Christmas?: Do you discuss gift giving/receiving with your kids?

[EthansMom]

Just out of curiosity, do you have any discussions with your kid(s) to help prepare them for the holiday gift giving frenzy?

I like to spend some time in the days before Christmas discussing my expectations with DS4.: "Are you supposed to stop after you open a present and say "Thank you" to whomever gave it to you? Or are you supposed to rip through your gifts and not say "Thank you"? Are you supposed to say, "I didn't want this!" if someone gives you something you didn't like? Or are you supposed to just say, "Thank you"? If Molly takes one of your new toys are you supposed to hit her or are you supposed to ask Mom to help you put the toy away where Molly can't get it?"

We also discussed which present DS4 would NOT be getting. What DS4 REALLY wanted for Christmas was a Robosapien. I knew that it was too old for him, but looked into it, nonetheless. Those suckers were like $80 and got absolutely terrible reviews. So, this week, I had a discussion with DS about how he was going to get lots of presents for Christmas, but he was not going to get EVERYTHING he wanted. As an example, I told him that his Dad and I did not buy him the robot he wanted. I explained that I had looked at the robot and it would be too hard for him to play with and people said they broke very easily. I told him that in a few years, Dad and I would help him build his own robot that would be REALLY cool (DH and I have engineering degrees). He wasn't too happy at first, but agreed that he didn't want a junky robot, he'd rather wait.

We also had the discussion about how some kids' parents might buy them more presents because they don't go on nice vacations and put money away for college like we do. DS was a bit upset that some kids would get more toys than him until I reassured him that he would have plenty of toys since he gets presents from Santa, Mom and Dad, and four full sets of Grandparents.

(Then DS wanted to know why those other kids don't want to go to college. Must be my son... )

In our case, I need to prepare DS about the robot because SIL down the street bought the Robosapien for our nephew who is also 4. I didn't want DS to throw a fit if he saw that nephew had gotten one and he had not. And I didn't want to buy one just so DS wouldn't feel left out since I am still convinced it wouldn't have been a good purchase for DS.

Also, since SIL and BIL spend around $1000 per child and we spend around $250, as the kids get older, they may notice the disparity in gifts. But SIL and BIL choose to spend more on toys and we choose to spend more on college -- I'm not ashamed of that and I'm not going to change for my 4 year-old to feel better for a couple of hours every year.

So, long story short, do you discuss your gift giving with your kids? Do you prepare them for the shortfalls of opening gifts?

 

[summerrluvv]

We also had the discussion about how some kids' parents might buy them more presents because they don't go on nice vacations and put money away for college like we do.

So, long story short, do you discuss your gift giving with your kids?

Nope and I find it strange that you would make a broad remark like that to your child. Now he might be thinking his friends that got more gifts than him have parents that don't care about their college education. Surely there are parents that can take their kids on vacations AND save for college AND get their kids a ton of gifts. Why does it always have to be one or the other? There are a lot of happy mediums in life

JMO of course

 

[mom23boys]

I have to say that is alot for a 4 year old to take in. But you know your DS best.

I do advise my children on what Santa may or may not bring. Like the Fly Pen this year for my 6 yo. I really did not think he needed a $100 pen. He is very anal about his stuff and I know he would take care of it, but I felt the need to steer him in another direction so he asked for an MP3 player instead.

Sometimes people make decisions we do not like but they are their decisions and I think telling a 4yo about saving over Christmas gifts is a little much.

Also JMHO.

ETA: Just took out a paragraph, but I wanted to add I just go off the phone with my SIL and her kids are getting 25 gifts each. Hopefully they will not compare notes on Christmas Day.

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

I also discuss with my DS5 if there is something he will not be getting... for example - this year he really wants a bunk bed - no need for one, but he wants to sleep "up high". My parents (who give into his every whim) had one all picked out and I nixed it because I made it very clear to DS that he had to be sleeping in his room all night by himself before he got a bunk bed (he has alot of trouble sleeping in his own bed, it is an ongoing struggle... won't get into it, but overall it is probably my own fault for letting him sleep in my bed as a toddler- so now we are trying to deal with the reprocussions (sp?) of my stupidity). So....I told him not to be upset if he doesn't get a bunk bed, because he isn't sleeping in his room all night yet,and Santa knows that. But when he does go to bed on his own and sleeps in there all night, we would get him one.
I also try to instill in him that he should be appreciative of any gift he gets, even if he doesn't like it, and to not be rude and say he doesn't like it to that person. Luckly, he isn't too picky, and we have never run into him getting a gift he didn't like.

 

[dismom9761]

I just had a talk with my older three.We have the same talk before any situation where gifts are exchanged.I am still having flashbacks from the time my very polite three yr old(oldest)handed back a gift to the giver saying"no thank you-I already have one". I keep it simple.I teach them to say thank you no matter what.If they already have it or there is another problem I will be glad to discuss it at a later time.In private.
My children already know that they don't always get everything that they ask for.My DS8 and DS10 asked for fourwheeler/dirtbike for years before they got them.My DD puts a horse on her list every year.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

When the kids were younger we had the "manners" talk about being polite and thanking the person for a gift even if they had one like it or just didnt like the gift. So far they have been very gracious most of the time.

I do make sure to remind DD11 that the items on her list (like a cell phone and a Nintendo DS) are high dollar items so dont be upset when her little sister has more presents.

 

[dismom9761]

I do make sure to remind DD11 that the items on her list (like a cell phone and a Nintendo DS) are high dollar items so dont be upset when her little sister has more presents.

I forgot.I did tell my DS10 that same thing.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I think it is a good idea to be open with kids about giving and recieving gifts. We talk a lot during the holidays about how it is NOT about the gifts and the food and the lights and .....and..... but about baby Jesus and family spending time together. My kids know that there will be fun toys and that they will get some things they want, also some "needs" and that there will be things they have asked for that they will not get. DS really wants a cell phone but we don't think he needs one yet so we just said not this year.

 

[mom2grace]

Just out of curiosity, do you have any discussions with your kid(s) to help prepare them for the holiday gift giving frenzy?

I like to spend some time in the days before Christmas discussing my expectations with DS4.: "Are you supposed to stop after you open a present and say "Thank you" to whomever gave it to you? Or are you supposed to rip through your gifts and not say "Thank you"? Are you supposed to say, "I didn't want this!" if someone gives you something you didn't like? Or are you supposed to just say, "Thank you"? If Molly takes one of your new toys are you supposed to hit her or are you supposed to ask Mom to help you put the toy away where Molly can't get it?"

We also discussed which present DS4 would NOT be getting. What DS4 REALLY wanted for Christmas was a Robosapien. I knew that it was too old for him, but looked into it, nonetheless. Those suckers were like $80 and got absolutely terrible reviews. So, this week, I had a discussion with DS about how he was going to get lots of presents for Christmas, but he was not going to get EVERYTHING he wanted. As an example, I told him that his Dad and I did not buy him the robot he wanted. I explained that I had looked at the robot and it would be too hard for him to play with and people said they broke very easily. I told him that in a few years, Dad and I would help him build his own robot that would be REALLY cool (DH and I have engineering degrees). He wasn't too happy at first, but agreed that he didn't want a junky robot, he'd rather wait.

We also had the discussion about how some kids' parents might buy them more presents because they don't go on nice vacations and put money away for college like we do. DS was a bit upset that some kids would get more toys than him until I reassured him that he would have plenty of toys since he gets presents from Santa, Mom and Dad, and four full sets of Grandparents.

(Then DS wanted to know why those other kids don't want to go to college. Must be my son... )

In our case, I need to prepare DS about the robot because SIL down the street bought the Robosapien for our nephew who is also 4. I didn't want DS to throw a fit if he saw that nephew had gotten one and he had not. And I didn't want to buy one just so DS wouldn't feel left out since I am still convinced it wouldn't have been a good purchase for DS.

Also, since SIL and BIL spend around $1000 per child and we spend around $250, as the kids get older, they may notice the disparity in gifts. But SIL and BIL choose to spend more on toys and we choose to spend more on college -- I'm not ashamed of that and I'm not going to change for my 4 year-old to feel better for a couple of hours every year.

So, long story short, do you discuss your gift giving with your kids? Do you prepare them for the shortfalls of opening gifts?

I think what you have done is AWESOME! And, if more parents were like you, would we have fewer out-of-control children???

My DD is 4 as well, your son seems very bright and seems to have a great perspective. My DD only asked Santa for 1 gift, I don't know why, but I like it!!

She has never been ungrateful about a gift, but it would probably be a good idea to have a little talk. I know most of what she is getting, and I think she'll like all of it.

We also don't go crazy, spent about $100/kid (ours are 4 & 2) plus stocking stuffers. They are the only grandkids for my parents, and it tends to get out of control. Thankfully, my parents are toning it down this year as well, and all 3 sets of grandparents are making a contribution to the college funds this year!

 

[mom2grace]

My first duplicate post!

 

[jamzots]

I basically get what my kids ask for for Christmas for under the tree...those are Santa gifts. Usually the big gift is from us and they know that so if they don't get something they want, they know they can wait until their b-days or next holiday.

As far as family exchanges go we play a little game on the way to the family function.

It goes something like this:

Mom: What do you say when someone gives you a gift?
Kids: Thank you

Mom: Very good, no what do you say if someone gives you a gift and it's something you really hate or it's really ugly?
Kids: Thank-you

Mom: O.K. now what do you say if someone gives you a gift and you already have it?? Do you say hey.... why did you get me this piece of junk??
I ALREADY have it!!
Kids: No, we say nice gift, thanks!!

Mom: Very good

I try to make humor out of it, but at the same time it teaches them to be courteous. After all the manners I have tried to install in them, they can still be very rude sometimes, so I do this before every family get together.