Christmas or Thanksgiving...... Family disagreement

[elmlea22]

Me and my MIL often disagree on this topic so I thought I would ask some Americans. My brother in law lives in the USA and is a bit of an **** to my IL's he never seems to want them to visit so will always make up random excuses (before anyone flames me, I just think this, never say it to them) on why they can't come for Christmas. His reasoning for why they can't come (he has been there for 15 years and they have never spent it there with him or their grandchild once) but they can come Thanksgiving is because the American's don't celebrate Christmas as much as Thanksgiving, TG is more family orientated etc but I think that is rubbish, my belief comes from when I was younger my dad used to have villas in Orlando so we would often be there for Christmas and I used to love it. The lights, the decorations, the whole shebang. America seems to celebrate it, evenings out, fun meeting Santa etc. Where over here we always seem to just do the minimum. No one really decorates, etc. Also if American's weren't that bothered at Christmas why make so many films etc. Whenever we discuss this she always makes out as if I am stupid and don't know anything. I will never throw this up in her face because I don't want to ruin the very little relationship they have I just want to know for my own sanity

Who is right.

 

[Allison]

Why does someone have to be right? Why don't they go at Thanksgiving if that is what he is suggesting?

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree...
It sounds like your MIL is agreeable to visiting on Thanksgiving, and thinks you are wrong, and making too much fuss.
Take Thanksgiving, if that is what he is most comfortable with.
Why should this involve you or affect your sanity?

Let him have Thanksgiving, and let him focus on that 'fun' American Christmas at home with his family (non-extended), without all of the stress and drama that you seem to feel like might be there with your BIL and his mother/parents.

To be honest, I think this might be the real reason why he seems so set on the one Holiday over the other.

You seem to be focused on the fun memories of an American Christmas with your own Dad/family at Orlando/Disney.
But, your inlaws family is not your family.
Different thing... Different Strokes.
Don't transfer any feelings or expectations onto them.

Also, to fill you in, I believe that statistically, more people here in the U.S. travel over Thanksgiving for that family meal and giving thanks with mom/grandma than over Christmas.
It is always mentioned that everyone traveling home on the weekend after Thanksgiving is the most busy and crowded travel day of the year.

Christmas can be more about spending time with closer family, enjoying the tree and decorations, santa leaving presents under your own tree, and church and community activities at home.

 

[soccerdad72]

I suppose it depends on the family - every family does holidays differently.

 

[Planogirl]

I can see that Christmas would be more meaningful for the visitors than Thanksgiving but if that compromise is good for most then why not go for it?

 

[mom2rtk]

Maybe he wants to spend Christmas at home? If he can only come for one, why does it matter which it is?

I think if it's been 15 years it's pretty clear he's not changing.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The relatives come to visit BIL... Which would mean he would spend Christmas hosting extended family.
He would still get to be at home, but still a huge factor.

If he, and is wife/family, want a more intimate Christmas at home, then Thanksgiving sounds like the perfect solution.

 

[tzolkin]

I don't think the OP is trying to get the BIL (or MIL) to change their minds and I don't think the post is about their arrangement of when they will plan their visits. I think s/he is just genuinely curious and asking if Thanksgiving is really a bigger holiday in the US than Christmas.

It's certainly true that families celebrate differently. In general, Thanksgiving may be more family oriented than Christmas. For many families, Thanksgiving is all about getting together with extended family for a meal and visiting.

However, I think the OP is correct that Christmas is the "bigger" holiday in the US. Definitely more the type of thing where you can immerse yourself in all the sights/sounds/smells/etc of the Christmas season. Walk around NYC or Disney World around Christmas time and you will definitely see this. It is certainly not the same level of festivity for Thanksgiving (actually, most places are already decorated and playing Christmas music by then)

 

[elmlea22]

I don't think the OP is trying to get the BIL (or MIL) to change their minds and I don't think the post is about their arrangement of when they will plan their visits. I think s/he is just genuinely curious and asking if Thanksgiving is really a bigger holiday in the US than Christmas.

It's certainly true that families celebrate differently. In general, Thanksgiving may be more family oriented than Christmas. For many families, Thanksgiving is all about getting together with extended family for a meal and visiting.

However, I think the OP is correct that Christmas is the "bigger" holiday in the US. Definitely more the type of thing where you can immerse yourself in all the sights/sounds/smells/etc of the Christmas season. Walk around NYC or Disney World around Christmas time and you will definitely see this. It is certainly not the same level of festivity for Thanksgiving (actually, most places are already decorated and playing Christmas music by then)

Yes, sorry if my first post wasn't made clear. I am not fussed about when they visit, its not my mum and dad and I would never treat them they way he does. Also to clarify, they aren't stressful people, they are sheople and do whatever you say so them being there wouldn't make any real difference, it is as if the extended family doesn't exist. Which doesn't bother me as I do treat them with respect and involve them in my family.

 

[mjkacmom]

A lot of families with children like to spend at least part of Christmas with just the immediate family. We have the grandparents over for brunch for about four hours, and when they leave, we get our pajamas on, eat junk or order Chinese, play games, watch movies...

 

[Allison]

I agree with others that in my experience Thanksgiving is much more about extended family. Christmas is more intimate on the actual day for us.

 

[scrapquitler]

Me and my MIL often disagree on this topic so I thought I would ask some Americans. My brother in law lives in the USA and is a bit of an **** to my IL's he never seems to want them to visit so will always make up random excuses (before anyone flames me, I just think this, never say it to them) on why they can't come for Christmas. His reasoning for why they can't come (he has been there for 15 years and they have never spent it there with him or their grandchild once) but they can come Thanksgiving is because the American's don't celebrate Christmas as much as Thanksgiving, TG is more family orientated etc but I think that is rubbish, my belief comes from when I was younger my dad used to have villas in Orlando so we would often be there for Christmas and I used to love it. The lights, the decorations, the whole shebang. America seems to celebrate it, evenings out, fun meeting Santa etc. Where over here we always seem to just do the minimum. No one really decorates, etc. Also if American's weren't that bothered at Christmas why make so many films etc. Whenever we discuss this she always makes out as if I am stupid and don't know anything. I will never throw this up in her face because I don't want to ruin the very little relationship they have I just want to know for my own sanity

Who is right.

I'm not 100% sure I followed all that, but I will tell you what my parents always said, and what I think your brother in law might be getting at -- Thanksgiving is more uniquely American, and in some ways it IS more family oriented because it's not so overcommercialized like Christmas tends to be for many people. Thanksgiving is more centered on having the family together to relax, hang out, play games, eat a lot, and watch football. Christmas is much more commercialized and frantic with many more parties and events (work related and kids school celebrations, dance performances of the Nutcracker, shopping trips, etc.).

Maybe your brother in law prefers the family to come visit at Thanksgiving because he feels he can take the time to visit and relax with you all while you come visit without all the social obligations that he has for Christmas and the need to do all the shopping and other things that are a part of it. He might just be too busy at Christmastime for the visit to be worth your family traveling here from abroad.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Me and my MIL often disagree on this topic so I thought I would ask some Americans. My brother in law lives in the USA and is a bit of an **** to my IL's he never seems to want them to visit so will always make up random excuses (before anyone flames me, I just think this, never say it to them) on why they can't come for Christmas. His reasoning for why they can't come (he has been there for 15 years and they have never spent it there with him or their grandchild once) but they can come Thanksgiving is because the American's don't celebrate Christmas as much as Thanksgiving, TG is more family orientated etc but I think that is rubbish, my belief comes from when I was younger my dad used to have villas in Orlando so we would often be there for Christmas and I used to love it. The lights, the decorations, the whole shebang. America seems to celebrate it, evenings out, fun meeting Santa etc. Where over here we always seem to just do the minimum. No one really decorates, etc. Also if American's weren't that bothered at Christmas why make so many films etc. Whenever we discuss this she always makes out as if I am stupid and don't know anything. I will never throw this up in her face because I don't want to ruin the very little relationship they have I just want to know for my own sanity

Who is right.

Christmas may be a "bigger deal" however it is too hectic to spend quality time with out of town guests.

 

[moon]

I don't think the OP is trying to get the BIL (or MIL) to change their minds and I don't think the post is about their arrangement of when they will plan their visits. I think s/he is just genuinely curious and asking if Thanksgiving is really a bigger holiday in the US than Christmas.

It's certainly true that families celebrate differently. In general, Thanksgiving may be more family oriented than Christmas. For many families, Thanksgiving is all about getting together with extended family for a meal and visiting.

However, I think the OP is correct that Christmas is the "bigger" holiday in the US. Definitely more the type of thing where you can immerse yourself in all the sights/sounds/smells/etc of the Christmas season. Walk around NYC or Disney World around Christmas time and you will definitely see this. It is certainly not the same level of festivity for Thanksgiving (actually, most places are already decorated and playing Christmas music by then)

I agree with this. I don't know why the OP is getting the kind of replies she is getting. She never said she wanted to change things, she just wants to know. When she said "for my own sanity" I think she means that she is convinced that Christmas is a big deal here, and she is being told she's stupid and doesn't know anything. OP, I understood you perfectly well. Your BIL saying "Americans don't celebrate Christmas as much" is false. Just absurd. The reason more Americans fly on TG is because TG is celebrated by people regardless of which religion they belong to.

But Thanksgiving is just one day, while the Christmas season lasts for weeks. Like someone already mentioned, store shelves are full of Christmas stuff by Thanksgiving, and that lasts through the end of December. Some people complain about Christmas music playing in Nov. AFAIK, there are no Thanksgiving songs. Stores and homes go all the way to decorate for Christmas, not TG. And yes, there are dozens, probably hundreds of movies that are centered on Christmas. for TG, not do much.

So OP, you are not stupid and you know what you are talking about BTW, where are you from?

 

[jrmasm]

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to the question. Every family is different.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I just re-read the OP's original post, just to make sure my original thoughts were correct.
I will not 'engage' and give any further specifics than these here, but yes, with all due respect, I still think that that the OP is very much disagreeing with the MIL "often", which she said in the very beginning... continuing with the way she referred to the BIL, and on thru the reference to these inlaws as 'sheeple'.

All of these things relate to personal thoughts and judgements. Far more than "how are these holidays considered and usually viewed here in the U.S."

I am still comfortable with the comments I made in my post, above.

OP, it is their family...
It is working for them.
Something that one should probably 'let go'.

I agree, no right or wrong answer!

Having said that...

 

[moon]

Christmas may be a "bigger deal" however it is too hectic to spend quality time with out of town guests.

Perhaps. But that wasn't the question. The OP wanted to know if Christmas was not a big deal in America, like her BIL says

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Perhaps. But that wasn't the question. The OP wanted to know if Christmas was not a big deal in America, like her BIL says

I meant to convey that Christmas was a "bigger deal" here in the USA than Thanksgiving. Sorry if I was not clear.

 

[Kitty 34]

I love Thanksgiving; that's why for me it wasn't fun spending that holiday in the hospital last fall with pneumonia.

 

[Marchand63]

I have yet to go to Thanksgiving parties for the month leading up to it, so yeah Christmas is a bigger deal to those who celebrate it.

We are lucky both my family, my DS's family & all his ILs spend the day eating, drinking, gifting & playing games. It usually breaks up after midnite when the spirit(s) run out