college girls gone wild

[punkin]

This was inspired by golfgal's thread.

My DD is going to college in a few weeks and has been facebooking (is that a word now?) her roommate. They have never met, but as they were chatting it came up that the girl thinks her parents are unnecessarily strict with her and she can't wait to get to college so she can "party hearty".

I figure this will last no more than a semester. At that point she will either come to her senses and stop partying or she will drop out of school. Based on my experience, I feel it will be the latter though my optimistic DD is sure that the girl will grow up once she's away from home.

What do you think based on your experience?

 

[Toad_Passenger]

When I was in College, without fail, there were 1 or 2 kids who didn't even make it past ORIENTATION!!!

Usually their backgrounds included having very strict parents who wouldn't let them do anything. They got that one little taste of freedom and that's all it took. My Freshman year, Orientation lasted 3 days. This one girl made it through days 1 & 2, but on the evening of day 2 she went on the first binge of her life. The result? Falling down 3 flights of stairs, busting her head open, and never returning to school again.

Not every kid follows this route, but, as I said, every year we saw it happen.

 

[java]

um I'm guessing it'll last longer than a semester if it goes well for her. I had overprotective parents that stifled me as a child and when I let loose in college it lasted all 4 years. My grades were fine and I worked fun in.
And don't worry about the crazy roomie. Lots of people are all talk going in. Actions speak louder than words.

 

[mom2travel]

This was inspired by golfgal's thread.

My DD is going to college in a few weeks and has been facebooking (is that a word now?) her roommate. They have never met, but as they were chatting it came up that the girl thinks her parents are unnecessarily strict with her and she can't wait to get to college so she can "party hearty".

I figure this will last no more than a semester. At that point she will either come to her senses and stop partying or she will drop out of school. Based on my experience, I feel it will be the latter though my optimistic DD is sure that the girl will grow up once she's away from home.

What do you think based on your experience?

It could go either way, or somewhere in between. I had a good friend in HS who thought her parents were very strict, went away to college 800 miles away and "partied hearty". Some of the things she did/risks she took scared me back then and are even scarier now that I have a teen with only a few more years until college. That said, she did manage to graduate with decent (not great) grades and go to grad school, and now has a great job she loves.

Some of the "talk" between your DD and her soon-to-be roommate could be a bit of wishful thinking/looking forward to getting out of the watchful shadow of her parents. Not knowing her, it's hard to say what partying is to her

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Why are "coming to her senses" or "dropping out" the only options? I have a DD who is a college Jr, and she's living in an apartment this coming year. But the first two years, there were major instances of roommates doing some MAJOR partying in the city nearby (fake IDs). She had one roommate (a nursing major) that my DD frequently had to clean up after when she vomited. As far as I know, she's still a student, as are the others.

Just started typing out some of the horror stories she told me, but I'll spare you.

A bunch of them moved into a house together this year. My DD got an apartment with a girl who's pretty much not a partyer, like my DD. Don't get me wrong...I don't think either one of them NEVER drinks or attends parties but DD shares a lot with me (like all the nightmare stories from the first two years) and I feel as confident as I possibly can that she's making wise decisions. Her current roommate reminds me of the brunette in "Legally Blonde" who's the stuffy society girl (but I'm warming up to her). DD said that when the roommate gets ready to go out, she puts on pearls.

Good luck to your DD and the roommate situation. There can be a whole lot of drama.

 

[punkin]

It could go either way, or somewhere in between. I had a good friend in HS who thought her parents were very strict, went away to college 800 miles away and "partied hearty". Some of the things she did/risks she took scared me back then and are even scarier now that I have a teen with only a few more years until college. That said, she did manage to graduate with decent (not great) grades and go to grad school, and now has a great job she loves.

Some of the "talk" between your DD and her soon-to-be roommate could be a bit of wishful thinking/looking forward to getting out of the watchful shadow of her parents. Not knowing her, it's hard to say what partying is to her

True. Neither DD nor I know this girl at all so this thread is basically fluff and conjecture.

 

[golfgal]

This was inspired by golfgal's thread.

My DD is going to college in a few weeks and has been facebooking (is that a word now?) her roommate. They have never met, but as they were chatting it came up that the girl thinks her parents are unnecessarily strict with her and she can't wait to get to college so she can "party hearty".

I figure this will last no more than a semester. At that point she will either come to her senses and stop partying or she will drop out of school. Based on my experience, I feel it will be the latter though my optimistic DD is sure that the girl will grow up once she's away from home.

What do you think based on your experience?

I have to say that I agree with your assessment. I do know kids that partied pretty hard all through college but they also knew where that line was and still managed to stay in college and now have good jobs and kids of their own and a "what in the heck was I thinking attitude" . I also have to say that a lot of it is talk. Often after a few puking drunk incidences smart kids realize that getting drunk really isn't all that much fun and scale back quite a bit.

Now, if this girl really goes off the deep end, I really feel sorry for your DD .

 

[golfgal]

Why are "coming to her senses" or "dropping out" the only options? I have a DD who is a college Jr, and she's living in an apartment this coming year. But the first two years, there were major instances of roommates doing some MAJOR partying in the city nearby (fake IDs). She had one roommate (a nursing major) that my DD frequently had to clean up after when she vomited. As far as I know, she's still a student, as are the others.

Just started typing out some of the horror stories she told me, but I'll spare you.

A bunch of them moved into a house together this year. My DD got an apartment with a girl who's pretty much not a partyer, like my DD. Don't get me wrong...I don't think either one of them NEVER drinks or attends parties but DD shares a lot with me (like all the nightmare stories from the first two years) and I feel as confident as I possibly can that she's making wise decisions. Her current roommate reminds me of the brunette in "Legally Blonde" who's the stuffy society girl (but I'm warming up to her). DD said that when the roommate gets ready to go out, she puts on pearls.

Good luck to your DD and the roommate situation. There can be a whole lot of drama.

We have had several talks with DS about this. We know full well that eventually he will probably drink in college and it isn't drinking in itself that is bad but abusing it is. Neither DH nor I are big drinkers. DH just doesn't like it much but will have an occasional drink. I will usually have a drink once/week or if we go out for dinner. We have told DS that we don't want him NOT going to parties because there is alcohol but just don't be stupid about it either. I knew in college that 2 drinks was pretty much my limit and I usually stopped after that because I didn't like being drunk.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

True. Neither DD nor I know this girl at all so this thread is basically fluff and conjecture.

Fluff and conjecture...just part of the DIS.

Seriously tho, I was shocked at how much was going on with DD's roommates, and hopefully it will help me prepare my DS for going off to college next year. First DD (just graduated from college, and lived in various situations over the years, including at home the last year because she only had a couple of classes) didn't share as much with me, or maybe, possibly, there wasn't much to share?

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I agree that it could go either way. Although in the begininning before she develops frienshipos she probably will "go wild". She could find a group of friends that aren't partiers and join clubs.

My DD finished her first year. She partied more her senior year in high school and the first few months of college then toned it down. Having a boyfriend who doesn't drink also helped. They're both very into sports.

 

[barkley]

i dunno-i had some friends who managed to do all 4 years of college while maintaining a very heavy party lifestyle, and i think in some of the cases they were not going off to college with the mindset that they were going to behave in that manner, they just fell into it because of the atmosphere and their new living situations.

i'm not so much talking about their living situations as far as being out of mom and dad's home (and houserules) so much as being in an environment where more private partying opportunities presented themself, or they were within walking distance (from the dorms or near campus housing) of entertainment venues that despite their best efforts could'nt prevent underage drinking.

some of them also had an additional level of freedom come their college years, a "financial freedom"-those who had to work during high school for spending money, but now had parents who were providing them with spending money (in addition to paying for all their school expenses) so they would'nt have to work and could "just focus on school". some of these folks were hard pressed to have partied on their own dime during high school, but whoo boy-when it came to doing it on mom and dad's they had no problem.

i think with some new freshman it's a quick phase they go through, but with maybe a larger number-unless their parents are holding them to a minimum gpa (or they attend a college that has high academic standing requirements to maintain enrollment)-they can get the mindset that so long as they can maintain grades to pass classes and ultimatly graduate, part of the college experience is overindulgence (the closest town to us a college town, and unfortunatly this mindset is somewhat prevelent among those who do not plan to get grad degrees, and just figure that the diploma they earned with a 2.0 is identical to the one handed out to a classmate with a 3.5 "because jobs ask for your diploma, not your report card").

 

[golfgal]

i dunno-i had some friends who managed to do all 4 years of college while maintaining a very heavy party lifestyle, and i think in some of the cases they were not going off to college with the mindset that they were going to behave in that manner, they just fell into it because of the atmosphere and their new living situations.

i'm not so much talking about their living situations as far as being out of mom and dad's home (and houserules) so much as being in an environment where more private partying opportunities presented themself, or they were within walking distance (from the dorms or near campus housing) of entertainment venues that despite their best efforts could'nt prevent underage drinking.

some of them also had an additional level of freedom come their college years, a "financial freedom"-those who had to work during high school for spending money, but now had parents who were providing them with spending money (in addition to paying for all their school expenses) so they would'nt have to work and could "just focus on school". some of these folks were hard pressed to have partied on their own dime during high school, but whoo boy-when it came to doing it on mom and dad's they had no problem.

i think with some new freshman it's a quick phase they go through, but with maybe a larger number-unless their parents are holding them to a minimum gpa (or they attend a college that has high academic standing requirements to maintain enrollment)-they can get the mindset that so long as they can maintain grades to pass classes and ultimatly graduate, part of the college experience is overindulgence (the closest town to us a college town, and unfortunatly this mindset is somewhat prevelent among those who do not plan to get grad degrees, and just figure that the diploma they earned with a 2.0 is identical to the one handed out to a classmate with a 3.5 "because jobs ask for your diploma, not your report card").

The problem is that there are many jobs that DO require your "report card" aka your transcript. Also, I know that when DH hires new college grads he darn well gets their GPA and will call the college to verify. If their GPA isn't listed on their resume, they don't even get a call--yes, you can lie on that but he verifies and if you lie, you don't get the job.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

The problem is that there are many jobs that DO require your "report card" aka your transcript. Also, I know that when DH hires new college grads he darn well gets their GPA and will call the college to verify. If their GPA isn't listed on their resume, they don't even get a call--yes, you can lie on that but he verifies and if you lie, you don't get the job.

But we're only "new" college grads for so long. After 30 that 2.0 is the same as the 3.0.

 

[golfgal]

But we're only "new" college grads for so long. After 30 that 2.0 is the same as the 3.0.

True but you are then hired based on your performance at your job and if you are still partying hard while trying to maintain a full time job your job WILL suffer just like your grades did in college.

 

[punkin]

The problem is that there are many jobs that DO require your "report card" aka your transcript. Also, I know that when DH hires new college grads he darn well gets their GPA and will call the college to verify. If their GPA isn't listed on their resume, they don't even get a call--yes, you can lie on that but he verifies and if you lie, you don't get the job.

Not to mention grad school/professional school. Grades are vital in that case.

I'm thinking back to my college days and my DH (well before we got married) was an extreme partyer his first 2 years in school. His mother actually refused to pay one quarter because of his grades. I do not know how he managed to graduate in 4 years. I guess God takes care of drunks and little children (as my grandma used to say).

 

[barkley]

The problem is that there are many jobs that DO require your "report card" aka your transcript. Also, I know that when DH hires new college grads he darn well gets their GPA and will call the college to verify. If their GPA isn't listed on their resume, they don't even get a call--yes, you can lie on that but he verifies and if you lie, you don't get the job.

i'm aware of this-as are many adults who have actualy pursued jobs post college, but unless a student is educated about this many have the mindset that their degree is a golden ticket that automaticaly opens the door to jobs-no matter how dismal the grades were that earned it. with most they've only held entry level jobs that the only criteria for was that you were of a minimum age, and could commit to working the schedualed shift.

unfortunatly it seems like while a huge emphasis is put on educating kids about the importance of their high school grades as it pertains to getting into college, and to some extent their college grades as it pertains to getting into grad school-far too little emphasis is put on what impact their college grades can have in the job market. this is not to say it's not addressed at all in college, but it seems like it ends up getting addressed primarily in the junior and senior years when a student is in the professional coursework of their major, by which time their gpa can have tanked out so badly that even their best efforts may not improve matters much.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

The problem is that there are many jobs that DO require your "report card" aka your transcript. Also, I know that when DH hires new college grads he darn well gets their GPA and will call the college to verify. If their GPA isn't listed on their resume, they don't even get a call--yes, you can lie on that but he verifies and if you lie, you don't get the job.

True. I was hired for my first professional job in between semesters in my senior year, with the stipulation that I had to keep my grades up in my final semester before starting my job in June.

But we're only "new" college grads for so long. After 30 that 2.0 is the same as the 3.0.

But you have to get that first job.

And, as someone else said...you've got to have some decent grades to get into graduate school.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

True. I was hired for my first professional job in between semesters in my senior year, with the stipulation that I had to keep my grades up in my final semester before starting my job in June.

But you have to get that first job.

And, as someone else said...you've got to have some decent grades to get into graduate school.

I don't know, maybe it's based on what field you're entering. In the IT and Tech fields, where I work, grades don't matter a bit. It's all about what you can do with the technology, not what some Prof decided to quiz you on.

Most of the IT guys I work with, or know, had fairly mediocre grades because we were too busy fiddling around with extracurricular games/programming, etc.

 

[barkley]

The problem is that there are many jobs that DO require your "report card" aka your transcript. Also, I know that when DH hires new college grads he darn well gets their GPA and will call the college to verify. If their GPA isn't listed on their resume, they don't even get a call--yes, you can lie on that but he verifies and if you lie, you don't get the job.

just curious-do the new college grads have to provide written releases for the universities/colleges they attended attached to their resumes they send to your dh?

reason i ask is b/c the university dh attends adheres to the federal law that makes it illegal to release this kind of information. in order for a potential employer to get gpa info. for any current/past students, the student would have to fill out a form for both the university and the employer giving permission for a one time release of information. i have to imagine it would be very difficult if a new grad were sending out dozens and dozens of resumes to facilitate this.

 

[barkley]

I don't know, maybe it's based on what field you're entering. In the IT and Tech fields, where I work, grades don't matter a bit. It's all about what you can do with the technology, not what some Prof decided to quiz you on.

Most of the IT guys I work with, or know, had fairly mediocre grades because we were too busy fiddling around with extracurricular games/programming, etc.

same thing goes with much government employment.

so long as you meet the m.q.'s, and then score high enough on your written and or oral exam you won't ever have to show what your gpa was. if you're applying for a job where there's an actual law in place that requires the person to have a degree (or like with IT-certain certifications), you likely have to provide photocopies with your application but even then that's something that h/r verifies and processes before a hiring manager ever gets names for consideration (and we did'nt even get to see that part of an employee's application).