Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[GOOFY4DONALD]

All I have to go on are my experiences, so for what it's worth ...

In my case, she, the judge, ordered the percentage in the original proceedings but never stated a time frame in which he had to pay. So he would just not pay based her not ordering a time frame. I would have to get an order and she would say you owe this $xx.xx within 30 days time.

You can imagine what would happen. Anything over that amount he would refuse to pay, back to court, she orders this $xx.xx within 30 days time.

We just in court on 9/23 and I demanded that she word the order that it applies to any and all future submissions. Coming back for every amount is a huge waste of time and resources. So she finally worded it that way.

I received a letter on 10/03 that he wasn't paying within 30 days and I didn't like I could take him to court. He's planning to make monthly payments on his terms. I can't win.

But based on those experiences, I would think that yes, because your decree explicity states he is responsible for 1/2 that you should not have to go to court to have it enforced. It seems pretty straightforward to me.

What is CSED? I don't recall what it stands for.

Thanks for the info. I think I will ask about it at a later date (they can't get him to pay the 74.00 a month as it is but I feel slightly better knowing that he is going to rack up a huge amount to the state). Here we call it CSED...Child Support Enforcement Division.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I just thought I would give this a bump and an update. The child support enforcement hasn't given him the papers, as he refuses the certified letter. Then child support enforcement send over a process server and a woman, at the door, said he didn't live there (he still lived there as of Wednesday I know some of his neighboors). Next they went to his work and apparently he quit his job.
He has cancelled his supervised visitation until after Thanksgiving (that part both me and DD are glad about...yes I bite my tongue about ex but DD is 11 and she has made up her own mind).
I also found out that he shot at (yes he is insane) his new wife and she left him. Hopefully he will leave the state (his family lives elsewhere) but then any chances of getting a dime are gone.

 

[Belle0101]

I just thought I would give this a bump and an update. The child support enforcement hasn't given him the papers, as he refuses the certified letter. Then child support enforcement send over a process server and a woman, at the door, said he didn't live there (he still lived there as of Wednesday I know some of his neighboors). Next they went to his work and apparently he quit his job.
He has cancelled his supervised visitation until after Thanksgiving (that part both me and DD are glad about...yes I bite my tongue about ex but DD is 11 and she has made up her own mind).
I also found out that he shot at (yes he is insane) his new wife and she left him. Hopefully he will leave the state (his family lives elsewhere) but then any chances of getting a dime are gone.

I've been thinking a lot this week and for me at least, I'd give up the money if I knew my ex would never be around again. I think in the long run everybody, DS included, would be better for it.

Makes you wonder though, he shot at his wife, moved and quit his job. He doesn't should like a stable person at all. What a nightmare.

 

[disneydreamin247]

I've been thinking a lot this week and for me at least, I'd give up the money if I knew my ex would never be around again. I think in the long run everybody, DS included, would be better for it.

Makes you wonder though, he shot at his wife, moved and quit his job. He doesn't should like a stable person at all. What a nightmare.

I told my ex I would stop seeking CS if he were to sign over his rights. He seriously considered it, so how much does that tell you about him? In the end he turned the offer down because his life is no fun if he doesn't have control over me.

 

[Belle0101]

I told my ex I would stop seeking CS if he were to sign over his rights. He seriously considered it, so how much does that tell you about him? In the end he turned the offer down because his life is no fun if he doesn't have control over me.

(Bolding is mine) Truer words could not have been spoken! Just this week I had a good friend point that out to me. It was like one of those cartoon light bulb moments for me. His needing to have control over my life even after 12 years.

Get a life, get a hobby, get over it, something.

 

[disneydreamin247]

(Bolding is mine) Truer words could not have been spoken! Just this week I had a good friend point that out to me. It was like one of those cartoon light bulb moments for me. His needing to have control over my life even after 12 years.

Get a life, get a hobby, get over it, something.

Exactly! He has a "wife" (they tell everyone they're married, well she does, but they aren't) and he has another kid, calls her other kid his, and allegedly they're having another one due next month (even though she didn't look 8 months pregnant 2 weeks ago) but he can't let go of us. Not even us, ME. He could care less about DS. He never saw DS' neurologist, he skipped the appointment when DS was diagnosed with PDD-NOS/ADHD, never went to the pediatrician or dentist, but now that he has to pay half the dentist bill he has a sudden urge to speak to her.

 

[Belle0101]

Exactly! He has a "wife" (they tell everyone they're married, well she does, but they aren't) and he has another kid, calls her other kid his, and allegedly they're having another one due next month (even though she didn't look 8 months pregnant 2 weeks ago) but he can't let go of us. Not even us, ME. He could care less about DS. He never saw DS' neurologist, he skipped the appointment when DS was diagnosed with PDD-NOS/ADHD, never went to the pediatrician or dentist, but now that he has to pay half the dentist bill he has a sudden urge to speak to her.

Oh my gosh! The similarities are downright scary! I can count on one hand, and have fingers left over, the number of times he's been to any of DS' doctor appointments. And then it's only because I inform of what the doctor has said or suggested and since I am nothing but a liar, he then makes a separate appointment, gets the same information and of course refuses to pay the bill. Why do they have to be like that?

My ex had a wife. He testified in court that the marriage broke apart and she left because of me. What? I couldn't have told anybody what she looked like, picked her out of a crowd, nothing. I never met her or saw her up close to remember what she looked like. Never even had the opportunity to say "boo" to her and yet I caused her to leave. Yeah, okay. And I did this why? Boggles the mind.

If I can ask ... what is PDD-NOS? Regardless, I hope your son is doing okay.

 

[disneydreamin247]

Oh my gosh! The similarities are downright scary! I can count on one hand, and have fingers left over, the number of times he's been to any of DS' doctor appointments. And then it's only because I inform of what the doctor has said or suggested and since I am nothing but a liar, he then makes a separate appointment, gets the same information and of course refuses to pay the bill. Why do they have to be like that?

My ex had a wife. He testified in court that the marriage broke apart and she left because of me. What? I couldn't have told anybody what she looked like, picked her out of a crowd, nothing. I never met her or saw her up close to remember what she looked like. Never even had the opportunity to say "boo" to her and yet I caused her to leave. Yeah, okay. And I did this why? Boggles the mind.

If I can ask ... what is PDD-NOS? Regardless, I hope your son is doing okay.

I swear I want to know who raises these "men". You would think that my ex would be more mature and able to handle DS' disability since I'm 24 and he's 28, but I started this battle with his disabilities since BIRTH (he's been a barrel of fun right out of the womb including surgery at 7 weeks old) while his "dad" has done nothing for him. He couldn't tell you anything about DS' needs or how PDD effects his life. He has NO CLUE! PDD-NOS is an Autism Spectrum Disorder. DS SHOULD be in school but the board of ed screwed us big time and do you think his dad knows or cares? NOPE! He would never be able to do the things I do on a daily basis.

Sorry for the rant but I'm so stressed out about this and get so mad when he claims rights to DS when he doesn't do anything for him. All he says is he has an "autistic kid", his words not mine. Wait till he gets the bill for the neurologist and the dentist.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Look at the ex's mother. My ex's mother was almost violent toward anyone that would look twice at her son. She paid all his bills and he lived with her until he was almost 30 ( I know I should have seen the red flags but I was 18....and stupid). His mother would fight all his battles and clean up his messes. He never learned to stand up and be a man. So now when things don't go his way he either runs away from his problems, blames others or gets violently angry.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I told my ex I would stop seeking CS if he were to sign over his rights. He seriously considered it, so how much does that tell you about him? In the end he turned the offer down because his life is no fun if he doesn't have control over me.

I would love that but I am scared. In 10 years I don't want my DD believing that I was the one that kept her father away. At least this way she will know who's that bad guy. My fear is that he will move to California (where I am originally from) and try to get custody of her over there.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

NO!!! That's what he wants you to do! I waited over 3 yrs to file for c/s because I was afraid of what DS' donor might do to retaliate. You can't let them get away with it. We'll be here to support you through the whole thing.

I have to agree! Being nice about things because you don't want to seem like a b---- doesn't get you anywhere. At least it didn't in my case. My ex even went so far as to not pay c/s for three years and I never said a word when he would come for the kids in all that time. Instead of not rocking the boat, all that attitude did was show him how much he could get away with and how in control of everything he still was. I quickly learned I had to separate my emotions from the issue at hand and ever since then, I have been much better off for it. You may get some flack from your kids at first, but that is only because your ex is really good at the manipulation and the guilt trip. That's not a man when he has to gripe to the kids about what should be between you two. My ex tried that with the kids and at first I took a lot of garbage from my kids-UNTIL they heard and saw the other side. Then their father's diatribes and guilt trips didn't work anymore and they saw the situation for what it really was. Its a hard stance to take, but when you let fear dictate things with your ex, you really are losing out. I think you have the right attitude with worrying about what is important-your DD and her education. I'm in the same boat...I had one start college this past September and another going in three years...its a real financial concern. Your priorities are right where they should be-don't let your ex or your kids sway you. Your ex obviously won't see things straight when his wallet is in question and your DD is still not savvy enough to understand the intricacies of the whole scenario.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Then uninsured medical expenses, he always fights paying those. She finally ordered that no matter the amount he has 30 days to reimburse me. Mind you we were in court 9/23. Yesterday I received a letter from him stating that he wasn't paying any of that amount until I proved to his satisfaction that he owed it and furthermore, if I ever did prove it to his satisfaction then I was going to have to be happy with monthly payments and if I didn't like then I could just take him back to court.

I always send copies of EoBs, always. Now all of the sudden that is not enough for him. I called my attorney and he said that was proof because it shows what insurance did and didn't pay.

Anyhow, if you're still with me, thanks for listening. I almost can't take anymore of this. It's so hard to deal with.

I have the same situation with my ex having 30 days to reimburse me for half of the uncovered medical expenses. I send him the bills...30 days passes...he doesn't pay. Then I file with the court...2 months later we go to court...they order him to pay within another 30 days (anyone doing the math here? 120 days and still no money). If I'm lucky I get payment or partial payment right before I file with the court that he again didn't pay after being ordered to twice. In all honesty, I got sick of this whole game and the system seems to endorse it.

My ex used to call all the kids doctor's (after I provided him with the receipts and EOB's) and contest the bills with the physicians. Apparently he always made a huge splash with the staff. It was extremely embarrassing because I always got calls from the doctor's offices right after he spoke with them. This made our lives miserable and the kids didn't even want to go back to the same doctor's again. This was our punishment for seeking reimbursement on legitimate health care expenses. I DID give up on this one-having him cause such stress and anguish was just too much that no amount of money was worth it. I still hold him to the child support, but I haven't sent him the medical bills in years. When the kids started seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist and he called up demanding to know what they were saying in session (mind you, they were there because they were stressed because of HIM), that was the final straw. The kids couldn't even feel safe confiding their thoughts to a medical professional. I did finally have to get a court order that said he was not allowed to get that information and I promptly provided copies of that order to all the kids physicians. Sorry, I went off track a bit here. I just know it is very frustrating...sometimes you have to decide what is important. For me, the child support was a must, but the medical...it wasn't worth the hassle given my situation. I know I let my ex win on that one. Whatever...I have peace of mind and my sanity!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Does anyone know if braces and dental in general are covered under court appointed medical expenses or is it just medical?

It was considered medical here in NJ for us.

BTW...sorry for the slew of posts. We just returned from WDW this morning and I'm catching up.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I told my ex I would stop seeking CS if he were to sign over his rights. He seriously considered it, so how much does that tell you about him? In the end he turned the offer down because his life is no fun if he doesn't have control over me.

(Bolding is mine) Truer words could not have been spoken! Just this week I had a good friend point that out to me. It was like one of those cartoon light bulb moments for me. His needing to have control over my life even after 12 years.

Get a life, get a hobby, get over it, something.

Sooooo true! It's all about control! Amen!!!! They do need to get a life, get a hobby! You said it!!!!!!

In NJ, they will let the NCP sign away parental rights...HOWEVER child support cannot be waived even then-the court says that support is for the benefit of the child and neither parent can take that away. I only wish they viewed it differently here, but I do see the point. I think they are just trying to head off the state supporting the kids if something happens to change the CP's finances.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

It was considered medical here in NJ for us.

BTW...sorry for the slew of posts. We just returned from WDW this morning and I'm catching up.

I just found out that braces are considered medical here. The bad news is that I have to nicely ask him (their words) for half. If he refuses I have to send him a certified letter that I have to prove he got. He then has 90 days to dispute and/or pay it. If he refuses then I have to file a claim in court. From that point the jusge will usually see it within 6 months. If he rules in my favor ex has 90 days to pay it or make payment arangements, which I found out are 25.00 a month. So it will take me about 12 months to get 25.00 a month.

BTW...I hope you had a great trip

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Just a bump. No one has written in a while. I am hoping that things are working out.

 

[Belle0101]

Just a bump. No one has written in a while. I am hoping that things are working out.

I maybe finally getting somewhere with the non-financial issues so keep yor fingers crossed for me. The condensed version is that my ex wrote me a very hate filled letter and I faxed a copy of it to my atty who said he was faxing to our judge. She made an order in my favor without even having to go to court. Then he messed up again and my atty wrote him a letter telling him he was in the wrong and it needed to stop.

I plan to attack the financial issues again next week. Cross your fingers.


How are things going for you?

 

[kellyg403]

Hi all..

Been a rough couple weeks here, but it looks like there is some good news for some of you. I am SOOOO glad. Its nice to see that the road is long and crappy but sometimes, good does come out of it.

I have decided to go ahead and seek the entire amount of c/s owed as well as all medical bills he hasn't paid. You are so right when you say rocking the boat wasn't my thing. I wanted the kids and him to have a good relationship. If they haven't established that in 10 years, I can't help them. They are old enough to see that I am not getting rich off their dad, so he has no right to say that. He also does not have the right to discuss the c/s issue with them and use it as an excuse. Once the papers are filed...hopefully in the next 7 days...I will sit the kids down and explain some basic things to them. At 12,14 and 16 they are quite old enough to understand. Ds14 understands some things about the economy due to having to take Civics this semester so I am hoping that he will understand noone gets the same amount of $$ for 10 years on the job. I am not going to go into detail just explain that if their dad is upset, its with me and not them and not to take it personally. If there is a problem they have my permission to hang up the phone, tell him to take it up with me or change the subject.

So...good luck everyone. I know that I will be scared for the next 14 days waiting for them to serve him the papers. That should be a banner day! Funny thing is, it is about control. You are so right. But, I have to break the final tie and not be concerned if he hates me or whatever he is going to do. This is about making sure that my kids get what they need to move forward in their lives. I have raised them for the last 10 years and done a darn good job. I am the one who made the promises that college would be there, that school was the most important thing. So, I am the one that is going to make it happen.

Kelly

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I want to wish kellyg403 good luck. And I am so glad things are starting to go well with all of you. I am pretty much giving up on the idea of ever receiving child support. My ex quit his job and it seems like my states child support enforcement has given up as well. My ex can't pay 74.00 a month. 74.00 freakin' dollars a month. He won't even pay that while he disputing the 3.5 years he owes. I am just very upset, tonight. It just really upsets me that he feels like he can do this to a child. Why do men feel like this isn't their responsibility?

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

I want to wish kellyg403 good luck. And I am so glad things are starting to go well with all of you. I am pretty much giving up on the idea of ever receiving child support. My ex quit his job and it seems like my states child support enforcement has given up as well. My ex can't pay 74.00 a month. 74.00 freakin' dollars a month. He won't even pay that while he disputing the 3.5 years he owes. I am just very upset, tonight. It just really upsets me that he feels like he can do this to a child. Why do men feel like this isn't their responsibility?

I'm sorry. Him complaining over $74 bucks a month is pathetic. Thanks to c/s enforcement, I've gotten two WHOLE months of my child support plus a little extra to try and put a dent in the $3000 he's behind. So now he calls to tell me he's filing a "hardship" or something with the judge so he can have child support reduced. I have no idea what's going to happen. I tired and disgusted. This is no way to live, fighting scratching and clawing for c/s and alimony. I just do NOT want to be so completely dependent on c/s or alimony any more, it's emotionally exhausting and makes me too reliant on HIM, and HE seems to be in total control, even when I got his pay garnished.

Please, only 18 months to go. Just let me get through school, just get through school!!!!