Couples who don't speak to each other at meals

[Jennasis]

Dh and I have noticed lately, a whole lot of couple at restaurants who are not speaking to one another. It's about the saddest thing to watch. Sometimes it's a couple about our age (late 20's-early 30's) and one or both look really peeved about something. The entire meal goes by with glares or distant coldness and not a single word shared. Sometimes it's an older couple with the resigned "dead" look...as if they are going through the motions.

WHY would you go out to dinner with someone and then not talk at all the entire time?? It's weird and sad at the same time.

Have any of you been so angry, depressed, bored etc at your partner that you just ignored them for an entire meal out? Or is this just a phenomenon only I notice?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Can't say that my DH and I have ever done this. When we go out we're usually pretty happy to be out without the kids, but usually in our haste to get out the door one of us is frustrated with the other person. Don't know why that happens, but even when we're truly pissed about something, we get over it and we talk during the meal. If the two of us were ever out to eat and we weren't going to "get over it", I'd rather just go back home and make a sandwich rather than spend the money on a dinner that wasn't going to be any fun.

 

[Snow Brite]

Or when one of them spends their time talking on a cell phone instead of to the person they are with at the table. My honey and I were at lunch the other day and there was this youngish couple (mid 20's). They sat down and he got out his phone and talked on it for 10 minutes. Hangs up to order, chats with her for a minute, and then the phone rings and he talks again until the food comes. I felt so bad for her...she was just sitting there with nothing to do. She should have brought a book... It was just really sad.

I love that MY lunch date sat on the same side of the booth with me to be able to hold my hand. We never run out of things to talk about. Including discussing the other diners at the restaurant.

 

[ducklite]

We sometimes do'nt speak much during a meal. We're not angry or depressed or whatever, just don't really have anything to say and just enjoying being with each other. ACtually this could have been us at TGIF yesterday, we were both really exhausted, and needed to eat before continuing on with the next errand. Just didn't really feel like having a lively conversation.

But I have seen couples with daggers flying at restaurants...not sure how anyone would even have an appetite under those circumstances.

Anne

 

[princess pooh]

We've had some quiet meals but not because we're angry. If we're out at a restaurant it's usually because I was too tired to cook or even heat something up. It's hard for me to carry on a conversation when I'm that tired.

If we're angry though, we're anything but quiet

 

[lillygator]

maybe they just can't speak over the noisy children around ~ saving it up for the DIS boards!!!

 

[Robinrs]

I cannot imagine that... I see eating out as a social thing so I use it to have a conversation. I couldn't imagine just eating and not talking... eck..

 

[powellrj]

there have been many times that DH and I go out to dinner together and don't talk much. Its really nice to just sit quietly and enjoy each others company. We are both sales people who spend our days talking to people, add 3 kids to the mix and sometimes you just enjoy the peace and quiet. Sometimes we don't even talk in the car we will just sit and savor the quiet. I think many couples who have demanding jobs see resturants as safe havens that they can just relax with each other.

 

[bigbabyblues]

Unfortunately, this is me and my DH. We just don't have anything to say to each other. We also drive to the restaurant pretty much in silence. We've been married 9 years and it feels like 109. No daggers flying, no anger, just not much else either.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

maybe they just can't speak over the noisy children around ~ saving it up for the DIS boards!!!

Now was that really necessary?

 

[Stacey2grls]

I can't say that my husband and myself do this. We rarely go out together without the kids, so we are usually thrilled! As for the not speaking during meals, I guess that is some couples "fighting style" the cold treatment? I know that when me and my husband argue, its pretty fast and fierce, but thankfully over with. We usally get out fighting over with pretty quick, so no cold silences here.

 

[VanniGirl]

I can't imagine ever being at a table with my husband and not talking - we usually both have so much to say

 

[SDFgirl]

Sometimes DH and I will go out to eat and read newspapers or books - usually when we're on vacation and have been together constantly for the last 4 days! To me, it's always nice just to be with him, to enjoy some peace and quiet with my husband. We don't always have tons to say to each other, and that's okay. I'm definitely an introvert and need my quiet time.

If we go out to dinner, on a date or something, we're usually pretty chatty because we've been busy all week and we miss each other!

 

[Micca]

DW and I have been married 32 years (next month). Sometimes eating and re-charging batteries has to occur before witty repartee can begin. OTOH, it's ok to be so comfortable that you can enjoy each others company without much conversation. I don't remember ever being out to dinner and being angry with each other...but that's part of the secret: Not remembering

 

[ozarkmom]

My husband and I don't usually say alot when we go out to eat. It's not a big deal but now I guess I should be self conscious worrying about someone seeing us not talking. Everyone is different. Sometimes we have things to talk about and sometimes we just don't. Please don't read too much into it!

 

[PixiePop]

My husband and I do not talk much during dinner....actually, HE doesn't talk much, I pretty much carry the conversation. He was never allowed to talk at the dinner table and with my family, you couldn't keep us quiet. It took me a long time to learn to deal with it.

 

[poohluvrs]

DH & I could be guilty of this at times, we notice if we're super hungry we can go the whole meal w/out a peep!

Not b/c we dont enjoy each others company, but as a couple w/kids we rarely get the ability to finish a meal w/out "little" interruptions!

 

[ktink]

We have been guilty of this every once in a while. Most of the time we are just chatty kathy but there are some days at lunch that we will not have much to say. One of us may be tired or had a bad morning at work. But we still want to be there together. We try to go to lunch at least once a week together. Which right now makes me sad because DH will be out of town next week and we won't be able to. I'd rather have him there and us not talking as him hundred miles away.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I have to admit, if DH and I are sitting at a restaurant table and we're not talking, it's because 1) - we've gotten into a fight over his driving on the way there, or 2) - we've gotten into a fight right before we walked out the door.

I too agree, that it's sad to watch. When I see it, I automatically think they're in an unhappy marriage. Sure, it's jumping to HUGE conclusions, but it's human nature to make snap judgements.

I just hate it when I'm the one looking miserable.

After reading these responses, especially the one about being in sales - because I am as well (you get soooo tired of talking) - I'll be thinking twice before making any judgements about other people, the next time I see a couple quietly enjoying their dinner.

 

[btass]

Have any of you been so angry, depressed, bored etc at your partner that you just ignored them for an entire meal out? Or is this just a phenomenon only I notice?

Yep, I do it all the time. My DH does not want to talk to me about anything. Ever. I used to try to talk to him or get him to talk but it is no use so I gave up having conversations with myself. I think it is boredom. He does the same thing at home too. The only time we talk we argue so why talk?!

BTW, He has plenty to say to everyone else in his life.

A sad exsistance, yes.