Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Did anyone see the Dr. Phil show on Friday??? It was about Dead Beat Dads.
They had this man on from some man's group, and he was stating that the courts are FORCING men to become dead beat dads...because the courts are biased and force men to pay more than they can afford.
This guy had a lot to say and each time he opened his mouth, I wanted to jump thru the tv and smack him!!!

I am so sick of these men's groups. As moms (or CP's) we do not pay child support. Since we do not have CS there is no cap, each month, on what we pay. We are not allowed to tell little Suzy that she can't eat this month because we just don't have the money. If a man is ordered to pay CS then just shut up and pay it. So what you have to pay 100, 200, 300 or more. How much do you think the mother is paying? If your answer is nothing then you are either the non custodial or their SO. Unless you had a kid with Russel Simmons (I only mention him because he was just ordered to pay 40,000 a month in CS) then your ex wife is not living off of you. No matter what you pay...your ex is paying more. More in cash and more in time. And don't give me that garbage that she took little Suzy away from you and you would love to raise her..bull. I do not know of any NCP that was there WAY more than than the CP, during the relationship. So I wish these Alec Baldwins of the world would just keep their whiny mouths closed.
There I feel better.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I received a phone message today from my ex's uncle. I was told that my ex wanted ME to know that he moved back to California (I had heard the rumor but no confirmation). He (uncle) told me that he (ex) sold everything he owns, including his car. His mom paid his court costs and fines and he will be living with her. She will be supporting him 100%. He is not going to work and he is not going to pay child support. I don't know what I am more p*ssed at. He didn't tell the uncle to call to say goodbye to DD. He didn't call to say goodbye to DD. He didn't write a letter...nothing. He is refusing to work so he doesn't have to pay CS. I knew he would do something like that but it still stinks. He was required to pay 74.00 a month for the 11 years of her life. Now it will be bumped up to 200.00 a month. Not like it matters now. DH and I have to pay 8K for her braces. No we don't have 8K lying around so we are budgeting and saved up for a large downpayment. But HE gets to just walk away. No worrying about how to pay for things DD needs (as we had done for many years...about the whole family not just DD). Anyway that is my vent for the day.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I received a phone message today from my ex's uncle. I was told that my ex wanted ME to know that he moved back to California (I had heard the rumor but no confirmation). He (uncle) told me that he (ex) sold everything he owns, including his car. His mom paid his court costs and fines and he will be living with her. She will be supporting him 100%. He is not going to work and he is not going to pay child support. I don't know what I am more p*ssed at. He didn't tell the uncle to call to say goodbye to DD. He didn't call to say goodbye to DD. He didn't write a letter...nothing. He is refusing to work so he doesn't have to pay CS. I knew he would do something like that but it still stinks. He was required to pay 74.00 a month for the 11 years of her life. Now it will be bumped up to 200.00 a month. Not like it matters now. DH and I have to pay 8K for her braces. No we don't have 8K lying around so we are budgeting and saved up for a large downpayment. But HE gets to just walk away. No worrying about how to pay for things DD needs (as we had done for many years...about the whole family not just DD). Anyway that is my vent for the day.

OMG...I'm so sorry you have this crap heaped on you now. My ex did the same thing for a while where he quit his job and moved in with his mom. The court system was ever so helpful (NOT!). They told me there was nothing they could do as long as he refused to work. He even refused to apply for unemployment (he would have been eligible still-even with quitting his job) because he knew CS would be taken out of it and he didn't want any money sent in my direction. That whole scenario played out for nearly 8 years.

Anyway, wasn't that just soo sweet of your ex's uncle to call and deliver that lovely message? Maybe its all just BS too. Maybe your ex hopes that if your told he won't be working and that he sold everything he owns that you won't bother trying to come after him for the child support.

I feel your pain with the cash outlay that's heaped upon the CP. 8K...holy cow...that's a huge bullet to bite! Me and DH just had to put out 1k for oral surgery for DS (not covered by our dental unfortunately) and another 1k for payment on his college class (just one stinking class too). Of course my ex doesn't pony up for anything towards that stuff. Its rought trying to pull money out of your backside all the time and we don't have a choice, we just have to figure out how to do it. I only wish I could sit back and whine and make pitiful excuses. No...I take that back, I have no desire to be that pathetic.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

I received a phone message today from my ex's uncle. I was told that my ex wanted ME to know that he moved back to California (I had heard the rumor but no confirmation). He (uncle) told me that he (ex) sold everything he owns, including his car. His mom paid his court costs and fines and he will be living with her. She will be supporting him 100%. He is not going to work and he is not going to pay child support. I don't know what I am more p*ssed at. He didn't tell the uncle to call to say goodbye to DD. He didn't call to say goodbye to DD. He didn't write a letter...nothing. He is refusing to work so he doesn't have to pay CS. I knew he would do something like that but it still stinks. He was required to pay 74.00 a month for the 11 years of her life. Now it will be bumped up to 200.00 a month. Not like it matters now. DH and I have to pay 8K for her braces. No we don't have 8K lying around so we are budgeting and saved up for a large downpayment. But HE gets to just walk away. No worrying about how to pay for things DD needs (as we had done for many years...about the whole family not just DD). Anyway that is my vent for the day.

Well, tell the uncle to tell HIM, "Good luck with the ladies with THAT kind of life!"

Good heavens! Can you say Looooooooooser!

And to you Goofy4Donald, I'm so sorry.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thank you, KMF & MPA. I am pretty upset. I just found out that ex IS looking for work in California, although his line of work is usually self employed. I just don't want him to get away with walking away feeling like since he moved out of state he doesn't have to pay the 2500 in back or any future child support. Should I still go through my state's child support enforcement or should I contact California or am I SOL?

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

Thank you, KMF & MPA. I am pretty upset. I just found out that ex IS looking for work in California, although his line of work is usually self employed. I just don't want him to get away with walking away feeling like since he moved out of state he doesn't have to pay the 2500 in back or any future child support. Should I still go through my state's child support enforcement or should I contact California or am I SOL?

You should contact child support enforcement in your state. But without an employer's name and address, I don't know how much they can do for you. How was your conversation with the uncle? Was he friendly or sympathetic towards you or more in defense of the loser, I mean ex? Maybe he could help you out. Sometimes, not everyone agrees with what a deadbeat does, whether they are related or not.

 

[ameraumi]

I normally lurk as I was once received CS. Hope you all don't mind I am popping in to reply.

Thank you, KMF & MPA. I am pretty upset. I just found out that ex IS looking for work in California, although his line of work is usually self employed. I just don't want him to get away with walking away feeling like since he moved out of state he doesn't have to pay the 2500 in back or any future child support. Should I still go through my state's child support enforcement or should I contact California or am I SOL?

Yes, contact your enforcement office and give them all the info you can. If you know his mom's address, give it to them. If you at least got his uncle's number, hand that over. If he is on probation, be sure to notify that office as well.

Here, the court will have fun with it. My ex (DS's sperm donor) would not get a "real" job and worked as a contractor. The court would no longer accept that and required him to register with Workforce One (our unemployment office) and get job training. If he missed his weekly payments, he had to do so many hours of community service. They really started to crack down on these types of cases.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Here, the court will have fun with it. My ex (DS's sperm donor) would not get a "real" job and worked as a contractor. The court would no longer accept that and required him to register with Workforce One (our unemployment office) and get job training. If he missed his weekly payments, he had to do so many hours of community service. They really started to crack down on these types of cases.

I really wish they would do something like that in NJ.

Should I still go through my state's child support enforcement or should I contact California or am I SOL?

I'd do both-contact your state's CS office and then contact California on your own. It can't hurt to cover your bases.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thanks to everyone that replied. The tone of the uncle was pretty much like a...HA! HA! he left and you can't do anything about it (the worst thing is nobody let my DD know her dad was leaving the state). His mother hates me and she would only see her son's (my ex's) side. I do know that California is tough on CS but maybe not so much if the original order is out of state. Anyway I do know that he wasn't supposed to leave the state and he did anyway (he had a suspended sentance that is not up until Feb 2010). I also know that his grandmother left him a lot of money and a house but his mom is helping him hide his assets. I don't want anything other that what is owed. Although he may be 'winning' right now...hopefully my DD will realize who was actually there for her and who refused to be.

 

[kgle]

I have to agree. Most definitely contact your county's child support enforcement agency.

My son's dad disappeared soon after he was 3 months old. Rylan was born in April and I filed in August. I gave them the info I had, which was not much AT ALL. I mean...I had his description, name, and place of work. That's it. They contacted his employer who told them he moved to Texas. It took them a LONG time to track him down, but they did. An interstate case takes much longer than normal. I believe they say 6-9 months after the information is sent to the NC parent's state. I filed in August of 06 and didn't get child support established until July of 08. We just had more difficulties than normal.

Don't give up. Definitely contact someone, they should be able to get it taken care of.

 

[kellyg403]

Thanks to everyone that replied. The tone of the uncle was pretty much like a...HA! HA! he left and you can't do anything about it (the worst thing is nobody let my DD know her dad was leaving the state). His mother hates me and she would only see her son's (my ex's) side. I do know that California is tough on CS but maybe not so much if the original order is out of state. Anyway I do know that he wasn't supposed to leave the state and he did anyway (he had a suspended sentance that is not up until Feb 2010). I also know that his grandmother left him a lot of money and a house but his mom is helping him hide his assets. I don't want anything other that what is owed. Although he may be 'winning' right now...hopefully my DD will realize who was actually there for her and who refused to be.

Just wanted to chime in Goofy, yes CA is tough where child support is concerned. Definitely get as much info as you can, but I would be as under the radar as possible. It will take a little longer but interstate c/s cases seem to get more enforcement. Maybe because the initiating state is on their case. My ds dad lived in another state, required to pay 31 bucks a week and never paid. VA made life for him in NY impossible. He finally started to pay when VA issued an order for NY to put a lien on his property (which he had none, he lived with his mommy too), suspend his license and a warrant for jail. He spent 18 days in jail of a 30 day sentence. While he was not a happy camper when he finally got to me those 18 days later, trust me he never wanted to go back to jail. It was demoralizing for him He didn't ever stay current or anything but he would send the money every now and again and then VA would start again and he would pay in full to avoid the whole scenerio again. If I was in your shoes any information at all I could give Support Enforcement I would. You will get a case number in CA that will be linked to your order now. He deserves to pay, he is stupid to think he will get away with it forever. CA will make sure that if it isn't on his credit report it will be now. That is the first thing they do. Even if you are current CA makes a credit bureau listing. Your ex might have big plans but trust me, with a several thousand dollar arrearage showing up on his credit report, he will be lucky to be a clunker off a finance now lot. Keep going and persuing. Your dd deserves every dollar and you deserve to have a few minutes of financial peace.

As for the uncle and the mother. I would be so nice, it would make them sick just talking to me. They want to think you are the bad guy? Good for 'em. Just don't let them see what you are doing. I know my ds's grandmother to this day tells ds if it weren't for the fact I moved to my mom's house in another state his dad would have been the perfect father. Yeah, at 25 my ds knows better. I even sent pictures through support enforcement since I didn't have an adress and they could do nothing but pass them on. Mr perfect knew where his kid was and I made sure if he passed him on the street he would be able to know who his kid was. They are always going to blame you and when your dd gets older you will have the privilege of saying finally the truth to those idiots. Ds's grandmother said something to me one time right around ds 22 birthday, how sad she was her son missed this or that and how horrible it was I kept him from him blah blah. I laid it out for her in the not so nicest way possible and told her take some blame because she was his problem not me. It felt so good walking away saying my piece. Hopefully that will happen for you.


Kelly

 

[ameraumi]

Thanks to everyone that replied. The tone of the uncle was pretty much like a...HA! HA! he left and you can't do anything about it (the worst thing is nobody let my DD know her dad was leaving the state). His mother hates me and she would only see her son's (my ex's) side. I do know that California is tough on CS but maybe not so much if the original order is out of state. Anyway I do know that he wasn't supposed to leave the state and he did anyway (he had a suspended sentance that is not up until Feb 2010). I also know that his grandmother left him a lot of money and a house but his mom is helping him hide his assets. I don't want anything other that what is owed. Although he may be 'winning' right now...hopefully my DD will realize who was actually there for her and who refused to be.

I know it will not help you get the support you are owed, but you really do need to contact the probation office as well. Having two offices working on finding him is better than one.

 

[kellyg403]

I know it will not help you get the support you are owed, but you really do need to contact the probation office as well. Having two offices working on finding him is better than one.

I agree. You won't see the c/s but he will finally 'get it' that you mean business. Maybe in the end that will get some money coming your way. Let's face it, lots of times these guys seem to always come out smelling like roses while we are dealing with you know what. Let him deal with it. Ds's dad was totally unbelieving up until the moment they picked him up. Guess what, he couldn't get out of jail until someone paid the arrears. His mommy wouldn't do it for him! But, you know what? He saw the system worked slowly but it did indeed work. And since yours is a mommy's boy too, jail will be an eyeopening experience. Mommy can't fix some things no matter the amount of money. At the very least he will finally be someplace and you will have a 'reason' why you aren't getting the money.

Kelly

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thanks again for all the advice. I just want to double check something. If there are any experts maybe you can chime in..sorry if this is a repeat.

My ex was sentanced to 360 days in jail all but 7 suspended. This was for resisting arrest and driving with a suspended lic (he actually did more things but this was the final outcome). Both charges have a max of 6 months in jail. He received the max even though it was suspended. To give him the benefit of the doubt, I am guessing that he served the 7 days. According to my math, the 353 remaining days would not be up until January 24, 2010. Is a person allowed to leave the state during this time period?

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Thanks again for all the advice. I just want to double check something. If there are any experts maybe you can chime in..sorry if this is a repeat.

My ex was sentanced to 360 days in jail all but 7 suspended. This was for resisting arrest and driving with a suspended lic (he actually did more things but this was the final outcome). Both charges have a max of 6 months in jail. He received the max even though it was suspended. To give him the benefit of the doubt, I am guessing that he served the 7 days. According to my math, the 353 remaining days would not be up until January 24, 2010. Is a person allowed to leave the state during this time period?

Yes, he's allowed to leave unless he is on probation in conjunction with the suspended sentence.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I called and left a message with my case worker. The CS supervisor called me back. She was pretty P.O.'d. She got all the info from me. She told him that it was pretty good that he moved to Ca. They are tough. She said that they will toss him in jail if he he thinks that he can move away and avoid his responsibility. Since he is living with his mom, she asked for mom's name and will call her, as well. Calif hates it when deadbeats move to their state and think they can get away with it. If he does not pay they will file with the credit bureau, post his pic in the post office and if nothing else toss him in jail. It is not my goal to ruin his life but he should not get away with it. Hopefully he will then learn that I mean business.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

I called and left a message with my case worker. The CS supervisor called me back. She was pretty P.O.'d. She got all the info from me. She told him that it was pretty good that he moved to Ca. They are tough. She said that they will toss him in jail if he he thinks that he can move away and avoid his responsibility. Since he is living with his mom, she asked for mom's name and will call her, as well. Calif hates it when deadbeats move to their state and think they can get away with it. If he does not pay they will file with the credit bureau, post his pic in the post office and if nothing else toss him in jail. It is not my goal to ruin his life but he should not get away with it. Hopefully he will then learn that I mean business.

You GO girl! I hope it works!

 

[summerrluvv]

nm

 

[ameraumi]

I called and left a message with my case worker. The CS supervisor called me back. She was pretty P.O.'d. She got all the info from me. She told him that it was pretty good that he moved to Ca. They are tough. She said that they will toss him in jail if he he thinks that he can move away and avoid his responsibility. Since he is living with his mom, she asked for mom's name and will call her, as well. Calif hates it when deadbeats move to their state and think they can get away with it. If he does not pay they will file with the credit bureau, post his pic in the post office and if nothing else toss him in jail. It is not my goal to ruin his life but he should not get away with it. Hopefully he will then learn that I mean business.

Wonderful! Did you happen to call about the Probation Office too?

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Wonderful! Did you happen to call about the Probation Office too?

Apparently it is quite common for people that try to avoid paying CS, by leaving the state, also have some trouble with the law. The CS supervisor has had to work with probation many times for this exact senerio. She told me that since my state is pretty lax about actually putting many offenders behind bars that they are required to stay in the state 9 times out of 10, during the entire suspended sentance. She said that they are required to meet with their probation officer usually every month are are required to get and keep a job. According to the public court records ex went to court on Jan 22. According to his ex he sold (and pawned) all his stuff (including his car and my DDs bike and all the rest of her belongings) and left town Jan 25. I received bits and pieces of information from his ex and the 'nice' uncle that called me.