Debt Dumpers - 2017

[McMonsters]

I'm in!!!!! Ready to focus this year!

 

[piccolopat]

Ugh, @Jen and Ashwin I'm sorry. That is so frustrating. You are right though, only they can make the decision to change. Hopefully it's not too late for them to turn things around. At least you could help them with the life insurance and get them pointed in the right direction.

I was also frustrated with my MIL in this past weekend during Christmas, though slightly different circumstances. FIL has not worked since his heart attack in June, and it's looking increasingly unlikely that he will ever be able to return to work based on his current mental status. Or at least not in the foreseeable future. He was self-employed and the breadwinner, so they are now down to MIL's salary. While it's certainly not poverty levels, it's the median U.S. income to support both of them and BIL who is 20 and living at home to take care of FIL during the day (so a full-time job in itself).

MIL insisted that she was going to buy us something for Christmas, so I finally agreed that she could get us an on-sale, very reasonably priced grill for our house. I gave specific instructions that she could only buy that and no surprise "Santa" gifts for the dog, as she usually does. So what does she show up to our house with? The grill. And a shirt for me, a new set of pots and pans for us, and $200 cash in an envelope! I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I was literally so mad. She told me back when FIL had his heart attack that they had enough money to get them through the end of the year if he couldn't work anymore. Well, guess what? IT'S THE END OF THE YEAR. She kept trying to tell me how we needed the money to pay bills. No. We make THREE TIMES what you're currently making. YOU need the money. Not to mention the pots and pans. We have told all of my friends and family so many times not to buy us any household goods because we live in a very small one room log cabin and we literally do not have kitchen cabinets (not joking).

I really don't intend to be ungrateful or mean because I know she was doing this out of the kindness of her heart, but I was beyond irritated. I love my in-laws like they're my own parents, and I would have absolutely no problem whatsoever contributing to their household expenses if she told me they needed help. But don't just give your money away after you promised me you wouldn't do that! FIL spent 8 weeks in the hospital and is still receiving a lot of therapy and counseling, so I know the bills are only adding up. I would've been much happier if they had just shown up at our house for Christmas with nothing for us. It is a gift enough that my FIL is still alive to see Christmas.

ETA: Jen, I am glad you got the loan fiasco settled though! I know that was really frustrating for you both last year.

I really understand your frustration. I told DD and SIL not to get us anything for Christmas because we didn't need anything and they need the money. Of course they didn't listen. Thankfully they didn't spend a lot but still I would rather they used it for the new tires DD needs on her car.

I did want to comment on your FIL's situation, Since he was self-employed and the breadwinner, he should have purchased disability insurance that would provide an income for life if he couldn't work any longer. Disability insurance is something most workers should consider to see if it makes sense for their family situation.

 

[piccolopat]

Come to think of it, I probably should introduce myself. I've been reading this forum, and occasionally commenting, for some time now. I am very lucky in that DH and I overcame our debt issues several years ago. Our only debt is our mortgage and that would have been paid off if we didn't expand the house. We needed a bit more space but with MIL living downstairs we didn't want to move. We didn't know at the time that she would pass away less than a year after the project was done and we now have too much space. DD and SIL may take the apartment this year so we're still staying put for now. Anything they give us will help as the property taxes here are ridiculous.

As much as we have been debt free, I find it helpful to remind myself of what it was like to be in debt. Even though my retirement account is well funded and we have enough savings to cover our living expenses for almost 2 years, it would be too easy to get back into debt. As it is, I may retire in 2017 instead of 2018 or 2019 since my job is moving from Manhattan to Jersey City. That will increase my commute from 3 1/2 hours a day to 5+ hours. I'm hoping they will let me work form home 3 days a week up from my current 1 but if they don't I really have to consider retiring. I may use my vacation days to minimize the days I have to commute each week to get me closer to 2018 when I turn 59 1/2 and can begin 401k withdrawals. Otherwise that savings account will have to be used to get us there. I'm really not looking to start a new job at this point especially since DH is already retired.

Every little bit of savings helps. Thanks for sharing your stories and suggestions!

 

[bababear_50]

I'm in for 2017.
I just finished doing the totals for Christmas 2017 and I went over 700.00.
So I will once again be paying off my credit card in the new year.
Christmas was lovely and I enjoyed everyone but I feel such a sense of I must do it all and being a single mom and Nana is setting myself up for unrealistic hardship and goals. So we had a Christmas breakfast chat.
No gift giving for anyone who joins our week in Cuba Jan 2018 next year.(week after Christmas).
Yep we are each paying our own way for a week away --family time experience--no phones--computers and just some fun in the sun.
I will actually come out ahead financially doing this.
I am just going to have to live very frugally the next few months:
: limit my allowable spending on my granddaughter .
: scrap eating out at restaurants
: scrap the birthday gift over spending.
: cut two coffees a day to 1 occasionally
:I raised my 2 sons who live at home rent by 25 dollars a month each,,my maintenance fee went up $50.00 a month.
: starting a V.I.P account for me via credit union to save for Cuba ($35 x2) a month.
Work is up and down right now--a new principal starts in Jan--I will wait and see how things go. I could save money transferring next Sept to a school closer to home,,,,BUT a good admin makes the world of difference in my field.
Best wishes everyone in their 2017 Life and Budget Goals.
Hugs Mel

 

[DisneyMandC]

I did want to comment on your FIL's situation, Since he was self-employed and the breadwinner, he should have purchased disability insurance that would provide an income for life if he couldn't work any longer. Disability insurance is something most workers should consider to see if it makes sense for their family situation.

I agree with you that he should have purchased it. Unfortunately, it's too little, too late for that. I'm not sure when he will start receiving disability, but the estimate for that is a decent amount.

 

[bababear_50]

Wondering if I can comment on "parents" "older folks"
I am 57 young.
Mom to 3 and Nana to one
Pride and traditions are hard made and hard to give up.
I had to opportunity of canceling my disability plan through work but took the time to research it and choose not to.
I am fortunate to have jumped on a chance to start a career 22 years ago that offered a pension,,although with the cost of living I am not sure when i will be able to retire.
I so worry about women and their lack of knowledge regarding finances. Most women outlive their husbands and
are often shocked and dismayed at what they've actually worked all their lives towards.
When dealing with finances please include your moms in all discussions.
I live in the GTA greater Toronto area (own 3/4 of my own home) and unless you are looking for a very small condo 250.000 buys you very very little.
Most seniors can not afford the monthly maintenance fees.Here in Canada we are going to see some horrrible situations for our seniors and I really don't know what the solution is. My sister does home care for seniors and she sees the hardships these beautiful people live with each day.(and loneliness).
Thanks for listening
Hugs Mel

Something to consider--many people are talking about this,,,,,,rent instead of home ownership.
For investing and savings banking I deal with Tangerine, Credit Union and two major Canadian banks.

In Canada you can apply for a disabilities pension
https://www.canada.ca/en/employment-social-development/services/benefits/disability/living.html
The Canada Pension Plan (CPP) Disability Benefits are available to individuals who have made enough contributions to the Canada Pension Plan, and whose disability prevents them from working at any job on a regular basis. The disability must be long lasting or likely to result in death.

 

[piccolopat]

I agree with you that he should have purchased it. Unfortunately, it's too little, too late for that. I'm not sure when he will start receiving disability, but the estimate for that is a decent amount.

Social Security Disability can take a while to get approved and may be denied at first. It took my friend almost two years before she got approved. Good luck!

 

[DisneyMandC]

I so worry about women and their lack of knowledge regarding finances. Most women outlive their husbands and
are often shocked and dismayed at what they've actually worked all their lives towards.
When dealing with finances please include your moms in all discussions.

You are so right. And not even just older women. I used to work in family law and, sad to say, it was always astounding to me how many younger women were unaware of what their husbands had been doing with the finances. Of course I'm not saying that is the case for all women or anyone on this board, but it was truly sad. I remember one poor woman only found out that her husband hadn't been paying the mortgage when her neighbor brought her the newspaper showing a foreclosure notice for their home. It is definitely true what they say about money being the number one cause of fights in a marriage. I certainly saw more people arguing over who would take which debt rather than who got which vacation home.

 

[bababear_50]

You are so right. And not even just older women. I used to work in family law and, sad to say, it was always astounding to me how many younger women were unaware of what their husbands had been doing with the finances. Of course I'm not saying that is the case for all women or anyone on this board, but it was truly sad. I remember one poor woman only found out that her husband hadn't been paying the mortgage when her neighbor brought her the newspaper showing a foreclosure notice for their home. It is definitely true what they say about money being the number one cause of fights in a marriage. I certainly saw more people arguing over who would take which debt rather than who got which vacation home.

After 17 years of marriage and on my 4oth Birthday I walked away with nothing (money that is),,, but I have been fortunate enough to rebuild.
I've read so much about retirement and finances now and I am still learning something new everyday.
Hugs Mel


Here is a good site for canadian seniors looking for rates.
https://www.ratehub.ca/savings-accounts/accounts/senior

 

[PrincessKymm]

Yes please talk to all women in your life about money! My situation is a bit different but had my aunt talked money to me years ago like she does now, I would be in much better shape.

I'm a single mom and I make a decent wage and I receive child support regularly. Sometimes its late and sometimes its missing but mostly it's on time and available for my budget. My mom is disabled and very slowly getting better with money. She relies on me and my grandfather to help her. My sister is a HOT MESS when it comes to finances but shows little to no interest in changing her habits. Never mind she owes a total of $6k in debts and could be debt free in less than 2 years if she tried even a little. (Can you feel the frustration!?!?). My family is terrible with money, me included, but I'm in much better shape than I was 6 years ago when I was married and handled the finances. Hubby didn't want to know anything so it was all up to me. I hate handling the finances and the bills BUT I will never, ever, let one person in any future relationship handle the money. It definitely has to be a team effort or I'm out. lol

I should in no way owe what I owe but my solution in a crisis is to put it on a credit card and worry later. Crises to me are: My son's health, my mom's health, *oh ***** moments and my car. My goal for 2017 is to not use my credit cards except in a true emergency and MAYBE on my girls trip. I have a feeling 5 days with my sister will result in a large bar tab. I received $125 in gift cards for shopping though so that will help curb my spending. I have started journaling again and I feel like it's helping me keep my life in order, including finances. I'm making me a priority this year so that includes facing my shopping problem. I shop when I'm sad....no more! Time to turn my life around.

I'm working on my 5 year plan...DS will be in college in 5 years! EEEP!!! I would like to figure out what I want to do when I grow up (I'm only 32) and I want to come up with a plan to achieve it.

 

[gemini2727]

I'm in too! One daughter started college, another two heading that way, so I need to get serious about saving as much as possible. Need to stay focused and cut unnecessary spending (I'm not a spender, but my husband is a bit more, so have to work on him!)

 

[Aurora_Australis]

Any tips on how to get a partner/spouse on board?

Thinking of going back to what we did when we were first together and getting an allowance of money each as DHs ideas about cutting back on personal spending are very different to mine! Our trip is in 3 months and already this week at home visiting family he's organised 2 dinners with friends and 2 movie sessions. At the cinema that is twice the price of the one we usually go to and tonight he's lined up dinner at some stupid burger joing where he gets his huge $$$ burger free if he eats it in 8mins. He won't and we'll shell out.

I just feel like the whole money saving thing is up to me and then I will go without stuff to make up for it, which I resent.

 

[Bigwands]

Hulloo,

I'm new to this, but I'm hoping at least putting my goals down somewhere will help motivate me this year. Technically I've just got my student debt that I'm chipping away at (So far I've managed to get the 10 years down to 9 ), but DH has a car and shiny new "consolidation loan" that was step 1 in digging us out of a tight spot. No credit cards because of it, which has already made a huge difference.

In 2017 I want to:
Keep up with my current increased student loan payments
Start saving for a house
Help with Consolidation Loan repayment

Not super ambitious, but it's a start.

 

[Eureka]

@Jen and Ashwin that's enough to make your head spin! As frustrating as it all is, aren't you kind of glad you know now how it all is? I mean, you can't make them do anything but at least you probably have some idea how it's all going to play out in the future and you can prepare for it. (As a side note, do they know about your ivf journey? Just curious bc of how expensive it is, yet you've been able to save for it, which they seemingly haven't managed to do - not trying to be mean...)

 

[Eureka]

Any tips on how to get a partner/spouse on board?

Thinking of going back to what we did when we were first together and getting an allowance of money each as DHs ideas about cutting back on personal spending are very different to mine! Our trip is in 3 months and already this week at home visiting family he's organised 2 dinners with friends and 2 movie sessions. At the cinema that is twice the price of the one we usually go to and tonight he's lined up dinner at some stupid burger joing where he gets his huge $$$ burger free if he eats it in 8mins. He won't and we'll shell out.

I just feel like the whole money saving thing is up to me and then I will go without stuff to make up for it, which I resent.

That's a tough one. DH and I are in the same page when it comes to the major stuff, but some of the everyday stuff still boggles my mind, like how much he spends (cumulatively) on his morning bagel and fast food lunch (not to mention the unhealthy aspect). But, we can afford it so I don't get into it anymore bc it's not worth the argument. I also know if we didn't have the money, he would cut back because he doesn't like to be in debt.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

Any tips on how to get a partner/spouse on board?

Thinking of going back to what we did when we were first together and getting an allowance of money each as DHs ideas about cutting back on personal spending are very different to mine! Our trip is in 3 months and already this week at home visiting family he's organised 2 dinners with friends and 2 movie sessions. At the cinema that is twice the price of the one we usually go to and tonight he's lined up dinner at some stupid burger joing where he gets his huge $$$ burger free if he eats it in 8mins. He won't and we'll shell out.

I just feel like the whole money saving thing is up to me and then I will go without stuff to make up for it, which I resent.

To get my husband more involved with the finances after we got married, we started using ynab.com. I am a few years older than him, have been living on my own for a while and just have more money experience, but I wanted him involved. I wanted it to be a team. He used to whine that I was being so mean, not letting us do this thing or that thing. Once I set up our YNAB budget, he could see exactly how much money that we had and exactly how it was being spent. He soon realized that I wasn't the bad guy. Once that happened, we got very united towards our goal of paying off our credit card debt and DH's student loan. We both agreed to be frugal and forego personal allowance until those goals were met. We accomplished both in 7 months. Now we both get a monthly allowance to spend as we wish, completely seperate from each other. We agreed to the rule that you can never borrow from more than one month's future allowance, so that if you want a big purchase, you need to save for it.

DH took to YNAB pretty quickly too. I manage the regular budgeting work within the software and we have weekly budget meetings to review what I have done and how we are doing financially. And DH uses the phone app to add any transactions he makes while he is out. Its been great and I don't have to bug him about what he spent or to give me reciepts, etc.

 

[disneyduonj]

I'm a big fan of YNAB too

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

@Jen and Ashwin that's enough to make your head spin! As frustrating as it all is, aren't you kind of glad you know now how it all is? I mean, you can't make them do anything but at least you probably have some idea how it's all going to play out in the future and you can prepare for it. (As a side note, do they know about your ivf journey? Just curious bc of how expensive it is, yet you've been able to save for it, which they seemingly haven't managed to do - not trying to be mean...)

I do actually feel relieved, because now I know pretty much everything there is to know about my in-laws finances. I know how much they have in retirement savings, I know how much they owe towards the mortgage and other debts, I know what they are spending on a regular basis. And I now know that FIL is prone to very bad financial decisions that he doesn't really fully understand. And knowing these things will help us prepare because we both know that we will have to help them at some point in some way. We have decided that one of the best ways that we can help them is to pay off our mortgage faster (in the next 10 years) so that we are in a good financial position once it is likely that they can no longer work.

As for the IVF stuff, we actually told them when we were visiting. DH wanted to tell them in person so we waited until our visit. FIL got really upset and said that there were things we could do (like folk remedies) and that the doctors were just taking advantage of us. I am so glad that DH doesn't have these narrow, anti-science ideas. DH said that his dad is too trusting of all the wrong people, refering to the guy who sold him the life insurance, and not trusting of those who actually can help. This isn't meant to be racist, but rather to explain my observations. DH's parents only go to other Indian people for pretty much anything. Taxes, life insurance, home repairs, car repairs, etc. And they seem to put more faith in the person's skin color than if they are actually a reputable person that had their client's best interests in mind. I have seen so many times when FIL has been cheated, such as the life insurance. That guy took advantage of FIL and sold him a policy that he didn't need, I am sure because he got a nice commission for selling the policy.

I take a very different approach. When I need something, I do a lot of research to make sure that the person or company that I interact with is reputable and will be able to meet my needs at the price I can afford. I don't take into account race or gender in my decisions, because that is no guarantee of integrity.

 

[Shmily1]

I'm in! I had mine down pretty good, then must have lost my mind and now it's not so good. Oh, well. I'll regroup and start again Sunday.

 

[colormegreen]

I'm ready to start this Sunday! Well, officially. I'm already budgeting and seeing where I'm going to cut off stuff and make my payments. A little bigger. I have an additional card as the husband had a car accident and we had to repair his truck. Luckily, we had a third card already, therefore we didn't have to rent or have to lose days of work..