Creepy Stalker Boy Advice Needed ***UPDATE on pg 2****

[Cruisin]

There is a boy at school that is starting to creep out my 16 yr old daughter.
He has been sending her e-mails and putting notes in the lock of her locker for awhile now.
He keeps asking her to meet him somewhere, and sort of hanging around at lunch time, looking at her.
All of her friends know about this guy and they are all kind of looking out for her. He does not approach her in the hall unless she is alone so she tries to make sure she is never alone.
Today he put a coded note in her lock and said if she wants to figure it out he has "knows the language and she knows where to find him on Saturday" Well she was smart enough to figure it out herself (she is good at cryptic puzzles!!).
So far he has not said or done anything threatening but she is starting to get weirded by the whole situation.
Tomorrow is the last day of school, so probably the situation will be alright till school starts in January.
How should we handle this, talk to the school, talk to the police...anybody got any advice.

Robin

 

[Lewski709]

Immediately tomorrow am. If they think the police should be involved, they will help. Take everything she has with her to the principal, but don't let him keep it.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

Go with her!

 

[Arabella Figg 2003]

Has she told him to leave her alone? That's a first step.

If that doesn't work, she should talk to her guidance counselor at school.

 

[Cruisin]

She has told him in a polite way that she is not interested in him, but I don't think he got the hint, well he did for a little bit but he is back at it again

 

[Arabella Figg 2003]

well, if he won't take a pollite "no" for an answer, she should address her concerns to someone at school.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

I suggest you let the school know the level of your concern immediately and from the response you get from them you'll know how seriously they take the problem. If they don't contact the authorities then I hope you will. We had a similar situation some years ago. The young man turned out to be a borderline schizophrenic who had focused on my daughter. He simply would not leave her alone, some of what this boy is doing sounds very similar. We had to get the school and the juvenile authorities involved. It was scary for my daughter and for us. We'll never know if he would have harmed her but I'm glad we didn't have to find out.

 

[disykat]

I'd try to talk to the school before break. They'll at least know if they've had problems with this kid before. If alarm bells go off for them, you'll want to know ASAP.

Hopefully he's just socially inept.

 

[mickeyboat]

Please contact the school. The administration needs to be made aware of the situation so they can look out for her too.

Something similar happened to me in high school. It was all innocent and eventually he took the hint.

A cheerleader in my school was not so lucky. The guy ended up shooting and killing her in the school parking lot.

With all that is happening in this day and age we all need to be a little more vigilant.

Please take care.

Denae

 

[cati]

As someone who works in the school system, here is my advice.... PLEASE let your school know. They can not protect your daughter if you do not let them know what is going on.

Go to them tomorrow - talk to the principle. Show him the things you have. Demand they talk to him. If that does not stop him, demand a meeting with him and his parents. If that does not stop, go to the courthouse and take out a restraining order on him. At least that way it is documented that he is not to be around your daughter.

We will keep your daughter is our thoughts and prayers and pray that he gets the message the first time. Keep us updated on what happens.

 

[TIGGERSMOM]

Go to the principal now - do not be put off until after the holidays. I would make it clear to the principal that you have intentions of getting law enforcement involved if they do nothing.

MY DS's GF was run out of school by such behavior from a group of boys. Her Mom did nothing but complain to the principal once in awhile.

If you make it clear that the school system is liable for sexual harassment ( because that is what this is) and you intend to push the issue hopefully you will get results.

Tell your daughter to tell the boy to stop it in front a school administrator and if he contacts her outside school - go for a restraining order.

I would not take this likely at all.

 

[myjulybabes]

She needs to tell him in no uncertain terms, she is not interested, and she never will be interested, and she wants him to stop, NOW. Throw politeness out the window, this situation does not warrant it. If she says "Oh, you are really nice, but I'm just not interested right now", he thinks he still has a chance. "Well, she thinks I'm nice...........maybe I can convince her to like me!". Get the school involved as well, but also, she needs to be the one to make it very very clear to him that she finds it unacceptable. People that exhibit stalker-like behavior can find a way to rationalize these things "oh, the school says no because her MOM doesn't like me, SHE still thinks I'm ok!" So you need a multi-pronged approach here.

 

[legs22]

I am in my 40's and am going through this now with an ex-boyfriend. I ended the relationship in July. Told him to leave me alone and don't contact me. I feel he is now stalking me and he gives me the creeps. Initially it seemed like a coincidence that I would see him in his car while driving or in a store. I would get a call every so often in the middle of the night- it was a private # on caller ID so I couldn't see who it was. In September I saw him at our church and he was crying wanting me back. He was so upset I didnt wave to him when I saw him on the road that he drove from South FL to Gainesville and doesn't know how he got there. And he still has my pictures up with rosary beads on them. He asked me out but I said no he gave me the creeps. Then he calls a week later and leaves a message asking me out. I don't call back but the next night he is at my door ringing the bell. Then in November he followed me all the way to my car after church (we go to the same church) even though I kept telling him repeatedly I couldn't talk now and to leave me alone. Then on the way home I pulled in to a gas station that I saw he already drove past. I was on the phone with my sister and suddenly he was beside my window. He then sent flowers and cards to me at work. Called my house and cell leaving 5 min messages. He had left a mesage that said he knew I was dating someone now and was hurt by that (he even knew his name!!) Pounding on my door and returning gifts I gave him. I got a call at 5 am. My caller ID said "payphone" and the phone number. No message was left. It just so happens it is the payphone closest to our homes- he lives 5 streets away. He called my mom at her work begging her to help him get me back. I went to the police and filed a stalking report. Went to the courthouse the next day to get a restraining order. Anyone can file a petition for a restraining order but that does not mean that the judge will order for it to be served. The judge is mainly looking for an act of physical violence and there isn't one in my case. He is obsessively in love with me. I called the same policewoman back and she said she met him 2 days after I filed the report. He called the police on some noisy kids and he told the policewoman that he didn't need this right now from these kids because his girlfriend is having a nervous breakdown (meaning me!). I changed my cell and home numbers. I covered my garage windows with paper and found out from someone 2 days later that he noticed I did that and he had been looking in my garage window to see if my car was there. Then he knew if I was home. For 2 weeks it was quiet. Then he sent a diamond bracelet, a teddy bear, 4 cards with his cologne on it, and flowers to me at work. And 11 pm that night I got a call to my NEW cell# and it said on the screen "caller ID blocked" so I couldn't see the number calling me. The next day he left a gift for my dd at my front door. He will not stop. Unfortunately in the state of FL there is nothing you can do about stalking. There must be physical violence for a restraining order to be served.

 

[Tuffcookie]

leggs22, I can't believe after what you've told us, nothing can be done. Have you paid a visit to the prosecutor in your city? Maybe you can approach this from a different angle...What he is doing is harassment. Sounds like the prosecutor should schedule a meeting with your ex and warn him to cease his behavior.

TC

 

[legs22]

Is a proscutor a lawyer? Would I be suing him? How much does this cost?

I heard that the x-bf set a personal deadline of Jan. 1 that he would then stop pursuing me.
All I can do is again call the same policewoman and let her know this is continuing. She had said that she may have to have a little chat with him. But what I fear is how he would react to me telling the police. He really over reacts. He has to prove that there is nothing wrong with him. This policewoman advised getting a restraining order so that when the police did contact him and if he then came after me, I would be protected. I told her I could not get the rest. order and she advised changing my phone numbers. I found out he had a domestc violence restraining order SERVED 12 yrs ago during his divorce. BUT the judge doesn't even consider history like this to serve a rest. order. It happened too long ago. And he has no valid driver's license since Jan. 03 and he drives a company car. Yes, it is tempting to call his company. The policewoman is aware of his record- she encouraged me to check his records through clerk of the court.

 

[Lorix2]

Back to Cruzin'Croeze -

Please go to the school with this info immediately - they cannot stop it if they are not aware.

My DD11 was the victim of verbal harrassment that she asked to stop (unbeknownst to me) and it didn't. She went on her own to the teachers/principal and this boy was suspended for 3 days for sexual harrassment - in the 6th grade!

She should not have to put up with this behavior at all and he needs to be shown it's inappropriate.

Please keep us informed and hope your DD is ok.

 

[Scratch42]

Cruisin'Droezes,

Make sure that the Principal knows what is going on. Have it on file at the office.

If you do not get any satisfaction from them, get a hold of your School's Superindentant. Unfortunately, since they will be on break until after the New Year you won't be able to call, but write a letter, cc the Principal. That way they will have a written letter on file. Also photocopy any and all notes that she may still have. Also advise her teacher that there is a problem.

Good Luck, and let's hope that this is just "one of those" things.

Pixie Dust!

Scratch

 

[Cruisin]

Hi everyone and thank you for all of your good advice.

She took the first step herself last night by writing him an e-mail and in plain, no nonsense language she told him she was not interested, and never would be. She told him to please stop and that he was creeping her out.

He does not own a computer and I believe he only has access to one thru the school or the city library, so she would not get an immediate response to that.

I think we will be in contact with the school to let them know that this is happening and we will see where it goes from there.

I know you can never be too careful. One high school in our city has been under police presence this week because of threats of violence, so far nothing has happened, thank goodness.

Thanks again and I will let you know if anything further develops.

You guys are great Have a Happy Holiday.

 

[Serena]

Good luck.


Please make sure she is not doing anything that could be remotely taken as encouraging him.

I found out afterwards my dd was provoking the ex, then complaining about it to me and not telling me her part in it. No wonder she didn't want me to call the police.

 

[Cruisin]

UPDATE.......

Hi everyone, I just got home from speaking with the guidance counsellor at the school.
She was excellent. She listened and asked questions.
She told my daughter that this was a form of harrassment, that no one should have to put up with harrassment and that would not be tolerated at that school.
She said that if the boy was there today, she would be speaking with him immediately and telling him in no uncertain terms that his interest was not wanted and that he should stop.
The counsellor told my daughter that it was not her fault and that she did nothing wrong. She also told her that if he tried to contact her again or she did not see a change in his pattern of following her around in the halls that she was to go to the counsellor right away and let her know.
If he does not stop then it could become a police matter.
She said that sometimes all that is needed is for someone like her to talk to the person and that ends it.
So I am hoping that this is the end of it and hopefully it does not just make him mad.

Thanks again for all of your care and concern.

 

[Lewski709]

I am glad you addressed this.

legs22 : FLORIDA will do something! I was involved in a stalking case and moved to Indiana. FLORDIA PAID FOR ME TO COME BACK TO TESTIFY IN COURT. You first have to gain a restraining order, which means going to court and he will be able to be there. Save whatever you get from him! Report it to the police. Call the police anytime he violates the restraining order. Call the phone company and get a tracer put on your phone. This will involve "work" on your part. PM me if you need more info.