Curious how you feel about a news item.

[Randi]

I saw an item in the Orlando paper on the web concerning a Florida woman who has been in a "vegetative" state since suffering a heart attack in 1990. And I remembered seeing an interview with her husband and parents on the Today show. the gist is that her husband wants her feeding tube removed to allow her to die. Her parents are fighting it. The courts are now involved. One judge agreed with the husband and the parents are appealing.
What's your opinion on what should be done? the husband has gone on to another relationship and has children by the new person. There were no children between him & his wife.
I don't see how anyone could not hold out hope no matter how slim for their child even if she is an adult. And I know I would be fighting mad if a son-in-law had more rights than I did. But i also see his side for not wanting his wife to live the way she is.
I sure would hate to be a judge.

 

[Serena]

If it were my child, there is no way I could be rational about it.

 

[holycow]

In my case I will have it in writing what I want done so this doesn't happen....It would depend on the relationship I had with my DH...I would think since he is the spouse he has the right to make the decision...unless he was a creep....I know it must be tough for the parents but there comes a time when I think everyone must let go and let go of this poor woman...since 1990!..Holycow!!...
Time to move on.

 

[RitaZ.]

Very sad..... IMHO, I think it's time to let her go.

When my father was in the final stage of cancer (brain tumor), we saw him suffer so very much. There came a time when we knew there was no hope and the end was inevitable, at that point I only thought of his suffering and not my pain. The morning that he died, I remember standing next to his bed holding his hand asking God to take him. I couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore..... I would want my DH to do the same for me.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Twelve years is a long time to "vegetate". I wouldn't want that for myself or anyone I loved.

 

[EROS]

Sad

We ALL need to have health care proxies!!!!!!

 

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by EROS
We ALL need to have health care proxies!!!!!!

EXCELLENT advice!!

 

[SeaSpray]

I'm an optimist.... I think initially I would feel that there's "always hope". But after 12 years....and after seeing my own mother deteriorating the last 5 years (advanced Alzheimer's, stroke, etc), I don't know how I would feel. My father is caring for my mother 24/7 at home, it's physically demanding on him, he's almost 80 (but looks a lot younger), and he always tells me "It could be worse, at least I have her here with me". It's so sad. You don't want the person to be "gone", yet really, they are already gone at that point. Well, I think my mother's case is different than someone in a coma, in a vegetative state, because my mother does look a person in the eye sometimes, and she will eat if you put food near her mouth.

Rita: When someone is suffering like that, it would be even harder because you don't want the person to have any pain, yet you also don't want to think that you WANT the person to die... There's no "good" outcome in a situation like that.

Randi, I really feel for families in that situation. Personally, if the man has gone on with his life, not that I would blame him, then I think the woman's health care should be left to her parents to decide. There are so many different deciding factors, it's hard to just give a cut and dry answer to something like this.

 

[Tony-NJ]

why the parents would want their daughter to live ( if you can call it that) in that kind of state for so long. I understand it's a very hard decision. I've watched both my parents suffer and although it was so hard on us, we knew it would be better for them to no longer be in pain. Such a sad situation.

 

[Kermit]

I *think* that I'd be okay with letting her go by this point, but you can't really say what you would do in that type of situation if you've never been there. It's much easier to be rational when it's someone you don't know.

I do strongly agree with Eros on this one. You should find somebody who you know would do what you would want to do and give that person legal authority to make decisions. If nothing else, that would offer some amount of reassurance to the people who didn't get to make the decision.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would not want my parents to decide my fate. Me personally I have entrusted this to my dh. I have no problem with the judges ruling.

 

[WillyJ]

I have been through this type of situation with my Grandfather when he died after suffering with Alzheimer's for 7 long, horrible years. . .

My mother had been named as his guardian, and towards the end developed lung cancer and it was her decision so far as whether the doctors would treat it in any kind of way.

Considering he was to the point of being unable to speak, think, or even chew and swallow food, she made the choice to not treat the cancer and just make sure he had the necessary pain medication to keep him comfortable. . he died not long after making the decision. . .

Although it was her call, she turned to my father, brother and I for help in deciding- it was a gut-wrenching decision, but ultimately we felt that treating the cancer in hopes of keeping him alive when his condition had deteriorated so badly anyway would be a selfish one- he had no quality of life, and no hope of any, and just keeping him breathing because we didn't want to face the sadness and loss of him dying was not right. . .

So, my opinon on this is that while my heart goes out to the parents and they have my sympathy and understanding, I think after 12 years they are not doing their daughter any favors by fighting this, and should allow nature to take it's course. . .

Definitely a sad situation all around. .

 

[FOJMO]

Is this the Terri Schiavo case? That's right here in Tampa, where I live. It's been in the news for years now and creeps back into the spotlight every now and again.

I don't know what I'd do in a case like that! I feel for both sides.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I think it's the husband's decision to make. Once you are an adult and married, your spouse becomes your next of kin.

It's a shame those parents want their daughter to "live" like that. I too have my plans in place so that will not happen to me.

 

[Kallison]

They were originally from our area. I've seen pictures of the woman, her eyes are open and the parents feel like she responds when they visit her, although technically there is no brain activity. They say she smiles. The parents feel the husband is trying for an insurance settlement and just wants to be done with her. I don't know what my feelings are, I can see the points of both sides.

 

[SeaSpray]

Originally posted by WillyJ
I have been through this type of situation with my Grandfather when he died after suffering with Alzheimer's for 7 long, horrible years. . .

My mother had been named as his guardian, and towards the end developed lung cancer and it was her decision so far as whether the doctors would treat it in any kind of way.

Considering he was to the point of being unable to speak, think, or even chew and swallow food, she made the choice to not treat the cancer and just make sure he had the necessary pain medication to keep him comfortable. . he died not long after making the decision. . .

Although it was her call, she turned to my father, brother and I for help in deciding- it was a gut-wrenching decision, but ultimately we felt that treating the cancer in hopes of keeping him alive when his condition had deteriorated so badly anyway would be a selfish one- he had no quality of life, and no hope of any, and just keeping him breathing because we didn't want to face the sadness and loss of him dying was not right. . .

So, my opinon on this is that while my heart goes out to the parents and they have my sympathy and understanding, I think after 12 years they are not doing their daughter any favors by fighting this, and should allow nature to take it's course. . .

Definitely a sad situation all around. .

I agree with your family's decision 100%. As of right now, my father can feed my mother regular, but soft, food. There are no extreme measures being taken to keep her alive at all. I hope when my mother gets to the point your grandfather was at, where they are not eating on their own, that he will be able to make the decisions that are right for my mother, and not just keep her alive artificially for the sake of having the shell of the person alive

It's strange, but I always pictured my dad dying before my mother....

 

[JulesMom]

Hasn't she really been gone for 12 years?

I agree with EROS, that's why people need a living will.

It is a very sad situation

 

[snoopy]

I'd have to go with those who said its the husband's decision to make.

What a sad story.

 

[gina2000]

I have a friend whose husband has been in a coma for 12 years with virtually no brain function. He lives on complete life support. His mother has assumed all responsibility because she feels that someday he may awaken. In the beginning, however, she fought my friend over taking him off life support but refused to take on the financial responsibility. She ultimately did, but not before she had her assets taken out of her name. The doctors have given her no hope. His wife wanted to let him die a peaceful, natural death but instead he lives in a catatonic state.

I've seen what this has done to a family. I would never do this to another human being I love no matter how much I wanted that person back. I would never place the remaining family in such emotional limbo. I've seen too much and it ain't pretty.

JMHO

 

[luv2nascar]

I may be the eternal romantic here
but I think its horrible to have another relationship & have kids with someone else while your wife lies in a coma
SHE IS STILL HIS WIFE UNTIL DEATH DUE US PART
I personally think he wants to marry the new woman and that's why he knows wants to end his wife's life not to mention the wife in the coma has a trust fund
I would not be able to move on while my husband was still breathing
I guess this is the difference between someone who truly loves their spouse and someone who does not