?/concerns re:autism

[playwright]

I'm sure this is "old news" to many of you, especially if you have a child on the autism spectrum (or whatever you choose to call it) but I just saw an article in today's paper about studies showing a link between father's age at birth and autism. DH (who is LD, but NT socially - I don't know how to classify him) was 31 and 36, respectively, when we had DS14 (the more affected son) and DS9. ("under 40", considered lower risk) Around here, that is not considered "old". I'm no medical expert, and I'm not saying the findings are or aren't correct, it's just one of many studies. If you don't mind my asking, have any of you found this to be the case in your families or, if you are a teacher or medical professional, families you have worked with? I realize it is a personal, sensitive issue so you can PM me if you want. I was born to older parents (43 and 46) and I don't know if that contributed to some of my health problems or not, I am on the "spectrum". (I didn't learn that until I was an adult.) When I was a kid, people thought you could just "snap out of it" (atypical behavior) if you wanted to. (And many, sadly, still think that.) I'm just wondering what other people's thoughts and experiences were/are. I've known many "older" (over 35) parents with NT kids, under 35 moms who had children with Down's Syndrome and/or other issues, etc. that didn't fit the stereotypes. I hope I'm not offending anyone here, I just want to learn as much as I can. When you read these studies do you look at them objectively, and say, well, there may be a grain of truth to this, but this part here I disagree with because... so many of them seem to spell gloom and doom (with no hope) for people on the spectrum and I am getting antsy. According to these studies, I am at risk for developing schizophrenia (sp?), among other things in the next few years and that terrifies me. How am I going to be able to take care of my kids? All the medical professionals I have seen just tell me to take a little yellow pill and relax. I worry about DH having to take care of the boys and me. Maybe having back to school jitters while reading this article made me more overly anxious than usual - I hope so. Are any of you non-NTs parenting a non-NT child? How do you cope? How do you teach social skills? Is it hard on your spouse and NT kids? (When people would say things like "DS is just like you" it would drive me (literally) nuts because it may not have been intended as an insult, but it sure wasn't a compliment.) I love my kids, but there are times when I feel guilty about bringing them into the world. If I'd known then what I know now (that DS could inherit autistic tendencies, etc. from me) I may have remained childless. I hope that doesn't sound awful, I've always been taught that children were a blessing from God. There are so many people that don't consider autism a disorder at all, and they don't want to be "cured". (I read a lot of newsgroups and blogs, trying to be objective and get different viewpoints on issues.) Yet, I just see how much DS struggles, being "different". (And I always hated feeling "different", but back in medieval times when I was a kid there was no "label" for it.) Hope everyone's back to school is going ok, I've been thinking about you all and your families. Please update. Hugs to you all and thanks for listening (again)

 

[magic kingdom park]

I was 26 and my husband was 32 when our son was born, he is now 9 and is mildly autistic, and we have been thinking of having another one I am now 36 and my husband is 42, but I am scared, it may to be autistic. I seen the same news cast about the age, I don't think it has anything to do with it.

 

[tacomaranch]

Hi playwrite, I could write a short novel on autism but just answer a few quick questions while DS is in Thomas Land.

Yes, we were both very old when our DS was born. I was 45! Then there is the study that says lack of oxygen during delivery. 3 child born and a 39 hour labor with sever complications. Is it my fault? DH was 39 when DS was concieved.

Who's fault is it? Does it really matter? You child is your child. He is not neurotypical but he is a great child. I use to struggle with all the tests we could have done. In the end, no matter how many test we do it does not change the outcome. My DS has autism and always will.

We struggle daily with behavior. WE struggle daily with the stress on our marriage. I take anti depressants and high doses! Seeing nt kids breaks my heart because my DS won't be like that. He is my DS and I love him more than my life! He is my world and will remain so because he needs me to do everything I can to help him be the best he can be. We can change parts of his outcome and make it better. We are using intensive early intervention ABA. I will continue for the next 3 years, 30 hours a weeks! Yes, I am tired.

I hope this helps you a bit. Don't feel alone and quit the blame game. It just is! Life is not fair and we just get to deal with.

Big hugs to you and feel free to PM. April

 

[playwright]

hi guys,
thanks for your responses and support. April, my DS14 was born w/the cord wrapped around his neck also. I agree, we parents may never know for sure what caused the autism or other disability. We just have to do the best we can. I'm off to buy school supplies and I will check in later.