Completely at a loss - 3 year old son caution long

[NeverBeen2DW]

My son was just like this at 3 yrs old. He was labeled ADHD, ADD, Hyper you name it. At 3 he would not sit in the situation you described either. So don't force it put him in the nursey where he will be happier. My 3 year old walked to the beat of his own drum too. It was not about my parenting style believe me I read all the books and did everything. It was about my child. Fast forward to today my DS is now 5. Low and he hold he is 5 and in a gifted program educationally and he is learning at the level of a 2nd grader. His emotional IQ as they call it is still that of a young 5 year old and he is still hyper. But understand that is "WHO" my child is and you have to accept that and just learn how to deal with it with out surpressing who he is. Not all children are the same. Just because someone elses 3 yr old sits nicely does not mean yours will. My son has never been that easy child to raise but I would not trade him for the world. Good luck!

 

[wendylovesdisney]

I will say that it seems CRUEL to have a class held in a room where there are toys they can't touch.

I keep seeing this said. Every classroom and (mostly preschool) I have been in there are plenty of toys and NO, they do not play with them whenever they want. The toys are there for scheduled play time. This is universal.
Please let's not focus on that.

 

[wendylovesdisney]

He wanted to play with toys in a room that was full of them. I'd say that's pretty normal for 3.

True, but they are redirected to stay on task.



My child is also "one of those children". I understand. My children both have issues from being in orphanages and I have a hard time, sometimes on a daily basis coping with "what is normal". I think you have to be honest and say to yourself the child is either ready for the situation or not. Put him in the nursery if his attention cannot be focused for the projects they do in the class. Understand his limits.
I don't think the teacher has something wrong with her either. No matter what her training or background, if she is focusing half of her time with him in the hall it disrupts the other kids. Obviously it is more then she can handle. Whether she is a "bad" or just an unskilled teacher or maybe your kid acted up more then she even feels comfortable explaining, it's not working. You have the option to do something different then with him.
I know it's hard. No one wants anything to be wrong with their kid. I also think people have a tendency to say, "oh he's a boy" or "he's full of energy" - "a handful". If he needs help (and I DON'T medicate my child, so I am not pushing that) - then look into early intervention through the state.
Good luck!

 

[jodifla]

The problem is too many teachers want boys to act like little girls. The whole system is skewed against boys (or active little girls. for that matter.)

Yes, 3-year-olds can sit and pay attention...for a while, and if the program they're doing is age-appropriate and not mind-numbingly boring. But alot of these things go on too long, and then teachers point to the kids like they're doing something wrong, when it's actually the teacher who has demanded toddlers basically not be toddlers, they want them to be Stepford Kids.

 

[connorlevismom]

I have a 3 year old dd and taught preschool 3's. I will tell you that honestly, most of them were able to sit down a follow directions. However, as the teacher, it was my responsibility to provide a balance of active and inactive experiences. I would mix songs and finger plays and plenty of opportunities to "get the wiggles out" in with the sit-down activities. It doesn't sound like this class is going to provide that for him. If he ever wants to try it again, then I'd talk with him about how he must behave to do so. Otherwise, let him have fun in the nursery. Now, I think you are absolutely right to ask his teacher about his behavior and how it relates to others. She will be able to give you the best advice because she knows him. Remember that all children develop at their own pace. It is tough to say, but chances are that if you are concerned and in communication with his teacher, that he is not "that kid." For me, when I was teaching preschool 3's "that kid" was the violent or defiant kid, not the one who was full of energy. Plus when the parents worked with me and followed through at home, it did wonders for my patience.

Your class seems to have a lot of variety. I just don't think his class is like that. They are only in there for an hour and when I went in they had done 2 craft projects. That seems like a lot of craft projects in one hour.

We did talk with his teacher this morning and are scheduling a conference with her this week. I want to talk to her away from DS so that he has no idea what is going on.

First off he is 3. To expect a 3 to sit through Sunday school after a week of daycare? I think that is expecting quite a bit from him. How much down time does he get? Structure structure structure may be too much for him. He sounds like a normal 3 year old boy to me(I have 3 boys and 1 girl) My now 4 year old could be great in school but church- that's a different story. To have to be so quiet for so long. Oh he hated it. I had to keep him entertained and I think that is normal. Why not let him play a little more?
Know that he is not that different from my boys. They would be right there with him on some days not wanting to listen at Sunday school. Ours doesn't start until 5 anyway.
And on the world revolving around him. He is 3! They will understand that the world doesn't revolve around them soon enough. Let him be king of his world one day a week.

Are you talking downtime at home or school or Sunday school? At home and Daycare he gets plenty of free play time. It seems like they just don't have that at Sunday school.

I have to agree with others that the program should be more varied, or at least not that structured.

I also teach toddler (age 2&3) Sunday School. We have two adults and one teen in the class with about 15 kids. We are all volunteer with no formal training. Though we do have a "Bible Story of the Week" which we read and try to talk to the kids about, there are always some who have no interest. We let them play. We also have kids church music playing, and church related pictures to color, puzzles to do, etc. There is alot to keep the kids occupied and still aware that they are at church rather than just being babysat. But I have to admit most of them just want to play with the toys. We don't try to do crafts. They start that in the 4 year old class.

It does seem to me that they expect all the kids to do the same thing. I am OK with that, but DS does not like crafts so that is pretty much the whole class.

We have a preschool SS in our church that uses an approach called "Godly Play". During the hour, the kids play with the activities, have circle time, story time, snack time, and more play time (with a craft option), and then closing circle/singing time. We are mostly just moms who volunteer.

My suggestion would be to think about actually volunteering to be a helper in Sunday School. This way you can see your son in action and get a sense of how he does (in comparison with the other children, etc) while also spending some quality time with him and helping out at the same time.

As a working mom, I am always looking for ways that I spend extra time with my kids. One reason I signed up to help with SS in the first place was to be involved in something with my dd. Also, I think that, if my kid is in something...then I need to step up to the plate to support it (although I know that not everyone is comfortable teaching, etc).

But to address your original question----you son sounds like a young (But typical) 3...maybe he needs time to learn the classroom routines and/or extra one-on-one support to remind him of the rules. If you are fine with the nursery, maybe give him a break and start him again in a few months when you feel he is more ready.

We have done that. My DH signed up to teach Sunday school and asked to teach DS's class. They put him in with 3rd graders because DS's room was full and they did not need volunteers.

If it is so unusual for 3 yr olds to be able to behave in this program then please explain why the other children were able to handle the class? And I do believe she did say she has been called from daycare for behavior 3 times and the child is only 3 yrs old. So things aren't 100% at day care either.

I am all for advice and I always have been. But I do take offense to this post. Is being talked to 3 times in 3 years really all that much? And she did not have to call me at work. She just mentioned it to me when I came in. NONE of those times had anything to do with not sitting and paying attention or not wanting to participate in class. I have NEVER had her say that. The itmes were that he was taking toys away from kids (which she also said is normal for an only) and we worked with him on that and it is a non-issue anymore. And the other two times were because he kept telling the teacher "no" when she would ask him to do something. Again, we worked on that and it is a non-issue anymore.

So please do not assume that my child is some delinquent because those things he did in school are normal for kids.

I also want to add that I'm somewhat disturbed by your term, 'wrong'. If in fact there is ADD involved, and it's way too early to think about that, it's not wrong and it's not bad. It's just the way he is. Please don't suggest to him that something is 'wrong' with him.

Oh god no, I would never suggest to him there is something wrong with him. Never. I am very aware of not making him feel like that.

oh...please oh please don't immdeiately fall into the trap of 'labeling' a perfectly normal active child! Our society is so happy to instantly categorize and label such young kids.....it's so easy for someone to say "ADD,ADHD" or whatever....yes,kids all should learn boundaries,but each kid will learn them on their own timetable,just b/c they're thrust into a situation where they're 'expected' to know this at a certain age doesn't make it right.....

Well, I know there is no way that he is ADD or anything of that sort. He shows really none of the signs of a child that is truly ADD. He sits for hours and plays when it is something he is interested in. He loves puzzles and taking things apart and looking at the insides of them. We gave him an old VCR that we were not longer using and he sat for hours and looked at the insides and tried to figure it all out.

I apologize because I have not read through the others replies so forgive me if I am repeating...

My 1st question is where does he fall on the 3 year old spectrum. There is a big difference between 36 months and 48 months. If he is responsive to established structure then I wouldn't be concerned. The true test is when he is in a structured environment that he is familiar with and is not able to be controlled.

The other suggestion would be to take an honest look at your parenting style. You certainly don't need to respond or comment on it, but if you are consistent and following through (as is your significant other) and he is not listening to you there may be cause for concern. If you know in your heart that you lack consistency then he is just being 3. I'm certainly not judging you and I hope this doesn't come across as if I (a stranger) feel you aren't parenting well. My intent is simply to give you a point to ponder and act as needed since none of us know you or your actual child it is hard to say that he may have behavioral issues that need to be addressed or that he is just being 3.
As a teacher, I am a huge advocate for early intervention and feel there is no harm in examining all options as soon as possible so that his time in actual school is happy and productive.

Lots of luck!

He is 3 1/2 so he falls right in the middle of the scale of being 3.

And I do not think that your judging me. I appreciate your advice and it is actually something that DH and I talked about last night. We used to be really strict with him and just lately became a little less strict. I honestly think that he is confused and does not really know how he is supposed to act. So we are going to be way more consistant and make sure that there are reactions to every action. Good and bad. I am making a rewards chart to make sure that we appreciate all the good things that he does as well.

I think this is it perfectly. Yes, I think 3 year olds are capable of following instruction and should do it. BUT- teachers need to know how to connect with each child. Some need a little more coaxing or a different way to look at something to get them going so to speak. Some like quiet while others love it when you are super excited! Some are sensitive, some are easy going, some are not. I didn't realize that it was an hour of crafts. That is too much even for a 5 year old. 10 minutes is the max in my opinion that they should be expected to do any one project. They just don't have the capability to pay attention for much longer than that at that age. Some kids do but most do not. My kids may play with playdoh for a half hour but maybe color for 5 minutes. It depends on their mood. Don't beat yourself up over it but try to see what is going on in the class by watching without him knowing. Then you can see if he is being fresh or just bored. This class may not be for him. There is nothing wrong with putting him in the nursery if he is not ready. Personally I think 3 is too young for SS. JMO of course. Oh and to those who think the room should be stripped of toys I do not agree. Kids can learn that it is not time to do certain things and at 3 that is what they do in pre-school. Again. JMHO and experience.

I agree, Sunday school is just not for him right now. He is not interested in it and I am not going to make him sit there and not be interested. I would rather him come to church with us and us work on how he should behave in church. That would be much more productive I think.

I just wanted to give you a hug. I am the Mom of one of "THOSE" children and it is hard, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Some days are harder than others and I don't have any answers as each child is different. Hang in there! The advice I would give is to pick and choose your battles, is this one that is very important to you? (I do not mean the religious aspect, but is it a must that he attend Sunday School.) If yes, options might be for you to attend with him or hire a "helper" (babysitter) for the class for the 1:1 ratio. My DD just made her First Holy Communion this past year and for her Communion pictures I don't know who is happier, my DD that CCD was over for the year or Sister because CCD was over for the year. We have chosen not to medicate or label DD, because I believe they don't outgrow the symptoms, they just learn what works for them to deal/cope. I am not anti medicine, it is just a choice for my DD at this point in time. When she is older and feels she needs it, we will discuss it at that time. Sorry this post is so long, again, just hang in there!!!!! Again, these are just my opinions and I don't want to start any debates, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Thank you so much for the hug. You deserve one too! Being a mom is just so hard and being the mom of an active kid sometimes takes every ounce of energy that you have.

My son was just like this at 3 yrs old. He was labeled ADHD, ADD, Hyper you name it. At 3 he would not sit in the situation you described either. So don't force it put him in the nursey where he will be happier. My 3 year old walked to the beat of his own drum too. It was not about my parenting style believe me I read all the books and did everything. It was about my child. Fast forward to today my DS is now 5. Low and he hold he is 5 and in a gifted program educationally and he is learning at the level of a 2nd grader. His emotional IQ as they call it is still that of a young 5 year old and he is still hyper. But understand that is "WHO" my child is and you have to accept that and just learn how to deal with it with out surpressing who he is. Not all children are the same. Just because someone elses 3 yr old sits nicely does not mean yours will. My son has never been that easy child to raise but I would not trade him for the world. Good luck!

Thank you. This is excellent advice and I appreciate you giving it to me. I think that I expect him to behave like he is a stepford child sometimes because I feel pressure for him to act that way. But your right, he does walk to the beat of his own drum and that is to be appreciated too in it's own right.

 

[connorlevismom]

I have a 3 year old dd and taught preschool 3's. I will tell you that honestly, most of them were able to sit down a follow directions. However, as the teacher, it was my responsibility to provide a balance of active and inactive experiences. I would mix songs and finger plays and plenty of opportunities to "get the wiggles out" in with the sit-down activities. It doesn't sound like this class is going to provide that for him. If he ever wants to try it again, then I'd talk with him about how he must behave to do so. Otherwise, let him have fun in the nursery. Now, I think you are absolutely right to ask his teacher about his behavior and how it relates to others. She will be able to give you the best advice because she knows him. Remember that all children develop at their own pace. It is tough to say, but chances are that if you are concerned and in communication with his teacher, that he is not "that kid." For me, when I was teaching preschool 3's "that kid" was the violent or defiant kid, not the one who was full of energy. Plus when the parents worked with me and followed through at home, it did wonders for my patience.

Your class seems to have a lot of variety. I just don't think his class is like that. They are only in there for an hour and when I went in they had done 2 craft projects. That seems like a lot of craft projects in one hour.

We did talk with his teacher this morning and are scheduling a conference with her this week. I want to talk to her away from DS so that he has no idea what is going on.

First off he is 3. To expect a 3 to sit through Sunday school after a week of daycare? I think that is expecting quite a bit from him. How much down time does he get? Structure structure structure may be too much for him. He sounds like a normal 3 year old boy to me(I have 3 boys and 1 girl) My now 4 year old could be great in school but church- that's a different story. To have to be so quiet for so long. Oh he hated it. I had to keep him entertained and I think that is normal. Why not let him play a little more?
Know that he is not that different from my boys. They would be right there with him on some days not wanting to listen at Sunday school. Ours doesn't start until 5 anyway.
And on the world revolving around him. He is 3! They will understand that the world doesn't revolve around them soon enough. Let him be king of his world one day a week.

Are you talking downtime at home or school or Sunday school? At home and Daycare he gets plenty of free play time. It seems like they just don't have that at Sunday school.

I have to agree with others that the program should be more varied, or at least not that structured.

I also teach toddler (age 2&3) Sunday School. We have two adults and one teen in the class with about 15 kids. We are all volunteer with no formal training. Though we do have a "Bible Story of the Week" which we read and try to talk to the kids about, there are always some who have no interest. We let them play. We also have kids church music playing, and church related pictures to color, puzzles to do, etc. There is alot to keep the kids occupied and still aware that they are at church rather than just being babysat. But I have to admit most of them just want to play with the toys. We don't try to do crafts. They start that in the 4 year old class.

It does seem to me that they expect all the kids to do the same thing. I am OK with that, but DS does not like crafts so that is pretty much the whole class.

We have a preschool SS in our church that uses an approach called "Godly Play". During the hour, the kids play with the activities, have circle time, story time, snack time, and more play time (with a craft option), and then closing circle/singing time. We are mostly just moms who volunteer.

My suggestion would be to think about actually volunteering to be a helper in Sunday School. This way you can see your son in action and get a sense of how he does (in comparison with the other children, etc) while also spending some quality time with him and helping out at the same time.

As a working mom, I am always looking for ways that I spend extra time with my kids. One reason I signed up to help with SS in the first place was to be involved in something with my dd. Also, I think that, if my kid is in something...then I need to step up to the plate to support it (although I know that not everyone is comfortable teaching, etc).

But to address your original question----you son sounds like a young (But typical) 3...maybe he needs time to learn the classroom routines and/or extra one-on-one support to remind him of the rules. If you are fine with the nursery, maybe give him a break and start him again in a few months when you feel he is more ready.

We have done that. My DH signed up to teach Sunday school and asked to teach DS's class. They put him in with 3rd graders because DS's room was full and they did not need volunteers.

If it is so unusual for 3 yr olds to be able to behave in this program then please explain why the other children were able to handle the class? And I do believe she did say she has been called from daycare for behavior 3 times and the child is only 3 yrs old. So things aren't 100% at day care either.

I am all for advice and I always have been. But I do take offense to this post. Is being talked to 3 times in 3 years really all that much? And she did not have to call me at work. She just mentioned it to me when I came in. NONE of those times had anything to do with not sitting and paying attention or not wanting to participate in class. I have NEVER had her say that. The itmes were that he was taking toys away from kids (which she also said is normal for an only) and we worked with him on that and it is a non-issue anymore. And the other two times were because he kept telling the teacher "no" when she would ask him to do something. Again, we worked on that and it is a non-issue anymore.

So please do not assume that my child is some delinquent because those things he did in school are normal for kids.

I also want to add that I'm somewhat disturbed by your term, 'wrong'. If in fact there is ADD involved, and it's way too early to think about that, it's not wrong and it's not bad. It's just the way he is. Please don't suggest to him that something is 'wrong' with him.

Oh god no, I would never suggest to him there is something wrong with him. Never. I am very aware of not making him feel like that.

oh...please oh please don't immdeiately fall into the trap of 'labeling' a perfectly normal active child! Our society is so happy to instantly categorize and label such young kids.....it's so easy for someone to say "ADD,ADHD" or whatever....yes,kids all should learn boundaries,but each kid will learn them on their own timetable,just b/c they're thrust into a situation where they're 'expected' to know this at a certain age doesn't make it right.....

Well, I know there is no way that he is ADD or anything of that sort. He shows really none of the signs of a child that is truly ADD. He sits for hours and plays when it is something he is interested in. He loves puzzles and taking things apart and looking at the insides of them. We gave him an old VCR that we were not longer using and he sat for hours and looked at the insides and tried to figure it all out.

I apologize because I have not read through the others replies so forgive me if I am repeating...

My 1st question is where does he fall on the 3 year old spectrum. There is a big difference between 36 months and 48 months. If he is responsive to established structure then I wouldn't be concerned. The true test is when he is in a structured environment that he is familiar with and is not able to be controlled.

The other suggestion would be to take an honest look at your parenting style. You certainly don't need to respond or comment on it, but if you are consistent and following through (as is your significant other) and he is not listening to you there may be cause for concern. If you know in your heart that you lack consistency then he is just being 3. I'm certainly not judging you and I hope this doesn't come across as if I (a stranger) feel you aren't parenting well. My intent is simply to give you a point to ponder and act as needed since none of us know you or your actual child it is hard to say that he may have behavioral issues that need to be addressed or that he is just being 3.
As a teacher, I am a huge advocate for early intervention and feel there is no harm in examining all options as soon as possible so that his time in actual school is happy and productive.

Lots of luck!

He is 3 1/2 so he falls right in the middle of the scale of being 3.

And I do not think that your judging me. I appreciate your advice and it is actually something that DH and I talked about last night. We used to be really strict with him and just lately became a little less strict. I honestly think that he is confused and does not really know how he is supposed to act. So we are going to be way more consistant and make sure that there are reactions to every action. Good and bad. I am making a rewards chart to make sure that we appreciate all the good things that he does as well.

I think this is it perfectly. Yes, I think 3 year olds are capable of following instruction and should do it. BUT- teachers need to know how to connect with each child. Some need a little more coaxing or a different way to look at something to get them going so to speak. Some like quiet while others love it when you are super excited! Some are sensitive, some are easy going, some are not. I didn't realize that it was an hour of crafts. That is too much even for a 5 year old. 10 minutes is the max in my opinion that they should be expected to do any one project. They just don't have the capability to pay attention for much longer than that at that age. Some kids do but most do not. My kids may play with playdoh for a half hour but maybe color for 5 minutes. It depends on their mood. Don't beat yourself up over it but try to see what is going on in the class by watching without him knowing. Then you can see if he is being fresh or just bored. This class may not be for him. There is nothing wrong with putting him in the nursery if he is not ready. Personally I think 3 is too young for SS. JMO of course. Oh and to those who think the room should be stripped of toys I do not agree. Kids can learn that it is not time to do certain things and at 3 that is what they do in pre-school. Again. JMHO and experience.

I agree, Sunday school is just not for him right now. He is not interested in it and I am not going to make him sit there and not be interested. I would rather him come to church with us and us work on how he should behave in church. That would be much more productive I think.

I just wanted to give you a hug. I am the Mom of one of "THOSE" children and it is hard, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Some days are harder than others and I don't have any answers as each child is different. Hang in there! The advice I would give is to pick and choose your battles, is this one that is very important to you? (I do not mean the religious aspect, but is it a must that he attend Sunday School.) If yes, options might be for you to attend with him or hire a "helper" (babysitter) for the class for the 1:1 ratio. My DD just made her First Holy Communion this past year and for her Communion pictures I don't know who is happier, my DD that CCD was over for the year or Sister because CCD was over for the year. We have chosen not to medicate or label DD, because I believe they don't outgrow the symptoms, they just learn what works for them to deal/cope. I am not anti medicine, it is just a choice for my DD at this point in time. When she is older and feels she needs it, we will discuss it at that time. Sorry this post is so long, again, just hang in there!!!!! Again, these are just my opinions and I don't want to start any debates, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Thank you so much for the hug. You deserve one too! Being a mom is just so hard and being the mom of an active kid sometimes takes every ounce of energy that you have.

My son was just like this at 3 yrs old. He was labeled ADHD, ADD, Hyper you name it. At 3 he would not sit in the situation you described either. So don't force it put him in the nursey where he will be happier. My 3 year old walked to the beat of his own drum too. It was not about my parenting style believe me I read all the books and did everything. It was about my child. Fast forward to today my DS is now 5. Low and he hold he is 5 and in a gifted program educationally and he is learning at the level of a 2nd grader. His emotional IQ as they call it is still that of a young 5 year old and he is still hyper. But understand that is "WHO" my child is and you have to accept that and just learn how to deal with it with out surpressing who he is. Not all children are the same. Just because someone elses 3 yr old sits nicely does not mean yours will. My son has never been that easy child to raise but I would not trade him for the world. Good luck!

Thank you. This is excellent advice and I appreciate you giving it to me. I think that I expect him to behave like he is a stepford child sometimes because I feel pressure for him to act that way. But your right, he does walk to the beat of his own drum and that is to be appreciated too in it's own right.


Thank you also everyone for your support on this issue. I do really appreciate things that you guys are saying and I take all the advice to heart. Everyday I learn more and more about being a mom. And it is because I learn more and more from more "seasoned" moms.

Kristine

 

[connorlevismom]

True, but they are redirected to stay on task.



My child is also "one of those children". I understand. My children both have issues from being in orphanages and I have a hard time, sometimes on a daily basis coping with "what is normal". I think you have to be honest and say to yourself the child is either ready for the situation or not. Put him in the nursery if his attention cannot be focused for the projects they do in the class. Understand his limits.
I don't think the teacher has something wrong with her either. No matter what her training or background, if she is focusing half of her time with him in the hall it disrupts the other kids. Obviously it is more then she can handle. Whether she is a "bad" or just an unskilled teacher or maybe your kid acted up more then she even feels comfortable explaining, it's not working. You have the option to do something different then with him.
I know it's hard. No one wants anything to be wrong with their kid. I also think people have a tendency to say, "oh he's a boy" or "he's full of energy" - "a handful". If he needs help (and I DON'T medicate my child, so I am not pushing that) - then look into early intervention through the state.
Good luck!

I agree. He will not be going back because #1. it is not fair to the other kids if he really is disrutping them, and #2. he is not interested in what they are doing in the class.

I am not blaming the teacher at all. It is her class and she is free to have whatever rules she wants. I just think that crafts every Sunday for an hour would be boring. But it is not my class.

The problem that I do have with this whole situation is this. I stood outside the classroom for 10-15 minutes before I picked him up. The reason I did this was to see if he was having fun. I peeked in every once in a while without anyone in the class seeing me and while I did not see him because the kids were in a section of the room I could not see, I did not hear DS being talked to about anything. And the teacher told me she spent a lot of time in the hallway with him but I was there for 10-15 minutes and he was not out there then. So I don't know, to me it seems like he is not doing what she wants so she does not want to deal with him. It is OK with me, but that is just the way it seems.

Oh, and there was someone that talked about him running out of the room. I agree, that is not acceptable at all. Funny thing is, he has a door in his daycare room that he could run out anytime he wanted. He also has a door to the backyard playground in his room. He has never once (that I know of) ran out either one of those doors. Maybe he was just trying to escape!

Kristine

 

[fakereadhed]

The problem is too many teachers want boys to act like little girls. The whole system is skewed against boys (or active little girls. for that matter.)

Yes, 3-year-olds can sit and pay attention...for a while, and if the program they're doing is age-appropriate and not mind-numbingly boring. But alot of these things go on too long, and then teachers point to the kids like they're doing something wrong, when it's actually the teacher who has demanded toddlers basically not be toddlers, they want them to be Stepford Kids.

ITA! Well said.

 

[disneymom3]

Kristine--I am so sorry you are having a hard time with this situation. I am a three year old SS teacher and I do have one little boy in my class who is a handful and a half. However, I have to tell you that if our pastor ever found out that a teacher said that or made a family feel unwelcome like that, he would hit the roof! I cannot even imagine. Our basic curriculum is quite craft and what I call Table Time focused. It doesn't always work for three year olds and if you have a teacher who really loves what she is doing, she should be able to find alternatives for the kids who don't want to or are not able to sit at the table the whole time. For instance, yesterday the lesson was on choosing to follow God. DD is my assistant so one of hte activities we did was to have her do follow the leader and the kids "chose" to do what she did. Then each person got to "choose" a book to read, then they got to "choose" a sticker, etc.

I think there is a wide range of three year old behaviour, but as a Sunday School teacher, I feel it is my job to love them wherever they are at. I hope this works out for you Is there a children's ministry coordinator you could talk to or another three year old class you could move him to that might be a better fit?

 

[pweyl36]

I guess you haven't been in many kindergarten rooms lately. Every room for kids I have ever visited or taught in has toys in it. It isn't practical to have separate rooms. Rooms generally have a play area and a work area, kids know the difference. Kids also need to learn to ignore things sometimes and to follow instructions. and as another poster said that sometimes you have to do things with the group even tho you may not especially want to. Kids need to learn the world doesn't revolve around them and their wants. (all the time)

I agree,he needs to do what the class is doing. What going to happen when he starts school? I dont like math,then you sit quietly and play.

 

[PrincessHeart]

I agree,he needs to do what the class is doing. What going to happen when he starts school? I dont like math,then you sit quietly and play.

He's 3 and he does go to Pre-school where the OP said she has had only three notes home in three years about him. I think it's pretty clear he can follow direction and handle classroom situation from that. IMHO, the problem is this sunday school class is all about crafts, which is not appealing to all children. School and Sunday School are completely different. Sunday School should be teaching our children about God's great love for them - even if they don't like crafts! What this child is learning is that worshipping God is no fun and he is not accepted. I've really tried to hold back, but I just can't b/c I feel so strongly that Sunday School should be something that children can't wait to go to and don't want to miss. It's our representation of who God is! My kids love church and Sunday School can be fun and exciting. OP I hope there is someone at your church who you can talk to about the program b/c your son should not be left out or treated like he was.

 

[Hannathy]

OP I hope there is someone at your church who you can talk to about the program b/c your son should not be left out or treated like he was.

Sorry I can't agree with this. So the whole program should change because one child doesn't like it? If it is working for all the other kids and the teachers then it is time for the only dissenting one to find a new program. This is what is wrong anymore everyone want everything to be adapted just for them instead of saying this is the way they do it here and it works for 15 other kids I guess this isn't a fit for us and either adapt or look elsewhere.

 

[Manda]

Your son sounds just like my son - and I know he's be miserable in a class with a teacher trying to have them all sit around a table and color. I also have to agree with a previous poster that after being in day care all week, another day of classroom just might be too much. I know my DS loves his preschool, but he seriously needs down time on the weekend.

Also, if it were my DS, I'd guess he was just testing the system. Every single time he's taken a class (swimming, ice skating, etc.), I sit there and watch the first lesson from the parent's viewing area as every other kid happily follows along and he's off doing his own thing. He's not necessarily disrupting other kids or being bad, but he's clearly not following instructions and ignoring the teachers. And, usually, the teachers just sort of ignore him and focus on the "good" kids. At that point, I grab him after class and tell him in no uncertain terms, that he WILL listen to the teachers and tell the teachers right in front of him that they should call for me any time he decides to not follow instructions. Once he knows that I know and that I'm watching and the teachers are on my side, he usually coasts through the rest of the class sessions quite happily. Occasionally, it requires me coming in through a side door and doing a scary Mom whisper warning in his ear to remind him.

If I was in your situation, I'd probably give him major warning before next class and "pop in" half way through - if he's not doing what he's supposed to, quietly put him back where he belongs and walk out. If he's being perfect, quietly praise him and walk out. Either way, he knows Mom's always watching...

 

[PrincessHeart]

Sorry I can't agree with this. So the whole program should change because one child doesn't like it? If it is working for all the other kids and the teachers then it is time for the only dissenting one to find a new program. This is what is wrong anymore everyone want everything to be adapted just for them instead of saying this is the way they do it here and it works for 15 other kids I guess this isn't a fit for us and either adapt or look elsewhere.

I doubt he is the first or only 3 year old to object to a whole hour of crafts. So yes, I think the program needs to be changed to fit more children's needs. Every program should provide mutiple ways for children to connect with God and others. Because this isn't about him getting along - it's about him learning about God. I do agree with you that the OP should look for a more well-rounded program if this program is not willing to adjust it's curriculum.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Lumping all three's together is ridiculous. A young three boy is miles away from an old three girl. We aren't made with cookie-cutters, thankfully. A good SS teacher has activities of interest for both groups.

OP, don't let people who haven't a clue as to normal developmental stages, and differences get you down.

 

[connorlevismom]

I certainly don't expect them to change anything. I have said more than once that I respect the teacher not wanting him there, it is her class. I don't agree with the class though so he won't be going back. I would rather focus on learning how to behave in church and being a part of the service. I am not sure if I should talk to anyone or not. We just joined the church a few months ago and I don't want to make waves and be known as the difficult new family. I guess I am just disappointed in how it was all handled.

On a good note, we have a meeting tomorrow morning with DS daycare teacher. My husband talked a little with her this morning and she said that he has been an angel lately and very polite. She said that he still has a little bit of a problem with taking things but that it is normal for kids that are only children and he is getting better. She also said that he is a perfectly normal 3 year old boy. She has 7 3 year old boys in her class (she is a saint) and 3 girls. She said that when she puts art out as a free play item, nobody (not even the girls) want to do it. She said the boys are just not interested AT ALL in art. All the boys, not just DS. So that puts my mind at ease quite a bit. We are still meeting with her tomorrow morning but it is nice to know that someone who has had a 3 year old class for 10 years says that he is a typical 3 year old.

 

[jodifla]

I certainly don't expect them to change anything. I have said more than once that I respect the teacher not wanting him there, it is her class. I don't agree with the class though so he won't be going back. I would rather focus on learning how to behave in church and being a part of the service. I am not sure if I should talk to anyone or not. We just joined the church a few months ago and I don't want to make waves and be known as the difficult new family. I guess I am just disappointed in how it was all handled.

On a good note, we have a meeting tomorrow morning with DS daycare teacher. My husband talked a little with her this morning and she said that he has been an angel lately and very polite. She said that he still has a little bit of a problem with taking things but that it is normal for kids that are only children and he is getting better. She also said that he is a perfectly normal 3 year old boy. She has 7 3 year old boys in her class (she is a saint) and 3 girls. She said that when she puts art out as a free play item, nobody (not even the girls) want to do it. She said the boys are just not interested AT ALL in art. All the boys, not just DS. So that puts my mind at ease quite a bit. We are still meeting with her tomorrow morning but it is nice to know that someone who has had a 3 year old class for 10 years says that he is a typical 3 year old.

The problem with so many of these "art" projects is that they appeal to the female teacher, who probably really likes crafts and art, and it's complete and total overkill for toddlers and young children.

My DS, 5, has done more craft and art projects in his short life than I've done in all my 46 years! It's preposterous.

 

[connorlevismom]

The problem with so many of these "art" projects is that they appeal to the female teacher, who probably really likes crafts and art, and it's complete and total overkill for toddlers and young children.

My DS, 5, has done more craft and art projects in his short life than I've done in all my 46 years! It's preposterous.

Yeah. I agree. Every week they have a picture of Jesus that they are supposed to sit and color and then they have something made out of constuction paper that they again need to color. Where exactly is he learning about Jesus in that?

Kristine

 

[PrincessHeart]

I certainly don't expect them to change anything. I have said more than once that I respect the teacher not wanting him there, it is her class. I don't agree with the class though so he won't be going back. I would rather focus on learning how to behave in church and being a part of the service. I am not sure if I should talk to anyone or not. We just joined the church a few months ago and I don't want to make waves and be known as the difficult new family. I guess I am just disappointed in how it was all handled.

On a good note, we have a meeting tomorrow morning with DS daycare teacher. My husband talked a little with her this morning and she said that he has been an angel lately and very polite. She said that he still has a little bit of a problem with taking things but that it is normal for kids that are only children and he is getting better. She also said that he is a perfectly normal 3 year old boy. She has 7 3 year old boys in her class (she is a saint) and 3 girls. She said that when she puts art out as a free play item, nobody (not even the girls) want to do it. She said the boys are just not interested AT ALL in art. All the boys, not just DS. So that puts my mind at ease quite a bit. We are still meeting with her tomorrow morning but it is nice to know that someone who has had a 3 year old class for 10 years says that he is a typical 3 year old.

I'm sorry about all of this! Especially those posters who have really not been very supportive. I just want to mention that it really isn't the teacher's class it's the church's class. That poor teacher may just be ill-equipped by the church. It's a fairly common problem b/c good curriculum can be hard to find. She may not be being provided the support she needs. I respect that you don't wan to make waves, but it makes me sad that your son is being left out. And there are probably lots of active little children being left out too. Also is it the norm for children to be in the adult service? At our church children are strongly encouraged to attend the children's program while the adults attend church. In fact we ask parents to leave and watch the service from our commons area if the children become disruptive. I know some churches are completely different on this.

 

[connorlevismom]

I'm sorry about all of this! Especially those posters who have really not been very supportive. I just want to mention that it really isn't the teacher's class it's the church's class. That poor teacher may just be ill-equipped by the church. It's a fairly common problem b/c good curriculum can be hard to find. She may not be being provided the support she needs. I respect that you don't wan to make waves, but it makes me sad that your son is being left out. And there are probably lots of active little children being left out too. Also is it the norm for children to be in the adult service? At our church children are strongly encouraged to attend the children's program while the adults attend church. In fact we ask parents to leave and watch the service from our commons area if the children become disruptive. I know some churches are completely different on this.

Oh yes, our church LOVES little ones. In fact, our Pastor told us at our new member meeting that they love to see little ones in the pews. He told a really touching story about this elderly lady who watches the service on cable. She was talking to him when he went to visit her and she commented on hearing a child making racket in church. He asked her if it bothered her and she said absolutely not, that she has not heard a child's voice in so long and it made her feel so good to hear a little one.

So our church encourages kids to come but we always sit in the back in case we need to duck out.

Kristine