McMonsters
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2013
I'm in!!!!! Ready to focus this year!
Ugh, @Jen and Ashwin I'm sorry. That is so frustrating. You are right though, only they can make the decision to change. Hopefully it's not too late for them to turn things around. At least you could help them with the life insurance and get them pointed in the right direction.
I was also frustrated with my MIL in this past weekend during Christmas, though slightly different circumstances. FIL has not worked since his heart attack in June, and it's looking increasingly unlikely that he will ever be able to return to work based on his current mental status. Or at least not in the foreseeable future. He was self-employed and the breadwinner, so they are now down to MIL's salary. While it's certainly not poverty levels, it's the median U.S. income to support both of them and BIL who is 20 and living at home to take care of FIL during the day (so a full-time job in itself).
MIL insisted that she was going to buy us something for Christmas, so I finally agreed that she could get us an on-sale, very reasonably priced grill for our house. I gave specific instructions that she could only buy that and no surprise "Santa" gifts for the dog, as she usually does. So what does she show up to our house with? The grill. And a shirt for me, a new set of pots and pans for us, and $200 cash in an envelope! I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I was literally so mad. She told me back when FIL had his heart attack that they had enough money to get them through the end of the year if he couldn't work anymore. Well, guess what? IT'S THE END OF THE YEAR. She kept trying to tell me how we needed the money to pay bills. No. We make THREE TIMES what you're currently making. YOU need the money. Not to mention the pots and pans. We have told all of my friends and family so many times not to buy us any household goods because we live in a very small one room log cabin and we literally do not have kitchen cabinets (not joking).
I really don't intend to be ungrateful or mean because I know she was doing this out of the kindness of her heart, but I was beyond irritated. I love my in-laws like they're my own parents, and I would have absolutely no problem whatsoever contributing to their household expenses if she told me they needed help. But don't just give your money away after you promised me you wouldn't do that! FIL spent 8 weeks in the hospital and is still receiving a lot of therapy and counseling, so I know the bills are only adding up. I would've been much happier if they had just shown up at our house for Christmas with nothing for us. It is a gift enough that my FIL is still alive to see Christmas.
ETA: Jen, I am glad you got the loan fiasco settled though! I know that was really frustrating for you both last year.
I did want to comment on your FIL's situation, Since he was self-employed and the breadwinner, he should have purchased disability insurance that would provide an income for life if he couldn't work any longer. Disability insurance is something most workers should consider to see if it makes sense for their family situation.
I agree with you that he should have purchased it. Unfortunately, it's too little, too late for that. I'm not sure when he will start receiving disability, but the estimate for that is a decent amount.
I so worry about women and their lack of knowledge regarding finances. Most women outlive their husbands and
are often shocked and dismayed at what they've actually worked all their lives towards.
When dealing with finances please include your moms in all discussions.
You are so right. And not even just older women. I used to work in family law and, sad to say, it was always astounding to me how many younger women were unaware of what their husbands had been doing with the finances. Of course I'm not saying that is the case for all women or anyone on this board, but it was truly sad. I remember one poor woman only found out that her husband hadn't been paying the mortgage when her neighbor brought her the newspaper showing a foreclosure notice for their home. It is definitely true what they say about money being the number one cause of fights in a marriage. I certainly saw more people arguing over who would take which debt rather than who got which vacation home.
That's a tough one. DH and I are in the same page when it comes to the major stuff, but some of the everyday stuff still boggles my mind, like how much he spends (cumulatively) on his morning bagel and fast food lunch (not to mention the unhealthy aspect). But, we can afford it so I don't get into it anymore bc it's not worth the argument. I also know if we didn't have the money, he would cut back because he doesn't like to be in debt.Any tips on how to get a partner/spouse on board?
Thinking of going back to what we did when we were first together and getting an allowance of money each as DHs ideas about cutting back on personal spending are very different to mine! Our trip is in 3 months and already this week at home visiting family he's organised 2 dinners with friends and 2 movie sessions. At the cinema that is twice the price of the one we usually go to and tonight he's lined up dinner at some stupid burger joing where he gets his huge $$$ burger free if he eats it in 8mins. He won't and we'll shell out.
I just feel like the whole money saving thing is up to me and then I will go without stuff to make up for it, which I resent.
Any tips on how to get a partner/spouse on board?
Thinking of going back to what we did when we were first together and getting an allowance of money each as DHs ideas about cutting back on personal spending are very different to mine! Our trip is in 3 months and already this week at home visiting family he's organised 2 dinners with friends and 2 movie sessions. At the cinema that is twice the price of the one we usually go to and tonight he's lined up dinner at some stupid burger joing where he gets his huge $$$ burger free if he eats it in 8mins. He won't and we'll shell out.
I just feel like the whole money saving thing is up to me and then I will go without stuff to make up for it, which I resent.
@Jen and Ashwin that's enough to make your head spin! As frustrating as it all is, aren't you kind of glad you know now how it all is? I mean, you can't make them do anything but at least you probably have some idea how it's all going to play out in the future and you can prepare for it. (As a side note, do they know about your ivf journey? Just curious bc of how expensive it is, yet you've been able to save for it, which they seemingly haven't managed to do - not trying to be mean...)