house_of_princesses
<font color=FF66FF>Has a multitude of DIS friends
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2003
- Messages
- 1,532
Well, I thought today wouldn't affect me as difficultly as it is. I bury my husbands ashes late this afternoon. It's overcast, but not raining, the girls are over tired, as am I.
None of John's family wanted to be here. They said they'd come if I wanted them to, but I don't feel the need for their presence. My pastor and his wife (more than our pastor and wife, they are our friends) will be with the girls and me. My folks and sis will be there, too. They wanted to be there for themselves, as well as me.
I was driving down the road, when I passed an out of the way pet store we went to. That memory of all 6 of us there, trying to decide which is the best dog food, my DH wishing he were somewhere else. All of a sudden I thought "What if he didn't love me? What if he just tolerated me?" I just about had to pull over. The thought is still attacking me. And that's what it is, an attack. And I'm tired.
My father took me to look at memorials Thursday. (Headstones) I picked one out and, can you believe it, I'm negotiating the price. Just doesn't seem like the right thing to do....haggle over dollars.....but it's what John would do! The funeral business is a business, not a service. Ick.
For the most part, we're doing ok. Went to church last week and got up to speek. Tried to say thank you to my church family, but couldn't find words befitting their generosity. So, I shared some blessings that have been gifted me. So strong at times, other times I'm just limp.
Perhaps I'd better go lay down before we have to leave. As always, thanks for listening.
Peace to you,
Vicki
None of John's family wanted to be here. They said they'd come if I wanted them to, but I don't feel the need for their presence. My pastor and his wife (more than our pastor and wife, they are our friends) will be with the girls and me. My folks and sis will be there, too. They wanted to be there for themselves, as well as me.
I was driving down the road, when I passed an out of the way pet store we went to. That memory of all 6 of us there, trying to decide which is the best dog food, my DH wishing he were somewhere else. All of a sudden I thought "What if he didn't love me? What if he just tolerated me?" I just about had to pull over. The thought is still attacking me. And that's what it is, an attack. And I'm tired.
My father took me to look at memorials Thursday. (Headstones) I picked one out and, can you believe it, I'm negotiating the price. Just doesn't seem like the right thing to do....haggle over dollars.....but it's what John would do! The funeral business is a business, not a service. Ick.
For the most part, we're doing ok. Went to church last week and got up to speek. Tried to say thank you to my church family, but couldn't find words befitting their generosity. So, I shared some blessings that have been gifted me. So strong at times, other times I'm just limp.
Perhaps I'd better go lay down before we have to leave. As always, thanks for listening.
Peace to you,
Vicki
{{{Hugs}}}[/color]
