DD Flying the Coop . . .trying to fully cope with it

[Wish Upon A Star]

That sounds strange, eh? My DD 20 (will be 21 this year) is moving in with her boyfriend this weekend . . .and it's hard for me to be happy for her. I don't show her I'm upset, but I am . . .I just can't seem to grasp that she is a young adult now . . . I can't believe the transition doesn't seem to affect her at all . . she is happily emptying her things from her room without even a second thought and all I can do is watch. It's just so weird for me, seems like just yesterday I was running her around to dancing school, cheerleading, dances. I keep thinking how empty the house will feel without her there. I guess I was lucky enough to have many open conversations with her and that she feels she can tell me anything at all.

I just feel like a huge piece of my heart has been torn away . . .

 

[mickeyboat]

I dread that day! I can't imagine how hard it must be for you.

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm right there with you. My son did it gradually and still hasn't officially "moved" his stuff out, but he's living with his girlfriend now. It has hit me like a ton of bricks, especially when his girlfriend made a comment to me that it breaks her heart when he comes home to stay for a night. Oh to be young and in love again!

 

[hereyago]

I am sure DD is affected, but right now she is excited. You have to look at it this way, you both are starting a new chapter in your lives. You have raised your dd, guided her and helped her start her own path.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I can imagine.

Do something really nice for yourself this week. You deserve it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

 

[jog58]

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with this. I can't offer you any words from a parent's perspective as I am not one as of yet but I can offer a bit from the young adult perspective.

I am 26 now and I moved out for good when I went to college when I was 18. I was excited to be out on my own and I was packing everything and getting ready to go without a thought that it would affect me in any way.

My family helped me move into the new place and as they were hugging me goodbye was when it hit me how big and emotional this moment was. It definitely got me all choked up and I was only moving about 30 minutes away.

So what I am saying is just because she doesn't seem to be grasping what a big deal this whole thing is, it could be because in the excitement of being out on your own is shadowing everything else. I will tell you though, that no matter where I moved to, and now that I have a home of my own there was never a better place than "home" for me.

 

[Jennasis]

Just keep reminding yourself thatyou must've done something right to raise such a strong, independant young woman who is ready and able to strike out on her own. Good job, Mom!

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

Thanks for the hugs and kind words . . .sometimes I forget what it was like to be young and in love . . .I got married at 20 to DH and I never thought until right this moment that my parents must of felt the way I do now. . .The only person truly happy is my DS because now he'll have his own bathroom . .

 

[Disney Doll]

I remember shortly after I got married looking at my husband one day and sobbing "Do you think my parents miss me?".

And I was happily married and perfecty glad to be married to my DH who I love dearly, and we lived 10 minutes from my parents and his, so it wasn't like we moved across the country.

 

[dislaney]

Aww

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I know your pain. My DS22 moved out last December. It broke my heart especially since he and is DGF made all the plans but didn't tell me until the last minute.

But, I got to spend time one-on-one with him in the move and I got kind of excited seeing their new place. We helped him move. And I gradually came round to the idea.

Bonus: He only moved 15 minutes away and he comes every Thursday for supper, then drives us to band.

I know my younger DS may move out in a year or two. It really hurts because I don't have a husband anymore and I have to face an unsure future.

But, I am proud that older DS is on his own.

 

[Promomx2]

My dd 24 got married to a marine in Jan and moved 5 hours away. We're taking the rest of her things tomorrow. It has been hard, we were like best friends. Took 2 years to plan her wedding, then poof it was over. It was hard that she didn't call for a while, but then she's called when she got sick and needed help in picking out laundry detergent. Just remember the good times. One thing I have done; I changed how I looked at all those dance reviews, cheerleading things I took my daughter. Instead of looking at it that I did it for her, I now look at all those times as things for me. Mainly because my dd doesn't remember alot of those times.

 

[Katieinwonderland]

I moved out when I was just 21. I had been at university for three years, but that was only a couple of hours away and literally the day after graduation, I moved from England to Florida. I was SO excited to be moving in with my boyfriend, plus moving to a whole other country. My parents were excited for me, and on the surface it seemed like we were all doing great!

My mom told me about a year later that she cried every night for a week because she couldn't believe her little girl was in another country, 4000 miles away, and wouldn't be coming back. I laughed, because I cried for the first week too!!! I was so happy to be living with my boyrfiend (now DH ) but I missed my mom and my house so much.

It takes time, but you adjust. I've been gone for nearly four years, and whilst I know my mom misses me, she does say it's nice to have a tidy house and to be able to buy food knowing it won't be eaten by the time she gets to it! I also know my mom loves having what she calls 'a vacation home' in Florida (our new house!)

 

[MIGrandma]

I wish I could give you a in real life, I know exactly what you're going through and it is very, very difficult. I had a super hard time when our DD went off to college. Cried and cried, moped, missed her like crazy. Slowly got a little used to it, then at Christmas she decided she would prefer to move back home and just commute. I was thrilled to have her back!

Then, I had to go through it all over again when she got married! It was almost as hard that second time as it was the first time.

But, that was 10 years ago. I've gotten used to (and actually like!) the "empty nest" but we are still super close. She and her husband and two kids live just down the road from us maybe a quarter mile. I can look out my kitchen window at night and see lights in their house. I get to babysit the grandkids fairly often, and a lot of times DD will stop here to visit on her way home from work. We vacation together, e-mail and Facebook too. Life is good. It just changes, and sometimes those changes are hard to get used to, I know.