 to 4 hours in a crate without soiling it. Crate the dog and have your husband take him out for a 1/2 hour at lunch. Put the crate in the garage or somewhere the puppy can be alone. He will cry at first but will eventually accept it. Alot of people leave their dogs crated while they are at work. It won't hurt the puppy especially if it is only 2 days a week.

 

[cinmell]

I guess I will be the only dissenter and for the record I have a dog too. My mantra is "People first, animals second". If your dog is creating that many problems, he needs to go. He is an animal. Your husband is a person. His needs should come first. Puppies are hard work and no matter how many times the kids agree to take care of them, they don't.

No, you are not the only one. I agree with what you said.

 

[Sandy V.]

Well I am always about keeping the peace and not causing waves so I'd say 90% of the time I give in about pretty much everything. About this issue I've decided it's gonna be in that 10%! I let him know that I was not selling MY dog, I love her and this is an issue that is very, very important to me.
He said "I don't know", and my reply was "NO! We will work through any weekend issues you may be having with her, come up with solutions, and we'll compromise on things if needed but I AM NOT SELLING HER!!".
He replied with "ok". So I'm not sure if that OK means ok for now so I'll leave him alone or ok, you win, we won't get rid of her.
Guess I'll find out but I am not backing down on this and if he does sell her without my blessing then yes, we have some major issues that are going to need to be addressed.
I am praying he sees how important this is to me and just sucks it up and deals with it...UGH, I feel sick to my stomach now.

I wish you all the best and I encourage you to stick to you guns on this one. Pets are not disposable items. Your DH is being a whiny baby and he needs to suck it up.

 

[CathrynRose]

I guess I will be the only dissenter and for the record I have a dog too. My mantra is "People first, animals second". If your dog is creating that many problems, he needs to go. He is an animal. Your husband is a person. His needs should come first. Puppies are hard work and no matter how many times the kids agree to take care of them, they don't.

If you really want to keep the dog and your husband doesn't, have you thought about taking the dog to doggie daycare?.

If her husband was having life threatening asthma attacks due to the puppy then perhaps I could see your mantra, however her husband is just being a weenie.

What needs of his need to come first? The need to not be responsible? The OP mentioned he wanted this dog just as much as she did, but apparently did not realize a little effort might have to go into the care of him. It's not as if the OP went out and purchased a puppy on the sly.

What if after someone had a child (which is also, lots of work) they decided 'no thanks' ? It's pretty much the same principle.

Doggy Daycare is an excellent suggestion. It would also give the puppy a great chance for socialization with other dogs.

 

[Youarehere]

I guess I will be the only dissenter and for the record I have a dog too. My mantra is "People first, animals second". If your dog is creating that many problems, he needs to go. He is an animal. Your husband is a person. His needs should come first. Puppies are hard work and no matter how many times the kids agree to take care of them, they don't.

If you really want to keep the dog and your husband doesn't, have you thought about taking the dog to doggie daycare? It would be alot cheaper than a divorce. Or crate the dog while you are gone. Even a puppy can go 3 to 4 hours in a crate without soiling it. Crate the dog and have your husband take him out for a 1/2 hour at lunch. Put the crate in the garage or somewhere the puppy can be alone. He will cry at first but will eventually accept it. Alot of people leave their dogs crated while they are at work. It won't hurt the puppy especially if it is only 2 days a week.

No, you are not the only one. I agree with what you said.

So glad you two are the minority. Much easier to bow to hubby than look for solutions and stand your ground. Besides- there ARE shelters for all the tossed out pets, right?

I wish you all the best and I encourage you to stick to you guns on this one. Pets are not disposable items. Your DH is being a whiny baby and he needs to suck it up.

 

[bunny]

I wish you all the best and I encourage you to stick to you guns on this one. Pets are not disposable items. Your DH is being a whiny baby and he needs to suck it up.

Her husband is not a whiny baby. Puppies are alot of work. I can completely understand how someone who is working full time and going to college does not want anymore on his plate. Maybe he didn't realize until he got the puppy how much work it was going to be. Things happen. He isn't throwing the puppy away. He wants to sell it to someone who could provide it a loving home.

You don't have to keep your pet for life. You do have to find it another good home if you decide you can't keep it. Pets are extremely expensive especially puppies. In today's economy I am surprised anyone is still buying these puppies.