Completely at a loss - 3 year old son caution long

[connorlevismom]

Let me start by saying that I have one child, my son. He has always had a lot of energy but that is just the way he is, I don't know any different. He has been in daycare since he was 6 months old and has done very well there. He was in one and we moved him because it seemed that there was no disipline and the kids just ran around. His new one is fantastic and he has done well there. Every once in a while the teacher will tell me that he had a rough day. That he had problems respecting others space and taking toys away. OK, so we try and talk to him about it and seriously, we have only been talked to about it like 3 times.

Fast forward to today. My son is in Sunday school at our church. It is a pretty small group of kids and 2 teachers so it is very well staffed. This was his third time that he has gone today. I go to pick him up and the teacher meets me in the hall and tells me that he was very disruptive in class and was climbing on things and trowing things around. He did not want to participate in anything (art stuff) and just kept running into the hallway. All he wanted to do was play with the toys which she told him they are not allowed to play with. (the class is held in a pre-school classromm so it is FULL of toys) She told me that she spent 1/2 the time in the hallway with him because he would not behave. Then she says "it just really did not seem like he wanted to be here (mind you, this is the first time this teacher has seen my son because she was not there the last 2 weeks) and that maybe he would be better off in the nursery if all he wants to do is play with toys".

I was completely floored. I know that my son can be a handful, believe me, I know. But everyone keeps telling me that he is just a normal boy. I am hyper sensitive about it because I fear deeply having "that kid" that everyone dislikes. My sister has one of those kids and I see the agony that she goes through. Anyway, I don't know what to do! Obviously, she does not want him coming back to class so I will repect that. But is he acting abnormal? He hates art. He does not like to color at all and does not like crafts much at all either. From what I gather, that is what they do for the most part of the class. Is he just bored and acting out because of that? Then to have kids in a class where there are tons of new toys and they are expected to not want to play with them. I don't know, that seems impossible for a 3 year old if you ask me. But I am not there so I don't see the other kids and how they act.

I plan on talking to his daycare teacher tomorrow and asking her about all this. She is very honest with me. If she does think that there is something wrong with him, I want to try and take care of it. But I want her opinion.

What do you think? Is there something wrong with my son or is he just being a 3 year old?

Kristine

 

[mkcp91]

I don't know that I have any advice, but I'll chime in as a Sunday school teacher. I am not a licensed teacher. I don't have an early childhood education degree. I'm just a mom with a passion for teaching 3 and 4 year olds about Jesus. I volunteer in the Sunday school classroom because I want to - and also because it is HARD to get anyone else to do it!

If I have 10 kids in my class and one won't follow directions, then NONE of the kids will follow directions. If one kid grabs the toys, the others don't understand why THEY can't play with the toys and we lose all control.

I would have done exactly as this teacher did - offer your son the alternative of free play in the nursery. It's not that WE don't want you child in the class, it's that your child obviously doesn't want to be there (if he hates crafts!). Should I make him hate going to church by forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do? Or can he have fun at church playing in the nursery?

I will say that our toys are kept in a closet where they aren't temptations!

 

[mickeylove2]

First of all I don't know what you're going through but I will tell you my opinion based on how things are done with my kids and the kids I have seen. First off the children start going to Sunday school at my church when they hit 2, and unless they are crying uncontrollably for mommy and daddy, and I mean like when people say "like bloody murder" the teachers keep them. So if it's just that the kids won't sit still, won't participate, playing kind of thing the teachers work with them. (For instance, if the kid is standing by the door saying mommy, mommy with tears and sniffles, the teacher tries to distract them and get the to play. If they are throwing themselves on the floor kicking and screaming and flailing, ok gotta go. Actually I think they try for about 5 minutes or so.) When they go into class, the 1st 15 minutes are play time, then they go into prayer, they love praying for boo boos, then they take offering and sing, then they have Bible story, then they sing, then they do a craft, then they have snack, then they sing, then they spend the reat of the time playing Sunday school is from 10- 11:45. I have been at the same church for 5 years and I have never heard of the teachers not wanting a child to come to class, like I said unless they're uncontrollable and you can't calm them down...even then if the parent or someone wants to come sit in the class they can and then next week try again. Honestly I would venture to say that it's probably not our son who is abnormal, it's the teacher!! My thought is that there is a reason I don't teach the toddler class at church, the women that do are wonderful and love to teach the children at such a young and impressionable age!

 

[missstcroix]

I'm chiming in tho I am obviously not an expert in any way shape or form..I just want to back up the poster that said the teacher is more than likely a VOLUNTEER without any formal education in controlling a classroom full of toddlers, and your problem seems to be based more on that it will be much easier for her to control a classroom if the kids who don't want to be there are not. I am not putting her down for that, I absolutely know it is a hard hard position to be in especially with no formal training. I wouldn't panic. You know your child better than anyone, and if you think it will be impossible for him to sit in the class with the toys, then perhaps what she is saying is true in that he is not ready for the classroom yet. I have 2 kids and one went to preschool at 3 and one didn't go until he was 4, and it was the OLDER who went at 4. Just completley different kids and you have to feel it out when they would be ready.

 

[MoniqueU]

I don't know about the sunday school situation very much, I guess I would just put him in Nursery.

But I had a little boy like yours, full of energy, if there was a car or truck or ball around he wanted nothing else. Color? Sheesh I used to try and sit down wiht him at age 5 and say mommy will color with you, he just wasn't in to. He was never into crafts. Just his cars, trucks and balls.
I even had family members tell me he might need medication.
Today he is the calmest sweetest most grounded kid ever. His handwriting could be better and he still hates art but he is a pleasure to be around and definetly not one lf "those" kids.

 

[connorlevismom]

I don't know about the sunday school situation very much, I guess I would just put him in Nursery.

But I had a little boy like yours, full of energy, if there was a car or truck or ball around he wanted nothing else. Color? Sheesh I used to try and sit down wiht him at age 5 and say mommy will color with you, he just wasn't in to. He was never into crafts. Just his cars, trucks and balls.
I even had family members tell me he might need medication.
Today he is the calmest sweetest most grounded kid ever. His handwriting could be better and he still hates art but he is a pleasure to be around and definetly not one lf "those" kids.

Thank you so much. I needed this post more than you know.

Kristine

 

[connorlevismom]

I want to make sure that everyone knows that I am not blaming the teacher at all. That is not what this thread is about. I completely respect what she wants, it's her class.

I just want to know if my sons behavior is abnormal for a 3 year old.

Kristine

 

[Hannathy]

I think by 3 a child should be able to follow directions and participate in a group of his peers without disturbing the whole class. I have taught that age and it is very hard to do anything if 1 child is running around and disrupting everything while you are trying to read a story to the others. And yes kids can know when it is play time and when it is time to leave the toys alone. I'm sure he could just sit and not color if he didn't want to,he just can't be running around. If the other kids were able to follow instructions your child isn't ready for that class either maturity wise or behaviorally. Why don't you try the class again but without your son knowing stay outside the door and see for yourself how he acts and then go from there. Either put him in the nursery or have the behave or else talk with him.

I have always told my kids from pre-school on up , I can handle you not understanding schoolwork and we will help you, but misbehaving will not be tolerated ever.

To answer your question how where the other 3 year olds acting?

 

[PrincessHeart]

I'm so sorry about your experience. It's sounds like the program is not well-rounded. As in the don't offer a variety of ways to capture the children's attention. Not all children enjoy crafts. My son at five refused to do crafts. He and the teacher had an understanding - as long as he wasn't disruptive he was allowed to play with the toys, sit quitely or otherwise occupy himself. Crafts were only a brief part of the time which included singing, story-telling and play-time. His non-partcipation in the craft certainly did not hinder his spritiual development. At 8 he is consistenly praised by his teachers as having an excellent understanding of the Bible. He even tried to explain and lead a classmate through the salvation prayer at public school. Maybe the teacher can give him some grace and excuse him from the crafts. Maybe he was just having a bad day.

 

[workinmomof2]

I too have rambunctious boys. My oldest son would rather play trucks or trains than write his name or color. I am not surprised, he is a toddler. So many expectations are put on kids anymore. I would let him play for now. You can teach him your religious beliefs at home. I can tell you if there were toys all around the room I cannot imagine kids not wanting to play. A guy I work with was telling me about one of his Sunday school teachers, he is in charge of them. She was teaching a 4-5 year old class. A little boy stated that he had to go to the bathroom. She told him that class was almost over and he could wait 5 more minutes. Well guess what happened. Sometimes it is not the kids but the adults who do not listen and understand.

 

[dougsmom98]

The teachers at my church are volunteers as well and it is hard to get people to teach Sunday school. I have three boys all with very different personalities and different amounts of energy. Three is still young to sit and bahave all the time, so I would not stress about his behavior yet. I would, however, volunteer to help out in the class. For the past five years, I have spent more time "helping" out in the Sunday school classes than I have spent in church service. For my first child I had to do stay with him because his anxiety was too high and he would freak out if I left. With the twins, I had to stay to teach them how they should behave. I would sit and listen to the story with them and if one of my boys started misbehaving I would tap them on the shoulder and redirect them. After the first year, they were fine and now there is no problem leaving them in Sunday school at all. I still help out in Sunday school because there are plenty of other students who need help adjusting. My help allows the teacher to do what they planned and I can deal with the child that needs some redirecting. Good luck.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Look- it's hard being a Mom sometimes. I think your child is being a normal 3 year old if there is such a thing anyway- but- he should be able to follow directions. Most kids go to pre-school at 3 and they have toys in the room. They are not allowed to play all day as they have work that needs to be done. It is possible that the teacher just does not connect with your son but to me it just seems that he is either not ready maturity wise or perhaps he needs a stronger understanding of why he needs to behave. I do not subscribe to the school of thought that says "Oh, my child doesn't like coloring or crafting or playing the spoons" (I am not picking in anyone here) because while I encourage my child to be independent you sometimes have to join the parade. You can't always say that you don't feel like doing something or you don't like it. Suck it up. You have to learn to join the group sometimes because that is how life is. I don't think it does the child any favors to let them do as they please. I think it was good advice to watch the class without him knowing. If he is misbehaving at least you can nip it in the bud and that may stop it. Anyway, this is just my opinion so just take it as that.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think your son is being a normal 3 year old, and especially a normal 3 year old boy.

Is she a mother of girls? Dainty girls? (I wasn't a dainty girl, and neither is my sister, but most of my friends had dainty little girlie girls) Is the class made up of such children? If so, he's probably very obvious.

I will say that it seems CRUEL to have a class held in a room where there are toys they can't touch. Couldn't they open up another room? Do some fundraising, get a dedicated room for this group of children that meets every single Sunday? Or buy a big box to put them in*?

An hour of crafts, by the way? Seems a bit much...

I'm going to go back to what I said first...I think he sounds normal to me! I have a 3 year old son, and I have three normal younger brothers...normal normal normal.



*editing to add....a box for the toys, not the children.

 

[Hannathy]

I will say that it seems CRUEL to have a class held in a room where there are toys they can't touch. Couldn't they open up another room?

I guess you haven't been in many kindergarten rooms lately. Every room for kids I have ever visited or taught in has toys in it. It isn't practical to have separate rooms. Rooms generally have a play area and a work area, kids know the difference. Kids also need to learn to ignore things sometimes and to follow instructions. and as another poster said that sometimes you have to do things with the group even tho you may not especially want to. Kids need to learn the world doesn't revolve around them and their wants. (all the time)

 

[brymolmom]

Abnormal for a 3 year old? Doesn't sound like it to me. BTW- a young 3 or an old 3? He sounds very normal, however, if it were my child, I would take steps to attempt to make him more agreeable in this type of 'classroom' setting.

I too have a wonderful babysitter and my chilren have only been 'bad' (according to her reports) about 2 times in the 4 - 5 years they have been going there - yeah right - my kids are NOT angels. However, I figured it out quickly - she is babysitting them - so they pretty much get to 'do' whatever they feel like (as long as they are well behaved) - they want to color for 30 seconds followed by getting out the blocks for 60 seconds followed by throwing a ball in the garage for 5 minutes - well, she lets them do that. And that's why it is a much different story at home where they have to follow a lot more rules (it's time to take a bath, it's time to clean your room, etc.). SO, what I'm saying is that he can be a normal boy who has not had enough exposure to following group setting rules. Maybe you could try going to some story hours at the library. We have a music school near here and we were able to get our kids into a preschool music class - a very good learning experience for child-teacher relationships and having to do what the whole class is doing instead of whatever the moment's desire is.

Definitely sounds like you should start trying some new experiences for him so that when he does go to preschool he is more used to that type of setting. But I certainly wouldn't worry about it - he is still young.

 

[Alex&Evan'sMom]

I think you need this! I have 2 boys(3 and 6) of my own and they are also very rambunctious. My 3 yr. old knows he's supposed to mind adults but he's also at the prime age for testing the boundaries. It's also crazy to put a small child in a room full of toys and expect him to not want to play!! Your little boy just sounds like an energetic normal 3 yr. old to me! Just trust your instincts and check with his preschool teacher if you're worried.

 

[GoinToDisney]

I have a 3 year old dd and taught preschool 3's. I will tell you that honestly, most of them were able to sit down a follow directions. However, as the teacher, it was my responsibility to provide a balance of active and inactive experiences. I would mix songs and finger plays and plenty of opportunities to "get the wiggles out" in with the sit-down activities. It doesn't sound like this class is going to provide that for him. If he ever wants to try it again, then I'd talk with him about how he must behave to do so. Otherwise, let him have fun in the nursery. Now, I think you are absolutely right to ask his teacher about his behavior and how it relates to others. She will be able to give you the best advice because she knows him. Remember that all children develop at their own pace. It is tough to say, but chances are that if you are concerned and in communication with his teacher, that he is not "that kid." For me, when I was teaching preschool 3's "that kid" was the violent or defiant kid, not the one who was full of energy. Plus when the parents worked with me and followed through at home, it did wonders for my patience.

 

[tinker&belle]

I want to make sure that everyone knows that I am not blaming the teacher at all. That is not what this thread is about. I completely respect what she wants, it's her class.

I just want to know if my sons behavior is abnormal for a 3 year old.

Kristine

I teach 3-5 year olds, and your son's behavior is not abnormal. It sounds like the situation is setting the children up for these difficulties (toys all around you can't play with? That is like putting adults in front of a food buffet, but telling them they can't have any of it for an hour and a half when they are hungry!) People set 'rules' for children and expect them to follow them, but they rarely look from the point of view of a kid. If that room is not meeting his needs, have him somewhere he will be happy.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I just want to know if my sons behavior is abnormal for a 3 year old.

Kristine

You so behavior is not abnormal... he is 3... putting a kid in a room full of toys and saying you cant play with them is way to tempting.

 

[tinker&belle]

I guess you haven't been in many kindergarten rooms lately. Every room for kids I have ever visited or taught in has toys in it. It isn't practical to have separate rooms. Rooms generally have a play area and a work area, kids know the difference. Kids also need to learn to ignore things sometimes and to follow instructions. and as another poster said that sometimes you have to do things with the group even tho you may not especially want to. Kids need to learn the world doesn't revolve around them and their wants. (all the time)

Kindergarten is different than 3 year olds, although I don't really find putting things out to tempt children that they can't use developmentally appropriate practice.