Country Bobs reasons for missing work

[binny]

1. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
2. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won’t bite things when I'm startled.
3. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
4. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not s showing up for work. Okay?
5. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
6. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
7. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
8. I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
9. I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!
10. set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

 

[mowsie dreamer]

I loved those! What a hoot.

BTW- I had a co-worker who explained being an hour and a half late for work by saying she got behind a car that drove very, very slowly. She lived maybe 5 miles from work.