Demanding in-laws, Am I too touchy?

[hydster]

Do we have the same inlaws??????????????? I HATE HATE HATE my inlaws with a passion and they too have the "You owe me" thing going on! I could go on and on and on for days on stuff they've done to us and expected us to do and it still goes on to this day...I honestly feel your pain!!!!

My inlaws still try to rule our lives in every way shape and form and my dh is too big of a wuss to tell them to back off so either I do it and it gets ugly or he and I fight and it get's ugly. We've told the inlaws that we fight about it and they could care less as it's always my fault that I am fighting them and never the other way around.

My inlaws thought NOTHING of sticking us with $35,000.00 in debt It is too complicated to go into on an Internet BB but it stunk! I hate my inlaws and unfortunately unless they have a freak accident they are still too young to die of natural elderly causes.

Good luck to you..wish I had a solution because then I'd use it for myself as well!

Heidi

 

[2MuchOhana]

No, I don't think you are being too touchy. All you are saying is that you want to be treated with respect. IMHO that is not too much ask for.

Good Luck to You!

 

[Kay7979]

Thanks for the comments so far, everyone. I believe that no matter what, it doesn't hurt anyone to say, "would you mind?" or "would you be able to?" rather than taking the attitude that it goes without saying that we are automatically expected to take rental calls or install locks or whatever because we're relatives.

The part where I get into a gray area is the concept that because we may someday inherit the house, the work we are doing is "for all of our mutual benefit," so DH should cheerfully be errand boy and repair man. I shouldn't make it sound like he gets calls to do things all the time, but lately it has been more frequent because long time tenants moved out about a year ago, and new prospective tenants are fussier about the condition of the house. The last two sets of tenants only lasted 5-6 months. From the in-laws' viewpoint, they probably think Gee, we'll be giving you the house for free some day, why shouldn't you be willing to contribute toward the investment now rather than have it handed to you on a silver platter? I'm not sure how to answer that logic. How do we say politely that there are no guarantees that we will inherit it, and regardless, most people aren't expected to work in exchange for an inheritance. It's awkward. Being left a house isn't like being left stocks or bonds.

I used to bristle when they would call and tell DH he needed to go over to the house and do this or that, because it seemed like he was being treated like their employee. Part of the problem is that they live about 1 1/2 hours from the rental house, and we are "only" about 40 minutes away. It was a couple years ago that they brought up the "you'll be inheriting it, so it's for your own benefit" angle. I guess I had never thought about it like that before, and in any case I hope they live long enough to need to sell the house some day and live off the money. I really don't mind helping out some, and would mind it less if we weren't so busy with our own two houses, but it's the being told, not asked that rubs me the wrong way.

 

[ahutton]

Sending some inlaw PD your way. We'll be needing a ton here in Texas too, so I've ordered in bulk. DH and I are blessed to have my family, who believes it is all about family, to counteract his "we want" it is all about them family. Yesterday they told us they have been planning a large family reunion/80th bday party for his Grandfather on Christmas, and expected us to come. Challenge is back in May we told them we are expecting our 3rd baby, due January 15th but have already been told I'll be induced before the New Year. They live 1100 miles away, and are actually upset and gave (heck-are giving) DH a difficult time about not coming for Christmas with our kids. DH doesn't want to leave me home alone that close to my due date, and CERTAINLY knows I would be crushed if he and the kids were away for Christmas and wants us to all be together. But he is torn, because they are the types who, when angry, make him feel like they don't love him anymore, and no matter how many times he says he doesn't care about it, he does.

And I still don't get why we didn't hear about the party until yesterday, which was DH birthday. For this much of his family to be anyplace at one time has taken significantly more planning than us hearing for the first time yesterday. Okay - vent off!

If I ever figure out the solution to make everyone happy I'll post it, write a book and retire on the proceeds! But it will be free for all my DIS friends!

**hugs**

 

[Missy1961]

Gee, sometimes I'm glad I'm not married........

 

[wilderness01]

ahutton~we have the same in-laws don't we?

 

[Deb & Bill]

You could go ahead and rent the house to someone for a ridiculously low price.

 

[soccerchick]

Hmmm...how about trying a little of the reverse psychology that works so well with my 4 yo DD....

When your in-laws bring up the inheritance line, why not reply with a "we'd much rather that you spend your inheritance now on yourselves and enjoy life...we don't need it" and see what their reaction is.

Also, I know that rental properties are often the best investments people have (my parents included), but it might be time to sell. Another *innocent* comment could be "Well, if YOU can no longer handle it, perhaps you should sell it."

Good luck ~ Family always keeps life interesting!