Couldn't it just be tomorrow already? Irrational vent.

[slk537]

So my cousin is getting married tonight 3 hours from here. DS is a ring bearer. We need to be there way earlier than I thought.

Today is the 4th "anniversary" of my mom's fatal accident. I am very private about my grief and how I deal with it. My aunt and cousin have decided to add my mom's name to the prayers in the ceremony. My dad will be reading it. However, instead of saying "especially for (mom's name) who was a wonderful person who brought us so much joy in life and is with us today in spirit' or something, they'll be saying "especially for (mom's name), who died 4 years ago this very day. Almost to the minute of the ceremony, actually.
my dad would understand and let me vent. He's getting remarried in October (I love her, so it's a great thing) and is very happy and not feeling the void of my mom's loss in the same way I am - he is able to have her role in his life filled, I am not. I feel very very alone. Dad is ticked at my brother and any time that happens, I get to deal with two spoiled little boys, instead of a father and a brother.

And please humor me - I need to shout this:

I MISS MY MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!

That felt good.

Thanks all - hope your Friday goes well. I will be back tomorrow and I am counting the minutes.

 

[Blondy876]

 

[barkley]

on a happier note-if your son is ultra bouncy/excited this morning he will likely fall asleep on the 3 hour car ride and be much easier to deal with (so have him dress in comfies that you don't have to worry about wrinkleing).

 

[escape]

Sometimes it helps to get it all out.

Start thinking of happy thoughts - like being at Disney and doing what you love to do. Don't worry about pleasing your aunt - just concentrate on you and your immediate family.

As for your mom - I'm sure she would be quite proud of you today. Her little girl is all grown up and facing much of the sames things she had to face at one time or another. Maybe you can have a good chuckle with her some time about it.

 

[DizBelle]

 

[anewvance]

I'm sorry your day is going so bad... i'm sure it's mostly nerves and stress and once you get on the road to the wedding I think you'll start feeling better. Try to have a good time tonight, weddings are fun! And we want to see pictures of your ringbearer son, I bet he'll be adorable. And it's so cute that he's so excited about it.

 

[bridget&jimmy]

 

[Briarmom]

It sounds like you need (and deserve) some 'ME TIME.'

 

[EthansMom]

 

[MareQ]

2. Today is the 4th "anniversary" of my mom's fatal accident. I am very private about my grief and how I deal with it. My aunt and cousin have decided to add my mom's name to the prayers in the ceremony. My dad will be reading it. However, instead of saying "especially for (mom's name) who was a wonderful person who brought us so much joy in life and is with us today in spirit' or something, they'll be saying "especially for (mom's name), who died 4 years ago this very day. Almost to the minute of the ceremony, actually.
my dad would understand and let me vent. He's getting remarried in October (I love her, so it's a great thing) and is very happy and not feeling the void of my mom's loss in the same way I am - he is able to have her role in his life filled, I am not. I feel very very alone. Dad is ticked at my brother and any time that happens, I get to deal with two spoiled little boys, instead of a father and a brother.

And please humor me - I need to shout this:

I MISS MY MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!

That felt good.

Thanks all - hope your Friday goes well. I will be back tomorrow and I am counting the minutes.

I was thinking you were stressed out over nothing till I got to this. 8/17 is the 5th anniversary of my mom's death so I completely understand you now.

It's not just "THE" day for me - it's the days and weeks leading up to "THE" day - I cry like a baby every morning and I still have a month to go here - lol

I have no advise on how to handle the stress because I sure as heck am not exactly handing my own but I can say this...

Everybody lost somethng the day your mom died - but only YOU know what YOU have lost and as a daughter losing a mother I know how hard it is to feel alone(although I do have a sister - our way of handling our loss is still different). Your dad - despite getting remarried - will never be able to fill his void - he's just pressing foward. He will always be missing your mom, the mother of his children, the grandmother to his grandchildren, a wife is more than just a wife - kwim?

It's so hard through your own grief to be able to see other people's grief - that goes for you - but also everybody else around you. They know THEY'RE sad - they know THEY want to honor your mother what they don't know is how YOU are feeling about this - and that's ok. It's just something you have to get used to - diffrent levels of grief are OK because it hurts so much more when you don't see ANY grief at all and you start to feel like the person you love and miss so desperately isn't being loved and missed by others.

DEEP BREATH - it will be over before you know it.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

 

[offwegotoneverland]

It's ok to feel stressed and sad.

I hope you get some lovely memories of your DS in his little tux and a lovely ceremony to help you through the questions afterwards.

It sounds like a very difficult time to get through for you and I hope venting here helps.

 

[lindakmonty]

I bet you are feeling over stressed. Hope your dh steps in and helps you and is there for you today. It is hard enough as it is. I lived w/my grandma and when she died 4 years ago...he wouldn't even go to her funeral w/me b/c "its not fun" DUH...have any of you ever been to a funeral that was "fun"???? That is part of the reason he's an EX! When your father is speaking and you know what is about to come.... just think about a happy place and try not to think about it. It will just make it hurt more. I had to have a root canal and I just closed my eye and imagined myself laying on the beach...on Castaway Cay to be more specific...laying in a hammock w/a nice tropical drink in my hand and feeling the warm breeze blow over me.... Here is something to imagine for you. I hope your day gets better

 

[minniecarousel]

ahhh....sweetie - hang in there!

 

[diznygirl]

Another one for taking a deep breath......

Don't forget to let it out!

It's never as bad as we imagine it's going to be - focus on just the minutes ahead instead of the hours ahead - you'll get through it!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Hang in there. I don't blame you one bit for what you are feeling. You want to celebrate and remember your mom's life, in your own way. I would be exactly the same way. It sounds like what you are feeling is perfectly normal, but this is another example of normal really biting.

 

[4nana]

Prayers

Awwww sweetie, I am sorry this falls on your Mom's anniversary . I can imagine you'd like some time alone and remembrance of your dear Mom in your own way. Perhaps it will help you feel better just venting. I've noticed, sometimes the places and things I dislike going and doing the most turns out to be the distraction that I needed . Keep your chin up and may tomorrow hold some bright spots. Your little boy in siggie pic is adorable and I know you will enjoy his wedding participation and seeing him in his tux.

 

[MI mom of 3]

One step at a time, hon. One step at a time.

 

[Nancyg56]

I know that it is hard, but try to relax and enjoy your cousins wedding, and smile at your handsome son.

 

[PaulaSue]

Hope the wedding went well!

For your tough day.