Tinkerbelle's Mom
<font color=purple>Will clean houses for tags!<br>
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2007
- Messages
- 1,710
Hello!
I am currently reading through the thread but thought I would post my story here.
My ex and I were married for 8 years but had been together for 12 years. We had one dd. Five months after dd was born I found out I had cancer. This changed a lot in our lives. After successfully beating my cancer we found out my mother had cancer. My ex (dh at the time) wanted my mom to move in with us so I could take care of her.
So we bought our first home with enough room for all of us. A year later my mom lost her battle with cancer and died. This was a great strain on all of us. Apparently it was too great of a strain on my ex.
He started acting very werid and was never around the house. We were struggling financially because he would often not work (we had our own company). We to help us out we decided to rent out our basement. We rented it to a friend of his. Well before I knew it this friends sister moves in.
Well before long it became very apparent that this sister was very interested in my ex (dh at the time). My dh would not listen to reason and basically told me I was crazy. I fought my insticts for a while, too long in hindsight.
One night I was doing laundry. I found a little note in his pocket. Well I went to her room and looked through her purse (they all were out jogging at the time) to see if the note matched her handwriting and instead found a note from my hubby to her.
So I woke dd up and off to home depot we went. I bought new locks for the house and a club for our car. I also made several copies of the notes and stashed them in different places. When I got home they were all watching a movie quite cozy as could be.
I confronted my ex (then dh). He tried to tell me that the note was not his handwriting.
I didn't fall for that one. Then he tried to tell me that he had written the note for a friend of his and the note in his pants was for him to give to that friend. Didn't buy that one either.
So I confronted her. She tried to deny everything. Well, I kicked her and her brother out of my home that night. I told my ex (then dh) to make a choice them or me. He chose them. He left with them that night and never really looked back.
He refused to do any work for the company so I took it from him. He refused to help with any of our bills or dd. Eventually I sold our house and used the profits to pay of our bills (some of which I was not even aware of as he and his new lady got credit cards in his and my name). I rented a place for dd and I in an area that I grew up in that was safe. At this point I had no idea where he was. I was just waiting for our year seperation to be up so I could finally divorce him.
It turns out I moved several blocks, no more that 1/4 mile, away from where he was living with his new friends. His behavior kept getting more and more odd. He refused to do anything with dd. He stalked us. He broke the windows on my car. I eventually got a restraining order against him.
Finally the year was up and I could start the divorce procedings. It was all relatively easy since he was so into drugs and alcohol by this time. I was given full legal and physical custody of our dd. He was ordered to pay cild support. I was also given promission to move to another state w/o having to consult him or the courts first.
I waited two years. I gave him two years. I lived in his neighborhood for two years waiting and wanting him to be involved with his daughter. Nothing... not a visit, not a call, nada. He also wasn't paying child support.
After the two years was up I decided to move to the LA area to be with my family. I contacted him multiple times to let him know what was going on. WHen I arrived in LA he called me. He had the nerve to say that I moved right when he was getting ready to be a good dad and that I was just jealous of the relationship he was going to have with his daughter.
So fast forward time a little and I have some insurance issues. Well in trying to find insurance for dd I found out that CA has wonderful support systems in place for child support issues (insurance as well). The state of CA has gone after him for his support. He now has to pay it.
So finally many years after our seperation I am getting some of the child support he was ordered to pay.
I have also made an effort to take dd back to visit her dad, our family, and friends several times a year. I also make sure he gets all her school stuff (report cards, pcitures, work, ect.) and can talk to her as often as he calls -- which is maybe once a month.
I try because I want her to have a relationship with him. I do not want one with him and try to keep our contact to a minimum but that is her father. It is so sad that he really does not want anything do with her.
I am currently reading through the thread but thought I would post my story here.
My ex and I were married for 8 years but had been together for 12 years. We had one dd. Five months after dd was born I found out I had cancer. This changed a lot in our lives. After successfully beating my cancer we found out my mother had cancer. My ex (dh at the time) wanted my mom to move in with us so I could take care of her.
So we bought our first home with enough room for all of us. A year later my mom lost her battle with cancer and died. This was a great strain on all of us. Apparently it was too great of a strain on my ex.
He started acting very werid and was never around the house. We were struggling financially because he would often not work (we had our own company). We to help us out we decided to rent out our basement. We rented it to a friend of his. Well before I knew it this friends sister moves in.
Well before long it became very apparent that this sister was very interested in my ex (dh at the time). My dh would not listen to reason and basically told me I was crazy. I fought my insticts for a while, too long in hindsight.
One night I was doing laundry. I found a little note in his pocket. Well I went to her room and looked through her purse (they all were out jogging at the time) to see if the note matched her handwriting and instead found a note from my hubby to her.
So I woke dd up and off to home depot we went. I bought new locks for the house and a club for our car. I also made several copies of the notes and stashed them in different places. When I got home they were all watching a movie quite cozy as could be.
I confronted my ex (then dh). He tried to tell me that the note was not his handwriting.
I didn't fall for that one. Then he tried to tell me that he had written the note for a friend of his and the note in his pants was for him to give to that friend. Didn't buy that one either. So I confronted her. She tried to deny everything. Well, I kicked her and her brother out of my home that night. I told my ex (then dh) to make a choice them or me. He chose them. He left with them that night and never really looked back.
He refused to do any work for the company so I took it from him. He refused to help with any of our bills or dd. Eventually I sold our house and used the profits to pay of our bills (some of which I was not even aware of as he and his new lady got credit cards in his and my name). I rented a place for dd and I in an area that I grew up in that was safe. At this point I had no idea where he was. I was just waiting for our year seperation to be up so I could finally divorce him.
It turns out I moved several blocks, no more that 1/4 mile, away from where he was living with his new friends. His behavior kept getting more and more odd. He refused to do anything with dd. He stalked us. He broke the windows on my car. I eventually got a restraining order against him.
Finally the year was up and I could start the divorce procedings. It was all relatively easy since he was so into drugs and alcohol by this time. I was given full legal and physical custody of our dd. He was ordered to pay cild support. I was also given promission to move to another state w/o having to consult him or the courts first.
I waited two years. I gave him two years. I lived in his neighborhood for two years waiting and wanting him to be involved with his daughter. Nothing... not a visit, not a call, nada. He also wasn't paying child support.
After the two years was up I decided to move to the LA area to be with my family. I contacted him multiple times to let him know what was going on. WHen I arrived in LA he called me. He had the nerve to say that I moved right when he was getting ready to be a good dad and that I was just jealous of the relationship he was going to have with his daughter.
So fast forward time a little and I have some insurance issues. Well in trying to find insurance for dd I found out that CA has wonderful support systems in place for child support issues (insurance as well). The state of CA has gone after him for his support. He now has to pay it.
So finally many years after our seperation I am getting some of the child support he was ordered to pay.
I have also made an effort to take dd back to visit her dad, our family, and friends several times a year. I also make sure he gets all her school stuff (report cards, pcitures, work, ect.) and can talk to her as often as he calls -- which is maybe once a month.
I try because I want her to have a relationship with him. I do not want one with him and try to keep our contact to a minimum but that is her father. It is so sad that he really does not want anything do with her.
Sad that at 7 she knows this already. I keep visitation very supervised since he is still using and abusing. Ofcourse that is on the rare occasions that he will see her. 
He really is a waste of life. I hear he's having another child too...
Well, la dee freaken da! And I was portrayed as a lazy, bitter ex-wife, sitting around the house waiting to collect "his" money. I've said it till I was blue in the face and I won't say it again (because I'm done trying to defend myself to them); I was 40 years old and a SAHM for over 10 years when he got "tired of everything". When I realized my marriage was crashing and burning, I made a PLAN to go to stay with my parents, live frugally, using the alimony and child support to pay what little bills I have and go to school till I can get a job so I can support my girls. Sorry if it put a crimp in his plan to dump his family and become a creepy middle aged bachelor with no responsibilities. Nope, sorry not going to happen. You make babies, you have obligations. It doesn't matter if it took you 9 months, or ten minutes, you make em, you support them and take care of them till they are grown. And that's a two person, 18 year project, whether you're "tired" or not. 
I about died laughing when I heard that little gem. So he cut me off completely and I had zero income for three months while I waited for the paperwork to go through. That was horribly hard but the agency keeps track of it all and I got my second check last week. Now he has to hang on to his job and it should be OK. He is still 3000+ dollars behind and that doesn't count the 900 dollars of the government stimulus check he was court ordered to share. The child support enforcement can't garnish that the way it's worded in the divorce decree, so I'll never see that. And he's working under the table so much, he is sooo not suffering. So hopefully things will calm down around here and I can continue with my education. I graduate in May 2010.
You deserve it. 
. I haven't talked to my case worker yet but I was tld that she probably didn't finish. By law they have to put down all of the amount I am missing and it is up to my ex to dispute it. She also said that my ex was not yet notified so he couldn't have disputed anything yet.
Hugs to you! I hope everything works out with your caseworker!
