DH leaving for training...then Afghanistan

[wide awake]

Months of stress have ended. DH is leaving Saturday for two months of training w/ the Army...he is AF...then 12 months in Afghanistan. I am beside myself. He has been TDY since 9/11 but never someplace dangerous. He could have put in retirement papers but w/ a special needs child w/ a ton of unreimbursed med expenses...not an option. Anyone have anything positive to say ? How do these hazerdous duty things work ? Does he get 2 weeks off in the middle so we can meet him in Europe ?

 

[casndan]

I understand your stress, and theres not much I can say, but be positive, remember that no news is always good news, and stay busy! He should get 2 weeks off in the middle and there is no reason that he should have to meet you in Europe unless you want it that way, they should fly him all the way home But the Europe thing would be lots of fun too, just remember that he's going to have been working very hard and he may not want a "vacation" where he's going to have to actually do something besides relax. Now after saying that he gets 2 weeks off in the middle, he should, most likely, most of the time...but unfotunately R and R doesn't always happen and it can be anywhere from about 2 1/2 months after he leaves until 9 months after he left, usually they know within the first 6-8wks when they're going to come home, again, not always....I wish you luck with this deployment, you will make it! Be Strong! Just never let your heart get to set on anything, because the military tends to disapoint Feel free to send me a PM if you ever need anything any questions or anything! Keep your chin up!

 

[Longsx3]

Months of stress have ended. DH is leaving Saturday for two months of training w/ the Army...he is AF...then 12 months in Afghanistan. I am beside myself. He has been TDY since 9/11 but never someplace dangerous. He could have put in retirement papers but w/ a special needs child w/ a ton of unreimbursed med expenses...not an option. Anyone have anything positive to say ? How do these hazerdous duty things work ? Does he get 2 weeks off in the middle so we can meet him in Europe ?

Sorry to hear that your DH is leaving, I will share my DD's (9) thoughts about deployment with you. When I asked he how she was doing "She said that the worry before Dad left was much worse than once he was actually gone", "It is way harder before he leaves". This was the first time DH has been gone for more than a week by the time he returns it will be just short of 7months! DD has done great, there was only one occaision where Savannah got upset over something and it wasn't rational. I have tried very hard to keep things the same at home, just minus Dad, our routine as well as the expectations and the rules are the same.

Good luck and I hope your deployment goes as smoothly as ours has gone!

 

[phorsenuf]

Where in Afghanistan is he going to be? My son is stationed in Kandahar and really likes it! He said the base is nicer than the one he was stationed at in Germany. He works customs on the incoming and outgoing military flights, he's an MP. Who knows, perhaps they will cross paths.

He said the base is very secure. No chances of suprise attacks because you can see so far all around. He also said they keep the dust at bay by laying down gravel everywhere and spraying water.

What is it you DH will be doing? As far as leave they get 2 weeks off and they can go anywhere they want, so he could always fly home. My DS said they fly them on a military flight to the closest military airport and then if you need to you can grab a commercial flight to your final destination. He said that after you get back to your base submit the ticket receipt and you'll get reimbursed. So, unless you want to, you don't have to fly to Europe to see him.

Casndan- we are still waiting on R&R dates for my son. I am waiting very impatiently actually because we are planning a trip to Disney when he gets here and I have soooo much planning to do. We know dates can change and get cancel but hopefully that won't happen! LOL

 

[wide awake]

phoresenuf,
We don't know yet where DH will be...his job is supposed to be escorting Army convoys, which sounds horribly dangerous. He trains in Mississippi for two months, then leaves for Afghanistan, so more info then. I'm glad to know he can come home, but we may meet in Germany, I don't want him wasting 2-3 days on jet lag/travel. Where was your son stationed in Germany ? We were at Ramstein in 1987, right across the road from Vogelweh. DH was in Bahrein for 6 months, Spain for 4 months, and Kuwait for 6 months, but I never worried about him in those places. Now I am scared, but his work situation here has been a nightmare the past few months...horrid chief that hates him, constant harrassment...in 20 years DH has never had a problem at work. Even w/ this deployment hanging over us we had a normal evening last night for the first time in months.

 

[lovemygoofy]

phoresenuf,
We don't know yet where DH will be...his job is supposed to be escorting Army convoys, which sounds horribly dangerous. He trains in Mississippi for two months, then leaves for Afghanistan, so more info then. I'm glad to know he can come home, but we may meet in Germany, I don't want him wasting 2-3 days on jet lag/travel. Where was your son stationed in Germany ? We were at Ramstein in 1987, right across the road from Vogelweh. DH was in Bahrein for 6 months, Spain for 4 months, and Kuwait for 6 months, but I never worried about him in those places. Now I am scared, but his work situation here has been a nightmare the past few months...horrid chief that hates him, constant harrassment...in 20 years DH has never had a problem at work. Even w/ this deployment hanging over us we had a normal evening last night for the first time in months.

First, take a breath You can do this. It is so very hard to send your loved one away to a scary place. Trust me I know, lol. All in all Aghanstain has been built in several places with normal everyday bases that have popeyes chicken and baskin robins and burger king. They will have telephones and MWR tents with computers to email or IM home. He maybe even able to get internet in his room with a laptop. It's been a long time since my husband has been there.

I think that you need to make sure you have everything together including power of attorney, ID cards for you and the kids and any insurance stuff you need. Make some plans with any "extra" income that you have. Have a goal of a family vacation or a new patio or just something that ya'll can look forward to. I will also so about the R&R, he will have 15 days from the time his foot hits US soil. The time from getting there to here doesn't count in his leave. My husband has been gone 6 and half months and we still don't know but he is putting his soldiers out first. I just know between now and May 15.

I know that you can do this and how worried and scared you are. Just focus your energies on getting through each day. And if you ever want to PM me please feel free. Many of us here know exactly how you are feeling.

 

[phorsenuf]

phoresenuf,
We don't know yet where DH will be...his job is supposed to be escorting Army convoys, which sounds horribly dangerous. He trains in Mississippi for two months, then leaves for Afghanistan, so more info then. I'm glad to know he can come home, but we may meet in Germany, I don't want him wasting 2-3 days on jet lag/travel. Where was your son stationed in Germany ? We were at Ramstein in 1987, right across the road from Vogelweh. DH was in Bahrein for 6 months, Spain for 4 months, and Kuwait for 6 months, but I never worried about him in those places. Now I am scared, but his work situation here has been a nightmare the past few months...horrid chief that hates him, constant harrassment...in 20 years DH has never had a problem at work. Even w/ this deployment hanging over us we had a normal evening last night for the first time in months.

My son was stationed in Bamberg. He was there about 2 1/2 years. His unit was also supposed to do escort but at the last minute it got changed to customs, so anything can happen. Like LMG said, leave doesn't start till they hit US soil (if that's where he's going) So even tho he may get stuck in an airport for a couple of dys it doesn'r count against him.

I know its hard not to worry, but I try to keep in mind that the deaths in Afghanistan have been gretly reduced. Look it up if you can. While I certainly wouldn't say its a safe place its not as bad as Iraq.

My son has a nice room in an air conditioned building and has internet hookup in his room. He was able to get a cell phone too! They do have BK, Subway and places like that. He siad the PX is huge (bigger than the one in Germany) and they have a little marketplace too where I guess you can buy local stuff. Like I said, my son actually likes it there. Go figure....

 

[Longsx3]

phoresenuf,
I'm glad to know he can come home, but we may meet in Germany, I don't want him wasting 2-3 days on jet lag/travel. Where was your son stationed in Germany ? We were at Ramstein in 1987, right across the road from Vogelweh

FYI for R&R it is typically 2 weeks plus travel time, My DH's roommate was actually gone almost 3 weeks including travel.

We are justing finishing up an assigment at Ramstein, we are really going to miss it here.

 

[wide awake]

Thanks Longsxr, phoresenuf, and LovemyGoofy,
Your messages helped. Maybe he will come home, that gives him more safe days. I'm also glad to hear about possible internet connections...it seems so much more normal when you can communicate 5-6 times a day. DH said he wouldn't take the laptop, but now he may change his mind. More later, DH just got home. Thanks a bunch !!!

 

[jsmith]

okay let me throw some things out there that might help-1. Afghanistan-while not the safest place on the planet is much safer than iraq-MUCH safer. yes there have been a few people killed-but not many by comparison-my DH is getting ready for a second deployment and i would cheer if he were going to afghanistan.--
on R and R-the leave period is 15 days-it does not begin until the soldier picks up his forward travel at the gateway airport-i.e. atlanta or dallas-and ends when he checks back in there-so he doesnt use leave for travel time in the mid east and europe-you could of course meet him in europe but it will be VERY expensive-he likely wont have exact dates soon enough for you to purchase low fare tickets-and he will most likely want to come home
Lastly-hang in there-as someone else said the anticipation is much worse than the reality-and you find that you get into a routine adn the time passes pretty fast

 

[KT27]

My thoughts are with you & your family. I myself will be going through the samething in 5 mos. We are getting married at Disney & he will be headed to Iraq for a year. If you need anyone to talk to or just an ear to listen feel free to PM me.

 

[DawnCt1]

DH is in Iraq now and once he got into a pattern of calling home a couple of times a week, an occasional email, I felt much more comfortable about it than before he went. My brother was in Afghanistan with his Special Forces Unit for a year and he really enjoyed the people there. He enjoyed his deployment and he felt very appreciated by the Afghan people. Any deployment is nerve wracking but you will both be fine. The adjustment begins again when he comes home and you are used to doing things on your own schedule.

 

[wide awake]

Thanks to all who replied. DH actually left today, so we ended up w/ more time than we thought. I'm beginning to feel much better about the TDY, and he couldn't go on in the shop he was in...you know it is bad when a year TDY looks more attractive than staying home. Now that I have some free time I'm going to read up on Afghanistan and get some idea of what is going on and why. Somewhat OT...DH will be in Gulfport, Mississippi for training till May 20th...is it possible to visit them there near the end of their training, before they leave for overseas ? I've decided to do one of two things to keep myself occupied in the coming year...not that I'm not busy w/ a full-time job and an autistic son but...I'm going to get my Masters or prepare to take the Foreign Service exam...not that I want to join the Foreign Service, but the exam is the first step for many of the federal agencies.

 

[jsmith]

you can go to grad school and take the FSE-its really not THAT hard if you have a good back ground in history, keep up with current events and can write well-ive taken it a three times and made it to oral evaluations twice-its getting past the oral evals that kills you. Don't be mistaken however the FSE is used for hiring ONLY for the foreign service-it will not in anyway helpyou get other federal jobs. I did extremely well on it-the last time i made oral evals only the top 1/2 percent got orals-and it has not helped me in anyway get a federal job. the Civil Service exam may be the one you are thinking of.
if he is going to camp shelby for MSTCI training dont know if he will get leave before he goes or not or not-MSTCI's who train here-(ft carson colorado) deploy immediately at the end of the approximately 47 days of training-but you might be able to go while he is training

 

[Jynohn]

My DH just returned home from deployment in November and I know exactly what you mean about the waiting for it to begin one of the hardest parts. I knew for almost a year that he would eventually deploy, it was just a matter of when. It was always in the back of our minds long before he ever left. It was almost a relief when he started his deployment, then I knew I could finally begin the count down to his return home!

There are a lot of us here who have been through or are going through deployments, so you're never alone. I also found the military wives forum on www.military.com to be helpful while DH was away.

Your DH will be in my prayers for a safe return home.

Jynohn

 

[wide awake]

Hi,
Dh is at Camp Shelby, so we are still hoping to visit for a couple days and at least have dinner w/ him...we'll see what happens. DH is in a good mood, turns out someone in his group is a guy we last saw in Iceland in 1994, he gave us our going away presents...the Icelandic doll is still sitting on a raised counter w/ other travel items...

I will have to check out the military wive's site...

I was looking at info on the Foreign Service from 1993...at that point during the personal interview...after you passed the orals...three other agencies were offered. I checked out a few sites yesterday, obviously need to research further...but I'm thinking this is the way to go. I'm the standardized test queen, but the orals sound scary.

On a fun note...I made reservations for a WDW trip in Sept...took advantage of free dining...DH doesn't want to go so I don't feel guilty...booked two rooms, will take my mom w/ DS and I. Too nice...today the Hale Koa cancelled our reservations for 4/10-4/17 w/o penalty when I told them what was going on...in addition to the sudden appearance of DH's orders...we'd booked airfare through SunTrips and they've declared bankruptcy...so we can't even GET to Hawaii. The woman I talked to from SunTrips said we'd be getting our money back...had something to do w/ our trip being so close.

So things are looking up. DS and I had a ton of errands today...sent two packages to DH...one stuff he forgot, one w/ presents.

 

[medicgirl_911]

Sorry to hear that your hubby deployed, it is so hard! My husband returned from Iraq recently, he was injured by an IED and had to spend a lot of time at Womack Army Medical Center at Fort Bragg, but anyway thats a whole other subject. I just wanted to drop some advice I learned the hard way--don't follow the news to closely, I used to search the internet, watch CNN til my eyes were blurry, looking for things happening near my hubby and then worrying endlessly. Realize that at times, your hubby may not be able to communicate with you for a while, due to his duties. Sometimes they can give you a heads up, sometimes they can't. Family readiness groups are not always a good thing, so be on your toes with the spouses left at home. Don't get me wrong, I developed several wonderful friendships with a few spouses, and it really helped to have someone who truly understood what I was going thru. But on the negative, not everyone is going to be there 100% for their deployed soldier and look for hmmm replacements shall we say???, whatever problems in a marriage can really be escelated at this time, rumors can fly, so just watch who you get friendly with. You don't want your guy hearing rumors about you thousands of miles away. The grapevine is infamous so choose your actions carefully. About half my hubbys unit is in divorce proceedings as we speak, sad to say. There are many online forums similar ot this one where you can chat and make friends, and share expriences, and get the scoop from many spouses who have "been there and done that". I found one htat helpe tremendously. Personally I found the first 6 weeks to be hte hardest of the whole deployment. Take the time to do things with your child and family, take a classs you never thought about, make new recipes, etc. I will be praying for you and your hubby as I do all the soldiers, best of luck to you!

Tiffany

 

[wide awake]

Hi Tiffany,
Thanks for the heads-up...we live an hour from base so I am uninvolved w/ the base grapevine...or the help, which is hard. I loved living on base but w/ DS's autism we need to live in Sacramento to get services for him...so in one way we're protected, in another we're not. I hope your DH is going to be okay, I don't think people understand how wonderful normal life is until something threatens it...then you realize how precious it is. With a disabled DS I'm well aware of the us/them chasm...hope this is not one of your problems. I think you're right about following the news closely...I was going to check some things out this afternoon...then thought this is silly, DH won't be there for weeks, no sense getting upset until I have to.