Coworker confusion

Sphyrna

DIS Veteran
Joined
Mar 25, 2009
Messages
1,241
I'm coming to you guys for advice once again. I hope this isn't inappropriate for the boards. But since I don't have many gay friends (or friends in general) you guys are like my family. So Mike, feel free to delete it if it's out of place.

Last month I posted about coming out to my coworker. As I said then, it went well. We've had no problems talking about it or making jokes or anything. Friday night we're playing WoW and chatting. He tells me he needs sex. Jokingly, I asked if that was a request. His response was "hmmm" followed by something about not wanting to mess up our friendship and stuff. We just carried on talking about other stuff and then one of us logged off.

Me being the way I am, I suddenly get worried. I wondered if he didn't realize I was joking and was making a pass at him! :scared1: I often hear straight guys saying they don't mind gay guys, as long as they don't try anything with them. So now I'm all worried and can't stop thinking about it.

Yesterday when thinking about it something else comes to mind. Wait a minute, what was with the "hmmm"?? :confused3 Was he actually considering it??? Tonight we were chatting in the game and I bring it up. I let him know that when I asked if it was a request that I was joking. I then asked if he was considering it, and he said yes! :eek: He even said he made a reference to it on Friday but I must have missed it. But then he had to go so we couldn't discuss it more. I was curious what reference he made.

So now my head is totally spinning. :rotfl: See, here's the thing. I've had a crush on him for the longest time. At times it was pretty bad. :love: I'm talking about daydreaming and having fantasies. It got to the point where I had to slap myself and remind myself "he's str8", thinking like this is just making it harder on you. But now after tonight's chat and revelation, I don't know what to think. I don't want to mess up our friendship (although we're really only friends at work, we haven't hung out outside of work). We're coworkers, so that makes things risky. Not just coworkers, but in the same department. Oh, and then there's that little thing that he's (supposedly) str8! :lmao: Perhaps he's curious? What should I do?? :confused3 Should I talk to him more about it? Or not bring it up? Thanks in advance for your advice.
 
Rule #1!

Dont play where you work! It never, and I mean NEVER works out!


But if you decide to go ahead with this, I would suggest a nice dinner out to discuss things before you get all hot and heavy......

Just my two cents.......
 
RUN, don't walk from this situation.

It can only end badly.

Been there, done that. Didn't buy the t-shirt cuz it was a crappy time.
 

Oh... tough tough spot; generally I don't like to mix work and partners. My current job seems to be the one of theonly place where it works (I've lost count of how many couples there are); it's never seemed to work at other places I've been but we have a pretty unique culture here in this office -- that being said I simply wouldn't want to work in the same place as my husband -- I love him, honestly I do :lovestruc, but we like our separate lives as well. :thumbsup2 Work is work, personal life is personal life -- it's just a very dangerous slope to be on to bring them together.
 
Seems like you guys are thinking the same as me. I keep thinking of Rule #1 and tend to agree. We always tease my one coworker b/c he was dating someone in the office. Then when they broke up he started dating someone else at work. Now he's back with the first girl, married, and 2 kids. But just from watching that ordeal there were times when it wasn't good. I also know from personal experience.

I'm also trying to take into consideration what I want. That answer is simple, I want a relationship. I don't really see that happening here. So the question is do I settle for friends with benefits while waiting for a relationship? Been there done that too many times. I also agree with Mike that before anything happens we'll have to have a long talk first.
 
I'm also trying to take into consideration what I want. That answer is simple, I want a relationship. I don't really see that happening here. So the question is do I settle for friends with benefits while waiting for a relationship?

Or even worse, an awkward, failed one night stand with a confused straight guy or repressed closet case who refuses to make eye contact with you ever again. It's just an ugly, ugly situation. Trust me.
 
I agree with the majority- this isn't a good situation. Trying to manage a relationship with a coworker is bad enough but this guy is, at the very least, confused. I don't think it would be a good idea to try to mix work, a relationship and his personal issues.
 
I really hope this wouldn't happen, but if things went horribly wrong he might try to spin it as sexual harassment. I wouldn't go down that path.

Like Rob said, the dude is either straight or very closeted. Neither choice sounds very appealing!
 
Even from a straight point of vue this is scary to me. Keep the friendship, run away from the relationship
 
I really hope this wouldn't happen, but if things went horribly wrong he might try to spin it as sexual harassment. I wouldn't go down that path.

Like Rob said, the dude is either straight or very closeted. Neither choice sounds very appealing!

I really don't think he would try to spin it as sexual harassment. That's not the type of guy he is. Besides, we talk about everything, so I have enough dirt on him that he would know better! LoL

After thinking about it more today all signs do point to this not being a good thing. Too many red flags. After chatting last night my head was spinning so it was hard to think str8 (or not) LoL.
 
I agree that dating at work can be a problem. But, I have known people to do it very successfully. So, it's probably not a good idea, but, I don't know enough to say for sure.

I would say though that if you are in any way considering this you should consider hanging out as friends outside of work before you make any decisions.
 
I have seen this go from LOVING to absolute HATRED at work, and eventually everyone else on the team feels the pain, and even worse some take sides.

If you have to work together in the same area it can be really bad !
And people will want to know what is going on !

Good Luck !
 
I don't know i agree with majority and I don't.. I really think it depends..

First if you are talking about a one night stand with a "str8" guy then heck no.. Even if he was out and out gay.. one night stands an work don't work AT ALL.. also a one night stand with a guy you have had a crush on for years, your just asking for a emotional bruising...

If you are talking dating, i would say maybe, but very carefully..

The other thing is talk to him.. He may not be str8.. He may be gay or bi, and since you already have a good friendship maybe it could be something else..
I don;t know about you but with me it would drive me nuts thinking if he was curious or really gay..

But again it depends on your workplace.. I work at a place where there are lot of openly gay men and woman and the administration embraces it.

all in all its your desiccation, just be aware of what might happen, both good and bad..
 
I agree with most here that it's probably not a good idea. With that said everyone's situation is different and people react differently. I'd talk to him and see where his head is at (who knows if he'll say anything). Decide from there. More than likely nothing will come out of it. You won't know unless you talk. Think with the head on your shoulders :) hehe. Good luck! :D
 
I'm going to go the other way just to be contrary!
I say do him! Do him right there on his desk!
And then do him again in the supply room!

If someone walks in - do them too. :thumbsup2
 
And now we know why Wally works from home.....ALONE!
 
I'm going to go the other way just to be contrary!
I say do him! Do him right there on his desk!
And then do him again in the supply room!

If someone walks in - do them too. :thumbsup2

:rotfl2: I was wondering if you were going to chime in! And that's just the response I expected from you!! :thumbsup2
 












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