DD is reading a pretty unflattering account of sororities

[susy]

castlegazer- were you at UF by any chance?

I was a little sis to a frat in college-was there hazing? It depends on your definition. I was "uncomfortable" (both physically and mentally) at initiation and that's all I'll say about that. A lot of people have the desire to belong or be popular (kind of like a high school aftertaste). I just don't see how anyone has the time....

 

[caitycaity]

I've just never "gotten" sororities or frats...to let yourself be physically or mentally abused...or even embarrassed...to have "friends." I can't understand the mentality.

sorry, but that is just a tiny bit offensive. i am a proud sorority alumnae (phi sigma sigma), and i was neither physically nor mentally abused. wasn't embarrssed either. and i didn't join because i had no friends.

i am not your sterorotypical sorority sister. i'm not a "girly girl". it really irks me when people assume that just becuse you were in a sorority you were someone witha low self-esteem who would do anything to be popular. that was not what it was about for most of the greek women i know.

 

[MScott1851]

Well said, CaityCaity...

I probably had too much self esteem when I joined (thanks, mom) and learning to get along with all these different women made me much more diplomatic. To me, joining a sorority was like joining any other club at college. I liked to surround myself with people that I could learn from and also rub off on as well. It's amazing what a group of strong women who encourage each other and support each other can accomplish...Some of my sorority sisters are the most exceptional people I know, doing amazing things, and I'm proud to say that I was part of that group, and they think the same thing about me.

 

[missypie]

Even the idea of rush is offensive to me...putting yourself out to be chosen or not chosen, all the girls who are in anguish if they are not chosen. Again, why anyone would subject themselves to that is beyond me.

Like I said before, it's a good thing that my school wasn't heavily Greek. If it had been, I'd have been a total outcast

 

[SC Minnie]

I was invited to a Rush party at one of the sororities on our campus. The girl that invited me had been in a couple of my classes nad had always been very nice and I thought we were becoming friends (she was a year older). I went and one of the questions I was asked was can you afford the financial commitment to the sorority. No offense to anyone that was in a sorority (my roommates were) but that rubbed me the wrong way. I took it to mean that I had to buy their friendship-- no thanks. If I didn't have enough money I couldn't be apart of their group. Needless to say the girl that invited me was very cool to me after that- I never told her why I didn't rush except that it wasn't for me.

I had many friends in college and really had no desire to join a sorority. Just wasn't for me.

 

[castlegazer]

Originally posted by susy
castlegazer- were you at UF by any chance?

No.

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by rcyannacci

Anyway, glad to hear about a book that is tackling some of the issues of hazing. I"ll have to check it out.

The book talks about a lot more than just hazing -- my daughter has been reading things out loud to me and I want to read it when she's done.

Thank you all for your comments. I'm glad that many of you have had positive experiences. But just as a precaution, if your daughter is in a sorority I think I'd just kind of try to make sure you know what it's all about. The things DD has told me about the ones on her campus are really, truly shocking.

 

[SoonerKate]

Rumors about sororities are generally greatly exaggerated, especially if the campus isn't very greek-friendly. I've heard a lot of outrageous rumors about my own house on campus and from other greeks; none of them have been true, and it's pretty widely known that when you hear something about another house, you take it with a grain of salt, because 99% of the time? It's not even close to true.

Also, the behavior of one member doesn't necessarily reflect all of the girls in an organization. Just because your daughter's roommate does scandalous things doesn't mean that they are required or endorsed by her sorority; Most organizations have standards or member development boards for a reason.

the roommate would come home not feeling well because they'd made her eat or drink something and wasn't allowed to tell what it was. Once she threw up all night.

The roommate was required to carry condoms and cigarettes around at all times in case her sisters required them (and they did, alot).

If this is happening, and the roommate is in an NPC organization, it is emphatically NOT allowed. Hazing is officially denounced by the National Panhellenic Conference, and there are EXTREMELY strict policies against it in each of the 26 NPC member groups' constitutions. My fraternity, Alpha Gamma Delta, has developed a program called "See Through the Haze...To a Clearer Purpose" designed specifically to raise awareness of what hazing is and how and why it should be avoided.

Local sororities sometimes do not have the same strict anti-hazing rules as NPC or NPHC groups; With no international or national council to keep an eye on things, sometimes girls get out of hand. However, IF your daughter's roommate is being hazed in an NPC organization, their national council NEEDS to be made aware of it. There is a list of the 26 NPC member groups available here.

 

[katerkat]

I think it depends on the sorority and campus. My school was #2 in Greek Life, and the girls DID NOT HAZE. The worst they did was bake cookies all the time so the freshmen girls would gain weight so the upperclass boys would pay more attention to the upperclass girls. (Kidding!)

Being in a sorority was a very, very good experience for me - and one I didn't think I wanted. I didn't rush, but was offered a bid following rush. Since our rush was in the winter term, I had the choice of joining the sorority all my established friends were already at.

However, at the same school, the boys had a severe problem with hazing. One frat was suspended due to the use of a cattle prod.

 

[auntpolly]

My daughter's school is about 50% Greek. It is consistantly rated among the top liberal arts schools in the country. DD and I have always been really close and she's told me - sometimes more than I want to know about what goes on with her at school. I believe her when she tells me that pledges all over campus were keeping bags full of condoms and cigarettes for their sisters' "emergencies. I believe her other stories involving sorority girl promiscuity. Maybe it's just DD's school. I can't honestly speak for other schools. I thought they were very interesting observations and I really just thought it would be worth parents being aware of. Her roommate was by no means I wild girl freshman year. She was just a girl who really wanted to fit in to her sorority during her sophmore year!

 

[SoonerKate]

Are they local or national sororities?

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by SoonerKate
Are they local or national sororities?

national -- and they are ones that are mentioned in the book. DD told me that she usually does not mention specific schools, but she identifies the sororities themselves.

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

Originally posted by SoonerKate
Rumors about sororities are generally greatly exaggerated, especially if the campus isn't very greek-friendly. I've heard a lot of outrageous rumors about my own house on campus and from other greeks; none of them have been true, and it's pretty widely known that when you hear something about another house, you take it with a grain of salt, because 99% of the time? It's not even close to true.

Also, the behavior of one member doesn't necessarily reflect all of the girls in an organization. Just because your daughter's roommate does scandalous things doesn't mean that they are required or endorsed by her sorority; Most organizations have standards or member development boards for a reason.



If this is happening, and the roommate is in an NPC organization, it is emphatically NOT allowed. Hazing is officially denounced by the National Panhellenic Conference, and there are EXTREMELY strict policies against it in each of the 26 NPC member groups' constitutions. My fraternity, Alpha Gamma Delta, has developed a program called "See Through the Haze...To a Clearer Purpose" designed specifically to raise awareness of what hazing is and how and why it should be avoided.

Local sororities sometimes do not have the same strict anti-hazing rules as NPC or NPHC groups; With no international or national council to keep an eye on things, sometimes girls get out of hand. However, IF your daughter's roommate is being hazed in an NPC organization, their national council NEEDS to be made aware of it. There is a list of the 26 NPC member groups available here.

right on my sister.......I loved my AGD years and was never made to do anything I didn't want. In fact I was the Chaplin because it was there where I first learned the lords prayer and how to conduct myself as a lady. Not to mention the importance of philanthropy and of course Party Pics!

 

[auntpolly]

I really am not trying to bash anyone's sorority -- I really believe there are some problems and if my DD was in one I'd just want to be aware, that's all, honest.

 

[kwdietrich1]

Originally posted by caitycaity
sorry, but that is just a tiny bit offensive. i am a proud sorority alumnae (phi sigma sigma), and i was neither physically nor mentally abused. wasn't embarrssed either. and i didn't join because i had no friends.

i am not your sterorotypical sorority sister. i'm not a "girly girl". it really irks me when people assume that just becuse you were in a sorority you were someone witha low self-esteem who would do anything to be popular. that was not what it was about for most of the greek women i know.

Well Hello fellow Phi Sigma Sigma Sister! What chapter? Me: Delta Chi Shippensburg University. It's been a while, but I still have fond memories of my sorority days. Met my DH because of Phi Sig Sig!

 

[rcyannacci]

Originally posted by SC Minnie
I was invited to a Rush party at one of the sororities on our campus. The girl that invited me had been in a couple of my classes nad had always been very nice and I thought we were becoming friends (she was a year older). I went and one of the questions I was asked was can you afford the financial commitment to the sorority. No offense to anyone that was in a sorority (my roommates were) but that rubbed me the wrong way. I took it to mean that I had to buy their friendship-- no thanks. If I didn't have enough money I couldn't be apart of their group. Needless to say the girl that invited me was very cool to me after that- I never told her why I didn't rush except that it wasn't for me.

I had many friends in college and really had no desire to join a sorority. Just wasn't for me.

I think the money thing is something that isn't talked about as much, but it certainly helps to keep many of these groups exclusive. When I joined, I was led to believe that I wouldn't be that expensive, which was certainly not the case at all. When I couldn't afford the dues, I applied for some sort of hardship status, which just meant that the officers started looking at me suspiciously and issuing me more fines for past events that I had missed (they went back a full year to calucate this).

I realize that many of you had positive experiences with your sorority, and I don't mean to be too negative. And I can only speek to my experience and what I continue to notice among women at various college campuses. The exclusive nature of these organizations creates divisions among the university community. And many students aren't equiped with the experience to negotiate the excessive drinking that happens at many Greek parties. Especially when they are trying to fit in with a group, they often engage in behavior that they wouldn't otherwise. I think that is what scares so many parents.

 

[caitycaity]

Originally posted by kwdietrich1
Well Hello fellow Phi Sigma Sigma Sister! What chapter? Me: Delta Chi Shippensburg University. It's been a while, but I still have fond memories of my sorority days. Met my DH because of Phi Sig Sig!

i'm an alumna of the kappa chapter (george washington university). my biological sister is an alumna of the pi chapter at syracuse university.

it's nice to see another phi sig on the dis.

 

[SoonerKate]

national -- and they are ones that are mentioned in the book. DD told me that she usually does not mention specific schools, but she identifies the sororities themselves.

If they are national sororities, then their national councils NEED to be made aware of what is going on at that campus. Hazing of any sort, anywhere is detrimental to the entire greek community as a whole.

Most organizations national boards can be reached through their website, which is usually the group's name followed by .org (e.g. "alphagammadelta.org, pibetaphi.org, alphachiomega.org). I would encourage your daughter and your daughter's roommate to report what's going on; it can be done anonymously.

 

[leighe]

I pledged a sorority (Delta Delta Delta) at my small private college in the South and my experience was nothing short or wonderful! I met so many fabulous people and saw so many examples of strong, intelligent women. As pledges we were also treated like queens.

HOWEVER - my school was very dominated by the Greek system (I think about 70% of campus was Greek) and the fraternities were allowed to get away with murder in terms of hazing. I was a fraternity sweatheart my senior year and some of the things I found out about made my hair stand on end. I was always very upset by the double standard at our college. One sorority on our campus was reprimanded by our Dean of Students for hazing because they had an activity where colored yarn was strung all around the sorority house. The pledge got one end of the string and her big sister had the other. When the pledge followed and untangled the yarn she found out who her big sister was. This was apparently considered hazing. The boys, on the other hand. endured actual physical violence, mental abuse, complete deprivation of sleep for days at a time and the administration just winked at it as "boys will be boys." Now that attitude has come back to haunt them because they are dealing with a VERY UGLY incident involving essentially kidnapping and sexual assault.

Anyway - I have read the book and my experience was completely the opposite. I think the National Panhellenic Council needs to work towards erasing some of the stereotypes attached to sororities. Just my two cents.

 

[Jison]

Aunt Polly,

Do the sorority girls at your DD's school live in sorority houses? Some schools only have suites.

Just curious.