Curious, how much help do you give your kids with their homework?

[AlexandNessa]

I am curious because I worked with a man this week who asked for my help with his son's English paper. His son had written the paper in an e-mail and sent it to his dad at work. He had given his dad the instructions on the formatting requirements, and his dad was going to put it in a Word document for him, making sure the header and footer, page numbers, margins were correct, etc. Now, his dad tried to hand me the formatting instructions (which were 4 pages long) and wanted me to do it.

Well, sorry, but I spent 20 years in school when all was said and done, and I really, really didn't feel like doing his kid's high school paper (yes, his son is 16 or 17). But that's not my point -- we have another man at work who also brings in his kids' homework to work on for them. And it's not a once-in-a-while thing either.

I can see helping your kid while you are both there. But, honestly, isn't that a bit much? My parents NEVER did this for me. It would never have occurred to my dad to take my homework into his work to do for me. The guys at work use the excuse of sports practice, and homework assigments are harder now than when I went to school, etc. These excuses tick me off -- I played sports, was a member of clubs, etc. And, when I went to school, they didn't even have word processors till about my junior year of high school -- no Internet, etc.

And, don't even get me started on doing your kid's homework on company time.

We were out to dinner with a couple a few weeks ago, and the mom was avidly talking about an end-of-year school project she and her son were doing together. The project didn't necessitate her help (like it wasn't a mother/son project or anything).

Is this normal?

What is a reasonable amount of homework help to give your kid?

Obviously, I don't have kids, but I have been struck lately by how much my colleagues and friends who are parents are doing to help their kids get through elementary and high school. Are the assignments really that much harder? Or is it more that parents know that other parents help their kids, so they're afraid if they don't help their kid, their kid won't get as good grades?

Honestly, I am just asking out of sheer surprise and curiosity.

 

[sharbear]

I have two in HS and what you are describing is crazy. I have one child who has problems writing and one who doesn't. I never look at the child who is a adv. writer. If she has us look at it and she hasn't in years, it would be to check grammer. She figures it out and gets good grades. My other child, my S is a below adv. writer. I would never take it into work and I DEFINETLY would never ask a co-worker to look at his paper. He has to learn how to write. I do look over his paper and check grammer. I may make suggestions (just suggestions) if the paper is horrible. Most of the time I don't do either. I did look over a college essay to see if he answered the question asked.

Kids have to learn to write themselves. It is one thing to go over a paper with your child there and give suggestions (the same thing that their teacher would do) but to write it, no way, no how.

 

[Jams421]

In High School my parents would often help me complete my homework. It was the school's philosophy that for every hour in class we were supposed to have 3 hours of homework/study time, 6 classes @ 15 hours of "extra work" a week = 90 hours of "outside classwork". I didn't even have that much "homework" in college.

I was also very active in outside sports, dance, cheerleading, youth leadership and it was required/highly recommended to be involved in 2 organizations. I had literally no time to complete this extra work I would write and do what I could in free periods. I would often stay up till midnight and wake up at 5 to complete my homework.

My mom would proof read writing assignments and my dad or grandfather would check over my college level math assignments, it was a huge help. I should also add that homework (written assignments) made up at least 75% of the grade. Without their help, even if I received A's on all my tests I would have more than likely received an F in every class.

ETA: I do agree that it is innappropriate for your colleague to ask you to look over their child's homework and that they should not be working on it while on company time. However, there is far too much learning which is expected to completed outside the classroom whether it is book work, service-learning, experiential, etc. Kids are no longer allowed to just be kids.

 

[MomofKatie]

Well, I am pretty new at the homework thing, since my DD is 7 and in 2nd grade. I make her do her work herself, but I will clarify instructions if she needs some help. I check over her work when she is done, and have her re-do some things (handwriting issues!). But I do not now, nor will I in the future actually DO homework for her. I will provide her with supplies she needs, but not do the work for her.

In defense of kids today, though, there is getting to be a toxic amount of homework given nowadays. IMO, the schools teach so much to the standardized tests that there isn't time to get all the important stuff done at school, so kids are doing more and more of it at home. But, that doesn't mean that their parents should be doing it for them!

 

[disykat]

I will proof read, but only if they are sitting right there with me discussing it. I would give formatting advice if needed, but expect them to do it.

My 5th grader still has some issues with writing. I give him more help in the form of instruction. I "help" him with some of his homework, but he also has to do extra. We try to work on writing instruction 15 minutes a day. I would NOT help him if he was not there learning. The whole point of me being involved is to provide extra instruction in an area where he is weak.

 

[Pigeon]

It depends on the age of the kids. For my very little one (K), I'll give her all the help she needs. For my third grader, I'll answer questions. I don't do her assignments.

What happened in your case is way out of line. It is also just plain rude to expect your co-workers to do your child's assignment.

I'm a librarian at a university. Even here, we get employees coming up to the reference desk to ask us to find materials for their children's homework. Needless to say, they should know better.

 

[Becky2005]

It depends on the situation!

My 12 year old I rarely help her with homework unless she asks to clarify something, etc... (I don't even UNDERSTAND most of her homework, much less attempt to do it for her! ) and she's my one involved in a zillioin different activities.

HOWEVER, my 9 year old has a reading disability so if it's an assignment that has to do with reading/writing, then I do a LOT more help than DD ever had, etc... He just did a book report recently and I typed up the summary for him (he had to dictate it though, I did help him word it correctly). I have had to help him out with projects too (usually being the human dictionary and/or writing things out) but the ideas are his.

My 5 year old is only in Kindergarten so not much homework but he has writing disability/motor skill issues (basically no one will be able to read his writing), at school he has special types of pencils and things that we don't have here. I still make him write his spelling out but occasionally I will do the hand over hand stuff with him.

So....once those 2 get older - I could see helping out with their papers (although I would probably make them type it up themselves and then help them figure out the formatting if they didn't know how to do it). Not doing the work for them though but definitely helping out as needed as long as the content was theirs, etc...

I don't think I would be doing it at work though and I certainly wouldn't be asking OTHERS to do it for me.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I'm also new at the homework thing, with my oldest in 2nd grade. I never do her homework for her. I help her by answering questions about instructions, reviewing her work, and helping her correct her mistakes by asking leading questions that help her figure out on her own what is wrong and how to fix it.

I cannot imagine doing what the OP's co-workers are doing. I consider that a huge disservice to the child. I want my kids to learn something from their homework and if I do it for them, they won't. (Extra help needed due to learning disabilities or other issues excepted.)

 

[CEDmom]

My DD is only in 1st grade but I'll help her sound out words and explain instructions on things if she doesn't understand. I'll also give her examples to explain things. I'll do just about anything to help her short of giving the answer.

I think what this kid expects of his dad is crazy and not something I'd do.

 

[tkd lisa]

I've found that I'm helping my kids less as they get older.

When my kids were each in 6th grade, their LA grade was entirely composed of book reports and writings. They had to do one of each every week. Both my kids have fine motor skill problems, so I typed the majority of them while the child dictated. By the end of 6th grade, they were both becoming pretty good typists, so they took that on themselves.

I helped my DD with math homework in 6th and 7th grade. Basically, reminding her of the step by step process, but she had to actually do the work.

This year, DD is 8th grade and DS is 7th. The only "help" I give is to remind them to do it, and check to be sure it's done. If it's not done, they can't go online or use the playstation. But to be honest, my kids have very little homework right now. If they actually do it, it takes a max of 1/2 hour a night. Sometimes it can take an hour to get accomplished, but it's usually a 15 minute job.

And to the OP, that's way above and beyond reasonable!

 

[Nancy]

My daughters are high school, middle and one on the way to college age. I do not help them with homework, other than answering a question if they have it. I have never helped them with their work, it is THEIRS, not mine!

Now if they were stuck on something I will guide them in the right direction, but I don't do the work for them. Formatting is simple on the computer, even I can do it.I do papers all the time for school (I am taking my college courses now!) and we do APA formatting.

My kids do not get all that much homework, my middle school daughter actually gets more than my highschool one, and my highschool one is in honors classes.

 

[mommystieg]

I only help DD13 when she asks for help. I will explain the instructions or point her to the correct area in her textbook but I make her do the work herself. There are a few assignments -- mostly writing -- that require us to proofread and sign off on. The older she has gotten, the less involved we have been with her homework. Unless we notice her grades slipping, then we help her review for tests or go over assignments with her. She is involved in sports, cheerleading and our church--I feel like all of this coupled with her homework is a great way to teach her about time management.

 

[Stephanie218]

I'm not sure if this is as much helping with the content of the homework, as much as formatting. I know on some computers, MS Word may not be installed, so he may have written it in the email, but needs his dad to redo the margins because his dad has that program at work. My friend who has a Mac always needs to do group projects on other people's computers, because hers doesn't cooperate with some of the programs.

I disagree with exreme helping with content of the homework, but this instance may be different if the child didn't have the necessary computer materials to get this done.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I have 4 kids--boys in kindergarten, 7th grade, 10th grade, and a DD in college. When they are little, I'm right there when they are doing homework, reading the instructions, helping, and checking it over. By little, I mean K-maybe 2nd grade. After that I wean them off of my help. Even my K son can read his homework assignment and do his work with very little help from me.

We have homework time after school and I am there to answer questions, quiz them before a test if asked , etc. I do not check over the older kids homework, see when they have tests, etc unless they are having problems completing it, turning it in or are otherwise having school problems. That is their job!

But I know the kind of parent you are talking about. I have friends who are so involved in the homework of their kids. They know exactly what papers are due, when the test are, are very hands on with the projects, and have been known to actually do some of the busywork for their kids. Their son is very busy with baseball, so I understand his problems getting all the work done, but he's in a magnet school, which maybe isn't a good placement if he needs so much help.

I can honestly say that I haven't helped our 7th grader all year long and my DH maybe helped a couple times. He's very independent and part of that is because I've expected it out of him. My 15yo does need a little more attention and reminders, but I still don't do any work for him. The most that my DH will do is to edit papers, but that's easy for him since he does that as part of his normal job. He isn't even asked to do that often, but will when asked. But I truly mean edit them, not write them!

What are these kids going to do when they go to college?

 

[Cool-Beans]

What you described takes less than 5 minutes. If the guy were a friend of mine (or my boss) I would do it. I don't care much about what other folks teach their kids.

The assignments aren't any harder, but now the schools give much more stupid busywork. While they do less academic work than I did, they have much more homework, because everything is about coloring, and collages, and posters. Also, lots of pop culture crap. Entire assignments full of questions like, "Which rock n roll band was famous for smashing guitars at the end of a performance?" (those papers I don't make the kids research, I just answer the questions.) So, they end up having to spend more time on it.

I'll help them with anything. I help pick topics and with research. I buy them good math books (the ones our schools use are bad) so they can teach themselves (and I'll help here and there when they don't get it.) I explain historical stuff, like why Italy switched sides during WWII, or who we were really fighting in Vietnam, stuff that the schools don't teach that makes history interesting.

If the kids end up asking, "Do you want fries with that?" for a living, it won't be because I didn't try.

 

[laura001]

I used to be a lot more attentive with my eldest DD when she was in high school, always stayed on her to do homework and study etc., then the second comes along DS and I am not quite so bad. The third well

When they were in grade school I would read their assignments etc., but by the time they reach high school...they are on their own. I do have my oldest DD read over the english assignments of the younger two though.

The only part I help my kids with is the organization of an assignment or a poster they have to do. I am quite creative and they ...well....I don't know what happened, but they aren't so I do help, hoping that it will rub off.

Once your kid's are in University, they had better have figured out how to do it by themselves, if you have done it for them, they are in for an eye opener!

 

[minkydog]

I help with practical things--buying the poster board, trips to the library, making of costumes, gathering & organizing of notecards. I proof read if I'm asked to. I drill math facts. Otherwise, they're on their own. I did my homework through 12 yrs of school and 5yrs of college. I'm not writing anymore papers, thank you very much.

I have a friend who used to read her child's assingments to him out loud every night--he was a sophomore in college He didn't have a learning disability, he just didn't want to read. He wanted her to read it and explain it, which she happily did. Why? "Because otherwise he wouldn't pass." I told her if he couldn't do the work himself, he didnt need to be in college. Shortly after that, he quit school and went to work and couldn't be happier.

 

[KelNottAt]

I'm helping less and less as my kids get older. In fact, I don't even think I've helped either of them this year or last. Right now, DS has reached a point in math that I'm longer able to help.

A few things I've done for them in the past:
I've typed a paper for them but only when they had already spent at least an hour trying to do it themselves (and it was due the next day). Nowadays, they're on their own; I don't type for them anymore.
When they were really little (K - 2) I helped with the "find 5 pictures of __________." (red veggies, mammals, something electrical, etc.) assignments.
I've helped cut-out shapes and puzzle pieces when they need them for homework.
And, I've driven them back to school to retrieve a forgotten book.

My DD11 is an awful, awful speller. When I check her written work I'll say, "I saw X misspelled words. You should find them and correct them." But that's all. I don't tell her where they are.

 

[minkydog]

My DD11 is an awful, awful speller. When I check her written work I'll say, "I saw X misspelled words. You should find them and correct them." But that's all. I don't tell her where they are.

Both my older kids are horrible spellers, especially the oldest one. I do this too, only I underline the misspelled word lightly in blue and require them to look it up and spell it right. I reinforces what I'm trying to teach them. DH is the worst speller I've ever met--he says the trouble with recognizing a misspelled word is that none of them look wrong to him

 

[soccerchick]

Well, I'm glad from reading the replies here that at least some parents out there aren't doing assignments for kids. Where I work we've had way too many cases of that this year. Between Internet copying and parents just plain doing the assignments, most of the time my students now have to write their papers in class.

I just went through the hoops with this parent who was upset because SHE earned a low B (which was being generous) on an assignment. She complained that what was marked down were items that "Tommy" didn't know about. After a rather lengthy discussion where I quoted my assignment sheet and rubric to her ("If you'll look at paragraph 2, sentence three, you'll see that I specified...If you look at the B criteria, you'll see under the second bullet...), her attitude changed completely. If you are going to cheat for your kid, at least read and understand the assignment and grading parameters! (Not really -- DON'T cheat for your kid!! )