Date Rape - new ad campaign in the UK

[VSL]

Yes, there is an ad campaign in the UK for boys to make sure that they have permission before they have sex with a girl.

It's talking more about girls getting absolutely wasted (drunk) and then having sex rather than girls who are drugged and raped.

I don't know about people here, but I see a huge difference in true date rape and a girl getting herself drunk and consenting to sex while drunk. I'm sure that there are girls who get taken advantage of - but I honestly believe that the majority of the time the girl has either forgotten (drinking culture over here in girls is nororious) or regretted it.

I'm also a bit offended that the only people being targeted are male - surely a woman could take advantage of a guy?

Also, in drugged date rape, the woman has no idea what has happened (ie, that she has been spiked) - but when a woman voluntarily gets completely slaughtered... I don't know

http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/documents/consent-campaign/

What do other people think of this?

 

[Beth76]

I think it should be geared towards women, not men. Women need to know not to get completely trashed and go to a guy's room. They need to stay in groups with their girlfriends at all times. They need to not leave their drinks unattended. Come on, guys know they need to have consent to have sex. Reminding them before they go out isn't going to stop that.

 

[VSL]

I think it should be geared towards women, not men. Women need to know not to get completely trashed and go to a guy's room. They need to stay in groups with their girlfriends at all times. They need to not leave their drinks unattended.

See! I like this idea much better!

It makes more sense.

 

[In a hurry]

I think it should be geared towards women, not men. Women need to know not to get completely trashed and go to a guy's room. They need to stay in groups with their girlfriends at all times. They need to not leave their drinks unattended. Come on, guys know they need to have consent to have sex. Reminding them before they go out isn't going to stop that.

Very well said.

 

[beckmrk04]

I think it should be geared towards women, not men. Women need to know not to get completely trashed and go to a guy's room. They need to stay in groups with their girlfriends at all times. They need to not leave their drinks unattended. Come on, guys know they need to have consent to have sex. Reminding them before they go out isn't going to stop that.

I completely disagree- women aren't raping themselves. To stop rape you have to stop the people commiting the act, and that's men. Women SHOULD be able to get wasted it they want- guys can, and they rarely have to worry about getting raped or watching their drinks at all times.

I think it needs to be two-sided; make women aware of what does, unfortunately, go on and tell them how to keep themselves safer, and make men aware of the consequences of their actions.

But at least in the US, about 80% of women know their attacker! So, I wouldn't likely be guarding my drink against a friend I have been out with several times or my girlfriend's brother.

And the posters didn't say anything about drunk girls- just a reminder that men need to know that a girl is willing to have sex! If she's passed out drunk, that's a NO.

 

[Beth76]

I completely disagree- women aren't raping themselves. To stop rape you have to stop the people commiting the act, and that's men. Women SHOULD be able to get wasted it they want- guys can, and they rarely have to worry about getting raped or watching their drinks at all times.

I SHOULD be able to let my 5 year old play out in front of the house by himself. And I SHOULD be able to drive down the road without worrying about some drunk driver slamming into my car. Sorry, but alcohol is a drug that affects the way a person acts and thinks. They need to drink it responsibly. If drinking too much puts you in danger then you need to not do that. We don't live in a perfect world. We need to act accordingly.

 

[cardaway]

I don't know about people here, but I see a huge difference in true date rape and a girl getting herself drunk and consenting to sex while drunk. I'm sure that there are girls who get taken advantage of - but I honestly believe that the majority of the time the girl has either forgotten (drinking culture over here in girls is nororious) or regretted it.

ITA. Regret is not rape.

 

[beckmrk04]

I SHOULD be able to let my 5 year old play out in front of the house by himself. And I SHOULD be able to drive down the road without worrying about some drunk driver slamming into my car. Sorry, but alcohol is a drug that affects the way a person acts and thinks. They need to drink it responsibly. If drinking too much puts you in danger then you need to not do that. We don't live in a perfect world. We need to act accordingly.

I understand- but alcohol is a legal substance, and it's unfair to say, ok- women, don't drink because men are going to rape you. Why not instead say- "Men: quit raping women!!!" My MOTHER was at a bar with a friend (she drinks about once a year- 2, maybe 3 drinks), and someone drugged her. She wasn't being irresponsible, she was with friends, she never left her drink. We can only guess that the bartender did it.

I just think it's wrong to blame the victim. I do stupid things pretty much every day. Forget to lock my car doors, or lock my keys in my car... The list goes on and on. Does that mean every time I do something stupid I should be raped, and then be told, "Well, you should have known better?" While the guy gets away with it? NO. No one deserves to be raped, no matter how dumb or irresponsible her actions.

I'm all for keeping ourselves and our children as safe as possible- and I believe that means holding RAPISTS responsible for their actions, not victims.

ETA- I also agree that regret does not equal rape. If a girl is a willing participant until the next morning when she thinks about what she has done, then it gets chalked up to learn from your mistakes...

 

[In a hurry]

You are right, blaming the victim is not cool. But I think realistically that the potential victims have to protect themselves. Teaching respect of women is a necessity, but, unfortunately not everyone is going to abide by that. And PS announcements, are pretty much useless for such a thing. It has to be taught/modeled from infanthood.

 

[curiouser]

Okay, how bout this (based on a true story):

Girl goes to bar and gets trashed. A bit unexpected, but the body's been reacting to things weirdly so perhaps the tolerance has gone down. Dear friend takes Girl home since she is in no shape to drive. Girl's friend lives with Boy Relative, who used to date Girl.

Girl gets sick in the bathroom and throws up all over herself. She changes out of her clothing and starts down the hall to get new closes from Friend. Boy notices Girl and tells her to sit down in his room (its closer) and he'll get clothes from Friend. Boy comes back with clothes and Girl remembers falling back onto the bed. Next thing Girl can remember is Boy on top of her in the act. She has no idea if she consented or not. Confused, she lets him do his thing, goes and throws up again and passes out in the bathroom.

Next morning she wakes up again in Boys bed and he kisses her good-bye as he leaves for work.

Is that date rape? She was totally drunk, so is it her fault that she can't remember if she said yes?

I'd be interested to hear your responses.

 

[VSL]

But the thing is, in these cases, it seems to be that both the girl and the boy are drunk and the boy is genuinely 'asking' for consent, but then the girl is claiming that she didn't agree.

It's all so blurry. I really think we should, in part, be held accountable for our actions - if those actions involve drinking excessively, letting a male friend help you home, and then drunkenly agreeing to sex, and then forgetting about the part where you agreed the next morning. I mean, that's not date rape (as I know it). There was an agreement.

And the thing is, the only guys paying attention to the ads will be those who are decent anyway.

Apparently, they're planning to put them up in pubs and clubs.

 

[Beth76]

I understand- but alcohol is a legal substance, and it's unfair to say, ok- women, don't drink because men are going to rape you. Why not instead say- "Men: quit raping women!!!" My MOTHER was at a bar with a friend (she drinks about once a year- 2, maybe 3 drinks), and someone drugged her. She wasn't being irresponsible, she was with friends, she never left her drink. We can only guess that the bartender did it.

Yes, it's legal. But it should still be taken responsibly. And it's easier to control our own actions (taking caution) than to control other people's. You can never assume someone you're with is a "nice guy". You just can't.

 

[cardaway]

I I just think it's wrong to blame the victim.

I agree. If a two people go out drinking and get falling down drunk, and have sex, nobody should be able to get up in the morning and cry rape if they didn't say no and there was no other drugs involved.

 

[Beth76]

She was totally drunk, so is it her fault that she can't remember if she said yes?

Well then she can't remember is she said "no" either can she? So while it might be rape, I don't think there could (or should) be any sort of conviction.

 

[beckmrk04]

But the thing is, in these cases, it seems to be that both the girl and the boy are drunk and the boy is genuinely 'asking' for consent, but then the girl is claiming that she didn't agree.

It's all so blurry. I really think we should, in part, be held accountable for our actions - if those actions involve drinking excessively, letting a male friend help you home, and then drunkenly agreeing to sex, and then forgetting about the part where you agreed the next morning. I mean, that's not date rape. There was an agreement.

But this isn't the majority of reported date rape cases- trust me. I worked in a nonprofit sexual assault agency- it was/is my business to study these things.

Granted- this does happen. But usually not. And unfortunately, when it does, it makes the real victims' stories look less believable.

 

[beckmrk04]

Okay, how bout this (based on a true story):

Girl goes to bar and gets trashed. A bit unexpected, but the body's been reacting to things weirdly so perhaps the tolerance has gone down. Dear friend takes Girl home since she is in no shape to drive. Girl's friend lives with Boy Relative, who used to date Girl.

Girl gets sick in the bathroom and throws up all over herself. She changes out of her clothing and starts down the hall to get new closes from Friend. Boy notices Girl and tells her to sit down in his room (its closer) and he'll get clothes from Friend. Boy comes back with clothes and Girl remembers falling back onto the bed. Next thing Girl can remember is Boy on top of her in the act. She has no idea if she consented or not. Confused, she lets him do his thing, goes and throws up again and passes out in the bathroom.

Next morning she wakes up again in Boys bed and he kisses her good-bye as he leaves for work.

Is that date rape? She was totally drunk, so is it her fault that she can't remember if she said yes?

I'd be interested to hear your responses.

I'd say this is a tough one. I think a toxicology report should be done to make sure she wasn't drugged. But if she was passed out- and he was going at it- then yes, it is rape. If she's asleep, and he has sex with her- it's rape. Overall, it sounds like rape to me. I mean- who has sex with a girl SOO drunk she can't walk/drive and throws up all over herself?