Class gift exchange - sigh.

[CdnCarrie]

How very bizarre! Never heard of a gift exchange in a school before. Why not have kids bring in something for a charity instead. And the school gives out gifts? Must be a very wealthy school division!

 

[snowy76]

I'm just curious if you are in the US and is "grade one" the equivalent of first grade with the children being approx 6 years old? For some reason I'm getting the impression you are not in the US and wonder if this is geared at a different age group than what we are all picturing. Not a fan of this idea no matter the age but I just wondered.

I'm guessing Virginia (which seems to be the only state that uses the term) or Canada.

 

[jaminmd]

I'm in Maryland & have never heard of doing gift exchanges in school. I don't like gift exchanges at all & I don't want used toys (no offense to those who buy used).

It does sort of sound like the affluent kids are being brought down a notch. Not really a 6 year olds fault if mom/dad are wealthy.

And we aren't haters OP, just offering our opinions.

 

[snowy76]

How very bizarre! Never heard of a gift exchange in a school before. Why not have kids bring in something for a charity instead. And the school gives out gifts? Must be a very wealthy school division!

I think it's more common in the States. I think the logic behind it is that the kids will want to give gifts to their friends anyway, so the idea is to prevent excessive spending and make sure no one's left out.

That being said, when I taught elementary school, I told the kids no gifts to each other and *I* did the gift-giving, usually a couple of dollars' each in puzzle books, glittery pencils and things like that from the dollar store. I wrapped them all up in different papers, passed them out, and read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to the kids. Everytime I said "the", the kids had to pass the gift in their hands to the kid to the right (they sat in a circle). This was 5th grade and ended up being a great listening exercise to boot. They had a blast, even realizing the gifts were likely identical. It was funny how possessive some kids got over a particular pattern of wrapping paper These lavish gifts are nuts. Heck, I teach high school now, and the kids I have would still kill for a sparkly Christmas pencil. Most kids don't care about the gifts as much as the parents do.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't like gift exchanges at school or work period.

Well there is always that too. I agree with you. I only tolerate them with my own family.

 

[luvsJack]

I think my Mom would have been buying something as well. Just because a gift "looks" like it was worth more doesn't mean it cost that. It may have been something the parents could buy using reward points, or a prize that the kids didn't use.

Something functioning, age appropriate, cleanable, unisex and with a reasonable amount of parts and pieces... I think we'd be hadr pressed to coe up with something.



One thing has nothing to do with another. I don't see why a forced gift exchange would effect in the least students who wanted to bring in gifts for their close friends.

K-4th grade has a "formal" gift exchange and EVERYONE gets a gift. In those grades the kids don't bring gifts other than that one. Starting in 5th, the kids bring gifts for their friends. Some kids don't have friends and don't get gifts. So, yes it does effect it greatly.

 

[Ember]

Wow that's a bit extreme for the comments you received.....

IMO it's not the best idea - value seems high for a class gift exchange - and you're just looking for problems with used - missing parts, something doesn't work, etc, etc.

Hopefully your district will change the "rules" on this soon.

I meant nothing inflammatory by the term "haters." With words like "outraged" and the number of people who have stated they would flat out refuse to participate, it just seemed fitting. A lot of people seemed to hate the idea, which is fair enough. I really have no vested interest in the gift exchange. It was implemented at the suggestion of our parent council, so I really have very little to do with it - other than the organization of the thing, and would be just as happy not to have it. As I said, overall, it's been quite successful. This year it just seemed to not work with many very pricey new gifts showing up. (We even had a talking digital camera - which I know retails for $40+ because I was looking at one for my niece.)

I do think it's a nice thought, but then growing up it was our tradition that I would choose one of my own new Christmas gifts to take to the children's hospital to donate when we volunteered at the Christmas party later that evening, so maybe I'm just biased.

 

[merryweather20]

K-4th grade has a "formal" gift exchange and EVERYONE gets a gift. In those grades the kids don't bring gifts other than that one. Starting in 5th, the kids bring gifts for their friends. Some kids don't have friends and don't get gifts. So, yes it does effect it greatly.

How? A generic forced gift to some classmate wouldn't replace a gift to a child's best friend. No doubt in many cases the gift for the best friend would be planned out, made or even bought and paid for before the school sent out their requirements. One has nothing to do with the other. They would be completely separate events.

 

[CdnCarrie]

K-4th grade has a "formal" gift exchange and EVERYONE gets a gift. In those grades the kids don't bring gifts other than that one. Starting in 5th, the kids bring gifts for their friends. Some kids don't have friends and don't get gifts. So, yes it does effect it greatly.

Why are gifts needed between classmates? And if they 5th graders want to give their BF a gift they can do it on the weekend or during the Christmas break on a playdate if it's going to cause hurt feelings.

 

[luvsJack]

Why are gifts needed between classmates? And if they 5th graders want to give their BF a gift they can do it on the weekend or during the Christmas break on a playdate if it's going to cause hurt feelings.

Oh, I agree with you. They can and should. But they don't. And the administration doesn't seem to agree with us.

DD didn't take gifts the first year. We had planned for her and all her friends to meet at the mall for a "girls shopping trip" and they were going to exchange gifts there. But she got 5 or 6 gifts on the last day before school was out (from these same girls) and she felt bad because she didn't have anything to give in return. That was when she noticed the two that didn't get anything.

 

[luvsJack]

How? A generic forced gift to some classmate wouldn't replace a gift to a child's best friend. No doubt in many cases the gift for the best friend would be planned out, made or even bought and paid for before the school sent out their requirements. One has nothing to do with the other. They would be completely separate events.

When they did forced gift exchanges each child brought one gift for a classmate and they did not bring gifts for any one else. If they exchanged with their friends, I guess they did it at some other time; we did.

When they stopped doing these types of exchanges, the parents started sending gifts for all of thier child's friends. Some bring one gift for one bf, some bring a goodie bag for a whole group, some bring 5 or 6 gifts in--it just depends on the child and the parent.

And as I said, most kids get a couple of things but some won't get anything. (except that dd brings them a gift because she feels bad for them).

It should be seperate events, one should not have anything to do with the other but its not. Not having forced gift exchanges has actually caused the gift giving situation to be something that causes kids to be left out and get hurt feelings.

 

[LuLuO]

My DD is in preschool so I'm not sure if the older kids do class gift exchanges but I hope not. Used or new, I just think it is a recipe for disaster. Teachers have enough to deal with and I imagine it is a real pain to run something like this.

I wouldn't mind bringing in a toy for donation to charity. I think that is a much better way to teach a kid about the spirit of giving than bringing in an old toy for a classmate.

 

[LuLuO]

When they did forced gift exchanges each child brought one gift for a classmate and they did not bring gifts for any one else. If they exchanged with their friends, I guess they did it at some other time; we did.

When they stopped doing these types of exchanges, the parents started sending gifts for all of thier child's friends. Some bring one gift for one bf, some bring a goodie bag for a whole group, some bring 5 or 6 gifts in--it just depends on the child and the parent.

And as I said, most kids get a couple of things but some won't get anything. (except that dd brings them a gift because she feels bad for them).

It should be seperate events, one should not have anything to do with the other but its not. Not having forced gift exchanges has actually caused the gift giving situation to be something that causes kids to be left out and get hurt feelings.

Can't the school enforce that gifts are not to be brought to the school to be exchanged? I'm not trying to be snarky because I haven't been through this yet. Schools set all kinds of rules, why can't something like this be enforced?

 

[goofy!]

I do think it's a nice thought, but then growing up it was our tradition that I would choose one of my own new Christmas gifts to take to the children's hospital to donate when we volunteered at the Christmas party later that evening, so maybe I'm just biased.

Completely different than a forced gift exchange in a classroom.

1) You were doing something selfless by choice. You were not "told" you have to participate.

2) You were gifting a new toy.

3) You were gifting somebody who was facing some challenges in their life, not your classmates who are as fortunate as you are.

 

[Ember]

Completely different than a forced gift exchange in a classroom.

1) You were doing something selfless by choice. You were not "told" you have to participate.

2) You were gifting a new toy.

3) You were gifting somebody who was facing some challenges in their life, not your classmates who are as fortunate as you are.

Fair enough. But I still refuse to get too riled up about something I had no part in deciding. If and when the parent council decide to change the gift exchange, I will go along with it. I've had no parents complain to me personally, and if any did I would direct them towards their parent council, as the whole thing is their doing. I don't mean to sound disinterested, but there's enough to worry about in the classroom without taking on worry for something I didn't decide.

However, from my point of view, our parents have decided this is the way they would like the gift exchange to be handled for the younger grades. So I'm left trying to make it work. When the guidelines are so obviously disregarded, it leaves a lot of room for hurt feelings - which I then have to deal with (though, thankfully, even with the discrepancy in the gifts, everyone seemed happy). If other parents have a problem with the exchange as it stands, they could have talked to me, and I could either directed them to the council, or alerted the council to their concerns. That or they could have chosen not to participate. Instead, they chose to just flout the guidelines.

*Edited to add* And to be honest regarding your first point, I was told I was participating. I have a very vivid memory of being six and not wanting to give up any of my toys. I put up quite a fuss, I'm sorry to say; it was just my mom and me and we weren't exactly rich, new toys were rare. I then got an earful about how lucky I was to be healthy and about how some children got no new toys at all, so maybe I'd like to think about things a little more before we left. While I did come around to my mother's point of view, I was hardly graceful about it that year.

 

[Silly Little Pixie]

I see your point, OP. And while many of us wouldn't be thrilled with that kind of gift exchange, if it is a longstanding tradition at that school, many parents and children will be expecting it. I agree it's time to rethink it.

I teach third grade, and we do a book exchange. New, $5 or less, wrapped in anything. I have quite a few Muslim students, they all elected to participate, although they didn't use holiday-looking wrapping paper. I did this event in lieu of a Holiday Party. The kids absolutely loved it- we did a cake walk type thing and when their number was called out, they went to the table and chose a book. Books were in "boy", "girl", or "either" piles. I had one girl ask if she could choose from the boy pile- and was absolutely thrilled with the book on NFL players. One boy asked to choose from the girl pile (he really liked that red polka dot wrapping paper), and was thrilled that it was a Fancy Nancy book- his younger sister likes the series and he could read it to her. I had about 6 students who were unable to purchase a book. But I had several other parents who had quietly brought "extras" so that everyone would get a chance to bring home a new book. Nobody was left out, which was important to me. We all opened at once and then they went to thank the giver. It was a wonderful experience and it was amazing how well the book seemed to be the perfect fit for the recipient! They seemed to really love choosing a book for their classmates. And yes, I had seen some of these at the Dollar Tree and they were great books!

I love the idea of a Toys for Tots type exchange as well, but honestly many of our families are struggling themselves. Some are quite well off and others are barely hanging onto their homes.

 

[luvsJack]

Can't the school enforce that gifts are not to be brought to the school to be exchanged? I'm not trying to be snarky because I haven't been through this yet. Schools set all kinds of rules, why can't something like this be enforced?

IMHO they should just stop any gift exchange after 4th grade but they don't seem to understand the problem. I talked to the district office about it last year and they felt that the kids enjoyed it (most do, its the few I was concerned about) and the parents would be upset if they stopped it. They asked if my child was one that didn't receive any gifts and I said no but she felt really bad for the kids that didn't. They sort of dismissed my concerns then and said "well, because most of the kids live in rural areas and don't see each other much during the break (somebody needs to inform dd of this because I have kids here constantly) they felt it was their only chance to exchange gifts".

 

[luvsJack]

OP, I think the lesson the school systme is trying to teach is one that these kids probably really do need. I think the best thing to do is try to come up with a different way to teach it. Doesn't sound like the parents are going to learn the lesson themselves.

Our schools have done the book exchange like Silly Little Pixie mentioned. It always seems to go over well.

 

[JESW]

In 3rd, 4th & 5th grade (still elementary in our district) my kids did what I thought was a great idea for the holidays - Party in a Box. Everyone brought in a gift-wrapped shoe box that had inside a drink, a snack and a gift (around $3 - $5) for either a boy or girl and then the boxes got distributed around the class. The kids loved them! I remember putting in a juice box, a gingerbread man/woman cookie we bought from the supermarket, and then the fun thing for the kids was finding something their friends would like - yoyo's were a big hit one year I remember. We have a store called The Learning Express nearby and they have great items for that price range - used to buy a lot of stocking stuffers there.

Now that the kids are in 6th & 10th grade (High School & Middle school) they don't do things like that any more and that's too bad as the kids really enjoyed them.

Jill

 

[kirstenb1]

Fair enough. But I still refuse to get too riled up about something I had no part in deciding. If and when the parent council decide to change the gift exchange, I will go along with it. I've had no parents complain to me personally, and if any did I would direct them towards their parent council, as the whole thing is their doing. I don't mean to sound disinterested, but there's enough to worry about in the classroom without taking on worry for something I didn't decide.

However, from my point of view, our parents have decided this is the way they would like the gift exchange to be handled for the younger grades. So I'm left trying to make it work. When the guidelines are so obviously disregarded, it leaves a lot of room for hurt feelings - which I then have to deal with (though, thankfully, even with the discrepancy in the gifts, everyone seemed happy). If other parents have a problem with the exchange as it stands, they could have talked to me, and I could either directed them to the council, or alerted the council to their concerns. That or they could have chosen not to participate. Instead, they chose to just flout the guidelines.

*Edited to add* And to be honest regarding your first point, I was told I was participating. I have a very vivid memory of being six and not wanting to give up any of my toys. I put up quite a fuss, I'm sorry to say; it was just my mom and me and we weren't exactly rich, new toys were rare. I then got an earful about how lucky I was to be healthy and about how some children got no new toys at all, so maybe I'd like to think about things a little more before we left. While I did come around to my mother's point of view, I was hardly graceful about it that year.

If this is entirely decided by the parents, then they should probably run it too. Kind of like, if I'm class Mom, I along with any volunteers, run the class party. So if there were any problems, the parents could come to me, not the teacher. The teacher is there for the party, but the parents run it.