Critique Our Letters

[Cardinal]

Since all of our letters are getting buried in other threads, let's use this one to individually talk about each others' letters to Disney and/or news sites. I know that I am missing a lot of important stuff in my letter, so I'll include it with these opening remarks. We want to our letters to be the best that they can be to optimize our performance!

 

[Imagineer_Tech]

Brought a tear to my eye.

 

[Narnian_Princess]

Oh my. That is beautiful, Card.

 

[OneDisney]

I'd Cc Bob Iger.

 

[vmkfan13]

I liked how you brought slinkyman into this..

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Very nice.

 

[Eeyore's Pal]

Last year CL_Slinkyman, a long time player of VMK found out he had Hodgkins Lymphoma, a cancer that attacks mostly boys as they enter adolescent. Slinkyman was lucky; he has a wonderful support team both at home and with his friends on VMK. In fact, VMK was key to keeping his moral up. During all his chemo treatments Slinkyman would log into VMK via a laptop at the hospital and forget his real life - because in VMK there is no cancer."

Just a couple of typos --
adolescent should be adolescence
moral should be morale

Other comment: "...in VMK there is no cancer."
Sadly, Slinkman is one of many VMK guests that can claim this as one of their key reasons for playing.

 

[Jasonbobdude]

Great letter! They should at least give this a few minutes on the air.

 

[Bee2u]

It's like being in the Magic Kingdom with no lines a quarter of a million friends.

VMK features a wide range of classic board games to strategy games to action and adventure games.

Very nice letter! I have one suggestion. The two sentences I quoted above are a little confusing. The first needs an additional 'with', maybe something like 'It's like being in the Magic Kingdom with a quarter of a million friends, with no line.'
The second sentence would read a little easier with a couple of words added: VMK features a wide range of games, from classic board games, to strategy games, to action and adventure games.

(I hope I'm not being too persnickety. I just agree that we want our letters to be the best they can be, and that we want them to be clearly understood.)

 

[Cardinal]

Very nice letter! I have one suggestion. The two sentences I quoted above are a little confusing. The first needs an additional 'with', maybe something like 'It's like being in the Magic Kingdom with a quarter of a million friends, with no line.'
The second sentence would read a little easier with a couple of words added: VMK features a wide range of games, from classic board games, to strategy games, to action and adventure games.

(I hope I'm not being too persnickety. I just agree that we want our letters to be the best they can be, and that we want them to be clearly understood.)

Hahahaha, I must've been so tired when I wrote this. Thanks for pointing that out


(I've changed the saved copy)

 

[piratesLifeYoho]

thank you for this suggestion!

sent to some news stations....



The Disney Corporation is turning its back on their loyal customers. Virtual Magic Kingdom (VMK) is a free online game, but to all who play, it is not just a game. It is a mode for parents to connect with their children, a motivation for children to stay off the streets and out of trouble, and it is also a safe way to teach children how to be good citizens before they get out into the real world. However, Disney Internet Group does not care about how much the site means to its over a quarter of a million players! It blatantly ignores please from people young and old to keep the site running. All they seem to care about is the revenue. I understand from a business perspective the cost of things is important, but they should consider the cost to the children as well. Nearly everyone who plays VMK currently is willing to pay to keep it open; the only ones who would not are those who can not afford it. There is such an out pouring of sentiment about this issue on various sites dedicated to keeping VMK alive. Many of the contacts to Disney that we have available to us as customers have been blocked off since VMK recently reported its up coming closure on May 21, 2008. I only hope my plea to you will not also fall on deaf ears. VMK has become like a family to us… a network, a support group… that would be lost because of the disregard of a few people. Please, help spread the word and make the facts known about this issue that means so much too so many people.

http://www.savevmktoday.com/main.html

 

[piratesLifeYoho]

what i wrote to some disney contacts...



I am writing today, to express my disappointment and sadness I am feeling with the recent news of VMK closing as of May 21st. VMK is a place where fans of all ages can gather and share one common love that is in fact Disney. We've grown up with the movies, the characters, the park experiences and now more then ever do we need a place to escape to. With so much negativity in today's society and in our world in general, we need that place where we feel safe.
With VMK gone where do we turn? Sure we can turn ToonTown, Club Penguins and even Pirates Online, but the truth is, we all want to be a little selfish; we all want that great feeling that only vmk can provide us with. What is lacking in Toon Town, or POTC, or Fairies, or Cars...etc Is the magic of the Disney Theme Parks. VMK has it all, actual replicas of the parks, pin trading, character themed rides and clothing. This is a truly magical experience, inside the park and online. Toon Town and the rest of those games have no ability to adapt or change. If you wanted anything other than pirates, you wouldn't play Pirates of the Caribbean Online. VMK has the uncanny ability to adapt and promote whatever they like. Any new features that Disney wants to push can be viewed through VMK.
I was amazed when I saw VMK for the first time by how real the experience came to be. That was added to the multiple friends someone can make to enrich the experience.
VMK has been an oasis for kids of all ages, standing alone amongst adult themed websites. It brings families and friends together despite barriers of distance, economics, race, disability, or religion. We are all sharing the magic together and that is what matters!
The magic that we all get at the parks when we go can only be described as unforgettable and if Disney can create something that lets us relive those moments when we are unable to attend the parks, then they would be foolish to let it go so easily. What I don't think the members of the above company understand is that is exactly what has been created, a magical experience that not I or anyone else who is a Disney fanatic is ready to give up. Nearly everyone who plays VMK currently is willing to pay to keep it open; the only ones who would not are those who can not afford it. There is such an out pouring of sentiment about this issue on various sites dedicated to keeping VMK alive. I hope you can take the time to reconsider the decision to close VMK!

Sincerely,

piratesLifeYoho (angela)

 

[piratesLifeYoho]

this needs to be bumped! i think all letters such as this should be on one tread.... pleas post here

 

[Cardinal]

At the request of a fellow DIS member, I am going to remove my letter from the original post. Boy, did I sound like a drunken idiot

 

[Kasiks]

May someone review my letter even if it may not be read?

I am writing you this letter in response to the recent VMK newsletter where it is stated that VMK will open its virtual doors for the last time on May 21, 2008.

I am from Europe and I started playing VMK in 2006. This promotion / game is the kind of game I have always dreamed of being a Disney fan. I love to experience the magic of Disney from home when I can’t go to a real theme park. Before playing VMK, I was playing Walt Disney World Explorer 1, 2 and Walt Disney World Quest : Magical Racing Tour but I cant play them anymore because I dont have Windows 98 anymore. VMK is more than a great replacement for them because of the way it is created and also because it is a safe place to be on the web. It is games like those that make me still be a Disney lover and still visiting Disney theme parks after the first time I discovered Walt Disney World in 1993.

VMK is more than a simple game / promotion, even more now, three years after it opened for the first time, I played some other games since I started playing VMK but they are not comparable to VMK, even those so called innovative, mainly because I don't feel safe to try to create friendships on those games and that playing games alone is not so funny, in VMK, I know people had the same love as me for Disney and also because of the way VMK is moderated, it is easier to make friends. It is really sad to think of the closing of VMK, today I realized for the first time what it would mean for me to lose some of my VMK friends and I really don’t want that to happen, VMK has developed part of my social skills, it helped me to understand what teamworking was and I am sure VMK could have way more to learn me. Also, I am not a native English/American speaker and thanks to VMK and the community of fans, my English has improved and without VMK, I dont know where I will go to be able to use my English on a daily basis, I really dont want that to vanish.

If you dont want to let VMK open for free, please consider those suggestions:
1) a free version of VMK with ads when you need to enter VMK before the loading screen : being able to have friends but a limited amount of friends, not being able to visit host rooms, ..

2) a pay to play version of VMK : like what VMK is now but with a larger VMK friend list, ..

3) a online shop where we could buy rare items like stitch hat, .. and also credits with real money.

Please reconsider your decision to close VMK even though there are other online alternatives, none of them comes close to the experience that VMK provides. The "atmosphere" in VMK is just unique. Please don't take this safe and happy virtual world from us. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter.

 

[Imagineer_Tech]

Dear Mister Robert Iger,

Hello my name is Robert and as you have probably heard that you are saddening many costumers of Disney by closing the well loved Disney's Virtual Magic Kingdom. Now this will Not be another anger or sadden letter about what VMK meant to many although I am very saddened by the Decision.
What the Disney team created was one of the best online games out there. It provided fun, friends, skills, community and life lessons all at once. So you have this great thing for 3 years and suddenly it needs to be closed for a reason that doesn't make much sense seeing how the game can and has easily broken away from the 50th celebration promotion. You are well aware that many people are willing to pay for your game and it has about 250,000 players. So if you charge around $5 dollars a month the game would be paying for itself in a matter of days. You have created something so close to your actual parks that people are willing to pay to play. This game would be an instant money maker for your company, so by keeping the game but simply making it pay to play you would be making 25,000 dollars for about every 5,000 players who subscribe and trust me you'll have many more.
Closing this game when it could make so much money for you is a bad decision, it has great staff always ready to help and always doing their jobs but at the same time being able to be regular players. It has great game play and bugs are minimal. Point and case closing down and not making pay to play is a bad choice.

This game has such opportunity to be a great thing for your company and it's players. Money for your company and a safe friendly environment for all ages. Thank you.

Sincerely, Robert
__________________

 

[Cardinal]

Dear Mister Robert Iger,

Hello my name is Robert and as you have probably heard that you are saddening many customers of Disney by closing the renowned Virtual Magic Kingdom.
What the Disney team has created was one of the best online games out there. It provided fun, friends, skills, community and life lessons all at once. You had this great thing for 3 years and suddenly it needs to be closed? The reason for its closure doesn't make much sense seeing how the game can and has easily broken away from the 50th celebration gimmick. You are well aware that many people are willing to pay for your game, and also that it has about 250,000 players. If you charged around $5 dollars a month the game would be paying for itself. You have created something so close to your actual parks that people are willing to pay to play. This already well-established game would be an instant money maker for your company, so by keeping the game and simply making it pay to play, you would be making 25,000 dollars for about every 5,000 players who subscribe (and trust me, through advertising you will have many more!)
Closing this game when it could make so much money for you is a bad decision. It has great staff always ready to help and always doing their jobs but at the same time being able to be regular players. It has great game play and bugs are minimal because of its innovatively basic structure. Point and case closing down and not making pay to play is a bad choice.

This game has such opportunity to be a great thing for your company and it's players: money for your company and a safe friendly environment for all ages. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Robert
__________________

I just made a few grammatical and spelling changes. If VMK were to charge, it would have many customers, not costumers.

Although hopefully we would be getting some good costumes.

 

[Imagineer_Tech]

I just made a few grammatical and spelling changes. If VMK were to charge, it would have many customers, not costumers.

Although hopefully we would be getting some good costumes.

Omg I already sent it i'm going to look like an idiot!

 

[Eeyore's Pal]

Omg I already sent it i'm going to look like an idiot!

No you're not! The original letter sounded like the heartfelt outpouring of a nicely articulate young guest. Your thoughts were organized, direct, and without anger.

I'm always in favor of good grammar, but sometimes sincere content way outweighs a few minor errors.

Great job!

 

[Cardinal]

No you're not! The original letter sounded like the heartfelt outpouring of a nicely articulate young guest. Your thoughts were organized, direct, and without anger.

I'm always in favor of good grammar, but sometimes sincere content way outweighs a few minor errors.

Great job!

As we would say in the City of Heroes forums,

"Quoted for Truth!"