Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[Miss Park Avenue]

Financially taking care of DD was never important to ex.

I just don't get this mentality. How can men just NOT care like that?

I don't know why he might go to jail, and you don't have to share that but if he can weasle out of child support, maybe he can weasle out of jail time? If he does, just stay on him. Hey, maybe if he gets probation, will failure to pay child support be some sort of break in his probation???? I don't know the laws in that case. But if it does, the fear of jail might make him straighten up.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I just don't get this mentality. How can men just NOT care like that?

I don't know why he might go to jail, and you don't have to share that but if he can weasle out of child support, maybe he can weasle out of jail time? If he does, just stay on him. Hey, maybe if he get's probation, will failure to pay child support be some sort of break in his probation???? I don't know the laws in that case. But if it does, the fear of jail might make him straighten up.

You hit the nail on the head. The key word being WEASLE. He is a con man. I do not know how he can get himself out of this but if anyone can it is him. Long story short he beat his wife, threatened her with a gun. Neighbor came to help he threatened her too. Police were called ex kicked cop and tried to drive away with a suspended lic. I do not know how I ever ended up with person like this? I am so normal I am boring.
I left a message w/ my case worker (she just loves getting calls from me ). I wanted to see when payments should start (it has been 3 weeks since the order was sent. Reason being is he is out on bail and the court date keeps getting postponed. He is working and I think I should get a couple of payment before he goes away. If he goes away.
Anyway he has a valid reason fornot thinking he should pay child support. I left him. That is it. It was my decision to leave so I should have to be responsible for DD alone.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I am done feeling sorry for myself. My ex is a lot of things but he is DD's father and he needs to step up and take responisibility. I am going to (once again) lay out my situation and maybe see if I can get another (thanks guys) perspective.

Ex owes me almost 3,000.

Monthly child support is 74.00

Last payment was 74.00 in March

Ex only has supervised visitation. Will not give up custody

I filed w/ child support in Sept

Oct 22 received a warrent to withhold his earnings...up to 50%
Have not received 1 payment or any communication from caseworker since the 10-22 letter.

2 weeks ago found out ex may be going to jail...don't know for how long...worried I may not receive CS

Ex never keeps a job very long. Ave. 3 months at 1 place...6 months is a record...again I am afraid of no CS

DD needs braces. They will cost me 200.00 a month.

Here is my situation..once again..thank you for taking the time to re-read them. Here is my question.

How often would you call your case worker, based on the above information, if you have not heard from her since October 22?

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I just received a payment. The state is withholding 50% of ex's paychecks for child support. They just updated my account...$21.85. Yes he owed me 74.00 a month and is 2855.00 in arrears and I will be receiving 21.85 within 7 days. Knowing my ex he has probably already quit his job. I took my daughter to the orthodontist today and she needs 5K worth of braces and probably 2 teeth extractions. So I guess that $21.85 will go towards the $5,000.00 + worth of dental. Thank God for my DH that is going to work overtime to pay for the braces. I just feel so guilty that I am not working and my DH is working OT because my DD needs something (he is not complaining btw) and the piece of cr*p ex- husband of mine won't support her. I am so upset I am in tears.

Someone please respond. Please let me know I am not the only one.

 

[phragmipedium]

I just received a payment. The state is withholding 50% of ex's paychecks for child support. They just updated my account...$21.85. Yes he owed me 74.00 a month and is 2855.00 in arrears and I will be receiving 21.85 within 7 days. Knowing my ex he has probably already quit his job. I took my daughter to the orthodontist today and she needs 5K worth of braces and probably 2 teeth extractions. So I guess that $21.85 will go towards the $5,000.00 + worth of dental. Thank God for my DH that is going to work overtime to pay for the braces. I just feel so guilty that I am not working and my DH is working OT because my DD needs something (he is not complaining btw) and the piece of cr*p ex- husband of mine won't support her. I am so upset I am in tears.

Someone please respond. Please let me know I am not the only one.

I've refrained from posting here because I recently started working in child support and I know we're not always your favorite people...but you asked for a response, and I'm offering up a . It's hard. I'm sorry you're going through this. It seems like some NCPs are just...missing something from that human element that you might think all people have, wanting to see the best for their children and being willing to do without for themselves in order to better their child. It's frustrating to work with as well, and I hope the best for all the parents and their children in this thread.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

I just received a payment. The state is withholding 50% of ex's paychecks for child support. They just updated my account...$21.85. Yes he owed me 74.00 a month and is 2855.00 in arrears and I will be receiving 21.85 within 7 days. Knowing my ex he has probably already quit his job. I took my daughter to the orthodontist today and she needs 5K worth of braces and probably 2 teeth extractions. So I guess that $21.85 will go towards the $5,000.00 + worth of dental. Thank God for my DH that is going to work overtime to pay for the braces. I just feel so guilty that I am not working and my DH is working OT because my DD needs something (he is not complaining btw) and the piece of cr*p ex- husband of mine won't support her. I am so upset I am in tears.

Someone please respond. Please let me know I am not the only one.

I don't understand? $21.85? Was his check only $44.00? I've got to get my kids in bed so I can't stay long, but kudos to your husband for being a "real" man!

 

[Mrsduck101]

I just received a payment. The state is withholding 50% of ex's paychecks for child support. They just updated my account...$21.85. Yes he owed me 74.00 a month and is 2855.00 in arrears and I will be receiving 21.85 within 7 days. Knowing my ex he has probably already quit his job. I took my daughter to the orthodontist today and she needs 5K worth of braces and probably 2 teeth extractions. So I guess that $21.85 will go towards the $5,000.00 + worth of dental. Thank God for my DH that is going to work overtime to pay for the braces. I just feel so guilty that I am not working and my DH is working OT because my DD needs something (he is not complaining btw) and the piece of cr*p ex- husband of mine won't support her. I am so upset I am in tears.

Someone please respond. Please let me know I am not the only one.

My ex is over $22k in arrears... so yes I know what you are talking about. He took the kids to Chuckie Cheese and the mall one weekend, then hasn't come to pick them up on his weekend in 6 weeks because he is "broke" since then. Oh yeah, our divorce is still pending due to some legal wording even though we both stood in front of the judge and agreed to the terms. My kids (12, 10, 4) need to go to the dentist, for annual check ups, etc but he won't even look at the court order to pay 66% of expenses not covered by insurance. Oh yeah, in the past year he got his (now ex) girlfriend pregnant and had twin girls that he doesn't support either.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I've refrained from posting here because I recently started working in child support and I know we're not always your favorite people...but you asked for a response, and I'm offering up a . It's hard. I'm sorry you're going through this. It seems like some NCPs are just...missing something from that human element that you might think all people have, wanting to see the best for their children and being willing to do without for themselves in order to better their child. It's frustrating to work with as well, and I hope the best for all the parents and their children in this thread.

Thank you for posting. I don't think anyone dislikes child support workers. Unfortunately, many times, you are the people that we take our anger out on. I am just so upset, tonight. If I were to support my DD on 21.00 she would be taken away from me. I haven't seen a payment since March and I know he has been working for over 2 months (he has a habit of quitting jobs...this job is his 6th job this year).

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I don't understand? $21.85? Was his check only $44.00? I've got to get my kids in bed so I can't stay long, but kudos to your husband for being a "real" man!

That is what I am wondering. He has been at this job for at least 2 months and in a 2 week paycheck his net income was 44.00? I hope there is a better explanation.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

My ex is over $22k in arrears... so yes I know what you are talking about. He took the kids to Chuckie Cheese and the mall one weekend, then hasn't come to pick them up on his weekend in 6 weeks because he is "broke" since then. Oh yeah, our divorce is still pending due to some legal wording even though we both stood in front of the judge and agreed to the terms. My kids (12, 10, 4) need to go to the dentist, for annual check ups, etc but he won't even look at the court order to pay 66% of expenses not covered by insurance. Oh yeah, in the past year he got his (now ex) girlfriend pregnant and had twin girls that he doesn't support either.

My ex doesn't owe what yours does so 's to you. But yes I feel the same pain. Last December ex gave DD 2 pair of jeans his mother sent for DD. He told me that should cover him for a few months. I am speechless. My ex wanted to turn me in to child services, a year ago, because I didn't take DD to get braces. Now he can't even come up with 74.00 a month? I just don't understand the logic. Do these men even care? Or do they just assume we will find a way and they don't have to?

 

[haley's mom]

I've read about 1/2 of this post, but feel obligated to post my 2 cents.

While many of you on this thread are dealing with the typical deadbeat dad, there is a lot of criticism of NCP dad's. My DH has 2 wonderful kids, 10 and 16. He has had 3 jobs in the 8+ years we've been together. Never missed a single support payment. Has only taken ex to court for a reduction when he lost his jobs and was on unemployment. We have the kids every weekend for visitation. We never miss a weekend with them. We fight for extra time with them.

It is difficult at times due to the CP, but we try to make the most of the time with the kids.

The issue we have is that DH's ex does not work. So he pays her $800+ per month for the 2 kids and she does not work. She lives in a house that is worth more than 3x's what our house is worth. She drives newer car than ours, her BF claims the kids on the tax return as head of household.

My point is to please be careful about blanket statments about the NCP dad's out there. They are not all bad!!!

 

[kellyg403]

My ex doesn't owe what yours does so 's to you. But yes I feel the same pain. Last December ex gave DD 2 pair of jeans his mother sent for DD. He told me that should cover him for a few months. I am speechless. My ex wanted to turn me in to child services, a year ago, because I didn't take DD to get braces. Now he can't even come up with 74.00 a month? I just don't understand the logic. Do these men even care? Or do they just assume we will find a way and they don't have to?

Goof4Donald I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel..exactly. We have had the conversation here about braces too. I just want you to to know its not about your ex not wanting to send money/support your dd, its about getting even with you on her back. I don't get a lot of things with c/s. You are right, if you were to try and raise your dd on 44 a week, somebody would be coming and looking around and wondering if you should keep her. I used to get so angry because here I was working 3 jobs, I was managing a storage facility so I could get the apartment for free, from 8-2 m-f I worked in the next bldg over as a receptionist and after the storage facility closed at 8 I bundled up the 3 kids in the car and delivered pizza's for tip money so I could buy diapers. Yet their dad could work at McDonald's and pay sparadoically 31 a week. I used to think if I can figure out a way to work 3 jobs and I have responsibilities so he should be able to with none and living with his mother. I used to think that there should be a law that says if you have a child, your MINIMUM child support would be 100 a week and you figure out how to get it paid.

I am sincerely sorry that you are having to go through this. You have a wonderful dh and I know how guilty I felt when my dh had to pick up the pieces and work harder because I made the mistake. But, I do know that the best is yet to come. As hard as it is now, your dd will look at you and know who she can count on and who/what traits she will need to be a good parent/mother. And through your dh she is seeing what a "dad" should be.

God Bless your family...I know the struggles. Keep your chin up. I hope that c/s is able to give you some answers though sometimes its not what we want to hear. I don't know how he is living on that small of a pay, but something tells me there is an error AGAIN.

Kelly

 

[kellyg403]

I've read about 1/2 of this post, but feel obligated to post my 2 cents.

While many of you on this thread are dealing with the typical deadbeat dad, there is a lot of criticism of NCP dad's. My DH has 2 wonderful kids, 10 and 16. He has had 3 jobs in the 8+ years we've been together. Never missed a single support payment. Has only taken ex to court for a reduction when he lost his jobs and was on unemployment. We have the kids every weekend for visitation. We never miss a weekend with them. We fight for extra time with them.

It is difficult at times due to the CP, but we try to make the most of the time with the kids.

The issue we have is that DH's ex does not work. So he pays her $800+ per month for the 2 kids and she does not work. She lives in a house that is worth more than 3x's what our house is worth. She drives newer car than ours, her BF claims the kids on the tax return as head of household.

My point is to please be careful about blanket statments about the NCP dad's out there. They are not all bad!!!

I agree that there are some wonderful NCP dad's out there, as well as CP dad's. But, not to get into an argument or to have a discussion about it one of the things that bothers me is your statement is that the ex does not work etc. As long as the children are doing fine, the c/s is ordered by the court as what it should be, and there is nothing in writing from the divorce decree that says that she should be giving your dh the tax deductions there is really nothing to worry about. I understand the moral issue behind it but she really doesn't have to work if she and her boyfriend have decided that is the best way to handle things. Knowing the ages of your children my guess would be the lack of understanding that your $800 a month goes in some way to the children. $400 a month per child is really not a lot if they are teens! Trust me! What she has and what she drives and what she is worth is really irrelevant in the long run, as long as the court has said this is the amount to pay according to your income. I am truly sorry if she fights with you about visitation though. I don't understand why people just don't understand the kids love their parents and get over it. The adults fighting about visitation and the kids suffer for it. I hope that you are able to get that resolved because that is something you shouldn't have to fight about. Even the court will tell you...visitation and c/s are too different things. Even if dad/mom is 5 years behind it matters not because visitation is not being paid for with c/s.
Just like it doesn't matter how the CP uses the 800. During the month she is giving out, giving them a home, a ride, clothes, food on the table, electricity, water, and whatever else that comes along. So, in effect are making the statement that she does not work so the kids do not get anything? I am not sure what it means to say she doesn't work, yet has a home and car to take care of the children?

Good luck to you!
Kelly

 

[kellyg403]

I've refrained from posting here because I recently started working in child support and I know we're not always your favorite people...but you asked for a response, and I'm offering up a . It's hard. I'm sorry you're going through this. It seems like some NCPs are just...missing something from that human element that you might think all people have, wanting to see the best for their children and being willing to do without for themselves in order to better their child. It's frustrating to work with as well, and I hope the best for all the parents and their children in this thread.

Bingo! They are missing something. Its not about the kids its about making sure the other adult doesn't see a red cent and have an "easier" life. Sometimes I shake my head when the NCP who is supposed to be paying 74, 44 or in my case 31 week actually thinks he is making a difference. Mine actually said to me he didn't want to send the money so I could use it for myself. Yeah..thanks I guess that pair of pantyhose and cup of coffee I was looking forward to buying when the check came in will have to wait. Please, get a grip. I can't imagine working with them day in and day out. My only hope is that you see the other ones sometimes, the ones willing to pay whatever c/s that has been ordered and know that they wish they could do more for their kids.

Kelly

 

[disneydreamin247]

I've read about 1/2 of this post, but feel obligated to post my 2 cents.

While many of you on this thread are dealing with the typical deadbeat dad, there is a lot of criticism of NCP dad's. My DH has 2 wonderful kids, 10 and 16. He has had 3 jobs in the 8+ years we've been together. Never missed a single support payment. Has only taken ex to court for a reduction when he lost his jobs and was on unemployment. We have the kids every weekend for visitation. We never miss a weekend with them. We fight for extra time with them.

It is difficult at times due to the CP, but we try to make the most of the time with the kids.

The issue we have is that DH's ex does not work. So he pays her $800+ per month for the 2 kids and she does not work. She lives in a house that is worth more than 3x's what our house is worth. She drives newer car than ours, her BF claims the kids on the tax return as head of household.

My point is to please be careful about blanket statments about the NCP dad's out there. They are not all bad!!!

I don't think anyone here makes blanker statements about ALL NCPs, just the ones that we are dealing with specifically. I know for sure that there are good dads out there who pay MORE than what court orders because they actually care about their children, not about being spiteful and revengeful.

Bingo! They are missing something. Its not about the kids its about making sure the other adult doesn't see a red cent and have an "easier" life. Sometimes I shake my head when the NCP who is supposed to be paying 74, 44 or in my case 31 week actually thinks he is making a difference. Mine actually said to me he didn't want to send the money so I could use it for myself. Yeah..thanks I guess that pair of pantyhose and cup of coffee I was looking forward to buying when the check came in will have to wait. Please, get a grip. I can't imagine working with them day in and day out. My only hope is that you see the other ones sometimes, the ones willing to pay whatever c/s that has been ordered and know that they wish they could do more for their kids.

Kelly

One time when my donor was paying $25 a week he asked me how he's supposed to know I'm not taking my boyfriend out to eat! I said well first of all unlike you I don't have time to date because I'm taking care of my child and second of all $25 isn't enough to go to McDonald's with.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I don't think anyone here makes blanker statements about ALL NCPs, just the ones that we are dealing with specifically. I know for sure that there are good dads out there who pay MORE than what court orders because they actually care about their children, not about being spiteful and revengeful.

You took the words right out of my mouth. Of course there are wonderful NCP's out there. In fact I think we've mentioned that more than a few times in this thread. Unfortunately, most of us on this thread don't have the luxury of that situation. I think if I had a stand up type of ex husband, I wouldn't even have started this thread, much less participated in it...there'd be nothing to talk about cause it would all be lollipops and roses. The sad fact is we are all dealing with difficult and varied situations.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I hear more than my fair share of comments about the CP's (women in particular) being painted as spiteful, vindictive b*****'s...so the sword cuts both ways. We get a bad rap too when it is not necessarily deserved.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

kellyg403 said it better than I ever could because this is what I have been accused of since the day I told him I was not going to let him off the hook with child support.

I worked full time up until the day my daughter was born (literally, my water broke at the office. I had her that night). For the next ten years, I was a SAHM. The deal was that I fed and clothed the family, took care of the house and finances, and he went out and worked and supported us. We had a modest home in WV that was on the market, and a luxury apartment in Portland OR, that we just moved into. Then one day he got "tired" and I was shown the door.

I lost EVERYTHING when I left. I bought $10 duffel bags at Wal-mart so I could fit whatever I could in them and the girls and I stuffed them and dragged them through the airport (thank goodness, this was when you were allowed three bags at check-in, plus a carry-on, plus each of us carried two coats) and flew home to my parents house in WV. I had no job, no home, no furniture. I had a little part time job that I could have gone back to, but that would never had made our house payment.

So, exactly how DOES someone go from being a full time wife/mom with a house and her own car to a single mother with nothing? Do I keep my house? How will I pay for it? I stayed up many nights crying and praying and pondering just how I was going to keep my life from shattering into a million pieces. I realized that I needed to take a step back and rely on the support system I had (family back home) and the alimony and child support I was legally entitled to. I sold my home at a loss (since he had borrowed so much against it...no profit), moved in with my parents, and went back to school.

At first my ex told me, "Whatever you want, you got." Then he saw what a SAHM and two kids are really worth. I got called every name in the book. Screamed at to get off my lazy butt and get a job. His sister sent me a text messege that made my blood run cold. I stuck to my guns. I knew we were worth it. I knew I wasn't being vindictive. I knew I didn't ask to clean him out. I only asked for what I was due. I also know that man can blow through money like no one else on earth (he bought a mustang GTO less than a month after I left) and if he had two nickels to his name, he'd charge something that cost three nickels. And there was NO WAY I was going to let him have all his toys and then cry to me about how he can't support his kids.

I also knew my limitations and that if I got a job, there would be no school (I admire the superwomen who can do it all, work, school, single mom, live on their own I really wish I could be more like them, but I can't). I have my plan, I keep my debts low (although we visit the orthodontist Friday). School is my #1 secular priority. I chose Sergical Tech because it was the fastest route to a job. I laugh now because I was accused of being bitter and told to get a life and move on. What does he think, that brand new lives are cheap and easy? I'm doing it, I AM working hard on it, and it's happening.

Sorry for rambling. I know I've posted this all before. haley's mom, I know there are wonderful NCPs out there. That is truly great that you and your dh put his kids first. And I know that my situation may be 180 degrees different than that of your dh's ex. Every situation is different. I just hear, "but she doesn't work" accusation about myself and it hurts considering what I've been through. I'm 42 years old and starting my whole life over from scratch. I deserve my alimony for the 16 years I was married (the alimony stops after I graduate BTW). I'm doing the best I know how.

 

[kellyg403]

One time when my donor was paying $25 a week he asked me how he's supposed to know I'm not taking my boyfriend out to eat! I said well first of all unlike you I don't have time to date because I'm taking care of my child and second of all $25 isn't enough to go to McDonald's with.

Makes you wonder sometimes doesn't it? If I had a penny for every single time I was accused of using "HIS" money to play on, I wouldn't have needed c/s!

Kelly

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

One time when my donor was paying $25 a week he asked me how he's supposed to know I'm not taking my boyfriend out to eat! I said well first of all unlike you I don't have time to date because I'm taking care of my child and second of all $25 isn't enough to go to McDonald's with.

This where NCP's and CP's will differ on their take on this. If your kids have everything they need who cares if you use 25.00 to take your boyfriend out to eat. It costs a lot more that 25.00 a week to raise a child. If you want to get down to the penny it costs me about 700.00 a month to raise DD. This is including her portion of mtg, food, phone, electricity,gas to drive her to school and her activities etc. Her extras (sports, violin, gymnastics) cost about 150.00 a month. Her braces are going to cost 5000.00. My ex is ordered to pay 74.00 a month and is behind 2800. My daughter has never suffered (at least she never realized she was going without) but boy I sure have. That is what mother's do. I went without new clothes (and I did need them) for a long time so my kids would have nice clothes to wear to school. So when and if the child support ever comes. I feel that I can use that money in any way I see fit. Since I already have my DD covered and she was taken care of during the time NCP did not pay it really is none of his business who gets a new pair of shoes with that money.

 

[disneydreamin247]

This where NCP's and CP's will differ on their take on this. If your kids have everything they need who cares if you use 25.00 to take your boyfriend out to eat. It costs a lot more that 25.00 a week to raise a child. If you want to get down to the penny it costs me about 700.00 a month to raise DD. This is including her portion of mtg, food, phone, electricity,gas to drive her to school and her activities etc. Her extras (sports, violin, gymnastics) cost about 150.00 a month. Her braces are going to cost 5000.00. My ex is ordered to pay 74.00 a month and is behind 2800. My daughter has never suffered (at least she never realized she was going without) but boy I sure have. That is what mother's do. I went without new clothes (and I did need them) for a long time so my kids would have nice clothes to wear to school. So when and if the child support ever comes. I feel that I can use that money in any way I see fit. Since I already have my DD covered and she was taken care of during the time NCP did not pay it really is none of his business who gets a new pair of shoes with that money.

Exactly how I feel. Any CS I get is retribution for money I already laid out, and therefore I can spend it any way I choose. I technically already spent the CS on DS. I have lost 96 lbs and was wearing the same clothes the entire time. I just bought myself new clothes and only because my old stuff was literally falling off of my body. DS however has all new fall clothes. And I just spent $1300 to get the rest of his teeth fixed since his donor never paid his half and it couldn't wait any longer.