culture wars and my DD(8)

[Magic Mom]

I think for a lot of girls that age reading Twilight is more about fitting in and looking cool than wanting to read about vampires. Is there some other way you can fill that need for her so the Twilight books won't be so alluring? Maybe another book series? I know at my school, American girl books start to lose their appeal about 4th grade.

 

[Pigeon]

So long as my kids are reading, I'm good.

I'm not nuts about the Twilight series, not because of the vampire stuff but because they are anti-feminist. But I do use them as a springboard for discussion about the things that I don't like about them, and to help my kids clue in to some of the themes.

Those books kicked up younger dd's reading level considerably. My dd9 went from reading "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" type books to avidly reading "New Moon" all by herself in a single weekend. I can overlook a great deal if it spurs her interest in reading that much.

 

[minniebeth]

My opinion on all this is not about censoring books, internet, etc.
It's just about following your instincts as a parent, OP. 8yo is still young to be impressionable and just becoming open to a whole new world out there in their own eyes. They are going to want to do, try new things that they are just becoming aware of. A lot of things you might not think appropriate AT THIS AGE just yet, or may conflict with your values. I know how frustrating it is to stand you ground and say no to things and get push back, but you are the parent and societal pressure shouldn't influence you on compromising your values or what you think is right. There will be plenty of time for her to have all of that be in her life when you feel ok with it and feel she is ready.

Be ok with it now, vent if you have to, but stand firm in your instincts about what is appropriate for her, if not, you will really have a hard time of it when she is a teenager and the peer pressure with harder issues crops up.

 

[golfgal]

It's been a weekend of disappointment for my DD(8)...why, you may ask. Because Mommy said, "no".

We went to the bookstore, because DH and I were treating everyone to a new book. I told the kids ahead of time that their choices had to be approved.

She was immediately drawn to the products that I won't spend my money on. This is primarily the dark-themed stories. You know, the vampire, ghost, and otherwise occult stories that are so agressively marketed to children. I've told her before that I won't spend my money on that, and while she is under my roof, neither will she spend her money on that. She eventually found something that is allowed (there's actually a lot to choose from), but she pouted the entire way home because I wouldn't agree to buy her "that other book".

Fast forward to this morning. She asks me if she can have an account on Mileyworld.com. I have no idea what this is, so I told her that I would look at it and then decide. She showed me the site and I see that it has chat rooms and blogs. I'm just not sure that I want my 8 year old to participate in a chat room, or read older kids blogs for that matter. So, for now, my answer is, "no".

I'm sure she is left wondering what she is missing out on. She is a good girl and will obey me (for now). But I realize that at some point she is going to explore these things anyway. I just think 8 is too young.

It is frustrating to me that these things, that are intended for older kids, are marketed to children this young. There are many kids in her class that are well versed in matters that are beyond their ability to accurately interpret. Kids this age are concrete thinkers and cannot discern some of this stuff independently.

It truely is a culture war.

I just wanted to add that while I realize she will read these things when she is older. I'm still not going to spend my money on it. There is a distinction here. I'm not naive enough to think that she will not be exploring these books. But, I am wise enough to not use my money to propogate the marketing of it.

Can you see the difference?

Also, just because I won't allow it at 8, does not mean that she will NEVER see it. That is just extrapolating my current view onto an older child. When a child reaches the teen years, they have a better ability to discern more abstract concepts. At 8, a child reading about vampires, or ghosts, or werewolves, may develop some fears that are very real to them. I know that after the sun goes down, ideas about what is real, and what is not become blurry to an 8 year old.

You are contradicting yourself here. Also, is all your wisdom, what is wrong with the Twilight books? Have you actually read them to make a judgement about them?

 

[MushyMushy]

Only if you let it be. I don't know anything about Mileyworld so I can't comment on that but if she knows about it that means her friends are on the site. As for the book thing, I will NEVER censor books. I can tell you that you are in for a LONG, LONG battle raising your kids if you don't develop some flexibility and allow them to start making choices for themselves.

Yep, I don't believe in censoring books. I let my kids follow their interests and develop their reading tastes. My parents, although not supportive of reading (felt it was a waste of time), allowed me free reign too and I think that's what made me into the voracious reader I am today.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I agree with you OP that as a parent it is part of the job to guide our children in what we want them to read, see on TV, and on the internet. I am surprised by some of the posters here saying that it is not good to ban some materials. I as a parent I most certainly do tell my kids certain things are not allowed in our home. I am happy to offer alternatives for them. And I agree and think it is confirmed here that for some of us this is a cultural war! There are many parents out there that agree with you about not allowing the occult influence into our homes. My kids seem to be doing fine with out reading/ seeing every trend available. Don't be afraid to use your own judgment when it comes to your kids. Do a good job of explaining why you are making those choices and keep communication open and you will work through these issues together.

 

[LoraJ]

Can someone define "occult influence" for me when it comes to the Twilight books???

 

[MushyMushy]

Can someone define "occult influence" for me when it comes to the Twilight books???

I assume they're afraid their children will begin to believe in vampires and werewolves and will want to start torrid affairs with them.

 

[golfgal]

Can someone define "occult influence" for me when it comes to the Twilight books???

I can't, but I have actually read the book so I can say that. It is just like when Harry Potter first became popular and all these people were trying to get the books banned from schools because they were full of dark magic and trying to convert kids to believe in witchcraft . Obviously they have never read the books.

 

[PollyannaMom]

So long as my kids are reading, I'm good....I can overlook a great deal if it spurs her interest in reading that much.

In my house, I'm definitely in this ^ camp!!

But OP, you certainly have the right to "vote with your dollars" by not buying stuff you don't approve of. --- To make sure it doesn't backfire, I would just try to make her feel "heard" by explaining that you know your choice may not be the same one she'll make when she's older, but that right now you still feel responsible for her in this particular area. Remind her of all the other choices she does make now that you made for her when she was younger, and maybe (hopefully) she'll cheer up a bit.

 

[SAHDad]

I can't, but I have actually read the book so I can say that. It is just like when Harry Potter first became popular and all these people were trying to get the books banned from schools because they were full of dark magic and trying to convert kids to believe in witchcraft . Obviously they have never read the books.

Well, you know those wands are real weapons that have to be banned from schools.

 

[englishteacha]

OP, reading teacher here. There are books that are "spooky" that are age appropriate that perhaps your DD would like. I would talk to the school librarian and get some suggestions.

One I read as a child was called "Ghost Cat." It sort of scared me, in a good way, and is part of that ghost/vampire/undead type of genre. I don't know the author but I do know there are age appropriate books that have a similar theme that your DD might like. They are probably in her school or local library, therefore no one has to spend money on them.

 

[Planogirl]

I was just remembering that our son read the Goosebumps books for a while but I think that he was a few years older. I always loved scary books but I policed myself more than my mother did. I read a lot of Nancy Drew at that age but went no farther until I was older!

OP, you might want to use the approach that she is just too young yet but that you will review your decision when she becomes older. Telling her that she will never read those books while under your roof is likely to bring on the pouting. And justifiably so IMO.

 

[gina2000]

I was never censored as a reader.

One day my uncle caught me reading Portnoy's Complaint at his house. I was bored and there was a book. I couldn't have been any older than 12.

He hit the roof.

To this day I'm not sure why he was so angry. I was reading all sorts of stuff by that age. A lot went over my head. And what didn't, I was able to handle. I wasn't obsessed with sex, drugs, or anything inappropriate. I was just bored and wanted to read something at his house.

So much goes over children's heads as they read. To me, it's the exercise of reading that's important, not the material.

 

[JESW]

When my dd 11 was that age she liked the Club Penguin site and she was reading the Goosebumps series. Now she chats on-line with her friends and reads manga. We don't censor what she reads, but she has no interest in The Twilight series altho I know a lot of her friends have read them.

Jill

 

[portocall]

I don't censor books for my children. I let them read whatever they choose, provided it can be found in a public library or a book store. (In other words, nothing you need an ID to buy) When my nine year old picks something that I feel might be touchy, I read it so I can be prepared to discuss whatever I feel needs to be discussed through open ended questions. I find that most things I think he is too young for flies over his head at this point anyhow. My father censored the television when I was growing up (think no Cosby Show, Punky Brewster, Loony Toons, Little Rascals, not just the harder adult themed shows) and all it taught me was to be really sneaky.

Internet, I absolutely agree with you on, however. There are age appropriate sites that my children do have all access too, but, the internet is controlled by a program that only lets them onto sites that we have deemed appropriate. The computer they use is in my site while they are on so I can moniter them as well. The only reason that they don't get more access on our internet is because unlike books and television, the internet is a different monster as it allows interaction with other people.

 

[MiniGirl]

I do limit what my girls read. A friend was in the bookstore recently with her girls. One picked up an erotica book that was on the table. She was drawn to it by the pretty cover and asked her mom to buy it for her. She did not, and I would not have either. (Our girls are 10 and almost 8.) I don't think some cencorship is a bad thing when it comes to our children.

I have also told my girls I would not get a book because I wasn't familiar with it. When I had time, I would read it and then decide if I felt it was appropriate for them or not. Some books I allow because eventhough I may not agree with some of the things in them they offer a good jumping off point for a discussion. Other books I just do not feel they are ready for -- themes too mature or events too descriptive. (FTR, not all of these are secular books either. I debated about whether or not to let my girls read a book about Nate Saint -- a missionary that was slain in the jungles of Brazil. In the end, we read it out loud as a family so I could better gage if some of the more descriptive parts were too gory.) In the end though, I allow many, many more books than I tell them will have to wait.

 

[Sparx]

I do limit what my girls read. A friend was in the bookstore recently with her girls. One picked up an erotica book that was on the table. She was drawn to it by the pretty cover and asked her mom to buy it for her. She did not, and I would not have either. (Our girls are 10 and almost 8.) I don't think some cencorship is a bad thing when it comes to our children.

I have also told my girls I would not get a book because I wasn't familiar with it. When I had time, I would read it and then decide if I felt it was appropriate for them or not. Some books I allow because eventhough I may not agree with some of the things in them they offer a good jumping off point for a discussion. Other books I just do not feel they are ready for -- themes too mature or events too descriptive. (FTR, not all of these are secular books either. I debated about whether or not to let my girls read a book about Nate Saint -- a missionary that was slain in the jungles of Brazil. In the end, we read it out loud as a family so I could better gage if some of the more descriptive parts were too gory.) In the end though, I allow many, many more books than I tell them will have to wait.

i don't think anyone will argue that the child should have been allowed to read erotica, i believe that the parents who don't censor would never freely hand out pornography to children.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I wouldn't let an 8 year read Twilight either.

 

[karenos]

I disagree with you about the book decision, but ultimately it is your child, your choice.

This is what I have done with my DD 11 who is an avid reader. She asked about the Twilight series (which I have read) and while I didn't say she couldn't read them (many of her friends already have) I mainly pointed out that there are so many other more appropriate books for her age. Right now she is really into the Percy Jackson series. I feel strongly that the more you censor or ban something the more a child will want it. If she wants to read the Twilight series in a year or two, so be it.

Just my 2cents....
karenos