Concerned mom about VMK...

[graygables]

My 9yo DD is homeschooled, dyslexic, and has Asperger's. She has a difficult time reading, typing, spelling, and with social situations and is spending a LOT of time on VMK. My main concerns are the ages of the players and that she is being taken advantage of. She finally asked for my help when she traded a teleporter (?) with someone and got nothing in return. The individual took her item, left and removed themselves from her friends list before she could explain to me what was going on. I was able to email CS and they dealt with it and got her thing back, but that's not the point.

Can someone clue me into what VMK is all about? What is the age range? What makes it a "safe" place for kids? I was under the impression it was for 9-13 year olds, but I've been hearing some not so good things and it concerns me and I'm about to bear the wrath of DDs and remove it completely. I really do NOT like what I'm seeing.

 

[JeanJoe]

You are correct -- there have been numerous reports of trading scams and cons, and even the "adults" here who are very familiar with the game have, on occasion, been taken. I'm actually very, very surprised that you were able to even get the object back. In most of our experience, contacting the staff has not been useful.

The age range is from 4 year-olds "playing" under the supervision of their parents, to 50-60 year-olds, at least from here on the DIS boards.

The truth is, VMK is filled with *people*, and people are not necessarily nice. Sure, many are -- but there is nothing that the VMK staff or Disney can do to make sure that everyone plays nice.

The primary concern of the VMK staff is to ensure that physical safety is protected; that information is not shared that allows child predators to endanger the children. Everything else is secondary. I think they are doing as good a job as possible to ensure that, even though it places many restrictions on communication and behavior.

So, really, your only options are:
- as you said, to forbid your child to play VMK altogether
- to allow her to play unsupervised and risk her being taken advantage of
- or to allow her to play supervised by you or other adults (in which case, it would be best for the supervising adult to be familiar with the ins and outs of the game as well).

This is, of course, a parenting decision, and only yours to make.

Good luck!

My 9yo DD is homeschooled, dyslexic, and has Asperger's. She has a difficult time reading, typing, spelling, and with social situations and is spending a LOT of time on VMK. My main concerns are the ages of the players and that she is being taken advantage of. She finally asked for my help when she traded a teleporter (?) with someone and got nothing in return. The individual took her item, left and removed themselves from her friends list before she could explain to me what was going on. I was able to email CS and they dealt with it and got her thing back, but that's not the point.

Can someone clue me into what VMK is all about? What is the age range? What makes it a "safe" place for kids? I was under the impression it was for 9-13 year olds, but I've been hearing some not so good things and it concerns me and I'm about to bear the wrath of DDs and remove it completely. I really do NOT like what I'm seeing.

 

[lovethattink]

I'm a parent and a VMK player. I started VMK because my son was playing and asking me all these questions about being taken and what that meant. We sat together at the computer and I watched. I was feeling very uncertain about VMK. So I created my own character and began to play too. VMK is designed for 9-14 year olds. However anyone can play. VMK is monitored pretty intensely for an on-line game. Players are unable to tell other players their name, age, and location. In the beginning, I only let him make friends with DIS that I was familiar with. Luckily my son is only interested in trading. He could care less about girls and the other petty things that go on in VMK. In fact, another DIS mom and I were just talking about that. How we were glad our son's are just into trading together and making games with their stuff. We were also about talking how some people in our friends list are kids. And how we have taken a protective wing over them.

When my son is on VMK, I make myself easily accessible if he needs help. I peer over his shoulder and read the screen. He's always been a poor speller and VMK has actually helped his spelling and reading.

 

[okwdreamin]

-edit- I don't always peer over her shoulder, but know many of the wonderful people here on the dis are on her friend list. If you would like to PM me, I would be happy to talk or answer any questions!

 

[Maleficent2]

So, really, your only options are:
- as you said, to forbid your child to play VMK altogether
- to allow her to play unsupervised and risk her being taken advantage of
- or to allow her to play supervised by you or other adults (in which case, it would be best for the supervising adult to be familiar with the ins and outs of the game as well).

another option is let your child play unsupervised or mildly supervised but with restrictions....she can not trade with anyone without you being in the room and watching over the trade. She is not allowed to go into certain rooms Get a boy/girl, hospital,model etc.

Mal

 

[SeaSpray]

I agree with the above posts. Why not create a character for yourself, just so you'll know what she's talking about when she needs help from you, or has a question.

I am a Community Leader on there (as is my husband) and one of the main reasons why I wanted this role (when asked on the application) is because I want to be there, online, to try and keep it a friendly, safe place for kids. If I see someone being mean or hurtful, I will say something to them about it. 99% of the time, they apologise, or at least stop saying the mean things. Kids can be mean, but the nice kids need someone to stand up for them too. Community Leaders have no real authority. But sometimes just a word from someone who appears to be in authority, can help.

Since your DD has Asperger's (My DS14 has a mild case of this, so I am very familiar with it), and has dyslexia, I think that a game like VMK would be great for her, as far as socialization and reading/spelling goes. On VMK, as you probably know, if you don't spell a word correctly, it won't appear on the screen.

Someone suggested that you allow her to continue to play, but that she asks you to be present any time she's going to trade with another player. I think this is a great idea.

If you have any specific questions, please feel free to email me or send me a PM.

 

[bevgray]

There are a number of adult DIS members who are also Community Leaders who are very happy to take young guests under "our wings". This takes different forms. For example, if you want to encourage your daughter to venture out a little bit (VMK is a great place for the shy child or one that has some learning difficulties to build confidence and learn to interact), you can seek out some Community Leaders and have your daughter added to their friends' lists. That way, she would have someone in the game to go to if she ever feels uncomfortable and you are not right there with her.

Also, for trading purposes, I have acted as a third party between two other guests who are trading. Of course, in this case both guests knew CL_TinkerBlue and were comfortable with the idea.

I too am very happy to offer support. Just look for CL_TinkerBlue.

 

[MaliaMichelle]

My 10 yr old son plays. He also has ADHD. VMK has been wonderful for him. My DH is military and we just moved from Germany to California this Summer. My son was missing "home" and his friends and pretty down this Summer no matter what we tried to get him involved in. He just had no interest in making friends. VMK became his social time. Luckily now that school has started he has lots of friends, is out playing all the time and my door bell is always ringing to see if Kris can play!

Anyways, back on topic, when he is playing he is on a computer next to me. He is allowed to do small trades, buyable for buyable, but anything big he has me come and watch the trade with him. Same with on Neopets and the auction system there. He does go to model rooms, but mainly sticks to trading, and games. I don't worry about the model rooms, in real life he knows that what is on the inside matters and has always been friends with everyone and I have seen him taking up for more than one person when they were being picked on.

I just recently made an account for my 4 yr old. He doesn't really "play" though. He more or less just walks around, follows me or moves furniture. I have to keep a hawks eye out on him so he doesn't accidently sell something.

***edited to add***

My son is WildCatKris. He's my 10 yr old. My 4 yr old is still a guest, but hopefully will be TheCodyMan when approved. The youngest won't be socializing though, he does good to type Hi. If you child wants to look my oldest up, I know Kris would be happy to add him to his friends list.

 

[TwirlerGirl]

All great advice, Disers are the wonderful and very helpful. You have set up rules simular to mine. I must be in the room while 7 year old plays. No trades unless I approve. So far all he wants to do is play pirates. Isn't intereted in anything but is begging to go back to WDW. He's saving his allowance for his next trip. We were there in May and going without him in Dec. The game keeps him focused on saving money - this is a good thing.

It's hard to protect them from everything. At least in a virual envirorment, if they get scamed they learned a lesson that only cost some time. I do worry about all the boy/girl stuff. It's easy for me to laugh it off but 7 yo doesn't get it yet. That's the part I keep a close eye on. I'm not ready for him to even try to understand.

 

[LuvN~Travel]

You could also try getting a cousin or friend to join and play with her while she is online. My son and I, and my sister and two of her kids are in the game. The boys get together quite a bit and that pretty much keeps them out of trouble (they are girl crazy however), and both my sister's kids love to follow me, or have me follow them when we are on at the same time.
My sister even called Sunday while I was gone to Walmart, because her dd wanted to know if 'ant' could come out and play! And my sister has told my son several times to get off the game when it was past bed time.It helps having family or friends play at the same time.
And of course our kids have definitely been told not trade unless we are present or just trade with us.
'ant Tiggerbelle'.

 

[marcm]

I have logged onto my sons vmk . He also has asperger and ADHD he is secretive when I try to watch him and it also concerns me . But I feel it is his only outlet as he has no "real" friends

 

[PurpleDuck]

I'm a parent and a VMK player. I started VMK because my son was playing and asking me all these questions about being taken and what that meant. We sat together at the computer and I watched. I was feeling very uncertain about VMK. So I created my own character and began to play too. VMK is designed for 9-14 year olds. However anyone can play. VMK is monitored pretty intensely for an on-line game. Players are unable to tell other players their name, age, and location. In the beginning, I only let him make friends with DIS that I was familiar with. Luckily my son is only interested in trading. He could care less about girls and the other petty things that go on in VMK. In fact, another DIS mom and I were just talking about that. How we were glad our son's are just into trading together and making games with their stuff. We were also about talking how some people in our friends list are kids. And how we have taken a protective wing over them.

When my son is on VMK, I make myself easily accessible if he needs help. I peer over his shoulder and read the screen. He's always been a poor speller and VMK has actually helped his spelling and reading.

I am "the other DIS mom" mentioned here. My DS (15), has ADHD and is socially challenged. VMK has been an invaluable tool for helping him to socialize in a non-threatening environment. I very highly recommend it for any child, but definitely, with parental supervision, until you are comfortable with what your child can handle. (I now let my DS move around on his own, with the only restriction being no trades without my knowledge.)

As for myself, once I started to play, I became a total "add duck", and enjoy playing with both the "kid" and adult friends I have made. Like Luvthattink pointed out, my mother instincts have reached out to cover and protect all my kid friends, as there, sadly, have been a few of those undesirable incidents with other players. (OT here: During one of those undesirable instances, I had found it necessary to reveal that I was an "old person and mother". The "kid" friend on the receiving end of my protection, brought his other friends over to my room the next day, and requested that they meet his "old peep mummy friend"!! It was so cute!)

 

[marcm]

hi i am the one my mum talked about

 

[charliez]

Have to make a positive observation here. I spent some time tonight talking with a young friend on VMK who previously had no idea I was an adult - not that I tried to hide it, just don't go around shouting about it. (As I told her, it's not like I'm ancient and my knees still work. I can still dance in VMK!)

After she got over the shock (You have a pad? A car? KIDS??), she was very surprised that an adult would take the time to talk with her, and not just ask if she was "taken" and all of that (no way jose!). I told her that I thought a lot of adults - especially parents - enjoyed interacting with the kids and adults alike online, particularly just to make sure that people "play nice" and have simple, safe fun. Especially those who are Community Leaders, but also a lot of parents in general. I definitely see that here on the DIS VMK board.

I know it doesn't mean that everyone will be nice on VMK, or that all the adults will play nice with the kids, but I'd like to think that folks like me are helping to make VMK a positive place. Maybe I'll get to be a CL someday, but for now this is enough. (And I'm glad she didn't think I was too weird...)

 

[lab_girl]

hi i am the one my mum talked about

It was nice to meet you today. Hopefully my rooms were fun and safe.
My whole family enjoys VMK. See you around

 

[LuvN~Travel]

Have to make a positive observation here. I spent some time tonight talking with a young friend on VMK who previously had no idea I was an adult - not that I tried to hide it, just don't go around shouting about it. (As I told her, it's not like I'm ancient and my knees still work. I can still dance in VMK!)

After she got over the shock (You have a pad? A car? KIDS??), she was very surprised that an adult would take the time to talk with her, and not just ask if she was "taken" and all of that (no way jose!). I told her that I thought a lot of adults - especially parents - enjoyed interacting with the kids and adults alike online, particularly just to make sure that people "play nice" and have simple, safe fun. Especially those who are Community Leaders, but also a lot of parents in general. I definitely see that here on the DIS VMK board.

I know it doesn't mean that everyone will be nice on VMK, or that all the adults will play nice with the kids, but I'd like to think that folks like me are helping to make VMK a positive place. Maybe I'll get to be a CL someday, but for now this is enough. (And I'm glad she didn't think I was too weird...)

LOL. I've had the same thing happen. I actually have a real husband, real kids, real job and real house! It is so surprising to some.
Kim