Daycare Issue - am I worrying too much?

[RadioFanatic]

Please be straight with me - I can take it. My only DS is in daycare (he's 8 months) in a class with 8 kids, two teachers. This week, they traded one of the teachers so the new teacher is also the mother of one of the kids in the class. For the past three days, everytime I come to pick my DS up, this teacher is holding her own kid while the others are playing around. This is a school setting with classrooms, not someone's home. I guess I'm worried that my DS is not getting the attention he needs b/c if I was the teacher, I would naturally be drawn to my own kid, you know? I was thinking of waiting another week and if I continue to see her holding her own son, I might mention something. But then, I was wondering if I was overreacting and I knew you guys would tell me the truth!

So speaketh the truth - am I being overdramatic?

 

[Subrbnmommy]

no, not overdramatic! I would be concerned as well. I don't know how you could bring it up to her though.

Good Luck

 

[jennyL]

Good luck. I'm not sure how I would handle this. My son is also 8 months and in the same as yours 8 kids with two teachers. One of his teachers is pregnant and said she would have to switch rooms since they don't allow teachers to have their own kids. I think its a good rule because like said above you would be naturally drawn to your own kid. Does your school have the cameras so you can see what its like during the day? My sons does so I peak in on him from time to time.

Hopefully things will change and it won't be an issue but good luck.

 

[PrincessAbby'sMom]

I have a friend that works at a daycare in my hometown & they too don't allow her to be in the same room as her daughter when she was smaller. I would maybe ask higher up(if there is anyone - depending on how big the daycare is) about some of the rules. Say you haven't seen anything concerning, but put yourself in that position & saw problems, etc.
Yes, if they had video that would be great! Or pop in if you can through out the day (lunch time or something) w/excuses - I forgot the pacifier, I forgot his/her favorite blanky or toy we were in a hurry, etc. Watch a little before you make it known that you are there.

Just thoughts....

 

[TotalSnowWhite]

I worked at DS's pre-school in college, and I was never allowed to be his teacher. Occasionally I was in his classroom if his teacher needed a quick break but never on a regular basis.

Your school should have an open door policy for parents. Maybe you could observe one day. I don't know how your classrooms are set up, but at DS's school, a parent could watch without being seen by the child. If that's not an option, you could hang out with your little one and see how the teacher interacts with the rest of the kids. Granted she'll probably change her behavior when you're there, but you can probably get a decent read on the classroom dynamic.

 

[surfergirl602]

At the daycare center here that my DD goes to, mothers are not allowed to work in the rooms that their own children are in. Conflict of interest.

 

["Cinder" Ella's Mom]

I would speak privately with the director of the program and express my concerns, without making too big a deal of it. Our director always appreciated feedback and would always make changes to keep parents happy.

 

[rottiemom]

I would speak to the director, not to the teacher herself.. Explain your concerns...not that you've actually seen her neglecting any of the children in favor of her own but exactly as you stated in your OP, that if you were the teacher you would naturally be drawn to your own child, that on X amount of times when you've come to collect your child the teacher is holding her own while the others play (which, IMO, isn't fair to the others). I would definitely say something.

 

[CapnJacksGirl]

Doesn't your day care have an administrator you could talk with about the situation? I have always felt like if I have an uneasy feeling about my sons' day care, there is probably a reason. I have never hesitated to bring up issues about day care - these are our babies we're talking about! You should feel comfortable with whoever you leave your child with all day, and if you don't, don't feel bad about discussing it.

 

[TwinsinCA]

You mentioned there were two teachers. If the mom is taking too much time with her own kid to the detriment of others, that will mean more work for teacher #2. She may solve your problem for you.

After college I worked in a daycare with infants and my coworker's baby was in the room with us. I am sure her daughter did get extra attention. But if other babies needed to be fed/changed/comforted she didn't ignore them. I have to say that working with infants with a 4:1 ratio you are often in survival mode. There is little downtime to simply play with the babies. Maybe since it is the end of the day and by then a few kids have left and she finally has a bit of time to hold her kid. It also sounds like this is a recent development. Perhaps her baby is still adjusting and is clingy. I would give it some time yet before I said anything.

 

[NotUrsula]

Most of the time daycares won't do permanent assignment of mothers to classrooms that contain their own children at that age. It's not that the mothers don't try to be even-handed, it's that the babies get bent out of shape if mommy is there but not paying attention to them. Once they get up to the crawling stage they may push other children away or even hit if Mommy picks up someone else.

Heck, DD1 does it too, and I don't work there. A while back I was dropping her off and she was playing happily. Another little girl in her class tripped right at my feet and started crying, so I comforted her a bit. In two seconds, here comes DD, crawling at top speed to get in between that other little girl and *her* mommy.

 

[HGD24]

Our DD is also 8 months old and in daycare. One of the center's assistant directors is sometimes called into DD's room to help out. Her DS is in DD's classroom. The only time I've seen her with her son is when she is picking him up at the end of the day. Otherwise, the other teacher is attending to her son for bottles, meals, naps, etc. I think our daycare intentionally operates that way to keep parents from feeling what you're feeling.

I've never hesitated to bring anything to the primary teacher or director's attention if I don't feel right about something. I would just mention your feelings and observations to the director. The directors are so busy running the center that they don't get to see everything that goes on in the classrooms and they actually appreciate having other pairs of eyes and ears observing what's going on. You're bringing it up could be the first the director has heard about it and would allow him/her to make a change if need be.

 

[zoemurr]

if your child graduated up to your room you were reassigned to another room. Mom/kid was never put together, except in a situation where they needed to cover someone. Is there any chance it's temporary? Maybe she said she'd quit if she couldn't be in there? I would definitely just politely approach the director if you're concerned. Good luck!

 

[GJM]

I would talk with the director. Do they have cameras in the rooms. In my DS daycare each class had cameras, so the director could always see what was going on in the class.

The director at my DS school always told the parents if they had any problems to see her and talk to her.

 

[Jenny-momof3]

Former preschool/daycare teacher chiming in...

My intention was to not have my children in my class... but when it came time for my middle dd to transition to the next age ( my class) we had no choice but to put her in there. The first few weeks I did hold her alot because she was having a rough time with the transition. But then she gradually got used to watching me take care of other children. Eventually I had my assistant tend to all her needs completely ( diaper changed, lunch, snacks, etc) so she wouldn't be completely dependent on me in the classroom.

Maybe this little one is just going through the transition phase as well and needs a little time getting used to momma taking care of others. I personally would give it a few weeks and then see if there's any change in the amount of time she's spending with her child.

 

[RadioFanatic]

thanks for everyone's thoughts. DH doesn't want me to say anything, b/c he doesn't want us to be "those parents"; however, I've decided to give it a week; and if I still feel weird, I'll talk to the administrator. They do have cameras in teh classroom but so only the front desk/administrator can see what's going on.

 

[Tisha_PA]

I would be concerned and would probably discuss it with the daycare director. My daycare does not allow the workers children to attend due to conflicts.

 

[HGD24]

thanks for everyone's thoughts. DH doesn't want me to say anything, b/c he doesn't want us to be "those parents"; however, I've decided to give it a week; and if I still feel weird, I'll talk to the administrator. They do have cameras in teh classroom but so only the front desk/administrator can see what's going on.

In the beginning, my husband was the same way whenever I said that I didn't like the way the teachers were doing something or that I had a safety concern. He said, "Don't be that mom". After a couple of months I said "You know what, I'm the one who drops DD off and picks her up. I'm the one who sees these things, not you so if I don't feel right about something, I amgoing to speak up."

I worked in daycare for a while so I know how it works and can sympathize with the teachers', but I'm also a mom and have a gut instinct which, over the years, I've learned to follow. It's never steered me wrong before.

I say if after next week you don't see change, definitely bring it up to the Director. The infant rooms have enough going on to keep the teachers busy the entire time they are there. If one teacher is not pulling her share of the duties, the rest fall on the other teacher and it's not fair to that other teacher or to the infants who may not be getting the attention they require.