Dena's **All My Reasons Why**Journal (Please Join Me!)

[ScoJo15]

Kim, Just wanted to congratulate you on your personal best in the 5k...that is so awesome!! And way to go with the weight loss!! 50 pounds is a great accomplishment! I bet you feel totally different and think of how much healthier you are now. Very inspiring. Keep up the great work and good luck in the 10k!!

 

[RunningLilo]

Reason #12
12. It feels great rewarding myself with new, smaller clothes!

Yesterday was my 26th and I got 2 amazing gifts:

The most important one was dd learned to sing Happy Birthday to You and sang it to "dear momma" her very first time! It melted my heart.

The second gift was weighing in at 186. I HAVE LOST 50 POUNDS!!! Actually 51, I guess the extra one was just one to grow on.

So I went shopping and got lots of new clothes. I bought 2 skirts, 2 shorts, 1 pair of pants, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 much needed bras (sorry tmi...i know), and 2 shirts. I'm now in a size 14/16 shirt and size 16 pants and I started in size 22/24 shirt and 24 pants. But I'm very sad to report that I'm shrinking out of Lane Bryant clothes. I love their clothes and they've always made shopping so easy. I wouldn't have to worry about searching all over to find an outfit that matched with both pieces in the right size. They always had everything. Now...I don't know where to shop. Express and Gap's clothes don't go up to 16 so I'm kinda stuck in between. I've just have to keep focused and make it down to 14. Did I mention that one of my huge goals is to make it into a pair of jeans from the Gap? I have NEVER fit in anything from their store. I am going to sit and cry in the dressing room the day it happens. I can't wait.

But for now I am super excited about losing 50! I cleaned out my closet and packed all the clothes away for whenever I get pregnant again. But for now I don't even want to look at them. I did pile them all on the couch and take a picture. It was like a mini mountain I had conquered. I'm gonna try to figure out how to post pics on here. I really want to share my progress. I'm so proud of me!!! Okay, back to being humble...

P.S. Did I mention that I talked dh into 3 days at Disney last week for spring break!?! We didn't even visit a park, but we had a GREAT time. We checked out POFQ & Riverside, Coronado Springs, went on the Disney Vacation Club tour at SSR, and did Downtown Disney. It was lots of fun. We also went to the McDonald's with a huge playplace. It was quite cool. Kayla loved it!

 

[RunningLilo]

Thanks to everyone who helped me make it to this mini-goal!

Scott- Thank you for the encouragement! I have been checking out your journal just haven't had the time to post lately. I'm a guilty lurker. You are doing great! I'll try to do better now that spring break is over and I'm getting back to the old routine.

Kim- Me- an inspiration?!? You made my day. Thanks so much for the encouragement during my pre-50lb struggle. You really helped me stay on track and not get too frustrated. Thanks for believing in me! I can't wait to hear about your first 5k. And girl, you can totally walk in them. Almost everyone does at some point. I found that I finished faster running 3 / walking 2 than running 3:30 / walking 2. It was weird. I guess I ran faster knowing that I only had to do it for 3 minutes. Keep me updated on which race you choose. I always look for ones with fun names. I'm saving my race shirts to make a quilt out of them and want the race names as quirky & interesting as possible. Have fun with it & I'm proud of you!!!

Amy- A huge hug to my old running buddy! Thanks for joining me on this journey. You've been more help than I could ever express. I think about you & your training daily...especially when I'm feeling lazy. I think to myself "Hmm...Amy is probably out there kicking the crap out of things and you are just sitting here...now GET UP and GO!"

Marie- Thanks for the kind words! Ahh...another Mommy runner. I love it when moms take the time for themselves to run. It shows that you really love your family because you want to be healthy to take care of them. Keep it up girl!

Julie- Thanks for reading my journal and checking on me!

 

[kimwim8]

Hi Dena!! It's good to hear from you!

The 5K I'm running in August is called the Guts & Glory 5K. Amy's running it too!! Maybe you could hop on a plane & join us?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, too!! Congrats on all you have going on. Your DD singing happy bday...OMG that would have started the water works for me!!!

My sister has been going to the nutritionist with me as well. She is at 49 pounds (as of today) and doing great. She started at a size 22 I believe. She is now a 14 or 16. She just started shopping at NY & Co. with me. Some of their clothes are number sized and some are S-M-L-XL. She is fitting in the XL pants and L tops. Maybe if you have one in your mall you could check it out. BOTH my sister and I cried recently in dressing rooms!

Thanks again, and keep on posting! I love to read your reasons!!

 

[lillygator]

Way to go on 50! That is awesome...I need to get back to racing...6 months after I had my first DD I did my first mini triathlon and first 5k, it was exhilirating!! I did a couple more after that and then got pg with DD#2 and haven't been back! You are insipiring me to find a race!!

BTW - I'm on the Gulf side of Florida!

 

[RunningLilo]

Reason #13
13. Dude, I'm finding bones all over my body.

Who the heck knew I was supposed to have bones? It all started with my collar bones. I was looking in the mirror the other day and poof there they were. I'm sure all you skinny people probably think I'm crazy, but until recently I couldn't feel or see any bones under my skin. Baffling, I know, right? So far I've discovered that I now have an outline of my ribs if I'm laying down, collar bones, I can feel my hip bone, and I love to play with my jaw bone that is no longer masked by fat. Geez, this post is so goofy , but hopefully someone can relate to this. Keep in mind that I am posting this at 5:00AM due to drinking tea w/caffeine with dinner. Dude, where's my sleep?!?!

Training Report:

Okay, so I chickened out of my 10k on April 22nd. (Ducks from Amy's kick to my head. ) DH and I threw off our training schedule by doing very little during spring break so I called and switched us to the 5k. So how stupid is this? We are driving from Jacksonville to almost Atlanta to do a 5k. I had planned for us to do the drive and stay there a few days to celebrate us being able to do a 10k. So now that is a ridiculous distance to drive for a 5k. Our New Year's resolution was to do 1 race per month so we have to have one for April. So it was either stay here and pay for another race or drive there and do the one we've already paid for. We decided to go ahead and go since the tshirt is bound to be cute: The Cheerios Challenge.

I picked out our upcoming races:

May- The Shrimp Festival 5k Fernandina Beach, FL
June- Yulee Days 10k Gainesville, FL (Yes, we're shooting for the 10k again!)

 

[RunningLilo]

Reason #14
14. Trying on clothes is no longer a chore.

I went to find an Easter dress today and every single size 16 I tried on fit my body. This is amazing to me. I used to have to try on a gazillion things before finding one that would fit and one that would fit if my mom moved the buttons over to give me more room. I am still in awe! Now if we only had money to buy some of the clothes...

 

[AmyBeth68]

Dena, You are doing SOOOO great! I'm really proud of you and your accomplishments! And way to go on your continued running!!!

 

[kimwim8]

Hey Dena! You're doing AWESOME!!

I totally cracked up with your "finding your bones" post. I love that one! And I can totally relate. I have a particular issue with my hip bones now (not that I'm complaining). But I can't sit the laundry basket on there anymore when I carry the wash upstairs!! It actually digs into my bone & hurts! So I guess the extra cushioning on my hips was good for something!!


Thanks for visiting my journal, and I apologize for not using your name in my post. It slipped my mind, so I called you by your screen name! I apologize - I'm BAD with names!!

 

[ScoJo15]

Dena -

Sorry to hear about the 10k....you are right, it's gonna be a long drive for just the 5k! You guys going to make a weekend out of it?? The Shrimp Festival 5k sounds pretty good....what is it with you and the food named races ??

But seriously, great job with the training...you are doing good!!

 

[AmyBeth68]

Hi Dena!

How are you doing girl? Was wondering how the training is coming along.

Do you have a race this weekend? My first 5K is on Saturday. Weather looks brutal . For some reason I thought you might be running too.

 

[ScoJo15]

Dena - Cheerio's Challenge today??

Hoping you have a great time and that you achieve whatever goal you set! Looks like the rain is holding off this morning so it should be a great time to run!

Let us know how it went!

 

[goldcupmom]

Hope you're having a good weekend, Dena. 50 lbs....WOW!!

 

[RunningLilo]

Copying my post from the weekly thread so I could keep track of it. This was a huge day for me:

DAVE, KRISTA, CARRIE, MINNIE, SCOTT, JODIE

I can honestly say that you guys are the ONLY reason I did my 5k this weekend.

The morning started off with one too many hits of the snooze button. We woke up way late. The thought of having to rush on top of the dreadful feelings and anxiety that I already had about this one convinced me that I was just going to skip it. But, as I laid there in bed thoughts of encouragement from you guys would not let me go back to sleep. I knew that this race was something I had to do. Not because of the challenge of the distance, but I had to fight those demons. The demons of not being good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough to run in front of my hometown. People in this town talk and this race could be committing social suicide. I was terrified.

We got to the race and as expected I couldn't find a single person I thought I could beat. This is a beach town where most everyone keeps themselves beach body ready. I made my dh take my pulse my heart was beating so fast. It just all seemed surreal to see people from high school again and to know I was about to line up next to them. To run. Unreal.

DH and I started in the middle of the pack. I figured it would at least let me have a few people behind me for a minute or so! Then we were off. The sun was hot, the ocean air was humid, and the course turned out to be a long there and back loop. Boring.

The interesting part came at the mile markers. The head of the high school socialites, my mental archrival if you will, was volunteering at mile marker 1 and 3 on the way back. I was going to have to run past her not once, but twice. Argh, I couldn't believe it. I still can't figure out why she of all people was there. It was like a sign from God that I could do this and get on with my life. I did all I knew how to do. I held my head high and just kept running. At that moment I ran into the next phase of my life. One where the past stays in the past. I have overcome.

I finished at 39:08. My fastest time yet, but time was not my victory.

I have pics of the day posted here.

Thanks again WISHers. Again, you have made a difference.

 

[ScoJo15]

Happy Mother's Day Dena!!

 

[kimwim8]

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

Have a great day!!

 

[RunningLilo]

Copying this post from the Training Thread:

Confession:

Okay, it's time to fess up and be brutally honest. I am not running anymore. I guess I have to say that since I haven't done a single run since my last 5k a month ago. And worse, I didn't run any to prepare for the previous one. So it's been 2 months and the only running I've done is my actual 2 5ks. Boy, that was hard to admit.

For some reason I'm scared to get out there again. I'm terrified of finding out that my body has regressed and that I will have to start all over with aching lungs and burning leg muscles. I think mentally I just got really bored with doing the same course over and over. I've been trying to will myself out there, but the fear has been more powerful and has kept me on the couch. I wonder if anyone else has experienced this.

I've hated watching from the sidelines as all my fellow WISHers are increasing their milage, and I'm almost certain I couldn't even make it 3 miles at this point. I also hate having to smile and lie when someone asks me how the running is going. "It's going great." Ugh!

I haven't lost a single pound in the past month. I've stayed on my diet pretty much, but I can tell the running was really helping. I've reached a point where I'm comfortable with my weight. Well, comfortable in the sense that it's thinner than I've been in a long time, but it's still no where near healthy. It is at a point where it will remain consistant even if I don't exercise. I'm afraid of going below this weight because it means I will have to exercise to keep it off for the rest of my life. I hate the embarrassment of yo-yo weightloss. Friends celebrating when you lose, and then thinking to themselves "well there she goes again" when it comes back on. I really don't know if I'm ready to commit to keep up a strict exercise regiment for the rest of my life. It would be so much easier to just stay at this weight even though I know it's not healthy. It doesn't hold that risk of embarrassment.

Anyone else ever hit this point in their training? If so, I would love to hear what you guys did to get over it. I told DH that we needed a Garmin so we could run anywhere. Maybe the variety would help, but we just don't have the $$ right now. Plus, it doen't fix the weight issue. Blah! I feel like such a whiner, but I really needed to give these feelings a voice. Thanks for listening.

 

[kimwim8]

Hugs to you Dena!! And I'm SO proud of you for posting what you're going through. I've thought about you, and wondered what was going on. I'm so glad it's just that you've stopped running, and not something more serious.

I know it sucks to stop. I've thought about it many times. And it sucks to get started again, knowing you can't just jump right back into the long distances you were doing before. But you CAN do it. You won't be starting back at square one. You'll be back into the flow of it in a few weeks!! You're already eating good, so this part will happen even easier than when you first started.

Thank you for updating us. We care about you, and will support you no matter what! Figure out a plan, and go from there.

Take care!!!

 

[RunningLilo]

Kim- thanks so much for the kind words. I loved your suggestion of just getting out there even for a slow walk. I think I'm gonna try that first to get a feel for things again before finding out how much stamina I've lost. Eeek! Thanks for taking the time to encourage me and for ing.

I've decided that my first step in renewing my commitment is to post in this journal the exercise I do for each day. Even if it is nothing at all. I need to face it in print, and hopefully it will encourage me to make some positive progress.

So here goes:

May 29, 2006- Nothing.

Blah!

 

[AmyBeth68]

DENA!!!

First of all.....we support you and want to hear from you even if you aren't out there doing the running or exercising. We've all had these moments in life and I just know that you'll be fine! Maybe just finding a plan that works for you and your life will help!!! My suggestion is that you start out trying a few new things in your weekly exercise routine to try and find something that you truly enjoy and mix in a nice walk a few times a week (you DO NOT have to run....Kim is right).

Keep posting Dena! We're here for you....maybe sign up for another event that requires more training. LIke a 10K or something in September. That gives you loads of time to train slowly while still giving you a reason to train!!! Good luck sweetie!!! We're here for you