Dealing with friends that well are.... in a word... Cheap

[LovesTimone]

So let me back up a second...

We have some friends that are really nice people and fun to hang out with, both are really nice, and have a great since of adventure, great sense of humor... he is absolutely hysterical... lately their cheapness is wearing out it welcome with us and others in our group of friends...

They are extremely cheap..

So you are wondering is it a money problem... No, he make well over 6+ figures, and she make over 6 figures, they live in a nice home, typical Fl. home 3 bed 2 bath with a pool... but its not extravagant or anything, just to 2 of them and their dogs, nice cars but nothing crazy...

When going out to eat at a nice restaurant with them is a nightmare... so normally we cook out at each other houses... just so that we can eat in peace... and not be embarrassed... If we do go out to eat... It goes like this, - "What no bread basket, that just ridiculous, can't they give you some bread"... They will not order a appetizer, and normally DH and I order a appetizer to share, and he is like wow that looks great, it should for 14.00 bucks or whatever... which DH and I final have gotten to were we just say yep soooo good, you should have gotten one, and we use to offer them some, not anymore...

They complain about the cost of literally everything... and telling you what your spending, or make a comment like that beer is 8 or 10 dollars...wow, your going to spend 50.00 bucks on a steak...

So normally we stick to thing that are all inclusive, like resorts in the Caribbean, or Cruises - when we travel with them... its just easier... this way everyone can pick their own room price point and you don't have to worry about meals, and such... He pitched a fit when we got back on the ship in Nassau, and they would not let him take the booze he bought back to the room... DH and I said we will see you guys at dinner, and left them there arguing with the security guys.. they did not come to dinner that night they ate the buffet...and would not hang out with us, because we were paying ridiculous price for drinks...

Don't even mention the cost of airfare... If we have to fly somewhere, we never fly together everyone has there favorite airline, points and all.. as they like the budget airline, and will take 12 hours to get somewhere to save like 40 or 50 dollars... Last time a big group of us went to Vegas( way before covid), they wanted someone to wait at the airport for 4 hours so that they could split a uber, to which everyone was like no...

Same Vegas trip... We all stayed at Mirage this trip, and they wanted to share a room with someone... which of course no couple wants to share a room with another couple... for goodness sake its vegas... so they decided to stay at Treasure Island.. which is fine, yet they complained that they had to walk over to meet us, they would not pay for the show we all decided on before the trip, they waited to get discount tickets and the show was sold out, then got kinda upset that we all went without them... they only wanted to eat in the food court, which is fine just not every meal...we wanted to check some of the great restaurants, We went to eat at a middle of the road restaurant some Irish pub place for late lunch, and he was like I'm not paying 20 bucks for a Ruben sandwich, the server was like it is really a large sandwich and you could share it if you like, so they sat there and shared a beer, while we all ate, then wanted us to sit in the food court while they split a hot dog meal... which of course no-one did, we all headed for the gaming floor... They wanted to go to bed at like 10:00 pm, and be up at like 5:00 to hit the gym, which is fine for them... the rest of us just do whatever and meet up whenever... thus separate rooms...

I understand that it's their money and spend it or not spend it how they want to... The problem is lately them over stepping has really gotten out of control...

So what I mean by the above... most of our group has like some type of big box warehouse membership, BJ's, Sam's or Costo - and she will call up someone up and say hey are you going to Sam's or where-ever, then ask if you can swing by and pick her up and let her use your card... This has been going on for a long time it's just getting worse and worse, its like they expect it... last week I went to BJ's and she called me and said, why didn't you tell me you were going to BJ's, I guess some how she found out and said you could have picked me up and I could have went with you... and I was not feeling very good that day she called, I was dealing with a sinus headache that day, and really wasn't in the mood to play nice... and I said, I did not realize that I needed to call you to ask for your permission to use my card that I pay for at BJ's, and be your taxi service while I was at it... Why don't you just get your own dang card... then I said I have to go, I think I'm going to throw up... and I hung up the phone... LOL...

The other two things is that they never offer to drive at all any more, its like everyone is expected just to pick them up if we are all going to the airport, they will not drive their car, and pay for parking, they want to ride with you, and never offer to pay half the parking, they went on a trip with some friends not long ago, and he was like hey since I drove way over to your house to pick you guys up, you can pick up the parking tab, they were like you were going to park here with or without us, why should we pay for you to park your car... Needless to say, our friends told them to use Uber to get home... Second they never want to host at their house and if they do basically they have everyone bring enough food and they end up just eating what we bring...I will say that they do offer and will clean up when they are at your house, which is nice... Last weekend we decided to stay home, and skip a BBQ that we were invited to... they were suppose to bring enough of some sort of salad for like 15 to 20 people, as well as whatever they wanted to drink adult beverages wise... they took a medium container of Publix macaroni salad, not even the large container ... and that was it, and helped themselves to whatever everyone else brought with the adult beverages... My friend was so mad and She is a firecracker, and she said something to him about it, his response was that there was plenty of food for everyone, and would she mind if they took a plate home, to which she answered - No, I'm not okay with that...

So would you say anything to them, or just over look it...

 

[Christine]

Oh, I couldn't deal with that. I can be a blunt person and call people out if things get bad. This would hit the mark for me. Unfortunately, they'll probably stop being friends with you. But I'd have to say: Look, we love you guys, love to spend time with you, etc, but your frugality is getting a bit hard to deal with and it borders on taking advantage of us sometimes. While we don't have issues with you doing your own thing to save a few bucks. you need to stop trying to use us to help with that.

 

[nicolita3]

So let me back up a second...

We have some friends that are really nice people and fun to hang out with, both are really nice, and have a great since of adventure, great sense of humor... he is absolutely hysterical... lately their cheapness is wearing out it welcome with us and others in our group of friends...

They are extremely cheap..

So you are wondering is it a money problem... No, he make well over 6+ figures, and she make over 6 figures, they live in a nice home, typical Fl. home 3 bed 2 bath with a pool... but its not extravagant or anything, just to 2 of them and their dogs, nice cars but nothing crazy...

When going out to eat at a nice restaurant with them is a nightmare... so normally we cook out at each other houses... just so that we can eat in peace... and not be embarrassed... If we do go out to eat... It goes like this, - "What no bread basket, that just ridiculous, can't they give you some bread"... They will not order a appetizer, and normally DH and I order a appetizer to share, and he is like wow that looks great, it should for 14.00 bucks or whatever... which DH and I final have gotten to were we just say yep soooo good, you should have gotten one, and we use to offer them some, not anymore...

They complain about the cost of literally everything... and telling you what your spending, or make a comment like that beer is 8 or 10 dollars...wow, your going to spend 50.00 bucks on a steak...

So normally we stick to thing that are all inclusive, like resorts in the Caribbean, or Cruises - when we travel with them... its just easier... this way everyone can pick their own room price point and you don't have to worry about meals, and such... He pitched a fit when we got back on the ship in Nassau, and they would not let him take the booze he bought back to the room... DH and I said we will see you guys at dinner, and left them there arguing with the security guys.. they did not come to dinner that night they ate the buffet...and would not hang out with us, because we were paying ridiculous price for drinks...

Don't even mention the cost of airfare... If we have to fly somewhere, we never fly together everyone has there favorite airline, points and all.. as they like the budget airline, and will take 12 hours to get somewhere to save like 40 or 50 dollars... Last time a big group of us went to Vegas( way before covid), they wanted someone to wait at the airport for 4 hours so that they could split a uber, to which everyone was like no...

Same Vegas trip... We all stayed at Mirage this trip, and they wanted to share a room with someone... which of course no couple wants to share a room with another couple... for goodness sake its vegas... so they decided to stay at Treasure Island.. which is fine, yet they complained that they had to walk over to meet us, they would not pay for the show we all decided on before the trip, they waited to get discount tickets and the show was sold out, then got kinda upset that we all went without them... they only wanted to eat in the food court, which is fine just not every meal...we wanted to check some of the great restaurants, We went to eat at a middle of the road restaurant some Irish pub place for late lunch, and he was like I'm not paying 20 bucks for a Ruben sandwich, the server was like it is really a large sandwich and you could share it if you like, so they sat there and shared a beer, while we all ate, then wanted us to sit in the food court while they split a hot dog meal... which of course no-one did, we all headed for the gaming floor... They wanted to go to bed at like 10:00 pm, and be up at like 5:00 to hit the gym, which is fine for them... the rest of us just do whatever and meet up whenever... thus separate rooms...

I understand that it's their money and spend it or not spend it how they want to... The problem is lately them over stepping has really gotten out of control...

So what I mean by the above... most of our group has like some type of big box warehouse membership, BJ's, Sam's or Costo - and she will call up someone up and say hey are you going to Sam's or where-ever, then ask if you can swing by and pick her up and let her use your card... This has been going on for a long time it's just getting worse and worse, its like they expect it... last week I went to BJ's and she called me and said, why didn't you tell me you were going to BJ's, I guess some how she found out and said you could have picked me up and I could have went with you... and I was not feeling very good that day she called, I was dealing with a sinus headache that day, and really wasn't in the mood to play nice... and I said, I did not realize that I needed to call you to ask for your permission to use my card that I pay for at BJ's, and be your taxi service while I was at it... Why don't you just get your own dang card... then I said I have to go, I think I'm going to throw up... and I hung up the phone... LOL...

The other two things is that they never offer to drive at all any more, its like everyone is expect just to pick them up if we are all going to the airport, they will not drive their car, and pay for parking, they want to ride with you, and never offer to pay half the parking, they went on a trip with some friends not long ago, and he was like hey since I drove way over to your house to pick you guys up, you can pick up the parking tab, they were like you were going to park here with or without us, why should we pay for you to park your car... Needless to say, our friends told them to use Uber to get home... Second they never want to host at their house and if they do basically they have everyone bring enough food and they end up just eating what we bring...I will say that they do offer and will clean up when they are at your house, which is nice... Last weekend we decided to stay home, and skip a BBQ that we were invited to... they were suppose to bring enough of some sort of salad for like 15 to 20 people, as well as whatever they wanted to drink adult beverages wise... they took a medium container of Publix macaroni salad, not even the large container ... and that was it, and helped themselves to whatever everyone else brought with the adult beverages... My friend was so mad and She is a firecracker, and she said something to him about it, his response was that there was plenty of food for everyone, and would she mind if they took a plate home, to which she answer No, I'm not okay with that...

So would you say anything to them, or just over look it...

Honestly, I'd stop inviting them to things. Them commenting on prices and acting the way they do would put such a damper on the mood. If they asked why they were no longer being invited to things then I'd tell them.

 

[Allison]

Time to have a talk.

 

[tvguy]

Different priorities. I wear the "Cheap" label proudly. Being cheap is how put two kids through private school K-12 and how we retired several years before full Social Security retriement age.

 

[bookgirl]

The only thing I see in that scenario is that it seems to be husband driven. It doesn't say whether or not the wife is the same or if she's just held hostage by his frugality. He might not let her get a big box card so the only way she can go is if she tags along. If that's the case I feel sorry for her and probably would let her continue to go along. If she's a willing partner I'd cut her off.

 

[nw6675]

There is a difference between being frugal and being obnoxiously cheap and moochers. Cut them loose!

 

[bookgirl]

Different priorities. I wear the "Cheap" label proudly. Being cheap is how put two kids through private school K-12 and how we retired several years before full Social Security retriement age.

Being frugal is different than saving money at the expense of others. I'm frugal, but I don't save money by using my friends to fund my lifestyle. The OP's case above isn't being frugal, it's being Narcisstic and Cheap.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Just be glad this guy isn't your best friend.

Hi can I stay over a night? Sure, I'll make you a nice dinner...... I like how he just dumps the fish carcass into the little keeper on his bike. No bags, no nothing. HAHA.

 

[Pink Partridge]

This actually ended a friendship for us. Same situation as you. Married couple and they both had incredible jobs. Look normal. Keep themselves really nice and polished. But by far the cheapest people we have ever known.

Many uncomfortable situations on fun group trips that I won't get into. Other couples started dropping out just to avoid them. We stopped traveling with them when they asked us to bring food back to their room from the $27 a person breakfast buffet we were excited to try. No. Just no. They got very offended we didn't comply. So things cooled off with the travel.

But the straw that broke the camel's back were our "house gatherings". Once a month, we would take turns hosting a dinner. It was so fun and we all tried to out do each other with charcuterie boards and fancy desserts, as well as excellent main courses. And then amazing cocktails. There are 5 couples that were involved in this, and the cheap couple did eventually open up their (very nice) home to host. It was so mortifying. There were 10 of us, so they had 10 sausages and 10 buns. A case of very cheap beer and one pack of EXPIRED Wal Mart cupcakes with that big yellow tag on them that showed they were marked down. I was scared to eat the sausage because I figured they had to have come from a previous pack of something old. Everyone stayed an hour and left. Where as all of our other dinners lingered almost until midnight. This cheap couple enjoyed the fine wines and foods that other people served, yet refused to reciprocate. It was almost like a mental illness to ration the food like that.

They have called/ texted a few times to ask when the next get together is. Covid has sort of been a blessing to use as an excuse. We really slowed down with meeting up with friends because of coronavirus. But once things pick up again, I really have no interest in hanging out with these strange people that I one time liked.

 

[JimMIA]

We have friends a little like that, except that there is a significant difference in our incomes. Great people, but a little on the cheap side.

For example, one time we had some DVC points to burn so we made an OKW trip during Christmas break. They would not go to Disney parks because of the cost, only Universal. And the stayed only one night with us in a 2 BR because of food and activity costs (they were paying $0 for lodging). Needless to say, we haven't considered taking any more trips with them.

When we go to dinner together, we have them pick the restaurant so we won't be out of their price range. We always order at least one appetizer for the table, usually two. They split their entre.

Still, they are great people and some of our best friends so we just smile and move on. The friendship is worth much more than a few minor annoyances.

 

[Pink Partridge]

There is a difference between being frugal and being obnoxiously cheap and moochers. Cut them loose!

I agree.
Eventually, you do have to cut people like this out of your life.

 

[JimMIA]

Many uncomfortable situations on fun group trips that I won't get into. Other couples started dropping out just to avoid them. We stopped traveling with them when they asked us to bring food back to their room from the $27 a person breakfast buffet we were excited to try. No. Just no. They got very offended we didn't comply.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Exactly. And for $27, you got steak and eggs and they had an ice sculpture with various seafoods. Not to mention bagel station and all the other wonderful breakfast foods. It was an amazing bargain. They refused to pay it and wanted us to sneak them food. I was very angry it was even suggested. I swore that morning I would never travel with them again and we stuck to that pledge.

 

[BroadwayHermione5]

It is time to have a discussion. You are all adults and can have a conversation as such. Don't attack them, just calmly ease into the conversation. Do so at a neutral place like a park-make then come to you incase you need an out.

The person who used to be my best friend was starting to make some not so great decisions, be very narcissistic towards myself and others, and get insanely jealous if I went and did something. I couldn't even celebrate a big birthday with my parents without them getting insanely jealous. When i talked to them, I went to a neutral area (it actually was a park). We exchanged pleasantries, and then I went right into it, also admitting that I should have been the bigger person and said something sooner, and holding myself accountable for not doing so. After we hashed it out, we were still friends for quite sometime. Unfortunately due to life in general and the pandemic, we have drifted apart, but we still wish each other happy birthday and our respective holidays, as well as offering condolences and congratulations when appropriate. We checked in on each other a couple of times during the pandemic, and we are both doing our own thing. Had we not had this conversation when we did, it would have gotten ugly, which is where it looks like yours is headed. I wouldn't get other couples involved, just you and your partner.

Regardless, brace yourself for the worst. Thankfully it did not end up like that for me, but I know other friends who had similar conversations where it ended up not so great.


Breath. Know you are doing the mature thing.

 

[Marrila]

It's perfectly ok to move on without a confrontation or discussion. If op has had enough, gradually slow the contact.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Being frugal is different than saving money at the expense of others. I'm frugal, but I don't save money by using my friends to fund my lifestyle. The OP's case above isn't being frugal, it's being Narcistic and Cheap.

Exactly. But allow me to suggest a better word than even cheap. Moocher.
If you're going to a pot luck and everyone's bringing quite a bit to share and all you bring is a small container of Macraroni salad and then ask to take the leftovers that other people brought, that's beyond frugal or cheap. If you're tagging along for a ride somewhere and you don't chip in some gas money, that's beyond frugal. If you're going out to dinner and you bum someone else's appetizer or do nothing but complain about prices and don't eat or something uh that's beyond frugal and beyond even cheap or stingy. One time I might say cheap. But the couple is doing things like that all the time. They're moochers. And to use an example from a different poster, if you're requesting someone bring you back a free plate from a buffet they are paying for, that's not being frugal. It's well beyond cheap or stingy. It's being a moocher.

 

[_19disnA]

I also agree this doesn't need to be your responsibility to point out how annoying others find their behavior to be. Think you should spend less time with them and maybe they will find others to be friends with. Friends might drift apart over time for a lot of different reasons. They seem socially inept and probably have NO idea how others feel about them. Anyone who points that out to them will just create an awkward situation and accomplish nothing. I would NEVER go on vacation with people like that. Going to a party for a few hours is a lot different from spending days with people you find annoying. Just move on and find other people you do enjoy being around.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

We had a cookout once and invited a couple we had recently met. They arrived with some cupcakes she had made, which were on a styrofoam plate covered with foil. At the end of the night she asked me for the paper plate and foil back. I laughed thinking she was kidding. She wasn’t and she had me dig them out of the trash. I decided to give her another chance and I picked her up to take her with me to another friends snd she had clothesline strung across her kitchen with paper towels and ziplock bags clipped to it, drying them for reuse. She seemed so normal but did some weird things to save money

 

[Kae]

Sharing a hotel room-yea no. We have friends who went to Vegas with a group and one of the couples said 3 couples could share a room and set up a sleeping schedule. lol