Dh thing again--- I'm confused

[Serena]

He was just here, spent maybe an hour just sitting with Kelsea watching tv.

It's only been a month since he moved out, why doesn't it hurt? It's too soon for me to be over this. We just had our 20th anniversary for heavens sake. How can I be over this already?

I was a basket case when this came up. Was it possible that the only thing that I was upset about was him betraying my trust? I should want him to stay no matter what, shouldn't I?
Why am I glad when he walks out the door?

I know I'm sad about the end of our relationship, but is that it? Like I said, I'm confused.

 

[fireplug]

(((((HUGS)))))) hang in there things will get better. It will take time to adjust to all the changes and that could be why it seems strange.

Steve

 

[nancy679]

It could be that you just knew that it was over. And not feeling upset just comfirms that you did the right decision. I'm not sure of all the circumstances of your situation, but you may have hung in there longer because you were thinking with your head instead of your heart. And now your heart is telling you that this is right for you. I hope that made sense to you. ((((HUGS))))

 

[helenabear]

No advice for you Laurie (wish I did though), only {{hugs}}

 

[worm761]

{{hugs}}

 

[jldriscoll]

Sure does sound like you knew this was going to happen, somewhere inside of you and your brain had you prepared for it. I still think you are doing remarkably well!!!

 

[Tuffcookie]

Serena, Please keep in mind that when you suffer a loss, whether it be thru death, divorce, or whatever, that there are different stages and sometimes you will think you are thru with one stage only to go thru it again at a later date. Don't think you have to be on a certain timetable to work thru your feelings. Have you actually filed for divorce yet or what is the status at this time, if you don't mind me asking?

TC

 

[newmousecateer]

{{HUGS}} Serena.

When 1st DH left, I cannot tell you how relieved I was. I realized what a bad relationship it was, and how bad it was for me and DS.

I think we all know deep down in our hearts when a relationshipis hurtful to us, both in the heart and mentally.

Sounds to me like you have realized that the relationship was hurting you both in the heart and mentally, and that it is not worth it to live that way.

Don't feel guilty about the way you feel...feel proud of yourself for having enough respect for yourself not to put up with a bad relationship, and that you are strong enough to make a better life for you and Kelsea.

 

[snoopy]

Could it be that you feel so betrayed that you realize your relationship is beyond repair? Haven't gone through this, I can only speculate, but I think I would be the same way if my husband were to have an affair.

{{{hugs}}} Serena. Sounds like you are doing just fine to me.

 

[Serena]

I was supposed to see the lawyer last wednesday, but she took some medicine and had a bad allergic reaction. I called them yesterday morning again, and they said they would get back to me.
That's all so far.

My only question is which way would I be better off financially.

 

[CRB#33]

I know it's confusing, but I'm so glad you're not hurting right now! It's probably easier to see him walk out the door, because you are living a more stress free life with your children when he's not there.

There is no right or wrong answer as to how long this should take you, and there may still be some bumps in the road, but it sounds like you are getting over it more and more and that is terrific for your mental and emotional health!

 

[newmousecateer]

I don't think it is a question of whether or not you will be better off financially or not.

No, I was not better off finacially. But isn't your happiness and self esteem and the children's well being more important? (Please do not take me wrong, I am definately not judging, just posing a question here)

Dig deep down in your heart to decide what is best for you and the kids. That will be your answer sweetie.

 

[Serena]

I don't mean for me to take him back. It's surprising to me, but I don't want him back, I'm not even angry about it.

He wants to leave things like they are. Him living where he is, no divorce and he still supports us like he did before. He's happy, we're pretty happy too. No stress anymore, it's really pretty nice.

I don't know if child support would be as much as what he's giving me now to pay the bills. Is it worth possibly making him angry to be free of the marriage?

I've just got some questions I'm trying to figure out answers to.

 

[browneyes]

I have no answers for you Laurie, but I'm here to listen whenever you need someone to talk to, to laugh with, or if you just need a {{hug}}, ok?

 

[Serena]

Thanks Shannon, I know.

I did get the process started for getting a job. That Workforce One, or whatever it's called is a great place to go to, especially for someone like me that doesn't know where to start.

 

[browneyes]

Just think not too long ago, you didn't think you had options, and pretty soon, you'll have tons of good options.

 

[Serena]

I guess it's easy to think that while you are in the situation. I've been a mom at home more or less for the last 16 years. I had to take the first step outside my door before I could see what was out there.

 

[browneyes]

I've heard that first step is a doozy. You're doing quite well with the steps thereafter.

 

[TigerBear]

Serena, this is one time where I can honestly say, "I know how you feel". My husband moved out five weeks ago. At this point in time what I feel the most is a sense of relief. My husband didn't abuse me and he didn't cheat on me. But, I have known for some time that he wanted a divorce. It is not easy living with a man who does not want to to be married. Friends are questioning why I am not angry. What I have come to realize is that my psychological divorce began years ago. I have already experienced all of the emotions - anger, depression, fear- while we were still living in the same house. Although I bawled the day he moved out, in my heart I now know it was a decision that was also in my best interest. I definitely think you need to consider what would be the benefit of you remaining married to this man???? Why do you care if he is angry? My soon to be ex-husband (first time I have said those words) wants me to eventually find someone else. He still cares about me enough to know that I deserve better than he was willing or able to give me. It seems to me that by you remaining married to him, he will be preventing you from getting the life you deserve. Once again, he wins and you lose.

(((Hugs))) to you. I know the decisions are not easy.

 

[Serena]

I'm learning that being less private helps. I tell you all almost everything. I decided to try that in my "real" life and it's been working. I've gotten help and support that I never had before.

Well, not everything.