OK well I have to disagree with that! What a horrible time to discuss something as important as "what would we do if this created a pregnancy"!
Not to mention, in my case, if DH had expected that I would take extrinsic hormones to mess up my body, it would mean we might be fundamentally wrong for each other. From an hour after we met, we were having real, deep conversations about our philosophies of life, health, and beyond. First date we discussed our mutual distaste for surgical procedures done to baby boys in America and some religious areas, in addition to our feelings on family bed, homebirth, and so on. These were very deep and important issues for us, especially for ME, and they HAD TO BE TALKED ABOUT. Neither one of us wanted to waste our time (I was just about 31 when we met, he was 28 and feeling older than I felt LOL, a common feeling at 27, 28) with someone that might be filled with "chemistry" (I'd chosen my previous boyfriend because he smelled good...later found out that he smelled that way b/c it was the limes from the G&Ts he drank nonstop) but was entirely inappropriate for us.
So to leave a discussion about how we are going to prevent another LIFE being created until we're horizontal...that's just a horrible mistake!
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I had sort of stayed out of this, because I could see too many sides of it. You've made your decision, and I'm glad if it was YOUR decision (not just b/c so many people said such strong things against him).
A man having 3 drinks WOULD bother me, and did bother me but at the time I dated people who would drink that much, I wasn't looking for The One. When I met The One, one of the ways I knew he was "it" was that he *declined* a double screwdriver, just wanting a single. And then he didn't finish it. It was SO different from the other guys I'd dated!
And that came up in my head a few times while you described this guy. It's possible that HE is the problem in his relationships. But it's equally possible that he's just dated a string of similar women who have convinced him that they are right and that all women are like them. So he thought that you would want to do the same things that they did. They wanted a sleepover on the 2nd date, so you probably did, too. It might be a refreshing surprise that you are different, and it might have just taken TIME for him to stop reacting to you as though you are one of the others.
When I started dating DH, both of us had some "PTSD" based on our pasts. He had a short marriage that ended with her moving away to set up house for him, and had him start to send all of his items...when she asked for his computer, that's when he got a clue. She just wanted his stuff and was leaving him slowly.
Even after we married and had our son, once I started taking solo trips to
Disneyland, and when I go with DS to my brother's in CA, he would get just a teensy bit nervous. (especially since it was southern CA that his then-wife moved to)
And I still get nervous, every so often, because the YEARS of dating losers created scars on my heart that are taking a LONG time to heal. Especially in the beginning I was constantly surprised when he behaved like a gentleman, because I'd gotten so used to dating non-gentlemen. If someone had seen it backwards...that I was a certain type of person because I had these expectations of now-DH, they would have had it all wrong.
FWIW, there are plenty of women who are more than happy to go out to a bar and watch "their men" play pool. When DH and I were dating we went to a party of a friend of mine, and a bunch of men were in the basement playing poker, and there were several wives and girlfriends just hanging out, watching the game. It's not unheard of for women to go and hang out while their boyfriends/husbands are doing things. (isn't there a reality show about basketball wives? same thing!) and maybe he'd dated women who liked doing that. Doesn't necessarily mean anything awful. I mean, it MIGHT, but it might not.
It's got to be hard to know your own mind with the parents you have.
If there's just one bit of actual advice, it would be to think long and hard about what you want in a partner. Then write it down and put it away. And maybe that person will come to you. Just don't shortchange yourself, and try to not be too reactive to the guys you've dated in the past. Figure out what you want in a partner.
Best of luck!
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