Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[GOOFY4DONALD]

The system is crazy. I can't stand how it is hard on the parent taking care of the child and the parent not helping with the child is afforded all the rights. My oldest son turned 25 in April. His dad and I were never married. In 1989, 6 years after we last saw him he was finally ordered to pay $31.50 a month in child support. Of course he was supposed to take care of health insurance but we all know that happened. When I did get married to my ex, ds dad figured he didn't have to send anything. For about 14 years. Every now and again I would get a check for 31.50. Never could get his tax return because he had to be behind a certain amount for them to intercept. At 31 bucks a month that was never going to happen. When ds was 23, I hear that his dad went to jail for non payment. 2 months later I was paid in full. Or so I thought. Last summer I received a check in the mail from VA child support in the amount of...drum roll please...$1. Now how idiotic is that? He evidently owes me another 825 according to their records but according to their records he went back to court, showed hardship and the fact he has 5 other children from 3 different woman. They awarded me $1 a month until he is paid off. He is now 13 in arrears. Go figure.

Kelly

$1.00???? What the heck are you supposed to do with that????? I guess you can now buy your son a taco from taco bell. ...But wait if you did that then your ex would brag (or complain) that he has to be the one to put food on your son's table.

 

[Irin997]

OMG! I almost dropped DEAD today. Out of habit I logged on to check my support account expecting to see "no payments have been made during this period" and insetad I see THREE $500 payments. WHAT?! I thought it was showing me an example of what I SHOULD see. I never expected to see that!!! I was freaking out about possible having to take out a loan! Now I don't have to! Gosh I am so excited now. I just had to share with you all!!!

Congrats!!! That's fantastic!

First of all, DO NOT APOLOGIZE!!! We are either there or have been there and know how it feels. I am going through something right now as well. My ex owes me 3.5 years of back child support...does something that warrants a Judge to rule supervised visitation at the dept of family services center, without ANY other contact to my DD...and then I have to hear him talking at work about how I am this and I am that and he just loves his DD so much and he works so hard to provide for her. He tells everyone that she is in gymnastics, plays the violin and how next year is gonna be rough because she needs braces...HELLO??? he does not pay for any of that. How is me paying for her braces going to be rough on him? How is any of this hard on him? And how does working hard benefit my DD if he can't even pay 74.00 a month? (I got this info as my sister's dear friend works with my ex)

I actually have to wonder IF my ex even thinks about his daughter. At this point, I don't even know his address, I just know the vicinity of where he lives. But birthdays and Christmas are hard cause it's like, geez, does he even think, wow my daughter is turning ** today.

However, being selfish I like how it is right now. I'd rather her have nothing to do with him than him being a dad when he wants to be, coming in and out of her life. She's better off without him.

 

[kellyg403]

$1.00???? What the heck are you supposed to do with that????? I guess you can now buy your son a taco from taco bell. ...But wait if you did that then your ex would brag (or complain) that he has to be the one to put food on your son's table.

Exactly. Oh but wait, the poor guy has had to give up one bowling league and pool tournament because I have bled him dry with c/s. Okey dokey.
DS is in Afghansistan right now, so I use that $1 to go towards his boxes. What kills me is that c/s in NY pays someone to cut the check/transmit it to VA and then VA pays someone to cut a check, pay postage to NC for me to receive. I figure those 2 states are whacked if they don't know they are losing money on the situation and just let it go for goodness sakes.

Kelly

 

[Irin997]

Hey guys, how's it going?

So this Sat I got my notice in the mail from State of MD Child Support about robbing me of my $25 a year. However, they will wait until I've collected $3500 so that's not quite as bad as $500.

 

[disneydreamin247]

So today I had court. My ex showed up this time. He only paid $1500 of the $2100 he was supposed to pay. The magistrate wrote the order correctly so that SCU will release the amount they're holding, finally! I need that to book a bounceback in 2 weeks

He also said he applied to a job and he's waiting to hear back and will be making 600 a week which will double his child support. We'll see about that . Then on the way out he had the nerve to tell me that if he gets this job "All this court s*** has to stop." I said well then do what you're supposed to because this is all your fault that we're always here. I think he lives in a different world than the rest of us.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

So today I had court. My ex showed up this time. He only paid $1500 of the $2100 he was supposed to pay. The magistrate wrote the order correctly so that SCU will release the amount they're holding, finally! I need that to book a bounceback in 2 weeks

He also said he applied to a job and he's waiting to hear back and will be making 600 a week which will double his child support. We'll see about that . Then on the way out he had the nerve to tell me that if he gets this job "All this court s*** has to stop." I said well then do what you're supposed to because this is all your fault that we're always here. I think he lives in a different world than the rest of us.

How come when the ex's do all this horrible s***. And we are forced to take then to court they think that it is our fault and we actually enjoy it.
Everytime I have to go to court I get so sick that I lose about 10lbs (I lost 25 this year) but I am so upset I can't even enjoy it. I wish that those ex's would just realize that they helped make this child and they have to help pay. It's not like we are asking them to do any real parenting because they wouldn't even if we asked then to. All they do is complain that they pay too much, make to little, see their kids too little (or too much whatever the case may be) and we live to make their lives miserable.

My ex actually thinks that whenever he said I will pay you child support next week that is the same thing as paying it. He is so p*s*ed off that the child support enforcement says he owes almost 3k because he paid me every month (he thinks) but he didn't keep receipts. The man actually would give me 5.00 and think that it would last about 6 months. He complains about how poor he is but the man refuses to work for a boss and he refuses any job that will not let him take off for weeks at a time without notice.

 

[disneydreamin247]

How come when the ex's do all this horrible s***. And we are forced to take then to court they think that it is our fault and we actually enjoy it.
Everytime I have to go to court I get so sick that I lose about 10lbs (I lost 25 this year) but I am so upset I can't even enjoy it. I wish that those ex's would just realize that they helped make this child and they have to help pay. It's not like we are asking them to do any real parenting because they wouldn't even if we asked then to. All they do is complain that they pay too much, make to little, see their kids too little (or too much whatever the case may be) and we live to make their lives miserable.

My ex actually thinks that whenever he said I will pay you child support next week that is the same thing as paying it. He is so p*s*ed off that the child support enforcement says he owes almost 3k because he paid me every month (he thinks) but he didn't keep receipts. The man actually would give me 5.00 and think that it would last about 6 months. He complains about how poor he is but the man refuses to work for a boss and he refuses any job that will not let him take off for weeks at a time without notice.

I know!!! And he was going on and on about how I don't let him see his kid. Excuse me? The COURT won't let you because you are a degenerate! And you didn't even show up to the last court date to boot. What a freakin winner I picked here.

 

[kellyg403]

Just a question for you guys that have gone back to court over c/s. Ex and I have been divorced for 10 years, I have never gotten an increase in c/s and the military has his money alloted to me. I don't get my c/s because he is a good guy, but because its out of his hands. I recently found out that in actuality he owes me quite a bit more. I tried to be nice about it and ask him for an increase without getting lawyers involved and was willing to negotiate the numbers. He stated he is too busy to deal with this and offered me ALOT less and that was his final answer.

The problem I am dealing with now, he is not man enough not to take it out on the kids that their mother is a "money hungry you know what". My dd16 is kinda mad at me for rocking the boat. Funny thing is, I thought about this because I wanted to make sure that she had enough money for college since she is a jr this year. And he always tells us he won't be paying 1/2 of college, the kids need scholarships. My sister told me to look at it like a business transaction. The truth is, I can't get past the emotional part of watching the kids suffer. Should I just let him bully me into leaving things are...because that is what I feel like he is doing...or do I go ahead and let the lawyer make him ante up. For what he said to dd I am willing to hose him because I am mad, but I know that is not the right attitude to have.

Kelly

 

[disneydreamin247]

Just a question for you guys that have gone back to court over c/s. Ex and I have been divorced for 10 years, I have never gotten an increase in c/s and the military has his money alloted to me. I don't get my c/s because he is a good guy, but because its out of his hands. I recently found out that in actuality he owes me quite a bit more. I tried to be nice about it and ask him for an increase without getting lawyers involved and was willing to negotiate the numbers. He stated he is too busy to deal with this and offered me ALOT less and that was his final answer.

The problem I am dealing with now, he is not man enough not to take it out on the kids that their mother is a "money hungry you know what". My dd16 is kinda mad at me for rocking the boat. Funny thing is, I thought about this because I wanted to make sure that she had enough money for college since she is a jr this year. And he always tells us he won't be paying 1/2 of college, the kids need scholarships. My sister told me to look at it like a business transaction. The truth is, I can't get past the emotional part of watching the kids suffer. Should I just let him bully me into leaving things are...because that is what I feel like he is doing...or do I go ahead and let the lawyer make him ante up. For what he said to dd I am willing to hose him because I am mad, but I know that is not the right attitude to have.

Kelly

NO!!! That's what he wants you to do! I waited over 3 yrs to file for c/s because I was afraid of what DS' donor might do to retaliate. You can't let them get away with it. We'll be here to support you through the whole thing.

 

[kellyg403]

Thank you for your words. I have been really upset since yesterday because I really feel like I am willing to negotiate with him. I am not looking to break him. It instantly turns into me being money hungry. Do I want/need the money. Its debateable, but it would be nice. Right now, I am doing everything in my power to make sure dd and ds's have everything they need to fill out those scholarship papers. It means alot of driving and waiting in parking lots but doesn't matter.

I guess sometimes I get mad at him because now he is 14 hours away, before that he saw the kids when he could and was actually pretty good about things when the kids got older/teens. But, I don't actually think he understands what it takes to raise these kids, and raise them to be productive adults in society. Sometimes when his mom/dad say who you and S are raising great kids I just want to scream. Sure, last year he was deployed for 14 months, called the kids every 3 months, and they raised themselves till he got back. I am just mad mad mad at the situtation all the way around. Somedays, I feel like I am right back at the month after we separated when I hated to even hear his voice.

Kelly

 

[summerrluvv]

aaa

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thank you for your words. I have been really upset since yesterday because I really feel like I am willing to negotiate with him. I am not looking to break him. It instantly turns into me being money hungry. Do I want/need the money. Its debateable, but it would be nice. Right now, I am doing everything in my power to make sure dd and ds's have everything they need to fill out those scholarship papers. It means alot of driving and waiting in parking lots but doesn't matter.

I guess sometimes I get mad at him because now he is 14 hours away, before that he saw the kids when he could and was actually pretty good about things when the kids got older/teens. But, I don't actually think he understands what it takes to raise these kids, and raise them to be productive adults in society. Sometimes when his mom/dad say who you and S are raising great kids I just want to scream. Sure, last year he was deployed for 14 months, called the kids every 3 months, and they raised themselves till he got back. I am just mad mad mad at the situtation all the way around. Somedays, I feel like I am right back at the month after we separated when I hated to even hear his voice.

Kelly

Please don't let him make you feel bad. And please, please just PM or post me (and probably others) if you feel this way. I felt this way for a long time. When my ex used to have visitation with DD11 he would take her to McDonalds and buy her a hamburger and a water with nothing for him. My daughter would then come home and say that her dad has no money. He would do this just so I wouldn't ask. He was/is always out of work and I am sure he doesn't have much money. But he is always quitting jobs when they tell him he can't get 3 weeks off days after he started a new job. And he somehow always has money to leave town for weeks at a time. I just stopped feeling guilty. I have spent years worrying and stressing over money to support my kids he can now do the same.

 

[kellyg403]

Thanks Goofy4Donald..logically I know that you are correct. Logically I know that I should not feel guilty, I do raise the kids on average 350 days a year with no help. On dd's 16th b-day, he bought her a laptop. Great gift, but I have rules about internet in my home, dh and I are firm on how we raise the kids. There's 5 teens here, including my 3, I don't want to have a full time job watching out for internet usage. Not 3 weeks before that he was crying poor and not wanting to take the kids for their summer visitation. I don't get it. I reminded him that I have FULL custody of the kids. He can not just do what he wants without talking to me first. Its just not appropriate. This particular dd had an issue with Myspace a couple times, so her having the internet was a big deal to me. When I explained that to him he had a fit about not knowing that she was on Myspace blah blah. If I called him everytime the kids did something they weren't supposed to he would be on speed dial. Know what I mean? He just turns everything around to make me the bad guy, its all my fault kind of thing.

Anyway, I have made a firm decision on the subject. I know what is going to happen, I know he is going to hold the kids hostage to it. I even went out and got the kids a cell phone of their own yesterday so they can speak to him and he doesn't have to call my phone. That should eliminate some of it. I won't answer the phone if he is on it..he can use theirs. I won't be put in the situation. I have mother's guilt in a big way. But, dh says the kids are old enough to see the "hero" in his true light and can handle it. They aren't as dumb to him as I hope they are. DH even said, "Uh, how many times do you see the kids calling him? Just yesterday dd asked you if you knew his phone number. Kelly, they don't even know his phone number". It stopped me short for a minute. Maybe its true, my idea of what their relationship should be and what it is is different.

Thanks so much. I will waiver many times, I know how its going to go. By the time we finalized our divorce I weighed 89 lbs from the stress he put me under. He would send the police to the house every 2 days, call the house phone no less than 50 times a day until he got to speak with me to argue about nonsense trying to bully me into doing what HE wanted. I think that is what is going to happen. I didn't stand up to him then, he is pretty sure he knows how to make me buckle again. But, this time dh has my back and won't let me fall if I am right.

Kelly

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thanks Goofy4Donald..logically I know that you are correct. Logically I know that I should not feel guilty, I do raise the kids on average 350 days a year with no help. On dd's 16th b-day, he bought her a laptop. Great gift, but I have rules about internet in my home, dh and I are firm on how we raise the kids. There's 5 teens here, including my 3, I don't want to have a full time job watching out for internet usage. Not 3 weeks before that he was crying poor and not wanting to take the kids for their summer visitation. I don't get it. I reminded him that I have FULL custody of the kids. He can not just do what he wants without talking to me first. Its just not appropriate. This particular dd had an issue with Myspace a couple times, so her having the internet was a big deal to me. When I explained that to him he had a fit about not knowing that she was on Myspace blah blah. If I called him everytime the kids did something they weren't supposed to he would be on speed dial. Know what I mean? He just turns everything around to make me the bad guy, its all my fault kind of thing.

Anyway, I have made a firm decision on the subject. I know what is going to happen, I know he is going to hold the kids hostage to it. I even went out and got the kids a cell phone of their own yesterday so they can speak to him and he doesn't have to call my phone. That should eliminate some of it. I won't answer the phone if he is on it..he can use theirs. I won't be put in the situation. I have mother's guilt in a big way. But, dh says the kids are old enough to see the "hero" in his true light and can handle it. They aren't as dumb to him as I hope they are. DH even said, "Uh, how many times do you see the kids calling him? Just yesterday dd asked you if you knew his phone number. Kelly, they don't even know his phone number". It stopped me short for a minute. Maybe its true, my idea of what their relationship should be and what it is is different.

Thanks so much. I will waiver many times, I know how its going to go. By the time we finalized our divorce I weighed 89 lbs from the stress he put me under. He would send the police to the house every 2 days, call the house phone no less than 50 times a day until he got to speak with me to argue about nonsense trying to bully me into doing what HE wanted. I think that is what is going to happen. I didn't stand up to him then, he is pretty sure he knows how to make me buckle again. But, this time dh has my back and won't let me fall if I am right.

Kelly

Please. please talk to us. I know that you think that no one has ever been in a situation as bad as this but please don't. I have been exactly where you have been. And I, to some extent still am. My ex has done some things that are so awful I never thought I would make it through. I have been humiliated in court so badly that I can a complete breakdown. I cannot get through the day without a panic attack. The list goes on and on. I made it through. And you have already done it once and I know that you will make it through again. So please just talk to us. I am sure that there is nothing that you can say that I haven't already gone through. I never talked to anyone because my family and friends were getting tired of it. But let me tell you I know what it's like to lay awake at night in an absolute panick.

 

[Belle0101]

My attorney presented detailed paperwork in about May of this year showing that he was behind in support. He's been behind for some time now. Anyhow, he brings in paperwork dated only from 2005 and forwards and says he just doesn't see how he's behind. Hello? Did you go back to the beginning, 2002?

So the judge can't decide what to do and holds over. We were just in court, again, in September ... she still hasn't ruled on it.

In the meantime he starts crying, yes crying, that he can longer afford the gas to do the transportation for visitation. That's a long story - one time in court it came up and he agreed to do it after a little speech from the judge. A few years later he tried getting out of it and we ended up in mediation. To keep doing all the transportation I gave him extra visitation. It's a give and take, that's how mediation goes.

So flash forward to this last time in court, it is costing him $8 more in gas siince the prices went up and he can't afford that. She ordered to share and realize most people have it that way but now not only is he behind and I can't get that money, I'm also paying for gas when I never was before. Plus, he gets to keep his extra visitation. That's if he even has gas expenses because he drives a company truck when he comes to pick-up and drop-off DS.

Then uninsured medical expenses, he always fights paying those. She finally ordered that no matter the amount he has 30 days to reimburse me. Mind you we were in court 9/23. Yesterday I received a letter from him stating that he wasn't paying any of that amount until I proved to his satisfaction that he owed it and furthermore, if I ever did prove it to his satisfaction then I was going to have to be happy with monthly payments and if I didn't like then I could just take him back to court.

I always send copies of EoBs, always. Now all of the sudden that is not enough for him. I called my attorney and he said that was proof because it shows what insurance did and didn't pay.

Anyhow, if you're still with me, thanks for listening. I almost can't take anymore of this. It's so hard to deal with.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

My story is much more simple that yours, Belle0101...at least in the matter of child support. My ex does not pay...period. It is so frustrating. He has let me know before that because I left him AND that my DH makes more than he does he does not feel he should have to pay..so he doesn't. He was required to pay insurance but since he never did he is supposed to cover 80% of all medical expenses...he won't do that either.
I think the most frustrating part is the lack of communican on the part of child support enforcement. They just keep updating what he owes and that is it. It seems like they will keep updating until she turns 18 and then will tell me too bad. The bad thing is we are already having to tighten our belts..at least it seems that way and child support would come in real handy for my DD as she needs braces next year and as of right now it will be a real stretch. Does anyone know if braces and dental in general are covered under court appointed medical expenses or is it just medical?

 

[disneydreamin247]

My story is much more simple that yours, Belle0101...at least in the matter of child support. My ex does not pay...period. It is so frustrating. He has let me know before that because I left him AND that my DH makes more than he does he does not feel he should have to pay..so he doesn't. He was required to pay insurance but since he never did he is supposed to cover 80% of all medical expenses...he won't do that either.
I think the most frustrating part is the lack of communican on the part of child support enforcement. They just keep updating what he owes and that is it. It seems like they will keep updating until she turns 18 and then will tell me too bad. The bad thing is we are already having to tighten our belts..at least it seems that way and child support would come in real handy for my DD as she needs braces next year and as of right now it will be a real stretch. Does anyone know if braces and dental in general are covered under court appointed medical expenses or is it just medical?

The medical that my ex owes is from dental work so I would say YES.

 

[Belle0101]

My story is much more simple that yours, Belle0101...at least in the matter of child support. My ex does not pay...period. It is so frustrating. He has let me know before that because I left him AND that my DH makes more than he does he does not feel he should have to pay..so he doesn't. He was required to pay insurance but since he never did he is supposed to cover 80% of all medical expenses...he won't do that either.
I think the most frustrating part is the lack of communican on the part of child support enforcement. They just keep updating what he owes and that is it. It seems like they will keep updating until she turns 18 and then will tell me too bad. The bad thing is we are already having to tighten our belts..at least it seems that way and child support would come in real handy for my DD as she needs braces next year and as of right now it will be a real stretch. Does anyone know if braces and dental in general are covered under court appointed medical expenses or is it just medical?

I've always understood it to cover dental and braces too.

We have to tighten our belts now too. I'm looking for work and DH is looking for a part-time job to work after his full-time job too. And yet he owes me thousands of dollars. It's really not fair on any account.

DH and I hold our tongues in from of DS. Believe me we hold our tongues. It just upsets when DS regales us with stories of how great his dad is, how much stuff he buys him when he's there, all the different places they go out to eat at, etc.

Meanwhile, we're having to look for employment to cover what he's not paying. It makes me ill.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I've always understood it to cover dental and braces too.

We have to tighten our belts now too. I'm looking for work and DH is looking for a part-time job to work after his full-time job too. And yet he owes me thousands of dollars. It's really not fair on any account.

DH and I hold our tongues in from of DS. Believe me we hold our tongues. It just upsets when DS regales us with stories of how great his dad is, how much stuff he buys him when he's there, all the different places they go out to eat at, etc.

Meanwhile, we're having to look for employment to cover what he's not paying. It makes me ill.

I know just how you feel. My ex owes almost 3k. He will not pay. He is not even trying to make a payment or payment arrangements. My DH is going to have to work some OT so he can cover DD10's braces. Even if my ex is supposed to pay for half...he won't.

Here is my question about medical. Our CSED said that they will not go after the parent for medical expenses unless it is court ordered. In my divorce it states that he is responsible for 1/2 of all medical. Is that enough or does that mean I need to go to court and have a judge rule he owes $xx.xx. It would really get costly if I have to go to court for each and every item. Even when DD is healthy she costs at least 500.00 per year (including dental).

 

[Belle0101]

I know just how you feel. My ex owes almost 3k. He will not pay. He is not even trying to make a payment or payment arrangements. My DH is going to have to work some OT so he can cover DD10's braces. Even if my ex is supposed to pay for half...he won't.

Here is my question about medical. Our CSED said that they will not go after the parent for medical expenses unless it is court ordered. In my divorce it states that he is responsible for 1/2 of all medical. Is that enough or does that mean I need to go to court and have a judge rule he owes $xx.xx. It would really get costly if I have to go to court for each and every item. Even when DD is healthy she costs at least 500.00 per year (including dental).

All I have to go on are my experiences, so for what it's worth ...

In my case, she, the judge, ordered the percentage in the original proceedings but never stated a time frame in which he had to pay. So he would just not pay based her not ordering a time frame. I would have to get an order and she would say you owe this $xx.xx within 30 days time.

You can imagine what would happen. Anything over that amount he would refuse to pay, back to court, she orders this $xx.xx within 30 days time.

We just in court on 9/23 and I demanded that she word the order that it applies to any and all future submissions. Coming back for every amount is a huge waste of time and resources. So she finally worded it that way.

I received a letter on 10/03 that he wasn't paying within 30 days and I didn't like I could take him to court. He's planning to make monthly payments on his terms. I can't win.

But based on those experiences, I would think that yes, because your decree explicity states he is responsible for 1/2 that you should not have to go to court to have it enforced. It seems pretty straightforward to me.

What is CSED? I don't recall what it stands for.