Constant demands on your time?

[rbork]

Does anyone feel stressed over the constant demands of invitations, parties, dinners, kid activities, school activities, job demands? I feel like we are always turning down invites for various things just because we don't have time and also secretly trying to save alittle $ too. I'm thankful we get invited to so much but feel if we keep saying no that the invites will stop and well be on the list. We try to balance out who we see and make the rounds. Does anyone ever get tired of "others" demands on you and just want to spend precious time with your husband and kids? How do you juggle everything and not run out of time?
On the bright side WDW is in 3 mos and that should score some points w/ the MIL.

 

[Hannahsmom]

It's funny you should post this now because lately I have been feeling the same way, and it is making me crabby. I do say no, but I have a few friends and the IL's that don't take "no" without trying to persuade us or make us feel bad. So I have stopped answering the phone.

 

[secretpantssam]

I feel the same way. I just have too many things to do and I never seem to have time to just relax or hang out with friends. What's the deal??

 

[csharpwv]

My wife and I don't have kids, but we feel the same way. There is always something else, there is always something going on, there is always some place to be - so I can't IMAGINE what it's like with kids!

I'm exhausted just thinking about it!

We're at the stage where it's bridal showers, baby showers, weddings, work events, graduations - etc etc etc

I'm ready for a trip to WDW!

Who's going with me!?!?!?!?!?

 

[briand1023]

Life is just too busy these days...can we go back to the Leave it to Beaver days...

 

[QVCshopper]

Whenever I get like this, I do what you do and turn some things down. I also try very hard to limit my kids' activities. They are young, but I still drive them all over the place and it all takes time. Right now, I have a nice balance going, but it comes and goes. Plus, I've seen a downturn in the birthday parties with the economy. Oh, and I use my MIL to my advantage. I like her, but I realized that she really wants to see the kids, not necessarily me. So, I ask her to watch them while I run to work... and problem solved.

 

[marie1203]

Just say no. We have a busy schedule and people are always inviting us to things most of the time we say no. Then we will call them an invite them to do something when it is a good time for us this can be months after, but I feel people need to understand that. DH and I have college classes 4 days a week (3 hours each day), we have 5 dogs, and a house to take care of. DH also has a full time job that most days he has to work over 8 hours. So really our free time is usually spend writing papers, doing research, cooking, cleaning and when we do have some extra time we do not want to spend it with others, as we see it our relationship is more important than anyone else.

 

[AndreaDM]

YES! We go to almost no kid's birthday parties (we don't host them either so I don't feel bad). This is also the time of year for charity events and auctions, o my we get asked to go to so many, we can only give so much time and money! Also, we have a lot of family out of state, so visiting them means an entire weekend or more. Somedays I just want to take DH and DD8 and go hibernate in a cabin in the woods with no phone service!

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

YES!! {Raises both hands}

DH and I were just discussing this the other day.

We said we need to become more like my aunt and uncle. . . . equal opportunity refusers. They don't go to anything for anyone. No birthday parties, no graduation parties, no weddings, no bridal showers. . . NOTHING.

I mean, I don't really want to be like that and not go to anything but sometimes there are just too many dang things that demand our time and something's got to give.

I also worry about turning down too many invites for fear we will no longer be asked. {sigh}

DH and I don't have children either so I too can't imagine what it'd be like trying to juggle a kid's schedule too.

 

[01spirit750]

Oh boy, can we talk?

I know how you feel.

My daughter goes to a private school and there is a lot of parent involvement so naturally this takes priority. My view is you only have one chance to raise your kid right and everything else comes second.

I work a full day and then I have several business calls with Asia every night.

Our parents are retired (mine and the inlaws) and since I am very handy and can fix anything, I am always getting emergency calls to fix their household items such as house air conditioning, or we broke the mirror on the van, can you come fix it?

The worst is that my parents bought an 1970's corvette (paid too much) from a relative who was having financial problems. My parents thought they could clean it up and sell it for a big profit. But the car is a piece of junk and has so many problems they cannot get what they paid for it. I am always getting asked to come over and help fix something on the car so they won't loose money on it. The catch is that I had told them not to buy it and they would loose money on the deal.

 

[rbork]

Thanks for the responses. Glad to know I'm not the only one. I just don't know how some people do it all and furthermore afford it all. It's like a big rat race. I've always had trouble with saying no and feeling guilty afterwards. I am so thankful for my friends that really understand and take no with no questions asked. My 2 sons do scouts and one sport per season, so that doesn't seem like much. But with extended family and friend demands it gets tricky doing it all between work and school schedules. My sons are growing to fast and time needs to slow down so I can take a breath and enjoy time with them before they're off to college. I just need more time....

 

[disneyofcourse]

I've been turning people down a lot recently. Just so many things going on at one time. Plus families / friends live so far apart now so you have to consider traveling, time off, etc just to go see someone. At one point I was spending at least 1k a month constantly doing a get together with extended family. When I much rather take that money and go enjoy something I want to do. I'm so much happier and less stressed now.

 

[kacaju]

Thanks for the responses. Glad to know I'm not the only one. I just don't know how some people do it all and furthermore afford it all. It's like a big rat race. I've always had trouble with saying no and feeling guilty afterwards. I am so thankful for my friends that really understand and take no with no questions asked. My 2 sons do scouts and one sport per season, so that doesn't seem like much. But with extended family and friend demands it gets tricky doing it all between work and school schedules. My sons are growing to fast and time needs to slow down so I can take a breath and enjoy time with them before they're off to college. I just need more time....

You really need to learn how to say no and not feel guilty. Work and School schedules come first...kids activites next. Then family, and if there is time left...friends.
How organzied are you with your calendar?

You should have everything written down so when Suzy next door's invite for her 1st Communion comes, you can quickly look and answer right away...yes we can go or no we have other plans.

If you think fmaily may plan something that weekend then you have to stop and think...what is more important right now?

Also, there is nothing wrong with seeing a weekend on your calendar that is open and write FAMILY WEEKEND across Sat and Sunday and do what you want with YOUR family.

Believe me, it has taken a long time for me to figure out how to balence everything...but as I said MY FAMILY COMES FIRST.

 

[dis-happy]

For years I've said that May is the busiest month of the year---far worse than December! Every end of the year activity takes place around this time, plus all the other seasonal things mentioned. Makes me turn into this guy

 

[scrapquitler]

Just say NO.

We set aside one day each week where we do not schedule ANYTHING. We spend the time with our kids instead of running around here and there. Usually it is Sunday.

We don't do a ton of extended family stuff. If we did it all, it would be too much (my relatives like to get together every week or more, it's too much for us).

One of my friends limits her children to attending no more than 1 birthday party per month. It saves money on gifts, and on running around. She has 3 kids within 4 years of age, and the number of birthday parties was ridiculous (she had one weekend with 9 birthday party invitations!). Now that she limited it, the kids only go to the parties of their actual friends, and she gets to save a lot of money.

I have stopped volunteering as much as I used to. I always said yes and then I didn't enjoy it anymore, it felt like too much of an obligation rather than something I wanted to do. I decided to sharply decrease what I do, and now I am happy when I am working on something rather than resentful and feeling used.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Timely thread! I was just taking a mental moment before we run out the door again. It is both DS and DN graduation week. I am not exaggerating when I tell you I have been to 5 banquets in the last 8 days! Last one tonight for DS and then graduation tomorrow. They are all fun and both kids have received awards at them but even DS is saying enough. Lets just graduate already!

While this is a special time - I think it is part of the bigger picture. What was good with one awards dinner a few years ago now has to be 3 or 4 dinners. Some kids may only go to one but the kids that are into lots of activities go to them all. It is like we (as a society) are trying to over do everything.

Gotta go eat some chicken! And happily applaud some great kids. I don't want to sound like I don't think the kids earn recognition!

 

[Lumiere Lover]

I know it is hard to say No to people, but sometimes it happens. Now that wedding and graduation time is upon us, my family is having to make some hard choices because we can't be in two places at once.

I know exactly how you feel, family time is precious, and hard to get!!!

 

[Mary•Poppins]

Oh my gosh ... yes! And I am finding as my children get older, there are more and more events we have to go to and/or attend.

We also have huge extended families. So we have four graduations (this doesn't count the two parties of my son's friends ... and I know there are more coming ...), three showers and two weddings.

However, we try to keep thinking we are SO blessed since we have family and people who do invite us to events. Not to mention good kids who like being very active ( ... and keep their parents active, *sigh*).

So, thanks for letting me vent!

 

[hipchickie]

For years I've said that May is the busiest month of the year---far worse than December! Every end of the year activity takes place around this time, plus all the other seasonal things mentioned. Makes me turn into this guy

so true! between the kids spring sports, my work being busy, and all the end of year stuff, May is just insanity

 

[C.Ann]

It's fairly simple for me because I prioritize - and I'm always mindful of the fact that an invitation is just that - an "invitation" - not a "court order"..

It's a little harder for DD and her family.. Her DH only gets one week of vacation a year - so he tries to take it in drips and drabs (up here at the lake) by taking long weekends - or making an already long holiday weekend even longer by tacking on a day before or after.. I think initially some people were a little put out - but once they explained that this is pretty much the only vacation time they get all year long - and how very important it is for them to be together as a family - most everyone understood..

Once in awhile they will make an exception (this year they have a wedding in either June or July that they feel is important to attend), but for the most part they just give people a heads up that they won't be available - unless it's on a Friday evening (so they can still come up afterwords) or a late Sunday afternoon (so they will still get the majority of the weekend in up here).. In many ways it's more than just "vacationing" or spending time as a family with them.. DD's DH has a very, very stressful job (he's happy with the job, but it can be a bit much at times) and nothing can clam him down and "de-stress" him better than sitting at a campfire or going out on the lake on his jet ski or with the family in the boat.. It's basically what gets him from year to year - knowing he only has to wait "x"' amount of time and the camping season will be here.. For him it's more of a "need" than a "want", so they too have chosen to make it a priority.. It's been this way for a good 12 years now - and whether they accept or decline, the invites still keep coming - so I think it's all a matter of "delivery" when declining..

Of course there are always people who will still try to pressure you - or get all huffy about it - but when it comes to people like that, we're pretty sure we wouldn't want to spend a day or evening with them anyhow..