child's birthday party advice

[Partridge4ever]

My DD will be ten soon. In the past we've invited the entire class to the party. This year she wants something small and more personal so that she feels like it's HER party, not just everyone running wild. There is only one class per grade, so she's stuck w/these same 20 kids til 8th grade. There are only 8 girls. Two are really mean and make fun of everyone else. (They're also the two most popular kids in the class...go figure.) There are 3 girls DD REALLY wants to invite, and 2 others that she'd like to invite, but we hate to invite all but 2.

So should she invite the 5 girls she wants to include, even though it means leaving out only 2 girls? Invite only the top 3 girls so that there are 4 left out? Or invite the entire class, boys and girls, for a skate party even though that's not really what she wants?

 

[kbkids]

I'd invite all the girls and hope the mean ones wouldn't come.


DD has 8 girls in her class of 20 also. She invited all the girls to her party this year, and they all came but 2. Our story was different though - she wanted all of them there.

 

[EthansMom]

My DD will be ten soon. In the past we've invited the entire class to the party. This year she wants something small and more personal so that she feels like it's HER party, not just everyone running wild. There is only one class per grade, so she's stuck w/these same 20 kids til 8th grade. There are only 8 girls. Two are really mean and make fun of everyone else. (They're also the two most popular kids in the class...go figure.) There are 3 girls DD REALLY wants to invite, and 2 others that she'd like to invite, but we hate to invite all but 2.

So should she invite the 5 girls she wants to include, even though it means leaving out only 2 girls? Invite only the top 3 girls so that there are 4 left out? Or invite the entire class, boys and girls, for a skate party even though that's not really what she wants?

Personally, I would invite the three girls that DD REALLY wants to invite and do something that costs a bit more than you would do if it was the whole class. At least if any parents asked, you could say, "Oh, DD wanted to do XXX thing for her birthday and so we limited the guest list because of the expense."

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

I feel your pain!! I'm right in the middle of this with my sons birthday coming up next month. His school "encourages" all kids in the class be invited to a party, but he's only 5..........
I may be in the minority here, but since this is your daughters party, and she's already voiced a concern about not having a wild party like last year, have her just invite the 3 girls she really wants there. Maybe let her have a sleepover with just those girls, and if the "other girls" at school ask why they weren't invited (which is inevitable) she can tell them "my parents only let me invite 3".

 

[pixiemomma]

I think you should let her invite the 5 she wants to. By the age of ten most kids have people who are their friends and people who aren't. I don't think it would hurt anyone's feelings if they weren't invited to the party of someone they weren't close to.

 

[Mom21]

I feel your pain. I am actually discussing my dd's birthday party with her today and trying to plan. This will be my dd's second birthday party ever so I feel bad and want to make it nice. We homeschooled until this year. She had a party at age 6 and mostly invited neighborhood kids and children of people I worked with. Now I don't work and have lost touch with most of those people. The problem is she is in a dual classroom. Basically they put two classrooms together and the teachers co-teach. She has 37 kids in her class plus she is in pull out math where she has a few friends she wants to invite from other classes. Add in her friends that are in other classes, and children of my friends and we would easily have to invite 50-60 kids plus any parents that want to stay plus my friends that definitely would stay......AAARRRGGGHHHH. She can't really just do girls because they is a neighbor boy she has played with since we moved here, she really is better friends with some of the boys in the class, and some of my friends have boys and wouldn't want to leave them out. What to do? What to do? Now I realize most wouldn't show up, but I have heard horror stories about school parents not RSVPing and then showing up. I would definitely want to have enough for everyone.

Sorry didn't mean to hijack. Just wanted to let you know I feel your pain.

 

[kristen821]

I would invite all the girls. I wouldn't want to hurt anyones feelings. I tell my kids they need to invite the whole class or nobody at all. I would hate to leave somebody out.

 

[disykat]

I would limit it to the three she wants to invite the most and talk to them about not mentioning the party in front of others. While I agree inviting all but two would seem mean, there is no reason why she can't invite some friends over without having to invite the whole class.

As an adult, I do not mention social events in front of others I'm not sure have been invited. Kids need to learn to do the same.

 

[RonnieJo66]

Why invite the mean girls?

 

[froglady]

Two are really mean and make fun of everyone? I assume that includes your DD. Time (at age 10) for these two to learn that there are consequences to their actions; you can't be mean to someone and still expect them to invite you to a party. If you were inviting the whole class (boys included) you would include them.

 

[AFMom]

Froglady has it dead-on. If they want to make other kids un-happy - they won't be invited to parties. They are old enough at age ten for this to be well understood. In fact - I sent my son to school (he is homeschooled, but goes 1 day a week to a school at the zoo) with invitations and he didn't give them to any of the kids he felt were mean to him or his friends. However - in his small group of 4 Cub Scouts, I did tell him he would have to invite all or nothing - the group is just too small, and none of the kids are mean - one is just spoiled and annoying! He chose to not invite any of them!

 

[Beth76]

I think you can invite the top three or the five as long as you don't send invitations to school--mail them. I agree there's no need to invite the mean girls.

 

[Partridge4ever]

Thanks for all the replies! The two mean girls WILL come if they are invited and they'll change the dynamics of the whole party. I know how catty girls can be, but I'm just in awe that they started this young. Everyone and everything is lame, a retard, a dork, and so on. Words that my DD wouldn't dream of calling someone. If they're invited, we'll have to invite the whole class because if it's just girls they will ruin it for my DD. At least w/the whole wild skate party they have a bigger variety of kids to pick on. I've had to restrain myself from telling these two off because I know it would mortify my DD.

I can't think of a single party where the whole class was invited that they missed. Last year one of them forgot about DD's party til she got to school that morning and hitched a ride. Didn't even bring a gift. Not that we're having the party to get gifts, but still. Who goes to a party empty handed? Her mom could've stuck a $5 bill in a card and brought it when she came to pick her up.

We can't really use expense as an excuse because what she wants to do is to have the girls here at home and play karaoke. Last year we had 32 kids at the skating rink, so this will be the cheapest party ever. I can use the "mom only let me invite x number of people" excuse, but I know it'll make DD feel awkward. I guess I have to let her decide if she'd rather have the party of her choice and go through the awkwardness or have the skate party.

Mom21...wow. From homeschooled to 37 kids in the class! I'd homeschool myself if DH would let me.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would invite everyone EXCEPT the mean girls...if they want to be mean then they have to face whats going to happen! This year I told my daughter she could invite 6 girls only since the party is 40.00 a head and its a little girls spa party, they get facials, manicure,. pedicure and make up done.

 

[crz4mm2]

We always had a limit to the number of kids we could invite. I would let her invite who she wanted. If it is the 5 then so be it. I wouldn't invite the mean ones either.

 

[kristen821]

If you aren't going to invite the mean girls. I would secretly hand the other girls the invitations. I remember the cattiness (is that even a word) started in about 4th grade. I remember one party where a girl decided not to invite the popular mean girls and only a few girls ended up going because the mean girls found out and munipulated everyone else into not going. It was so sad for this girl. Girls at that age can be so mean.

 

[Pam]

I would personally mail the invitations to the five girls you daughter wants to invite. If you mail the invitations to their homes, that eliminates the guilt factor of not inviting all of the girls in the classroom.

My children are now 17 and 20 - and other than one party when my son was in preschool, we NEVER invited the whole class. I have always mailed the invitations to the children.

This is your daughter's birthday - her special day to shine and celebrate. I'd let her choose who she wants to celebrate with!

 

[Partridge4ever]

That's what I'd like to do, invite all but the 2 meanies. But I just don't know if DD or I have the nerve to go through w/it. With DD's luck, she'll be made out to look like the bad guy. For example, in PE they're on teams of 5. DD's in the group w/the 2 meanies and 2 boys. The meanies yell at DD and the other kids every time they miss a play. After weeks of this, DD finally got up nerve to tell the teacher and was told not to be a tattle tale. After another couple of weeks of this, DD commented to one of them when THEY missed a play, "See, you're not so great all the time either." The meanies told the teacher and DD was scolded.

 

[darrose]

I would invite the 5 girls she wants to have and not worry about the mean girls.

 

[asta]

I hate to disagree, but I would invite all of the girls. I don't think it is worth it to antagonize these girls who are already mean without a reason. It will just give them amunition to be even meaner. I have two girls 13 and 17 and have been through the dreaded birthday invitation lists with my girls. When my older daughter was 13, we left a mean girl off of her birthday party list and she took it out on her for at least three years. She called other girls and got them to not show up at the party and my daughter was left out of anything that this group did until her sophmore year in high school. I don't understand the power that these mean girls have over other kids but it always seems to be the case. Even though it is your daughter's birthday and she should be able to do what she wants, I would seriously think about the consequences of putting up with their evilness. I personally call those middle school years the end of the party because girls begin to use their invitation lists as weapons. (By the way, I too have noticed that this mean girl behavior is getting younger.)