Could you give your Mother's eulogy? Update - post #51

[Luv Bunnies]

My husband spoke at his mom's memorial and did fine. He prepared his notes in advance so he'd have something to follow and it went very well. He did not speak at his dad's memorial (before his mom's) and he wishes he had. DH, his mom and brother all felt it would be too difficult so they gave info. to the minister and she did a eulogy. She had never actually met my FIL and it came out to be a little impersonal. My DH wishes now that he had done his dad's eulogy. Although his mom's was hard to do, he feel like he payed her a nice tribute.

 

[Darsa]

My mom passed away 3/25; her service was on 4/3, and my DH did almost the whole thing, with the exception of the prayer portions, which my reverend Uncle did. He did an A M A Z I N G job, and I know I could never have done it. Neither could any of my other siblings... we wouldn't have made it through more than a few words, especially after the way she died, as suddenly as it happened.

 

[Glynis]

My mother passed away in November of 2008. At the time I was 8 months pregnant, and very emotional. However, when my father asked me to speak at her funeral, I couldn't say no. This was my chance to publicly acknowledge my mom and all she accomplished in her life. Was it hard? YES! It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. However, with the help of my husband, my children, and my father and siblings, I made it through with no tears.

I'm so very glad that I did it! I can look back and know that I did the very best I could for my mom.

My sister paid her tribute in music, that's what she does best. My 2 brothers each paid her tribute in their own way, as well. However, I was the only one who spoke at the funeral. No one thought less of my siblings for that.

I think it's a very personal decision. Only you can decide what you are capable of doing. I wish you peace with whatever you decide. And I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. My mom's been gone over a year, and I still find myself picking up the phone to call her every day.

 

[arminnie]

Julie - I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your mother. You were so kind to me when I lost my father in December. My father and I had lived together for 9 years also. It was not always easy, but I know you feel as I do that it was such a blessing to have that much time with them.

I lost my mother almost 12 years ago. I'm not sure that I would have chosen to speak at her funeral, but given the circumstances I felt that I had to.

My brother was not very kind to my mother during her life and refused to come visit her during the last year and a half of her life - when we knew she had terminal cancer. This is the brother that is mega wealthy with estates all over the world - absolutely no excuse for breaking his mother's heart by not coming to visit.

He decided that he was going to speak at the funeral, and I just could not let him be the only family to represent my mother. I never said a word about his behaviour - but I think I did a much better job of talking about her life. I was still working (in Foster City which you may be the only person here who knows where that is) and arranged to telecommute (3 weeks in Arkanasa and 2 weeks in California) at my expense the last two years of my mother's life.

I also spoke at my father's funeral in December (4 days before Christmas). I didn't really write anything out for either funeral - but I have done a lot of public speaking over the years so I was more comfortable just speaking from the heart.

In some ways knowing that I was going to speak made me more calm during the funeral. I know that doesn't make sense, but that's what happened.

I remember my cousin going into hysterics and throwing herself on the coffin at her mother's funeral. And this is a very stable non-dramatic person so I was kind of afraid of what "might" happen.

I think you will do a wonderful job and will grateful that you had the opportunity do honor your mother.

tricia

 

[Gigi22]

My DSis wrote the eulogy for my mother. It was delivered by a minister from the funeral home. The eulogy was quite lovely. The minister at my mother's church composed and delivered the eulogy for my father, based on information from my mother.

 

[Luvchefmic]

I am sorry about your Mom my dear Daddy passed away it will be 10 yrs this July....I wish I had

 

[quasar4legs]

I am sorry for your loss.
My sister and I wrote our dad's eulogy and we asked a cousin to read it at the funeral service. Neither of us felt that we would be able to read it without breaking down.

There is no right or wrong.

 

[Robinrs]

OP here - after meeting with the Priest and the coordinator of Funerals, I've decided that I can handle a very short (2-3 mins) talk. The priest had never met my Mom (he is relatively new to our Parish) & we gave him some basics about our Mom to say during his homily. We're to keep our speakers to 2 or 3 & just a few minutes each of prepared words. I think I can do it.

I think because this is the church that I have worshipped at for 25 years, that I'm comfortable enough to do it. (we'll see!) It's funny, the non-Church-going sister was very teary-eyed even talking about Mom, but I guess I'm more at peace about it all than her. Of course, I had the priveledge of having Mom in my home for the past 9 years. No one else in the family had that much time with her. I'm so glad I did!

Thanks for the insights!

I'm so proud of you. Believe me, you won't regret it.

 

[Robinrs]

My mom passed away 3/25; her service was on 4/3, and my DH did almost the whole thing, with the exception of the prayer portions, which my reverend Uncle did. He did an A M A Z I N G job, and I know I could never have done it. Neither could any of my other siblings... we wouldn't have made it through more than a few words, especially after the way she died, as suddenly as it happened.

 

[teskak]

Just make sure you give a copy of the eulogy to the priest. They are well used to having to step in and finish these things. No prizes for this event

 

[minniecarousel]

I did it!....almost. I did fine until the last line. My older son and my nephew were speaking after me, so my son read my last line. Since my nephew spoke right after me, my son had a few minutes to recover before he spoke. After rescuing me, he didn't say all that he had planned to say, though. But I got through it and I'm glad I did.

 

[CookieGVB]

Good for you - I'm sure your Mom would be so proud that you faced your fears and honored her.

So sorry for your loss...and of others on this thread.

 

[Anna114]

I did it!....almost. I did fine until the last line. My older son and my nephew were speaking after me, so my son read my last line. Since my nephew spoke right after me, my son had a few minutes to recover before he spoke. After rescuing me, he didn't say all that he had planned to say, though. But I got through it and I'm glad I did.

That's just awesome! Congratulations. You're a better person then I.

 

[Tuffcookie]

TC